It’s late, I can’t sleep. I’m a bit overwhelmed by all the encouraging words from everyone. Just wanted to let you know I’m going to print it out and share it with my buddy this weekend. Some of you have some amazing words and advice. I’m so floored. For that, I thank each and everyone of you, those who commented, and those who just thought about me and Mel and his family and those close to him during this strange time. It really is strange. I’ve had a little stage fright coming back, but you’ve all been great.
Again, thank you…
Says:
Go Lakers!
You know what Im trying to say, Gio.
… Go Celtics. I know what you’re saying Mike. We’re rivals on the court, allies on the street.
Says:
When I had to struggle with obstacles of all kinds, when I had to very strenuously pit myself against my existence, when the strength of my thinking and feeling and the strength of my will and my body had threatened to fail, when morale and all hope had started to sink and everything in myself became very and unendingly difficult for me to persevere in life and to single-mindedly do my duty and fulfill my responsibilities, then I searched for my most secret spiritual-fine-sensitive-feelings and feelings, which, as a very quiet breath, whispered to me that there are unutterably few happy and content human beings on this planet since they all are plagued by immeasurable grief and sorrow as well as problems and worries which they are unable to get under control.
The cognition grew always within myself – how very much worse off than I these human beings must be. Yet, like I, they all can only find the way out of their entire misfortune when they effect good in themselves, when they dedicate themselves to contemplation and through this dedicate themselves to the source of cognition which brings a release from all miseries and ills, from grief, sorrow, problems and worries. This cognition lies in the real observation of all things, that all is worth living, the negative as well as the positive, and that only the living out of the good as well as the bad makes life worth living and brings immeasurable learning experiences, events and values.
The mission of life, namely to evolve in the consciousness, and the fulfillment of this mission is the source from which those who are sorrowful, grief-stricken, downcast with problems and under work pressures, constantly draw new strength, moments of quiescence and recuperation, joy, love, harmony and peace. That is my cognition and it teaches me that when good is consciously effected then the good becomes all-pervasive.
… deep stuff Anon. You’re right. A common thread with all champions and heroes, is that they all had their hearts broken, they all lost, and they all have scars. I find the most powerful people are the ones that risen from the fire.
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Happy you are back. Look forward to your fellowship.
… I think you came in time CA. You’re a motivation to all the young and zealous traders out there. Let’s make history.
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Gio-
Mel lives on, my friend. I can imagine, too, that he doesn’t want you dwelling on the hurt. He knows how you feel about him. Make each day count for Mel. God bless bro. Lets all raise our glass to Mel… a life well lived. Peace.
… thanks Fox. I guess making every day count is hard when you you’re up all night dwelling on what-ifs. Mel liked chocolate shakes, I think I’ll have one.
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Often, the best among us go far too young and too soon … and leave to us invaluable messages and lessons to make the best use of our lives; to be a living example of what they have left with us and thereby their life has not been wasted, as our thoughts, feelings and actions have become a living tribute.
…“tribute”, good word. Makes me always wonder, “what is in a name”? We should all stop and ask ourselves, “If I were to die tomorrow, what would the world think of me?” If you’re answer doesn’t come out the way you want it to, then maybe it’s time to change something about your life.
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Gio,
Thanks for taking the time to share that with us. It couldn’t have been said any better. Hang in there, bud.
…It took me almost 5 hours to finally hit “submit.” I wasn’t sure I wanted to share it, but putting it down in words has helped. Plus, everyone has been so encouraging. It’s easier to “hang on” when you have so many people holding you up.
Says:
Glad to see you back Gio. There is no greater sadness in life than the pain of losing someone you love, someone who was a big part of your life, especially losing someone far younger and more suddenly than you thought.
I still feel my daughter’s presence looking on over my shoulder at what I’m doing, still feel her love and support.
Mel is still there with you, but in a different realm, in a different way. We suffer when the waves of grief wash over and through us, trying to find ways to cope. My workaholism is an attempt to cope, sometimes it works, sometimes not. You will find your way over time. Sending you waves of support from over here … give yourself time.
…Thank you Boca for being real. A mother’s love is one the strongest forces in the world. Living for your daughter is proof of that. I can never say I know how you feel, but seeing someone further down the tunnel makes me feel closer to the light.
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Take care of yourself brother. In time, things will develop meaning again.
… thanks Wood. The nice thing is that I get to re-prioritize everything. Some things probably shouldn’t have that much meaning anyway.
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Still praying for ya Gio.
Take your time and thanks for sharing this with all of us.
…thanks for your prayers.
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Welcome back – we’ve missed you around here.
... glad to be back. I’m not totally back, but the part that is really appreciates it.
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I’m going to kiss my husband and kids right now. Thank you for your real perspective.
… I feel better already. Thanks Controller. You get it.
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Well said, Gio. Thank you for sharing. It makes you reconsider pretty much everything.
…Thanks Veritas. You get it.
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Sorry about your friend GIO. Totally understand, but glad you’re back.
…thanks for sticking around Heckler. We’ve traded together for some time now.
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Thanks for sharing Gio. I don’t know you that well, but I can tell you’re a good person. Glad to have you back.
… thanks Doc. I think the same thing about many people that comment here on iBC, except DevilDog and Tim Sykes. Just kidding. Actually, no, my patience would run out with Tim.
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Great post, gio. All too often when tragedy strikes it’s so easy to lose perspective and become bitter and angry. I hope you find a way to not let this happen to you and it sounds like you have a firm grasp of what is important in life so I hope you never let it go. Peace to you and may you find solace in living your life in a manner that would make Mel proud.
…. Thanks Contractor. I go in and out the anger phase every now and then. But it gets me nowhere. Peace to you too my friend.
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Gio,
Sorry about your friend. Time heals all pain.
-pinoy
… Salamat po Pinoy.
Says:
great post man
… thanks arth.
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Gio-
There’s nothing anyone can say or do that will make the pain go away. The only thing that will help at all is time.
I was a youth leader in our church, and was close to one of the teenage boys. He watched our kids, and they loved him. His mother was our family friend, and he was her only child.
One day about three years ago, out of nowhere, he decided to crash his car into a freeway bridge after a fight with a girlfriend. He was gone.
I blamed myself, too. I was supposed to be his leader, his mentor! I must have failed him if he did this. He had called me the night before, but I didn’t answer my phone because I was “too busy to talk”. I still regret that.
Like you say, I kept expecting him to show up one day, like it was all a big joke. I felt compelled to visit the crash site–it could have been the wrong car, couldn’t it? I saw fragments of melted CD’s that had his handwriting on them. I saw the molten engine block and some small remnants of the car, but it was his. I couldn’t accept that he was gone until I “saw it” for myself. There was no open casket for obvious reasons. I was one of the main speakers at his funeral, where we celebrated his life, but I cried. It devastated me. His mother almost didn’t make it, honestly.
After that, my youth leader days were done. I couldn’t do it anymore. It knocked the wind and the life out of me, in that way.
So I understand what you are going through.
Here are some words that won’t help how you feel right now. But they are true, and over time your feelings will grow to match them more and more:
*It wasn’t your fault. Unless you can see the future, and unless you actively wished him harm, none of it is your fault.
*In time, the pain will become bearable–but it will probably take at least a year. Your time to heal will likely be sooner than that of his wife, though. Use any strength you find to support his family.
*Mel would not want you to stop living. He would want you to live all the more. Do so as your heart is able.
Best wishes, Gio
…. I’m speechless Prospectus. You’re experience has obviously turned you into a wiser man. You pretty much nailed it. Everytime I drive by the East shore near the cliffs, I can’t look at the waves crashing on the rocks without thinking about Mel. I get mad at myself, at other people, and it really consumes you. Then I pretend that it’s all a big joke. Strange how we act. I will remember your story and your wise words and use them as my stepping stone.
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Always loved this quote…
Life is full of misery, loneliness and suffering…and it’s all over much too soon !
~ Woody Allen ~
——————–
Not making light of your tragedy in any way…I’ve been where you are.
There is more truth in that quote than may be first apparent.
Try to smile…do it for Mel !!!
GLTY
…Thanks. I’ve been smiling much more lately. 🙂
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Good to have you back, Gio. Take good care.
…Thank you Tilo. Take care.
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Your friend’s passing has left a hole…
Now you must fill it up, with bright things,
In his memory, and for yours.
Bright things to make a whole.
_______
My deepest sympathies for your loss, Gio.
…Thanks Jake. I will quote you to his brother. His hole is much bigger.
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Everyone missed your VIX mastery. Glad to see you back.
… Thanks Fly. Thanks for slapping some sense in me. I needed it. Life is full of volatility.
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Often times the best thing to do is to live your life the way he would want you to. Sorry for your loss touching post. good points. Hope you recover Gio. Take your time as life passes all of us fast and especially those we love most
… Thanks Josh.
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Gio,
You have a gift,please start posting again. You have a huge following of people that really care about you.
…Thanks mrkcbill. It’s amazing, isn’t it? I never thought I could have this many friends from iBC. I’ve never met any of you in person, and yet I feel I’ve known some of you for some time. Maybe it’s because we can’t see, so we judge by our minds and not with our eyes. Look at all the support I’m getting now! It’s overwhelming.
Says:
Thanks Gio. Nice to have you back. I’m so sorry for your loss, have tears here. Your post does your friend a great memory.
Joel
…thanks Joel. I’ll share your kind words with his family. I think it will make them happy.
Says:
A touching eulogy ….
These words;
“That must be the most painful thing that could ever happen to someone. To lose your spouse… ”
brought back the tears again …
Time and memories will help to heal the wound but you’re right. Your perspective on life will never be the same.
So sorry for your loss.
… thanks Employee8. I hope I didn’t bring back too much pain. I’ll admit, I don’t cry often in front of people, but sometimes, out of nowhere, I’ll look down and notice my papers are a little wet… I’ll touch my cheek, look at my hand and discover tears. Is that normal? I mean, that never happened before. It’s like the tears fall before I can feel sad.
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Gio,
I’m sorry to hear of your loss. My prayers for you and Mel’s family.
Regards.
…thank you for praying for us Plasmahidef.
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Im to young to have lost anyone close like you have, but I almost teared up at the end of reading that.I cant imagine losing someone that close to me. Im srry, but Im sure your sick of hearing that.
… Thanks Darius. You’re never too young to be close to anyone.
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Good to see you back Gio. You and your friend’s family have been in my prayers. We’ve all missed you around here. Take care and continue to enjoy the important things in life as Mel’s life continues on as a part of who you are everyday.
…Thanks Eddie. Hope to see you soon on The PPT. I’ll let them know you’ve been praying for them.
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Gio….
At least you are lucky enough to have had such a great friendship with someone as cool as Mel and still fortunate to have many other good friends who were also friends with Mel.
Some of us live life in a bunker. At least you’re out there and have good friends to share more good times with.
Life goes on…
-Blue
…Thanks Blue. You’ve been a good friend since WallStreak.
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Welcome back kid. My condolences to you….
…Thanks GW.
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echoing the sentiments of everyone here in saying your were missed and that my thoughts are with you.
…Thanks Danny. How’s the vacation? Hopefully better than mine.
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Echoing Danny’s echoes of all the beautiful and important sentiments that have been conveyed through these comments.
May you find eventual healing through the cherished memories of your friend.
Welcome back; we’ve missed you.
..Thanks DPeezy. I never get tired of the echoes.
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gio,
my sympathies on your loss.
…. Thanks Billy for coming out to leave a comment and a kind word.
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Glad you’re back. I lost my 16 year old brother to a car accident when I was 19. He left me with a gift – I’m sure Mel has left you with this, too – a greater appreciation for life and more thanksgiving for small things that make our lives truly rich.
… I’m sorry to hear that Susannah. I hope you’re using your gift to the full. Mel left me with a lot to think about.
Says:
Condolences from another one of your formerly-lurking readers.
Your blog entries have already said it better than I can; if there’s one consistent theme in your choice of words and images alike, it’s that trading is a means to an end, not an end in itself.
Your posts are proof that you’ve always known everything you need to know to bounce back. Good to see you back.
… Thanks Equalizer for coming out of the shadows to leave a kind thought. You should express yourself more and teach me something.
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Keep your chin up, brother. Good to see you back.
… Thanks OE. Keep posting too please.
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Glad to see you back!
I had some serious issues after going through the Christmas Day Tiger mauling at my zoo, I know a little bit of what you’re going through.
Take care!
… Thanks Anthony Brown. I don’t think I’ll switch places with you on that one. Take care!
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Gio-Good to see you back. I know how you feel, I lost my childhood best friend about ten years ago. He was caught in a crossfire.I still miss him.Pain will heal and he will come back in your dreams.
… thanks Szaman. Sorry to hear that you lost your friend. It’s strange not being able to see them, even though you think you will. How is it 10 years later? Hope its better than day 23.
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Sorry for your loss Gio.
Your words woke me and helped me see that I need to put trading in perspective.
I’m missing out on my life, my spouse and my health and enjoyment of life due to my extreme trading behavior and excessive ways. Balance is coming, slowly but surely.
Thanks for the important reminders about what really matters.
Deepest condolences
… No ohanes, thank you. You get it. If anything, I hope that’s the one thing I can instill in all traders… never short your own life, invest in happiness.
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Check your DMs on Twitter, I sent you a lengthy message!
… thanks Zmoose. Sent you one back.
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Gio,
Thank you for this post. I’ve been sitting here trying to figure out what to say… I mean, I lost my best friend (suddenly as well) a decade ago and I’m sure that most everyone reading this has lost someone significant in their lives. But you hit on what I feel is the most important lesson of death, which is appreciating the life you lead now. That can easily get lost in lots of the other (mostly negative) emotions that accompany a sudden loss.
I’m sure you’re going to have some dark days ahead but if you keep focusing on that lesson you’ll be honoring your friend’s life through yours every day.
-DT
… thanks for sitting around DT. I know you’re a great trader. You know how to make trading fun, and your blog always makes me smile. Sorry for your loss, I would have never known you’ve seen a dark day. Thanks for sharing and encouraging. Much respect to you.
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Glad to see you back around, been wondering where u were on The PPT.
Take care man, will keep u in my prayers.
… Thanks VC. Take care too.
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Gio,
Don’t blame yourself…
He took a big risk, its was not you who sent him out on the rocks.
Take care, I wish you the best.
… thanks Gonzo. Take care yourself too.
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Gio,
Welcome back and my condolences on your loss. I have been there and know exactly what you are feeling. I echo what Dinosaur Trader and many others say above. And Please do not blame yourself. Not sure if you play any instruments but teaching myself guitar got me through those dark days when I was grieving and needed a new hobby to occupy my mind.
You and Mel’s family are in my thoughts. All the best my friend and everyone raise your glass for Mel.
Brian
…Thanks Brian. It’s funny you mentioned it, but lately I’ve been playing a lot of music lately. It is comforting. I’ve actually picked up teaching my nephew the ukulele, and Mel’s nephew the guitar. His hands are still too small. hehe.
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Sorry for your loss, Gio.
Glad to see you back 
… thanks for not changing my password. Glad to “see” you too J.
Says:
I am in tears as I read your post.
I can completely relate to everything you are feeling and thinking right now.I, along with probably many others have lost a loved one, suddenly and tragically.
Thank you for sharing your humanity with us.
Your friend lives on, in every person that ever loved him.
… Thanks JF. He’s very alive in my in mind. Thanks for your kindness and humanity too.
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I will keep praying for you.
… good. Because I’m running out of words myself. Thanks Ryan.
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Time heals all wounds.
… thanks F8.
Yes, those tears are very normal, Gio! Sometimes I just can’t go there, ya know, and that’s when I retreat to my work as the routine of numbers and tasks can be comforting to the bruised emotions. Keep finding your way, it’s a process, not an event.
Take it easy.
If we can teach you anything about perspective, it’s because you’ve been teaching all of us about since before you got the tab.
Your debut:
http://ibankcoin.com/gioblog/?p=1449
On stress:
http://ibankcoin.com/gioblog/?p=1719
A typical weekend post:
http://ibankcoin.com/gioblog/?p=1890
A typical weekday post:
http://ibankcoin.com/gioblog/?p=2773
And a few musical posts:
http://ibankcoin.com/gioblog/?p=2856
http://ibankcoin.com/gioblog/?p=2859
http://ibankcoin.com/gioblog/?p=2885
The consistent theme has always been about keeping trading in perspective. (And that Hawaii is a stunningly beautiful place!)
The markets’ll be there when you’re ready to trade, just as the waves will be there when you’re ready to surf. But you already know that. So – welcome back.
Gio, Hang in there. Keeping busy always helped me. You are in our prayers.
Thanks for the Reply Gio. Made my day.
It’s very humble of you to reply to everyone.
Gio, I am very sorry for your loss. I know from the loss of my parents and little brother that another persons’ loss & pain can never be measured or accurately conveyed in words. But it is plain to see in this life and on this web site that people, life and love bind us all. And death can not separate or take that away.
Reading the last couple of threads and the comments has been uplifting for me in a strange way, because it shows of this connection and of the great love people share for one another.
Boca’s loss is inconceivable to me, it is unthinkable, and yet she lives on in obvious strength and kindness. That is the most uplifting, mind blowing testimony to the human spirit that I can think of.
Blue, Your post brought tears to my eyes as well. I hope that you can find a way to get out of that bunker every now and then and make some friends IRL.
Gio, You seem like such a gentlemen. Your family and friends would be incredibly fortunate to have someone like you in their lives. I had a brother like you once, and like him, I am sure you enriched the lives of the friend you yourself just lost in ways that made his days on earth glorious and meaningful. That is after all what it is all about.
What helped me with my overwhelming loss was to try and be more like them. Maybe, sometimes, through the loss of a great and treasured person, if we can be more like them it makes their death seem a little bit less of a huge, impossible to understand, waste.
Life is so hard sometimes, I’m so sorry.
Your DM back was short, sweet, and made me smile big time. Glad to be thinking of you in the same regard, my friend. The iBC may not agree with each other on everything the market hands us, but we all agreed that seeing you back was one of the biggest things that brightened up everyone. Celebrate his life Gio, the healing process will go a little smoother.
Aloha from PA dude, glad to have you back.
ZMoose
Chanci,
Don’t cry for me babe. I step out of my bunker at 3pm every day and walk my dog to the dog park (2mile round trip). Whether I had a good day trading or lost money I always look forward to relaxing for an hour or two at the park with my little girl (Lab/Pitbull). The old women there love me (prob. because I’m the youngest cutest guy who hangs out with them). We trade stories, recipes, dity jokes, talk about what’s going on in the world, and just sit and laugh. It’s amazing how diverse the people at the dog park are, once you get to know them.
Yes, outside of the dog park I have very few friends. I do cherish my wife, our dog, my guitar, my bunker, and my peace.
-Blue
Equalizer… thanks for reminded me who I am. I want to get back there. I don’t want to pretend I’m there, I want to get back there for real. Step at a time.
Chanci, I need you to get to talk to my family and friends for me. heh. They think I play around too much… a big kid. can’t help it, I’m the youngest. anyway thanks for opening up a little here. it’s rare to see the human side of people in the trading world, but it’s there.
Blue, I have the same problem(?) man, the ladies (over 60) adore me. Lol. Now if only we can lower the median age.
Gio, you’re in dude if they have pretty grand daughters!