iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
23,436 Blog Posts

A Zerohedged X-Mas

Forget about receiving presents this holiday season. The banks are going to zero and you’re all gonna fucking die. The bears will die too; but they will do so happy, knowing their short positions were squirting higher. In the big scheme of things, today is everything. There has never been a more important time in western finance than now. Feel solace in knowing you got fucked when capitalism failed.

That being said, the cocksuckers in Europe aren’t practicing capitalism. Instead, they favour [sic] communism, led by men with big ears and bald heads.

Without further adieu, I am pleased to announce BAC is now trading under $5. I yearn for the day when it trades to $00.00, effectively wiping out the savings accounts of every single American. Berkshire Hathaway will force BAC to issue new shares. The whole game is rigged and Warren is the devil.

Into the final minutes of trade, I expect losses to be felt in a wide array of sectors, FUCKING any and all inflationistas. Effectively, Jim Rogers is having his skull fucked for him, long all of the shit that goes down. Hey, in other news, DECK is now a “store of value,” as bitches buy up the fury boots with great fervor and tenacity. After all, the weather is rather chilly in NYC today, in-fucking-deud.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I92FuSNiTi4

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62 comments

  1. FrankWhite

    Fury boots, I want a pair of those. Good for kicking people down open manholes.

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  2. Luv2Gambool

    in-fucking-deud

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  3. Mr. Cain Thaler

    Have no fear for Jim Rogers, for he is safely preserving his wealth in Chinese farm land, which has been GUARANTEED to return investment by bureaucrats.

    That China is ground zero of the fall of the West should not deter you from saving yourselves, via locking up all your net wealth into highly illiquid markets in foreign nationalist governments that have zero respect for property rights.

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    • xmas3

      chinese lap dog, with a bow tie. he’d own farmland in the us,but you’d have to pay someone to work though,fuck,at 25 cents an hour opaa. fuckk him, chink coal for him

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  4. Yogi & Boo Boo

    It just keeps getting better, doesn’t it?

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  5. asteroids

    I have seen picture of the devil and I have seen pictures of Warren Buffet. I have never seen a picture of them together. Therefore Warren Buffet must be the devil.

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  6. xmas3

    fuck warren buffet, for i shall drop copious amounts of needles and resin all over his floors whilst sticking branches up his ass, while my puts spooge all over his bac charger filled with burnt squawb. and coal for the rest of his spread. hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha remember this christmas indeed,it shall be your worst.

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  7. moolahheaven

    Dear ‘Fly’, you sir are formally invited to my ‘armeggedon BBQ’ here in beautiful in Israel, at Har Meggido (mount Meggido) the namesake of doomsday. We will catapult launch commie cocksuckers and larcenous lenders from the Euro-fag region as the world ends. No top hat’s or tails necessary, but please bring a hat and riding crop as I will be on the white horse (‘conquest’) of the apocalypse, you may have your choice of either ‘war’ or ‘death’ -my girlfriend and her (lack of) cooking already have famine…

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  8. Trading_Nymph

    Just what I wanted for Christmas!!

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  9. Bleached asshole

    Actually, I think the Euro-trach are practicing depressionism. I hope the Germans enjoy it!

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  10. xxxHuggieBearxxx

    Well, even though I moved to a buy and hold investing approach 55% invested in stocks, I went ahead and hedged 1/3 of that exposure at the close tonight. Things don’t feel right. Feels very 2008ish.

    I will hedge more next week if we get any sort of bounce.

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  11. panamaorange

    This Romney surge in the polls should, in theory, help XLF banks out here. He still receives income from bain capital. And they are DEEP tied in with the major banks.

    http://intrade.com/v4/markets/contract/?contractId=652757

    Almost 70% chance, now

    Still see a “dead cat bounce” to SPY 124 soon. Possibly as high as 125 by Christmas. But, after that, best bulls can hope for is chop. If we can bounce out of the multiple 30 min descending wedges,in many Euro and US banks, XLF should squeeze to 13$+ this week,or next

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    • riggedgame

      Romney has been hand-picked from day one by the monied globalists. This GOP primary “Kabuki Theater” is simply to convince the moronic American public we really do have a fair primary system.

      In their zeal to promote a “bum of the month”
      the Republicans fucked up by letting Newt
      get poll numbers that were too high – and they had to scramble ass to trash him before he upset their applecart.

      Just another fuckup in the fucked up American political system. Gimme Finland any day.

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  12. Ivan

    I thought I was a mean guy but now I know: there is even worse!

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  13. dffapa

    This is Germany’s WWIII…..via the ECB. Those stubborn fuckers will let it all go down the rabbit hole and buy it back later.

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  14. kcscott

    ” The banks are going to zero and you’re all gonna fucking die. The bears will die too; but they will do so happy, knowing their short positions were squirting higher ”

    Thanks Fly – I badly needed that laugh

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  15. Bullish

    I’m heading straight back to the mall this afternoon to return “Just Dance 3”.

    When my kids ask, Why didn’t Santa come this year? I will respond, “The devil killed him.”

    Then I will make them a nice ice cream cone as a consolation prize, Warren Buffett style.

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  16. Frog Playing a Colorful Accordion
    Frog Playing a Colorful Accordion

    Well, Communism effed up because when you say “From each according to his abilities, to each according to his needs” then all of a sudden everyone claims to have a lot of needs and no abilities.

    Capitalism effed up because it requires a government. We don’t have a government in the U.S. What we call a government, is just a mechanism for crony capitalists to give money and privileges to their friends in the military and medical industrial complexes and to other mega- corporations.

    That Supreme Court ruling on how corporations are people is interesting. Corporations are coddled and treated as far superior to people here, at least mega-corporations. But if you have a small business, then you’re on your own.

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    • Jakegint

      That’s called fascism, that’s not capitalism.

      And your bony boy 0bama is the king of the cronies in that world.

      __________

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  17. London

    re: AT&T.. How can it cost $4 Billion to NOT do something?? If it was me, I could decide not to buy T-Mobile for about the cost of the ham sandwich needed to think it over.

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  18. Damon

    This is following Kyle Bass’s Hayman Capital letter to a T.

    The ECB will wait for defaults, prior to printing money and buying Euro bonds.

    I can see the banks calling in all the real estate loans, etc.

    England has even set up a repatriation
    hotline:

    http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/politics/2011/12/19/evacuation-plan-for-brits-in-spain-amid-warning-euro-collapse-coud-leave-them-stranded-115875-23645721/

    Nasty.

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    • Po Pimp

      How about this instead for stranded British tourists?

      Tell them things are bad and they better get their ass home now while there’s still a chance. If you don’t come back and things go to shit, have fun on your swim.

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  19. Spy007

    The banks will fail because there are no real jobs in the USA.

    All the jobs have gone to slave labour counties thanks to large corporations who have paid off our government.

    Europe is just the first to fall and so will Canada and the USA.

    It’s a easy fix just tax the hell out of imports that are from slave nations. Ie china india pretty much anyone who pays less than 5usd per hr.

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    • Damon

      Spy-

      You CAN’T DO THAT!

      That would be considered protectionism, and the progressive left will just not have it!

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  20. Edwin

    The in thing is for women to shave off all their short hair to expose their smooth fortune cookies while wanting to put on some furs and leathers (shoes).

    will not talk very much for a round of stock capitulation from here.

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  21. TraderCaddy

    And speaking of McDonalds here is a video of a customer throwing her order back through the drive-thru.
    I am short it wasn’t a Mcrib because that is some good eatin’.

    http://youtu.be/ZXm66z8y_VA

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    • TraderCaddy

      “sure” and I was “short” MCD on a trade today.
      Freudian slip.

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    • Nice

      Wow, look at the comments on that video. I didn’t think that kind of hatred was so freely expressed anymore.

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      • TraderCaddy

        I didn’t even read the comments until you mentioned them.
        I thought comments get disabled when they get “out of hand.”
        I guess not.

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  22. dumas

    dear people that watch cnbc and kramer and other financial drivel, do they call out bac under $5? do they call it a “cheap” stock at these levels. is it a buy-buy-buy? or a bye-bye-bye. it will be interesting to watch the tape for bac over the next few weeks. even now, robots from outer space are trying to pump up the volume of the Buffet of America Corp.

    enjoy:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eGPhUr-T6UM

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  23. xmas3

    hey,you foken took away gold and sil from le market centre.GET IT THE FUCK BACK

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  24. fake amish

    market is about to rip. the pikers of ibank are all worn out. or maybe just drunk early. the fly dont give a fuck 75% long. the senator is buyin. the fool likes the tape(crazy style). market is about to rip.

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  25. Here comes Santa

    Tomorrow starts the holiday rally. Would love some early downside to wash out the last weak hands.

    Don’t know how far we get, but we are at least 2-3% higher than today by end of the week.

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    • Jakegint

      Tomorrow morning will be a gold buying day that would make Yukon Cornelius himself weep into his frozen maroon moustaches.

      ________

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  26. Damon

    From here on out, let the banks fail.

    Start with the ones that haven’t paid back tarp, seize them and sell off the assets, bondholders be damned.

    The others, can fail like any other f-king business.

    The ECB might be on to something telling them to f-off and go into default over in the Euro-trash-zone.

    We can call this new idea “monetary reality”

    BAC to $3.89 by end of January.

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    • fake amish

      good luck thinkin the bondholders are fucked. never gonna happen. bondholders are the market. think about it.

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      • Damon

        I keep hearing about these Greek bondholder’s being forced to take haircuts…did that not work out well?

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  27. JTU

    Another day, another 2.5% less in my portfolio! Where do we go from here?

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  28. JTU

    The pattern for about the last week has been market highs in the morning followed by a sell off throughout the day. The Artists are just jerkin with us.

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    • skyfish

      The Artists?

      Who exactly is that? Are they the men with big ears and bald heads that Fly referred to?

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  29. Damon

    I seemed to have unwittingly picked a great time to change brokerages.

    The time of settlement, and transferring funds (with the associated delays), and I been out of the game for almost a week.

    I hope OptionsHouse is a good broker, they got Barron’s 2011 best pick. $3.95/trade.

    Bye bye for now, TDAmeritrade!

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  30. dave

    We get a bounce just like every other time… until we don’t

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  31. Jakegint

    LOL, Fly did you see this?

    Your NYC Sanitation Nazis are at it again!

    _______

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  32. MCPJ

    ??ADIEU??

    ONLY THE COMMIES IN EUROPE END THEIR WORDS WITH VOWELS?? ARE YOU INVOLVED IN ALL OF THIS??

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