ENJOY THE SPLENDOUR OF REPETITION!

Isn’t this fantastic? Think about how lucky we all are, as investors, to relish in the same exact crisis for 3 consecutive years. How singular and wonderful it is, truly!

Greece gets bailed out; but they don’t. The Spaniards are next; but they’re doing okay. And, the Italians are in crisis mode; but they have turned the ship around and are doing just fine. I challenge you to try to make sense out of all this, then invest your life savings on that thesis.

Pardon the cliche, but this is the gift that keeps giving. No wonder retail wants no part of this market. It is a lose-lose situation for the unwashed pleb, the man-dog with a brain the size of a cashew. Nevertheless, I am mandated by my ingrate clients to figure it all out: with a snap of their cigar stained fingers, I am ordered to figure out the puzzle.

Remember when I said (last night) there was no contagion? Well that has changed over night, as sovereign yields for the shittiest countries in Europe are soaring this morning. Apparently, the euro is going to $00.00, taking oil, silver, gold and California with it. The incredibly morose part about this whole process of investor elimination is this “crisis” we are enduring now will be nothing more than a bookmark in 3 months. The central bankers will find another solution and the markets will blast higher, doubly fucking the people who sold due to fears of financial collapse.

Well, it looks like The PPT will likely flag its first OVERSOLD signal since late 2011 today. With that, based upon our correlation tools, I can tell you silver and gold miners are likely going to be the best investments coming out of the pit. That sector has been lit aflame, by men clad in pink pants made from velcro.

Barbarism on a medieval scale has befallen the Ron Paul crowd.

Nonetheless, if the markets ever go up again it will be because of a cheap money solution, which is inherently inflationary– always good for precious metals. Both EXK and AG are of great interest to me as we delve into the lower tranches of this fucking tape.

NOTE: The dicksuckers over at GMCR were right! Weather trends dictated hot versus cold beverage consumption. SODA smashed numbers and the stock is up $5.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ofoIMg76Sng

Okay, I’ve had time to absorb the information and sequester my emotions from what we are looking at here.

The last time The PPT flagged Oversold was 12/8/11 when the SPY was at $122. We are significantly above that level, despite the carnage, regardless of how poorly AAPL has been trading. As of the close of trade today, we are not oversold. Normally, I do not give away that information for free, since it is a membership service. However, we are living in interesting times and wanted to give you a full view of what the market can be setting up to do.

Starting with tomorrow’s sell off, I am giving the market 7-10 days for a full rebound. Unlike past euro events, this one will not drag on forever. I believe swift action will be taken. You are not the only one with something to lose here. Think about the bankster exposure to sovereign debt.

Thus far, contagion is not a topic, as Italian and Spanish yields are muted. But that doesn’t mean it can’t happen tomorrow.

You should not be leveraged long like me. I tend to make bold moves at odd times, often a little too early or late for my own good. When it’s all said and done, I’ll get it done, but not without expense. If I had a life expectancy (Le Fly is immortal), I’d be dead by now, resting in a pineapple coffin, from all of the HORSESHIT I put myself through. The market is a living organism, subject to the elements of man, contaminated by his stupidity. If you are bulking up on basic materials or high beta earnings plays, you are gambling and would be better off fighting sharks with chum wrapped around your fucking face.

Nothing is working but big dividend, big market cap, grandpa stocks. If you look at my 110% long position, you will find it to be deceptively conservative, with 50% of it yielding almost 3%, up 1% over the past 2 weeks. In other words, the grandpa stocks are a form of cash for me, until my risk appetite increases.

As of now, I am heavy on talking shit; but my actions are far more subdued. Don’t GMCR yourself out of the game and remember to live to fight another day. Once you are out, you’re fucking out. I can’t tell you how many times I missed out on huge gains because I didn’t manage my risk profile properly. When the market is back into beat-down-a-bear-to-the-skelton mode, you will know it– and have plenty of time to get in.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OQt0BQQ5jyQ

Once again, all of you fuckers who were calling for a market crash this morning were wrong. You’re like a living fable, specific to the boy who cried wolf. The market fell 75 points and no one gives a shit about Greece anymore.

Here is what is going to happen:

The fucktards who just got elected will find religion and tow the line. If not, they will be kicked out of the EU and Spain and Italy will enjoy strong ring fencing to support their borrowing costs via the ECB. If you insist on betting on disaster, I will adamantly bet against you. It’s true, the market has been tough; but let’s not listen to men dressed like cows, declaring all is lost.  There is nothing extraordinary about the market action. As a point in fact, it is behaving as it should, more than ever.

Companies with bad earnings are being deflated, while winners keep wining. Old man stocks are regarded as safe havens and small cappers are volatile.

Gold and silver are horrible and TLT is on the cusp of $120 again. It is clear to me, the threat to the system is not Zimbabwe style inflation, but the specter of the economy falling into a deflationary vortex. Because of that, you can bank on the Fed providing a bid for this market. Now if you are in the camp who believes such a bid will only present itself AFTER a calamitous market decline, maybe down to 10,000 Dow, I believe you do not know the Bearded Clam very well.

He’s gonna get you bitches, starting with tomorrows trade.

NOTE: I am 110% long.

I added to both positions.

As you know, there are two sides to “The Fly”, as presently represented by his portfolio. On one side is the social networking ‘risk demon’, who feeds off the scalps of bears and enjoys to kick elderly men down subways staircases. On the other hand, 50% of his portfolio is wrapped up in “Grandpa stocks,” the sort of portfolio that makes you doze off in front of the television while watching The Price is Right.

Today’s market calamity is a Tale of Two portfolios for me. There is AAPL, YELP, WNR, CPST, ANR, VCLK and NXPI in one corner, getting their fucking dicks chopped off. And then there is GIS, KMB, LNCE, WM, PEP–totally not giving a shit about Greek communism or euro collapse.

It was outlined earlier this month, based upon the tips given from urinal shadows and seasonality trends provided by the engine that could, inside of The PPT: grandpa stocks tend to outperform in the month of May.

It is in my nature to take on risk. That’s what I do, for good and for worse. However, I am eternally grateful that I decided against my worser judgement and put half of my assets in those stocks. While I am still losing money, it could be much worse.

Where do we go from here?

I believe you start nibbling today. Spanish and Italian yields are going down, not up, leading me to believe the market is accepting the prospect that Greece will leave the euro. Once they do that, both Italy and Spain will be protected by a euorbond, leaving Greece to fuck themselves and create more ruins, sending the markets to new highs.

That’s my 2 cents.

NOTE: I sold out of P

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VPhroQLzI1o

The gent in Greece, the guy who was just elected and in charge of forming a government, is talking shit about the terms of the bailout and how he is more interested in paying for the vacations of Greek union workers, fucking Germans in the process, than adhering to austere living standards. However, it should be duly noted, the Greeks have elected several neo-nazis, in solidarity with their non-vacationing German counterparts.

The Original Buttfuckers are a ruinous bunch. They should have never been permitted to enter the league of civilized nations and would be better off under the auxiliary command of Turkey. Having said that, the problem in Europe isn’t going away, no matter how much I wish it would. On the eyes of Italians, nothing can redress my dark feelings towards every single European living in the countries that represent letters in the PIGS acronym.

Clearly, peace hasn’t worked; give war a chance.

If these bumbling morons would attack one another, like in the “good old days,” I am sure we wouldn’t have to worry about German austerity versus French spending.

As an investor, the process of having to endure the European Union is absurd. It rattles me to my core. It keeps me up at night, plotting against whole continents, configuring space orbital cannons to vaporize entire towns within minutes.

ATTENTION BEARS: I’ve not lost faith in America’s ability to teach the Europeans what they need to learn. We have endless resources of black op teams, who can murder these uncooperative forces inside of these barbaric countries, whenever needed. As an American, I take pride in the fact that when we don’t like other governments, we topple them. Our good friends, “The Banksters,” do not like their stock prices going lower and neither do I.

Cheers.

Rackspace misses by $0.01, reports revs in-line (57.81 -0.58)
Reports Q1 (Mar) earnings of $0.17 per share, $0.01 worse than the Capital IQ Consensus Estimate of $0.18; revenues rose 30.9% year/year to $301 mln vs the $300.04 mln consensus. The adjusted EBITDA margin for the quarter was 33.4% compared to 36.1% in the previous quarter and 33.0% for the first quarter of 2011. Total server count increased to 82,438 up from 79,805 servers at the end of the previous quarter, and total customers increased to 180,866, up from 172,510 at the end of the previous quarter.

I would have bargained for more, if the decision was up to me. Nevertheless, I will take what I can get. And my take for the day was almost 1% to the upside, thanks to heavy exposure to old school mega caps, like KMB, GIS and PEP.

During the afternoon, even my WNR reversed and charged higher. I was partially chagrined by the semis, especially my position in NXPI. After all, they smashed numbers and life is good for the friendly folks at NXPI, always invited to the finest and most elegant affairs hosted by KKR.

After the bell, crickets could be heard around the office, as the sentiment shifted from “wow, we just dodged a fucking errant cannon ball” to “I want more tomorrow.”

Well, be patient dear friends, for we all shall have more tomorrow, except for the bears of course. We will suckle and take company with great whores and suckle some more. Fistfuls of cocaine tossed carelessly into rapidly spinning fans (the metal kind). The markets will massage our temples and violently skin the shorts for their barbarism.

Things will get better: just wait and see.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tOzesduLyrI

I like to think of myself as a fan of the stock market. Aside from managing money, I enjoy reading, listening and watching people talk about strategies, stocks and macro ideas. Over the years, the Yahoo message boards has been a place where imperious street cleaners pumped and dumped their shares on unsuspecting garbage lovers. Phrases like “TIMBERRRRR” are very popular there and all of the cretins on those boards seem to enjoy a particularly low brand of humour.

In the modern era, I consider StockTwits and Twitter to be the dominate message boards for the markets, places where investors get together and talk shit about stocks. To StockTwits credit, they curate their feed, eliminating scammers and bottom feeders from defiling their stream.

But the over-arching theme every where I look, every where I listen and read, is pessimism. The Hugh Hendrys, Great Roubinis, Meredith Whitneys are very popular indeed. And it’s not because they are very smart, which they all are. To that point, people like to hear them speak because they are bearshitters. There is a reason why Zerohedge is so popular, aside from his incredible work ethic and pristine content. Tyler is loved because he wants the world to end– and he wants that shit to happen immediately.

iBankCoin is the last bastion, the safe-haven of safe-havens, where the speech is free and the bulls roam with their balls swinging in the wind. Aside from the occasional Bleier/Caine assault on good hard working oil and gas personnel, iBC remains defiant in the face of overwhelming bearshitterness.

I just pulled up the StockTwits app and purveyed the “Trending” stocks stream and guess what I saw?

Answer: You fuckers are talking shit again. How can the markets crash when everyone is expecting it?

This new generation of investors have been tainted by the collapse of 2008. These young players really, really suck dick– because they all want to call the next crash. Everyone wants notoriety, calling out companies and combing over books, as if these C student gym rats were PWC audit partners.

Please. Relax, it’s only an Al Qaeda bomb. Clearly, you are in over your head. Stop embarrassing yourself, for the sake of your future children who will learn about your indigent legacy.

Starting out I dealt with the crashes of 1997, 1998, 2000-2002 and I still managed to get 200% long into the 2003 rally. You’re never going to make BIG money betting against stocks. That is a fact. There will be pockets of weakness, in between rip your face off rallies. To believe that “this time is different” is always a suckers bet. By betting against progress and prosperity, via clamoring for stock market disaster, that’s exactly what you are doing.

I will bet against that bubble every single time.

France was down 2% when I went to sleep last night and S&P futures were dramatically lower, -180. The bearshitters were elated on Twitter last night, rejoicing in the bad news, lathering themselves with the pain of others, declaring victory. I fucking warned them all, last night, that I was going to kill them all. I told them “PREPARE TO BE SHOT FROM CARNIVAL CANNONS” should the market trade up today. Lo and behold, France is up and futures are down 30.

By no means am I boasting. From my vantage point, Senor Tropicana has a lot of work to do, none of which requires chest pounding or early celebrations.

IT’S NOT A GAME ANYMORE.

I said it yesterday and I will say it now: the European move AWAY from austerity is good. The fucking Tea Parties of the world can fuck themselves. Trying to be austere when the economy is collapsing is fucking juvenile. The arch-fiends in Germany need to stop worrying about inflation and understand deflation is the real risk. Once the Europeans embrace their printing presses, world markets will fucking soar.

Spain is up 1.3% and I’m going to slap someone in the face with a hot slice of pizza today. The world is as it should be.

Top picks: KMB, YELP, PEP

THIS IS WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO, IF YOU HAVEN’T DONE SO ALREADY: Sign up to iBankCoin or start a blog here. Contribute! Also, you can link up your twitter handle and we will list you on sidebar. Very soon the GAMIFICATION of iBankCoin will begin and you will want to be a part of it.