Just Probing

Let me clarify my new position, especially for some of you misfits.

My new 10% [[TLT]] position is a probe of sorts, as well as a hedge. Instead of selling short, my [[TLT]] position offers protection against a down-trending equity market, since it (TLT) ebbs to its (the market) flow. My downside is 2 points max. Should I lose more than 2 points, I will book the loss. In short, this is a VERY LOW BETA play; however, it is a better alternative to cash. Before you go out “imaginating” that I am wearing burlap shoes, getting ready to jump in the FAZmobile, remember I am still NET LONG. Like those CAPS, fuckface?

I want the market to rip higher, knocking out the teeth of shorts. I’m just exercising a bit of caution here, after a well deserved reprieve.

Top longs include Flotek Industries, Inc. [[FTK]] , Nucor Corporation [[NUE]] , POSCO (ADR) [[PKX]] , SandRidge Energy Inc. [[SD]] , Jarden Corporation [[JAH]] and U.S. Global Investors, Inc. [[GROW]] . All in all, I am trying to avoid moving down in lock-step with the indices. If the market shoots higher, so be it. Instead of making a “boatload” of money, I will settle for a small pinto’s worth. To be honest, from time to time, money management gets boring. I like to change things up a bit, think outside the box.

Do unorthodox shit from time to time. Life smiles upon those who slaughter the sheep.

Just kidding. I just love to make up insane titles and get people all excited over nothing.

I sold some more Nucor Corporation [[NUE]] and completely eradicated my Vimpel-Communications (ADR) [[VIP]] position. During market uncertainty, the last thing I need is fucking retarded Russian stocks.

Oh, and I’ve been buying 1-2k share blocks of [[TLT]] all morning, under $89.30. I will buy it until I am blue in the face, or until I have my 10%.

You nerdtrons are about to be blown away, by way of a very arduous March. Let’s call it “madness,” just for the sake of naming it something. I am fairly certain, in my head, that we are due for a dip. If your 2010 investment experience is following a path similar to mine (up +12% to -5% back to +9%), you have to take profits here, unless of course your brains are made from shit.

Sell the dollar weakness and eat a large bowl of chocolate ice cream— you fat fuckers. On a side note, I have no respect for fat folks.

With my money, I have decided to LOAD THE FUCK UP on treasuries, via [[TLT]] . Starting, right fucking now, I am allocating 10% of my assets into [[TLT]] , leaving my asset allocation model at 43% cash, 47% equities and 10% treasuries. Also, it’s worth noting, I do have corporate and municipal bond exposure, but that’s of no interest to any of you—since you are ham and eggers and you do not have respect for “the money.”

In short, I expect the market to pullback, as drunken leprechauns scurry about looking for pots filled with gold—near homosexual rainbows. However, at the moment, I do not have any plans to sell short—at least not yet.

Stay tuned.

A final word on the non-important topic of people with opposable thumbs versus those with a medulla oblongata.

On a separate note, I am split between my conspiracy theories of the Fed orchestrating “forced demand” for treasuries and the obvious printing of “magic money.” I realize there is no middle ground and only one side will win. Despite the amount of money being tossed into flaming barrels of garbage, I cannot help but to think about the pending treasury auctions and how they will be received, 1 to 3 years out.

For the moment, I like cash and/or a pair trade between [[TLT]] and [[GLD]] . I just haven’t discovered the appropriate balance yet.

UPDATE: Over the weekend, I learned all there is to know about technical analysis. Enjoy the fruits of my labor.

[[TLT]]

Despite today’s non-reaction, I believe the Fed is trying to funnel us fuckers into Treasuries, via shaking up the equity markets. Let’s be serious: there is no real inflation. The economy is still bleeding out jobs and most of the commodity push can be attributed to dollar weakness. The Fed wants you to sell stocks and roll into [[TLT]] . Let’s see how that pans out, over the next few weeks. With my money, I will chill the fuck out and wait for my kills. I sold a little more today, upping my cash position to 53%. I don’t have an interest to go short, just yet. However, I am intrigued by a [[TLT]] -gold pair trade.

Eat well and drink profusely.

UPDATE: New Wall Street 2 Trailer

I sold out 25% of my Nucor Corporation [[NUE]] position, north of $44.70 and all of my Petroleo Brasileiro SA (ADR) [[PBR]] , north of $42.70.

Real trading, son. No training wheels.

Nothing keeps a fishy market down is today’s lesson. After all, the market is not real anyway. It’s all Alice in Wonderland bullshit, buoyed by men in black suits and thick mustaches. Nevertheless, I remain 50% “all in.”

It appears Schlumberger Limited [[SLB]] will acquire Smith International, Inc. [[SII]] for a nice little premium. On any dip, I am long the oil and gas equipment space in size. Now, I won’t be in said names for .13 cents or a little more than 5 minutes. I will be long said names until winship is abundantly clear, sort of like how I rolled with Sears Holdings Corporation [[SHLD]] , Green Mountain Coffee Roasters Inc. [[GMCR]] , Cummins Inc. [[CMI]] etc. The list, mind you, goes on and on and on. Weatherford International Ltd. [[WFT]] is at the top of my buy list.

Which brings me to the important topic of day trading. If you thought technical analysis was reserved for mentally handicapped people, well then, day trading is the exclusive practice of lemon wedge creators aka “the bottom of the proverbial investor barrel.” Back in the old days, when I was trying to find out who I was as an investor (crying profusely), I’d buy and sell stocks on an intra-day basis, hoping to make something out of myself. I’d leverage my account to the hilt and go long XYZ @ $30, then quickly blow the fuck out @ $30.13, as if I had a gorilla brain. As time went by, I realized “hey, what the fuck! I am spinning my wheels.” Shortly thereafter, I became hellbent focused on dispatching my enemies, via short squeezes, all thanks and praise to the fire in my gut and the blackness of my heart.

In short, the market is fishy and I want no part of it, at the moment. I am not missing out “per se,” since I am “half in.” Let the news permeate the small minds of the gorilla brained public, prior to making large investments.

After the bell, the Fed “Pearl Harbored” the market, raising the discount rate to 0.75%.

Yesterday, the IMF announced they will sell gold.

What does the conspiracy theorist in me think?

They are trying to devalue the euro versus the dollar, in order to lessen their (PIGS) debt burden. By strengthening the dollar, equity markets will struggle, funneling investors into Treasuries.

As the Chinese pull out of Treasury investments, U.S. asset managers plow in, filling the void.

A win-win for Government motherfuckers. Indeud.

Never doubt the power of the hybrid. Ever.

So, let me get this straight. The government owns GM and NOW Toyota Motor Corporation (ADR) [[TM]] makes shitty cars? What an odd coincidence. Hmm, I wonder if this is some sort of nefarious government plot, to trick people into buying their piece of shit cars? Either way, I rather die in a foreign car, than live in an American one.

Keep your eyes on Bucyrus International, Inc. [[BUCY]] going into earnings. They are a great tell on Chinese economic growth. Judging by the recent news out of AK Steel Holding Corporation [[AKS]] , pointing towards a 4% inventory build, my guess, Bucyrus International, Inc. [[BUCY]] blows the fucking barnyard doors off estimates.

Due to my over-sized cash position, I only made 1% today. How sad. However, the good news, I am virtually stress free at work now. If I wanted to, I could order 100 paid pizzas and send them to Howard Lindzon’s office. Or, I could partake in a number of other clever rouses, concocted by men with deep pockets and boring lives. One thing is for sure, it will take a lot of will power to keep this investment cowardice going into next week.

As I wait for the dip, I will roam my office, dressed in full Teutonic Knight armor, while slamming battle axes on the desks of pikers.

Top picks: Nucor Corporation [[NUE]] , Flotek Industries, Inc. [[FTK]]

After all of my selling, Nucor Corporation [[NUE]] is my biggest position left standing, followed by Flotek Industries, Inc. [[FTK]] . It is killing me, just sitting here watching shit fly off the shelves. I am tempted to go “full retard” long this market, while drinking Monster Energy soda out of diamond encrusted chalices—kicking old men in wheelchairs down idle elevator shafts. However, I have a plan and must stick to it, else I am nothing more than a “Think or Sink” investor.

Swiss Francs are oversold, via [[FXF]] . I don’t give a shit how much those Swiss fuckers sell. That currency is due for a bounce.

Oil is looking dreamy. My largest position in the space is Petroleo Brasileiro SA (ADR) [[PBR]] .

For the year, I am up a little more than 8%. My goal is to return 20%, year in, year out. It’s important to remember, we’re in February, assholes. Relax, chill the fuck out and go eat a bag of pork rinds.

UPDATE: Bull vs. Bears