The US Triumvirate Has Dictated Stock Market Gains

Petty mortals – what did thou believe otherwise?

Did thee not know the Bernanke of Benjamin had come?

Whas’t thou – o’ pariah – of little faythe?

Suffer now, immeasurably, by the hands of our benevolent dictators.

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I lucked out. Like a crazed masochist, I entered today fully long, parading around in public, for all the world to see. Last week, I lamented at having ever believed the fiscal cliff could be resolved.

For most of this year, I cast aspersions on the fiscal cliff, and publicly ridiculed anyone who talked about it. I mocked the believers; and last week, I fell to my knees and crawled towards them, begging for forgiveness. We were going over that fucking cliff, and I was a vile wretch.

But, for some reason, I just couldn’t bring myself to raise cash. Instead, I begged for the beating, just asking for it.

Only faith saved me from passing up these illustrious gains. Faith in the destructive power of $1 trillion free dollars. And faith that real problems can’t actually be voted away.

So here we are. I’ve picked myself up and will begin pretending like I never doubted. With these early gains (average positioning seems up 2% or more), I’d like to see you try and prove otherwise.

Let the taunting of the unfortunate commence.

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