Protect Your Mustaches

I’ve been thinking about today’s stock market “debacle”, while devouring the best food known to mankind. Then it dawned on me: we were only down 40 points. You fucking n00bs. Check this out. Are you listening? I kan spall chit wrung al dey lung an steel git mor traffik then u. I could write like a complete imbecile and still check in at 40,000 page views by this time tomorrow.

Do you know why?

ANSWER: I’m “The Fly”, motherfucker, while you’re just some guy talking shit.  See pal, I make shit, while you just talk it (it really was not meant to sound as disgusting as it just did). I don’t even proof read this shit or “brainstorm” for ideas. I just flow, like the Earth shits into Louisiana.

Everyone is so fucking concerned with stock prices. There is so much apprehension, due to bonds yen and a stalling U.S. economy, that a plausible and likely counter-trend rally is setting up to smash your fucking balls in with a meat cleaver. I’m not talking about some bullshit IKEA meat cleaver either. I’m talking 1950’s style hardware, pal.

Here’s the set-up:

Bank of Japan wakes up and helps push yen lower, which will RAPE all current momo players, leading to a full scale route on the currency. As a result, the NIKKEI will spring board higher, as well as most Pac-Rim indices. U.S. markets will be fueled by the deflation of the deflationary treasury bubble, oddly enough. And, finally, GDP data will be benign enough to support a late year rally. Nonetheless, we still go lower in September. But, this shit is building up; trust me when I tell you: PROTECT YOUR FUCKING MUSTACHES.

In the meantime, I will continue to play both ends of the trade and support a 15%+ cash position.

My flight to California cost me a fucking bundle, having missed the morning spike—then subsequently pummeled under a sea of red. I don’t have numbers in front of me now. But, let’s just say, today had to be one of the worst days in a long time for me, with longs down as well as my fucktarded “hedge” VXX.

It would be preposterous for me to suggest today was meaningless. The bulls are pussified into a deep stupor. They are scared of the yen and the bond market and deserve to be splashed with howitzers to the face. In order to console my grieving soul, I will head out to spend a few g’s on meaningless shit.

A more detailed assessment will be posted later on tonight.

One of the more humorous developments of my ongoing internet saga is the persistent willingness of “readers” aka “FLANS” to offer their tiny tidbits of advice. Mind you, this advice sometimes is delivered in the form of a roadside bomb or by gentle comments left on my bastard of a blog. Well, I am here to tell you, in the most generous of ways, to “fuck off and mind your p’s and q’s,” a favorite term of Grandpa Fly by the way. “The Fly” does not require your services and finds it, shall we say” reprehensible,” that a person of your low class standing in life would even dare talk to me, let alone offer advice.

Might I suggest a website of lesser quality for you to peruse and talk, in order to feel, shall we say “more at home?”

iBankCoin is the beluga caviar of this financial blog game. We are to finance blogs what Yankee fans are to Mets. Do not fuck with us, else our attorneys will be contacting you shortly.

Do not ask questions about the markets, when it is not open, for I am not interested in talking to you about it. If I sound somewhat “perturbed” it is because I have an early morning flight to the gayest coast in America tomorrow; and I am busy packing my bags into the old space shuttle. So if you’re in Kansas, or some ridiculous state like that, and witness some UFO in the sky dropping garbage all over your bullshit park, feel safe in knowing it is “The Fly” en route to SD (no relationship to the publicly traded company with the transvestite CEO).

As for the markets: I will make lots of money, AND MORE, shortly—as it is bounded by the laws of mathematics.

The following names are typically sucking dick, on a regular basis, during the month of September—no offense to gay guys of course.

No.	Ticker	Seasonality – Average Monthly Return	Seasonality – % Months DOWN	Seasonality – % Months UP	Seasonality – Month	Seasonality – # Months DOWN	Seasonality – # Months UP
1	BDN	-6.08	79.17	20.83	September	19.00	5.00
2	RRD	-2.50	76.00	24.00	September	19.00	6.00
3	TIN	-4.22	78.26	21.74	September	18.00	5.00
4	CLDX	-5.21	78.95	21.05	September	15.00	4.00
5	TRMB	-7.29	77.78	22.22	September	14.00	4.00
6	SPA	-3.54	77.78	22.22	September	14.00	4.00
7	WIRE	-3.34	77.78	22.22	September	14.00	4.00
8	AAN	-3.92	76.47	23.53	September	13.00	4.00
9	ANAD	-10.74	80.00	20.00	September	12.00	3.00
10	NOOF	-15.72	100.00	0.00	September	12.00	0.00

Using The PPT new seasonality tools, I scanned for names that have flawless records in the month of September. Behold are the results of such a masterful screen, all thanks and praise to the Godly folks at iBC.

No.	Ticker	Seasonality – Average Monthly Return	Seasonality – % Months DOWN	Seasonality – % Months UP	Seasonality – Month	Seasonality – # Months DOWN	Seasonality – # Months UP
1	PFWD (acquired)	13.38	0.00	100.00	September	0.00	6.00
2	MNKD	17.41	0.00	100.00	September	0.00	6.00
3	LF	7.67	0.00	100.00	September	0.00	8.00
4	GHL	11.83	0.00	100.00	September	0.00	6.00
5	FTWR	18.44	0.00	100.00	September	0.00	6.00

Off to pack for a plane.

Are you willing to bet that there will be no mergers on Monday, following a huge one on Thursday? I reckon many people of your ilk, the low class burlap kind, will be clamoring for cash into the bell. Why don’t you make yourself comfortable, right near that vat of acid, so that I might kick you into it, as a gesture of good faith for your lack of humanity?

If you have an issue with my trades, boy, fade me. There is nothing stopping you from betting against me. Hell, you might get lucky for a day or two, maybe even a week. But I fucking dare you to come here three months from now and show me your body of work, depicting how you outperformed the greater indices by trading against me. I am NOT Drunkenmiller. I will paint your face red, then let off a few rounds of my Desert Eagle in it.

Whether the market rebounds today or not is immaterial. Should this be the beginning of a long downtrend, I will adjust and profit from it. In the short term, my money is betting on a long bias. Having said that, in order to raise some cash, I sold out of my ATHR/GMCR positions; but I added to my BUCY—just in case “merger Monday” comes to fruition.

In short, the problem with you bearshitters is that you think too emotionally, like little bitches in Paris. I fade you with all of my life force and spit on your person, whether you like it or not!

The market is being rational, which is catching everyone off-guard. For the past year or so, the market was behaving in a way that made no sense. We’d see perpetual melt-ups, for no good reason. Most people just chalked it up to “government bullshit,” and proceeded to buy high beta securities, with the backstop that manufactured inflation would bail out investors. People figured, Ben Bernanke was on their side and the data didn’t matter. Lo and behold, something has changed. We are in mid-August and the mood is different.

Bonds are out of control to the upside. Let me note, bonds are ALWAYS out of control to the upside in August: do a little homework. Stocks are getting clobbered, rightfully so. And, the relief rallies are short lived. People are confused because the market is actually making sense. We’re so used to trickery and manipulation that the real thing now seems to be untrustworthy.

Nevertheless, we are oversold and should get a relief bounce. According to my investment thesis, I should not have all of these fucking longs on my books; but I do. You cannot change the past, so quit bellyaching about it—dick sucker. I am most astutely interested in altering the future, which is why I just added to my TNA position.

For the love of nuclear wars and salmonella, we need a little irrationality in this market place. One for the road, please.

Fuck running away from losses. Stand there, like a fucking man (even if you are a woman), and take the hits. It’s one fucking day, you ADD addled, ritalin taking homo—no offense to gay guys of course. Look for GDP estimates to come tumbling down, due to obvious signs of hitting a wall. Because of this factoid, the markets will get raped in September. However, that does not mean we cannot “feed the troll” before Wall Street’s veterans get back from their summer vacations. Take advantage of the stupid junior trading robots at Goldman, while you can. Those junior robots are stupid and have 1/5th of the microprocessors of their superior senior robot overlords.

Having said that, like my personal idol, George Bush, I am “going it alone,” long biased into a fucking weekend. ROFL. Ask me if I am scared; I fucking dare you.

As the clowns on CNBC monger around, like little peasants in Thai rice fields, “The Fly” is poolside, sipping on a cold glass of gasoline. Look, I got money to burn, motherfucker. Let rates collapse and foreclosures spike; I will only get richer.

As for this tape: it is bounded by the laws of mathematics to trade higher, before trading lower. Losses are expected and acceptable. Set backs are part and parcel of being an investor/trader. Do not fear the loss, embrace it. Hug it like it was your favorite stuffed animal, strapped with lit dynamite sticks. If you are scared, hedge your portfolios. I’ve been telling you to do that for months, ever since we entered the meat grinder. The fact that the markets are still above 10,000 is a fucking blessing, considering how low yields are. The upside, the silver lining if you will of rates being so low, is room for upside. Should bonds get hit, money will come flooding into equities, like a fucking Tsunami high on twenty eight balls of cocaine. If that shit doesn’t happen, well then, we’re fucked.

Happy trading.

All of my warnings about “doing the Hugh Hendry” and “getting caught in the deflationary vortex” has come to fruition, only this time with me in it. Granted, my losses could be greater, if I was “all in” long. But, they are enough to make me want to throw pickles at my screen. On a personal note, I am “all in” long, with exception to cash, which makes today’s “dip” so much more “eventful” and comedic. While it’s true, I can afford to lose a little, since I’ve made so much. I DON’T LIKE FUCKING LOSSES.

I offer no change to my strategy, only to suggest something is “fishy as fuck,” with TLT crossing over the rubicon line of sanity. Rates are going to zero and I want my 30 year mortgage at 1%.

Off to go for a walk.

NOTE: Rub some VXX on your chest, if you are feeling under the weather—asshole.