Only 850 Points to Go

You fuckers are out of your minds, getting long ahead of a June jobs number. Didn’t you assholes see the crisis unravel in May and June? Logic dictates, as business owners read the headlines coming out of Europe, they were tentative about bulking up the work force. Now that we have reengaged sanity, I expect the market to do nothing less than shatter into one thousand different pieces aka “fall by 1,000 points” from yesterday’s close. It’s not that big a deal, in the whole scheme of things. Plus anyway, most of you are hardly managing any money at all. You certainly will not miss it when it is gone.

As for me, I harbor a high level of disdain and resentment for this market. When I look at my screen, I do not laugh or cry. Actually, aside from the occasional sneer, I am emotionless when it comes to investing. My wife calls me catatonic. I believe I am preparing for the after-life.

On a personal level, I am making some money today; but expect to make a great deal more in the  days and weeks to come. Let me remind you how awful the month of September is for investors. Could you imagine how befuddled investors will become, following a 1,000 point rally—when the whole cake starts to crumble—during the time of year (Fall) when stock market crashes are most prevalent? Why, it’s almost worth paying to see.

I hope you understand now: the recovery of the U.S. economy is nothing more than a sham. While it’s true, earnings are robust and commodity prices have risen, there are counter-balances, such as your house, your electronics, clothes and other discretionary items that are enduring margin erosion.

In closing, you should all rejoice, for Senor Tropicana did it again, despite all of your ill wills and flagrant comments; I spit on your person.

You were going for a stroll, talking on your iPhone to your fucking faggot friends, while sipping on a cup of hot latte, when some guy ran past you and snatched your fucking chain off your neck—sending you face first to the ground,  jaw first.

That was Mr. Market, if you are curious to know.

Off to fuck with my yard.

I am about to mock you, so be on-guard.

Now that we got the ol’ jobs thing out of the way, we, as a nation, can now focus on quantitative easing, part II.  This way, we can shovel even more money into the banks’ vaults that will boomerang right back into Treasuries, keeping rates at historical rates. The unfortunate caveat to those low rates: you can’t have them. Look but don’t touch. Taste but don’t bite.

Nevertheless, the stock market has other things to focus on, other than stupid jobs. Who on Wall Street needs a job anyway? Hell, last I checked, I was still working. So what some guy in Detroit is living off a bag of rice per month. All that matters is quantitative easing, part II. Do you think I give a shit about some hobo fishing for food out of the Harlem River?

QUANTITATIVE EASING PART II, you cocksuckers.

It’s no surprise to me to see stocks rally off the lows, thanks to all of the fervor built up for QEII. As soon as I saw the jobs numbers, which by the way confirms we are nowhere near recovery, I was tempted to dump my longs. But then I got to thinking about how no one gives a shit about poor people without work and how this would be a pleasant excuse to help the banks out a little more. So, I decided to keep my longs.

Whew, that was a good idea.

As we speak, the market is down 30 and my VXX is flat. My overnight hedge, FAZ, is up 20 cents and sinking. However, none of that shit matters, people.

In all seriousness, the recovery is dead, regardless of what people tell you. The stock market should drop like a stone here; but I am afraid people are thinking band-aids cure cancer. With my money, I still like the hedged approach, especially on a slow Friday in August.

UPDATE: Buying FAZ on dips.

I bought another 20,000 FAZ in the $13.40’s

Poof! You’re fucking recovery has vanished!

-Merlin

I am calling it a day here, having had my fill today with horrendous losses in SD. Aside from that, the market is frozen here, ahead of tomorrow’s numbers. Aside from dumping SD, I added to SWN today. That’s it. My VXX, GLW, WTI, FTK ensemble of stocks are busy playing “Red light, Green light 123,” stiff as a dead beaver here. And, the rest of my positions are throwing out false signals and retarded head fakes. Essentially, the stage is set for some serious volatility tomorrow.

Once again, just to impersonate a broken record, I believe the risk is decidedly to the downside, which is why I bought FAZ. Buying here for a quick 30 points is pointless, since you can lose 270 tomorrow. So, do yourself a favor and be happy with the bed you have made and lie in it.

I bought a few blocks of FAZ ahead of tomorrow’s FAZtarded employment data. It’s not like I give a fuck about the numbers. However, if they are SD-like horrific, the market will fall 300, no more, no less. With the sale of SD, my cash position is back above 40%. I will likely leave it around these levels, until I get back from my La Jolla trip in late August. As I get older, my appetite for risk is abating. Plus anyway, with stocks like SD publicly traded, I’m better off parking my cash in money markets.

Did you know U.S. money market funds have nearly doubled their exposure to European debt? How quaint.

I understand, from an inside source of mine, the engineers at SD are all she-males, each and every one of them. On Halloween, Sandridge is represented quite extravagantly in NYC’s “village Halloween parade” aka “Gay-Day.”

Back to business:

I am hoping for the market to pullback in a significant way, so that I could allocate some cash. If it doesn’t, I guess I will have to accept the fact the Jakegint was right and I was wrong, sort of like that GMCR versus GLD battle, but in reverse.

NOTE: I added to my SWN position.

I sold all of my SD and feel a lot better since doing so.

Off to buy the CEO a burial plot.

Do you really think I give a shit about advertisers? Wait until my ad guy takes a look at this title; he will stroke the fuck out. Frankly, as opposed to being entirely disingenuous and a bold faced liar, I do not care. While it’s true, the ad revenues from iBC affords Woodshedder and Co. with shiny new fiddles and turkeys for Thanksgiving, my heart is as black as coal.

Let me give you school girls a fucking lesson, at my expense, regarding stocks and how they can rip your face off. NEVER EVER hold a stock that annoys you. Forget about percentage loss/gain. If the fucking stock pisses you off, sell it 10 ways till Sunday. Call the CEO up and tell him to go fuck a fire hydrant, then sell the shares twice over. Hell, short the stock, then take out full sized ads in the NYT’s exclaiming the undeniable facts about the CEO being a full blown transvestite.

I am talking about my “super-sized” fuck you, you’re dead position in SD. Good ol’ Sandridge did it again.

Everything was going fine, until those motherfuckers decided to tell the world how fucking gay they are. Instead of wearing pants to their asshole oil/gas wells, those bitches should wear dresses and spend their days kicking each other in the scrotum. I am done waiting for those lying cocksuckers to get it right.

Aside from that, everything is just peachy. My VXX is made of ice. It doesn’t move anymore. And, GLW, SWN, WTI, FTK are on siesta.

I sold out of MMR for small gain.

“I was right today. You were wrong. Ha, ha, ha!”

That’s the life of an internet stock swinger. In the real world, if you said that to someone in the real business, they’d either look at you up and down, or offer to break your jaw for you. Don’t think you are doing anything special, just because you called the market for a day, or a week. For the love of car bombs and arsenic cocktails, I’ve been banging down doors for over a decade now, both professionally and personally. So, before you offer counsel to yours truly, put things in perspective.

Most of the top hedge fund managers are down for the year. Some of the CNBC favorites, like Einhorn or that Pershing Square fucker,are swinging their small dicks across single digit gains.

Put things in perspective.

Are you in this for grand slams, or to build wealth over an extended period of time? Moreover, if you chose the latter, do you have contingency plans to protect gains? Or, do you paint yourself in the Ned Riley “bullish as fuck for 30 years and counting” camp? Wipe the fucking smirk off your face; you’re not that good.

Commentary is not necessary. You know where I stand. I sold out of TZA, due to shadows near my favorite urinal. However, it’s worth noting, one of those shadows did look like Jakegint. And, I added to WTI, in a pretty big way.

Be well, or not.