Is this the Top?

Certainly not.

After each new high comes renewed cat-calls of “blow-off tops” supported by one weak stock or another. The dialogue might sound something like this:

Bob: Did you read Zerohedge today? Boy, I’ll tell ya, this market is really due for a correction. All of that margin is bound to really cut some penises off.

Frank: What the hell are you talking about Bob? Why don’t you go stuff your head inside of a musket and pull the trigger. I’m busy making money in stocks. Leave me the hell alone.

Bob: Hey, what’s up your ass, permabull. I’m just trying to help you out. After all, I know you since we were like sperm cells and don’t want to see you lose money.

Frank: Shut the hell up Bob. The next word out of your mouth, I am going to take this computer and break your skull with it.

Bob: I’ll just leave you with one word, jackass: NETFLIX.

Frank: What the hell is that supposed to mean? (busy smoking cigarette while executing trades)

Bob: Well, duh, it’s down 5% today and that has been the bulls’ number one momentum stock.

Frank: Hey, tell me this Bob, does your wife stay with you because she feels sorry that you lost all of your money shorting the market or is she just stupid and has nowhere else to go? She is a pretty girl, after all.

Bob: Make jokes all you want, Frank. I am going to be dancing on your grave soon enough. And I won’t stop there. I am going to dig up your grave, rip your skeleton out from the coffin and skull fuck you as the market tanks.

Frank: Blow me. Now go fetch me a coffee.

Bob: I’m heading out to lunch now. I just bought some VIX options. It’s a layup here. I am telling you.

Frank: You know what’s a layup here Bob?

Bob: What Frank? Tell me something clever.

Frank: Your wife Bob. Your wife is a layup here.

Bob: (fist pumps as he executes another $2,000 order in TZA)

Frank: Are you buying that TZA again? You’re better off taking a nice bubble bath and then dropping a toaster in it, than messing around with that thing.

Bob: You will see.

Frank: Didn’t you lose like $500,000 in that thing back in 2009?

Bob: It wasn’t that much, but close.

Frank: I’m telling you Frank, your wife is definitely a lay up here. She’s just waiting for a reason to leave your dumbass.

Bob: (fist pumps with excitement as NFLX ticks lower)

Frank: Jesus Christ you need help. You don’t even own puts on the darn thing. Come, let’s go to lunch. It’s on me.

Bob: Thanks. They’re having a special at the diner downstairs.

When I refer to “we”, I mean myself and all of my various personalities: HORATIO CLAWHAMMER, Señor Tropicana, Plutonium Petey, The BlogFather and of course The Fly.

Diagnose me. See if I care.

I ditched SHLD for a 5.5% loss and started back in GOGO, looking for $30+.

Aside from yours truly and some of the finer gentlemen of this site, the market has been bruising for most during 2014. But that’s all about to change, very quickly. I am expecting to see momentum on the grandest scale ever imagined to be displayed for you, naked, without any of its fine under-garments. There will be dot com stocks upon Chinese burritos that will make the original dot com bubble look like mere child’s play.

In more important news, I am back to drinking Earl Grey tea again and have thrown out all of my coffee beans. I was becoming addled with the caffeine, behaving like a depraved fiend. No wonder every single homeless man I don’t know prefers coffee over tea.

In other news, I am about to swap out one stock for another.

DEVELOPING…

Thanks to Rob aka “Dubz” from Stop Having a Boring Life for these awesome pics.

Hello bozo, clowns.

I was up 5.19% for the day. What was your percentage gain? For the year, I am now up more than 8%, whilst taking long naps throughout the trading session.

The Northern winds are blowing cold these days, stimulating the intelligent people who reside in the northeast corridor of the United States. As the southern and western folk of this great nation whither away like dust on a baseball field, swinging their golf clubs, half drunk, full stupid, the great northern thinkers, preserved by the effervescent winds of the arctic, seize stock market gains.

I’ve partaken in such an adventure and intend to partake in it some more.

I’ve awoken from my slumber.

You may proceed with the inane line of questioning, only AFTER I get a bite to eat.

I am up 3% this morning, thanks to a little bit of leverage and a lot of LITB. I warned you on Friday that LITB was the next Chinese lottery ticket to go. Did you get involved, or simply waste your time gawking at ridiculous charts!?

I don’t want to hear or read anything that besmirches my actions, for the rest of time. I’ve provided you, the unworthy pleb, with ample opportunity to get yourselves out of the housing tenements you find yourselves in, from timely picks to a staff employed on this web address whose sole purpose in life is to provide the unworthy with stock picks for the betterment of society.

I’ve said enough. I am going back to sleep now.

Good day.

I am into Chinese burritos.

This is one of my largest holdings now.

Sometimes it’s hard to believe how horrible CNBC truly is, as a network for financial journalism. Whomever controls the production of that network should be fired, several times over, and then blacklisted from ever working on television again. It’s so easy, frankly, to fix that network; it’s almost sad how inept they are for not seeing the trees through the forrest. They should stop pandering to a younger demographic and stay true to their true audience, the 40-60 year old investor. CNBC is never going to be “cool”, so they should quit trying to draw in the hip-hop, zeeco account, twitter demographic.

Pathetic.

Futures are higher; but Twitter is lower–thanks to a downgrade. SCTY was added to Goldman’s ‘conviction buy list’, fixed with a price target of $80. Several chinese burritos stocks are shooting higher in the pre-market, as well as solar. There just isn’t fear to be found, at least not on Wall. James Cramer is cocain’d up and European markets are urinating on the fires that erupted in Asian markets last night.

In other words, prepare to make some more money today.

Futures are +6.

I don’t find it to be coincidental to see Chinese burritos stocks outperforming all others. After all, bitcoins are fetching for more than $1,000 now, luring in degenerate anarchists by the busload.

Last year was orderly, with large capped stocks leading the way. The buy and hold strategy held true and old men made a bundle of coin in their stupid toilet paper stocks. I believe 2014 is going to imbue a different quality in the investing public, something far more debauched than 2013. If last week was a preview of things to come, expect to see speculation run rampant in small cap, low brow, stocks, whilst the mainstream of Wall Street lags behind and gets flogged with wet towels upon correction.

For people who pride themselves on stock picking prowess, this is a welcomed development. I don’t like it when my dentist makes bundles of coin in his stupid 401k plan, managed by mutual fund hacks. I’d much rather see him destroyed, unable to deal with the market, cashed out and looking for real estate. This doesn’t make me an evil man, of course, only one that is interested in seeing the complete destruction of my dentist’s retirement account.

So as you bear witness to bitcoin breaking $1,000 again and Max Keiser displaying his virtual erection on Twitter all day long, just know, this is exactly what the latter part of civil society looks like: the basest of society running amok, naked, celebrating their victories over law and order. The barbarians are at the gate and they all look like Max Keiser.

The great top will come when no one expects it and billions will be thrown into the fires of despair. However, until that happens, there is speculation to be had, of the fantastic sort, pikers running about the yahoo message boards getting rich as men of industry suffer the pangs of setback.