If I Close My Eyes…

…the boogey man will go away.

I swear on a stack of old korans, our leadership is without gray matter. These assholes want to suspend mark to market? Are they fucking insane?

I guess they believe less transparency is exactly what we need right now. After all, if WFC, USB and JPM can just hide all of their losses, keeping them dormant indefinitely, everyone will go long right? And, people will find magical jobs too, as magicians or wizards.

WRONG.

No one will want to invest in any company that is hiding shit on their balance sheets. I don’t want to hear the bullshit argument: “the banks need a little time.” Fuck that.

The motherless whores in Congress have fucked up every single “stimulus” or “bailout” plan to date and will continue the tradition of being fucktarded asshats, for as long as they live. Letting the banks “slide” on mark to market standards is equal to legalizing accounting fraud.

So be it. These fuckers don’t pay their taxes anyway. We might as well support accounting fraud too.

Obamanomics!

Nonetheless, with the market bouncing here, I am comfortable being net long, despite the negative headwinds. My long bias will be short lived. And, my cash position will remain above 30%, until I am ready to start shorting again.

Columbo, “Oh, one more thing” UPDATE: If the Treasury leverages the TARP funds 10:1, in order to buy toxic assets from the banks, they should be arrested for treason.

Free Healthcare for all!

I bought 5,000 YZC, just south of $7.43.

Disclaimer: China+Coal=gold.

Sorry for the unintentional misdirection, through previous claims that the world was indeed ending.

As a result of the market reversal, I sold out all of my SRS, north of $64. And, I sold out all of my FAZ, and TZA, north of $58 and $57.50 respectively.

This leaves me with a massive cash position, north of 40%. And, it also leaves me in a net bullish position, long BUCY, MT, FXI, CHL, JRJC and PFE.

On the short side, I still hold big positions in DUG and ERY, as well as minor positions in REW and SDS.

UPDATE: I bought 1,500 JRJC @ $9.79

UPDATE II: I bought 5,000 BUCY @ $15.60

I bought 3,000 CHL @ $46.85.

UPDATE: I sold out of my EEV position. And, as a result of the market rally, I sold some SRS.

Get your hand grenades and sand bags ready; we’re about to endure some pretty awful times, young man.

I remember back in the 90’s, coming up in the business, feeling all optimistic and shit. The internet revolution had just begun and I was fucking annihilating short sellers, in egregious ways that only God himself could explain. The order flow was so overwhelming; I was unable to execute all of my trades.

Those were the good old days, when people would sun bathe during lunch in Bryant Park, then go back to work and make $100,000 from 1-4pm.

This shit we find ourselves in right here, is unadulterated hell, if there is such a thing. Market participants are stunned and will remain tepid/homo hammered for a fucking generation, all thanks and praise go out to our banking and regulatory exec’s for making it possible, of course.

You need to understand something about me: I don’t fuck around, when it comes to managing money. I am a fur coat wearing “space alien magician” with the buy/sell tickets. You can try to compete all you want; however, at the end of the day, I am simply bowling on you stupid bastards.

As for today’s tape:

I am no longer bearish on gold. There is some fucked up fuckery taking place in the flight to quality trade. It appears the gold bugs are correct in asserting that gold is a “safe haven” asset, during times of duress. In my opinion, gold is trading up due to its inherent safety characteristics, not due to inflationary concerns.

Once again, we are in a deflationary vortex.

One of my “Reverse Four Horseman of Certain Death” caught a downgrade today, based upon stupid earnings. That company, in case you are wondering is ESS. In addition, an old favorite short of mine, KIM, ate a dick, according to this mornings earnings report.

As a reminder, my four “Reverse Horseman of Certain Death” for 2009 are FRT, MAC, ESS and SLG, with KIM as a notable 5th.

Finally, XOM is still trading at historical levels. As a matter of fact, the stock is trading at a 50% PE premium to its peers, which represents the biggest premium since Exxon merged with Mobile.

Just know this: XOM is purposely manipulating its stock price, via oversized share buybacks. Like the banks, XOM is wasting shareholder money through idiotic buybacks. Last quarter, they bought back $8 billion in stock. This quarter, they are scheduled to buy back another $7 billion. Understand something, that is more than their entire quarterly capex budget.

Are they fucking insane?

Taking a closer look at their earnings report, you will notice a great deal of ambiguity around their asset sales. Call me a banana salesman if you must, but I believe XOM is just begging for a steel pipe beat down.

Top pick: Short XOM, long SRS,

UPDATE: I sold 2,000 FAZ @ $58.35

Looks like that bitch KIM is off to a bad start this morning.

NEW YORK, Feb 5 (Reuters) – – Kimco Realty Corp KIM.N, owner of strip-malls anchored chiefly by grocery stores, said on Thursday that fourth-quarter funds from operations fell as it took bigger-than-expected charges for falling asset values.

FFO fell to $10.5 million, or 4 cents per share, from $136.2 million, or 53 cents per share, a year earlier. The results missed the analysts’ average forecast of 24 cents per share, according to Reuters Estimates.

FFO, a measure of performance for real estate investment trusts, removes the profit-reducing effect of depreciation, a noncash accounting item, on earnings.

For U.S. shopping centers open more than a year, net operating income, which measures performance on a property level, rose 1.3 percent in the fourth quarter.

Kimco, based on Long Island, New York, said it expected 2009 FFO of $1.70 to $1.90 per share, far short of the $2.23 analysts had forecast, according to Reuters Estimates.

Too bad I am no longer short the bitch directly. However, I do have representation via SRS.

Cancel the fucking debt, allow U.S. corporations to repatriate earnings overseas, without it being a tax event. And, finally, tell the bond, preferred and equity holders to “go fuck themselves.”

Bankruptcy is the only viable option.

You are the very definition of awesomeness.

I am sure you are reading this lowly blog with leather jackets (that’s right, more than one) on, collar up, while riding on a motorcycle studded with skulls and spikes. Your bank accounts are in the deep nine digits and you have access to an illegal harem.

You are well versed in 20 languages; people call you “The fucking Pope.”

And, you grace “The Fly,” as well as other tabbed bloggers of iBC, with accurate market wizardry and enable all others, pedestrians if you will, to feed off your marvelous ideas. I am sure if you chose to take up the game of boxing, your record would be 50-0, with 51 kills (referee), prior to retirement.

For your kindness and willingness to deal with my humble background and resources, I say “thank you.”

In others news, Bank of America is about to get its “nationalization game on,” if you know what I mean.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kju9VU2B7Bk 450 300]

“The Fly” has multiple events to partake in, within minutes of this post ending. Therefore, I’ll be brief.

People are panicked over a potential BAC bankruptcy, while bidding up commodity/Chinese stocks. It’s rather insane out there.

All of the economic data is rock bottom abysmal, yet many of you big booted clowns are bullish.

Why, fucktard, why?

Into the bell, I will be long FAZ, SRS, DUG, ERY, TZA, EEV, CHL, FXI, MT, JRJC and BUCY.

I do not expect to make a killing with such a convoluted composition of financial instruments. However, it is not my intent to do so. Indeed.

In a period of outright trickery, I have no interest in taking on a lot of risk. As you notice, the lion share of my long positions are chicoms, mainly because they are masters of “the art of fuckery.”

Best case scenario: the market dives and my chicoms go up anyway. Shit like that can only occur in the great walled country of the angry panda.

I assert, with a stiff backbone and chest full of hairs, this market is about to get “RiverTwiced” in a very hideous Zach Karabell sort of way.