CNBC Interview with The Fucktard Fund Manager

Host: Next up a 5 star fund manager who thinks the market is ready to bottom. His 5 star flagship fund is down more than 75% year to date and he thinks stocks are cheap. Tell me, what do you like, what are you buying?

Guest: Well, on a price to book ratio, all stocks are extremely cheap here. We’ve been buying down here, for what we consider a buy of a lifetime. We like all stocks.

Host: Really? What do you hear out there? What are people saying?

Guest: Well, they’re not happy. Most of our clients have been torpedoed for their entire life savings, so it’s hard to tell. Our take at The Fucktard Funds is that stocks represent a better value than all other asset classes, including real estate, currencies, bonds and collectibles.

Host: Really? A lot of your critics say that you’re just plain ol’ vanilla gay and that your fund is some sort of sinkhole for America. What do you say to those critics?

Guest: Well, I have to say, we think they are wrong. If you look back, from the 1700’s, no market, in the history of markets, has gone down this much and not went back up. We at The Fucktard Funds think it is time to buy.

Host: Tell us, what stocks look good to you? There must be so many stocks that you like. I mean, even GE is in the single digits. We all know they are not going anywhere. What do you like?

Guest: We like GE and all of the big industrial names. We want to be long early cycle plays and buy them until our clients go blind. It really is a great time to have cash. We also like China. Anything related to China is as good as oxygen on planet Mars.

Host: Whoo, hoo! Finally we have a guest with a little spunk. We’ve been doing one interview after another with people predicting the end of the world. I must say, it’s very refreshing to hear a positive tone. Look at this market, it is well off its lows. We have a rally going on here!

Guest: We certainly do. We think this is the absolute bottom, which will never be seen or heard from again. That’s us at The Fucktard Fund. We always look for bargains and right now, based upon our research, stocks are cheaper than a dead donkey in Liberia.

Host: Absolute bottom! Dead Donkey in Liberia! I love it! Good to have you on, Joe Asshat from the Fucktard Funds. Next up on CNBC is Bill Gross from PIMCO.He will tell us why he is holding a loaded gun to America’s head. Stay tuned.

This is it for “The Fly.”

I have little desire to suck the blood from asshole dip buyers any longer. The market has crashed into a titanium wall for about the 100th time now. I sense it is time to cover my shorts, go to cash, and go eat a sandwich. If the market crashes even further, disturbing the lower depths of hells floorboards, I am prepared, as a man and a tax paying citizen of this bullshit country, to miss out on such said events.

For the record, my longs have been lit aflame this afternoon, amidst stupidity on a grand scale. However, my short positions, particularly in oil, have made up for any deficits and more, putting my year to date returns upward of 17%.

Just so you know, my short positions include: DUG, ERY, REW, SDP, CPT, ESS, FRT and a little DRR.

As for my longs: I have not sold any of them, despite their “knifeward” action.

More on this later.

Today’s theme includes:

Buffett is an old jackass.

AIG is milking you.

And, finally, oil sucks cock.

Developing…

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Sure it’s cool and fulfilling to make fun of “those fucking Wall Street guys” for messing up the world. Let’s castrate them, shall we? All of the low IQ union workers, sanitation guys and regular blue collared humps point fingers at bankers and laugh, exclaiming “boy are those guys ovah there dumbs.”

Wrong asshole.

They’re not dumb. They’re fucking brilliant. Let me tell you, the fuckers who blew up the world banking system are not stupid; they’re just liars. If you talk to them in private, they are fully cognizant of what is going on. However, you put those fuckers on tv, they are going to talk their book, every single time.

Now, much to your children’s chagrin, society has delved into a very dangerous place, where stupid losers, who have never run a business or a lemonade stand, are put in charge of the “recovery efforts.” Look, people on Main Street are low morons of the first order, with their high cholesterol diets and designers clothes.

If this country is going to come out of this depression, we will need a lion on Wall Street to tell Congress to go fuck themselves and to leave the business of business to the businessmen. It’s almost as if these executives have lost their balls. They allow themselves to get grilled by Congressmen, who have the business acumen of a 6th grader.

I’m sick of hearing about Joey Bag ‘O Credit Cards’ problems. I am sick of talking about bailing out dick-faced factory workers, who make asinine products.

Either Wall Street steps up here soon and offers some real leadership, through a strong voice, or your fucking food rations will be administered by calypso dancing jackasses.

I’m sorry. I don’t give a fuck what the perverts from Playboy say: The Santelli Rant was NOT staged.

Rick has been railing against the out of control spending for ages. To suggest that it was staged, by evil doing right wingers is, well, disingenuous and reeks of plain ol’ vanilla left wing propaganda. No offense to left wingers of course.

“The Fly” despises both left and right wingers equally, some more equally than others, of course.

I mean, really, just because Rick made mention of a “Chicago Tea Party” should not, in any way, negate or minimize all of his valid points, which in fact are 100% consistent with his previous CNBC rants.

Fuck off Playboy. I hope you die and your stock goes to below zero. It’s worth noting, The PPT ranks PLA a strong fucking sell.

May your pervert mansion get foreclosed on and Hefner fall off a cliff, him and that stupid robe.

Indeed.

How am I doing so far?

UPDATE: Watch out for your brains.

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First off, many thanks and praise to those of you who took the leap of faith and subscribed to iBankCoin’s Godly premium service. May one thousand pleasantries of whores be thrusted upon your person.

On a very private level, “The Fly” enjoyed all sorts of victories this week, from wins in SWHC, RGR, GLW to outright triumphs in DUG/ERY.

Truth be told, on the eyes of Jupiter, I am up more than 14% year to date, with today’s perfect moves. My timing has been much better than Woodshedder’s and leagues better than all of you combined. During this weekend, “The Fly” intends to celebrate his wins, via cowboy cut ribs eyes, a little fine aged red and a small plate of Gruyere cheese.

GE is a piece of dog shit. God willing, they shall go into receivership, effectively disconnecting those wretched women on CNBC from the world.

In closing, I cannot stress enough how much I despise XOM and all of the fund managers who are long it. Moreover, I intend to dispatch such said characters, without remorse, over the coming weeks.

At the time of this post, HORATIO CLAWHAMMER was short FRT, ESS and a small quantity of CPT.

I just wanted to inform you good people, regarding the present and future condition of the Exxon Mobile corporation. Our new, valiant, leader intends to tax the Exxom Mobile corporation, so that bountiful resources may be redirected towards soup lines and incarcerated men in need of sex changes.

With the stock under $70, it runs the risk of being “rolled on,” by frightful fund managers, who already face enormous redemptions this quarter. Essentially, a large majority of big funds froze client assets last quarter, in an effort to save themselves from being placed on the unemployment line.

Well, well, that stratagem did not work out as expected, particularly since the market, in an odd sort of way, APE RAPED those very same client accounts to the tune of another 20%, thus far in 2009.

So, look forward, within weeks, to yet another arduous round of deleveraging at some of our biggest and worst asset management firms. Moreover, look forward to those asshats liquidating very large blocks of XOM, effectively negating XOM‘s current and criminal share repurchase program.

My play is DUG/ERY

Fuck you CNBC for openly asking if “we are near a bottom” again. These people are asslicking morons. They have lost the average Joe billions of dollars with their sophistry.

As for our government:

With today’s C deal, they just booked a quick 10 figure loss. Those assholes have no idea how to trade stocks. Here they are, buying C, BAC, WFC, JPM, amongst others, losing money hand over fist. What those motherfuckers should be doing is subscribing to The PPT, in order to watch “The Fly” trade.

With the market bouncing here, I am feeling somewhat rambunctious, full of life and vigor, if you will.

Regarding my commercial Re and oil shorts, let them eat cake. I do not mind if they trade down a little, for my new focus is on other things, such as CY, GLW, WNR and JRJC. I’ll have you know, “The Fly” has been to the future and it does not look very good for the likes of XOM and CVX. Eventually, my DUG/ERY positions will reward me with great victories of mutton festivals and whorish extravaganzas.

Until then, Plutonium Petey will continue to trade like the wind, with sincere intentions of “de-sacking” those of you who trade against him.

Top picks: CY, GLW, WNR, DUG