In my role as “egregious moderator” I’ve had the pleasure to interview a couple of the candidates. Below you will find the transcript of an interview that I had with Leonard the Monkey at the Bronx Zoo.
To help set the scene, he had just finished guzzling his own pee and had soiled a group of young children with a mound of his own steaming feces that he threw, underhand, outside of his enclosure.
DT: Do you trade for a living? Or is it just a weird hobby of yours?
Leo: I trade for a living…
DT: Speaking of hobbies, what are your thoughts on pornography?
Leo: It pays well, and supplements my trading income.
DT: Okay, seriously, what kind of trading do you do? How often? And what instruments?
Leo: Day, Swing, Options trading mixed with the occasional investment. I use a Magic 8-ball to tell me where the market is going and to figure out what to invest in. It’s very versatile.
DT: What kind of ideas do you have about your tab? What will make your tab “extra special” and worth reading?
Leo: I think my tab would provide a new type of service at IBC with “in depth†analysis of companies whose stocks have huge potential and probability to move. I’ll post an example Monday in the PG. I include the downside risks to the trade as well. I also have a home made video of Ducati and a sheep that I will post first thing after getting my tab.
DT: Gonzo journalism question… who won the first Peanut of the Month award at IBC?
Leo: You did, oh masterful one.
DT: Good… good… Okay, how old are you? Age discrimination applies here.
Leo: Younger than “The Fly” but not by much.
DT: I don’t like you much…
Leo: I can live with that, I’m DPD free.
DT: Just wanted to see how you faced adversity… Say something bad about another candidate. Go negative before they do… for example, hattery says you’re a “dick.” True story.
Leo: I don’t care if some fucktard called me a dick.
DT: Okay, now assuming you don’t win, who would you like to see win? Remember, I’m not in the running, so you can’t vote for me… go ahead, this is your chance to say something nice about another candidate.
Leo: DPeezy. He’s got a nice fucking pool, yo.
DT: Is Ragin’s blog gay? If yes, why? If not, why not?
Leo: Ragin’s blog is not gay. He has some great pocks and has been doing very well lately. I should listen to him more often.
DT: Maria Bartiromo or Erin Burnett?
Leo: Burnett.
DT: Paul McCartney or John Lennon?
Leo: Lennon.
DT: In a gay way?
Leo: No.
DT: He was really rich…
Leo: Okay… in a gay way.
DT: Is Hillary Clinton a “smelly pirate hooker?”
Leo: Yes.
DT: Do you like gangsta rap? As you know, should you somehow win a tab, you will be forced to listen to that shit all the time.
Leo: I don’t listen to it much.
Our interview was abruptly put to an end when one of Leonard’s handlers “monkey tazed” him and dragged him into a holding pen.
ELECTION NIGHT NOTICE: Up next, a conversation with Tradercaddy followed by Jeremy’s endorsement.
DT DRINK ALERT… on my first glass of pastis… since I’ll be here for another 4 hours, I thought drinking was in order.
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Bravo!
Now someone please come and try to shoot me.
It was a damn good toss at that kid!!!
Thanks for the interview DT – this has all been fun!!!
The “in a gay way” was added by DT as he was most likely fantasying while we was supposed to be working.
I just heard that the animals at Animal Kingdom at Disney World passed this interview around and in support of Leonard have begun attacking tourists and defecating on Mickey Mouse.
SO i went for a run in central park, couple laps around the Jackie O resevoir. guess who I ran into. That’s right, former Governer of NY, Eliot “Hooker Fucker” Spitzer. He was walking hand in hand with his loyal (Stupid?) wife. they were both wearing ratty white sweat filled t-shirts and nasty grey sweat pants. Eliot’s hair was long and disheveled, looking like he just went with 3 rounds with his 4-diamond girl. no joke
DT- I think your work here boosts you solidly into the 2.5 tier of bloggers.
Thank you Woody…
I can’t even enjoy my drink however, or party in the comment section as I have many more posts to write.
“The Fly” is a bitch to work for, I’ll have everyone know.
-DT
Shit, I knew it was just a matter of time before Dino-race would be swinging his pasties!
Ha! I read pasties as well. Didn’t picture tassels though…shocking.
Thank you for the endorsement of my pool Leo. You’re welcome to use it anytime, but you gotta piss over the fence & onto the neighbors lawn.
DP that’s a deal!
Good Luck to you in the final countdown hours of the election!