Jeff Bezos is Now Richer Than Warren Buffett

The Lord Sith has surpassed Warren Buffett and his dated portfolio of old economy companies, all the while taking a chainsaw to the retail industry en masse. His net wealth now stands at a paltry $65 billion, hardly enough money to fund the annual military budget of China.

Congratulations Jeff Bezos. You’ve come a long way from some asshole selling books from the basement of your mother’s cellar.

Let’s digest these numbers, shall we?

The company missed on both top and bottom lines. Their revenues plunged by 16% over last year. Comps were down 23% v expectations of 20%. Food costs increased 110bps. Yet, in spite of all this, the company continues to leverage into a bad business model by opening more stores. They’ll open another 230 stores for all of 2016, all the while people ignore their shops as denizens of poison.

• Reports Q2 (Jun) earnings of $0.87 per share, $0.03 worse than the Capital IQ Consensus of $0.90; revenues fell 16.6% year/year to $998.4 mln vs the $1.05 bln Capital IQ Consensus.
• Chipotle Mexican Grill reports Q2 comps of -23.6% vs -20.5% ests vs +4.3% last year.
• Q2 Restaurant level operating margin was 15.5%, a decrease from 28.0%. Food costs were 34.2% of revenue, an increase of 110 basis points as compared to
  the second quarter of 2015.
• Guidance: For FY16 management expects the following: 220 – 235 new restaurant openings; An effective full year tax rate of ~38.6%

The stock is actually higher in the after hours, led by crazy people. I suspect analyst will not be as kind in the morning.

It isn’t a disaster. But one needs to ponder how far SBUX can go, when in every city in America there is a sundry of superior, local, coffee shops springing up almost on a daily basis. We are living through the peak coffee days. BEHOLD.

“Starbucks record Q3 performance, highlighted by strong 7% comp growth and record revenues and profits in China and 18% year-over-year growth in our Starbucks Rewards loyalty program, demonstrates the strength and resilience of the Starbucks brand and business around the world,” said Starbucks chairman and ceo Howard Schultz. “As we enter Q4 and approach fiscal 2017, we have clear line of sight to returning our U.S. business to historic levels of comp sales growth which had been at or above 5% for the 25 consecutive quarters prior to Q3.”

“Starbucks third quarter results once again reflect strong revenue and profit growth and represent the first non-holiday quarter in which our operating income exceeded $1 billion,” said Scott Maw, cfo. “We are confident in the correctness of the str$SBUXategic, operational and digital moves we outlined today and remain steadfast in our commitment to deliver significant, profitable growth over the long term.”

SBUX met earnings expectations, but missed on revenues by $100 million.

Reports Q3 (Jun) earnings of $0.49 per share, in-line with the Capital IQ Consensus of $0.49; revenues rose 7.3% year/year to $5.24 bln vs the $5.34 bln Capital IQ Consensus.
Comp Store Sales rise 4% globally (Expectations were for approx 5.2-5.6%)
Non-GAAP operating margin expanded 30 basis points over Q3 FY15 non-GAAP, to a Q3 record 19.8%
Co issues in-line guidance for Q4, sees EPS of $0.54-0.55 vs. $0.55 Capital IQ Consensus Estimate.
Co issues in-line guidance for FY16, sees EPS of $1.88-1.89 vs. $1.89 Capital IQ Consensus Estimate.
Full year consolidated revenue growth now expected to be approximately 10% on a 52 week basis (from 10%+), the 53rd week expected to add approximately 2%
Full year global comparable store sales growth now expected to be mid-single digits (from somewhat above mid-single digits)
Now expecting approximately 1,900 net new store openings in the fiscal year
FY16 operating margin is expected to increase slightly versus prior year:
Americas: now expected to increase slightly over prior year (from moderate improvement)
China/Asia Pacific: now expected to increase slightly over prior year (from roughly flat)
EMEA: now expected to be flat to prior year (from approaching 15%)
Channel Development: now expect strong expansion versus prior year (from moderate improvement)

The stock is off 5% in the after hours.

Jeff Currie from Goldman Sachs doesn’t want to rock the boat. He likes gold, but doesn’t really like it. He thinks crude can trade a little higher, but there are near term risks to the downside. Any cursory research would tell Jeff that these ball-less calls are meaningless. We both know volatility is abundant in the commodity sector. There isn’t a chance in red hell that they will remain range bound for the next 6-12 months.

A reckoning is coming. Either crude explodes to the upside, leaving a trail of dead bears strewn in his wake, or it’s going to collapse again–amidst the fury of the flames that have been stoked for the better part of the past twenty years of corporatism.

Ho-hum. The market will need to go down by one thousand to get me interested in end of days scenarios again. Most of us are too busy trying to figure out where Hillary Clinton is hiding her 666 tattoo, than whether or not stocks are fully fucking valued at 19x earnings. The whole risk off portfolio convoy of ideas is working in harmonious synchrony now. The Yen is lifting. WTI is down. Bonds are lifting, as well as gold and utility stocks.

On the other end of the see-saw is stocks. Airlines are dreadfully lower. Perhaps people are starting to get the gist that islamic terrorism is something that is accelerating and they’re opting for more road trips? Doubtful.

The truth is, sadly, very few of you are serious men. You’re mostly face painted clowns, jumping in and out of cars, with attention spans the size of beetles.

Markets are Ted Cruz’n for a bruisn’. Behold the 3:30 ramp, for we are going to destroy it today.

This is an ISIS inspired groups living in the fucking jungles of Brazil, amidst the anaconda and drug addled malcontents. They were having ‘online chats’ with some of the lads in ISIS, getting tips on how to best murder innocent people. They even went to Paraguay, in order to scope out some weapons. Brazilian authorities have arrested them and they will now undergo 10,000 hours of arduous torture.

The group did not have direct contact with IS though some of its members had made “pro forma” declarations of allegiance to the militant Islamist group, the minister said. He did not elaborate.

“Those involved participated in an online group denominated ‘the defenders of Sharia’ and were planning to acquire weapons to commit crimes in Brazil and even overseas,” Moraes told a news conference.

“It was an absolutely amateur cell, with no preparation at all, a disorganized cell,” the minister said, adding that authorities decided to intervene when the group started to plan actions.

He said members of the group had visited a weapons site in neighboring Paraguay that sells AK-47 assault rifles, but there was no evidence they acquired any weapons. Two people will be brought in for questioning, in addition to the 10 already detained, he added.

Interim President Michel Temer had called an emergency cabinet meeting following the arrests, the first under Brazil’s tough new anti-terrorism law approved this year.

The minister said the leader of the group was based in the southern Brazilian city of Curitiba, with others spread in nine Brazilian states.

Savages.

Many years ago in Exodus, back in 2009, I quarantined all stocks from China and dubbed them ‘burritos’–because you never know what you’re gonna get inside.

I’ve always found the orient to be a curious place, especially China. Their stocks are mostly scams, which is a particularly bold statement. I was an early adopter to the Chinese, having taken positions in a sundry of stocks that were domiciled in the great walled nation. I learned the hard way, through the fires, they weren’t worth my time or money.

Today, as the market caresses record highs, Chinese Burritos are running higher, with extreme prejudice.

The shit always floats to the top when we’re just about to flush. Enjoy your lunch, fucked faces.

It’s a $9 million market cap company, with 1.4 mill shares outstanding, higher by 400% today, on no news. Oh, it’s also based out of China.

What can go wrong, buying up at these levels? I can guarantee you this stock is getting to rain bloody fucking hell onto those buying now. I see this is a very actively discussed stock on StockTwits now. You’re all wanton gamblers, degenerate retrogrades of the very first magnitude.

With the recent run in the markets, the Chinese scam artists have been especially active these days. If I were you, I’d avoid this and anything domiciled out of China like the bubonic fucking plague.

Like the data, it’s just getting better. The UBS strategist can totally see the market going higher, because, umm, earnings are going to be flat. I know what you’re thinking ‘why buy into flat earnings, what am I a fucking moron?’ Well, sort of, yeah.

But flat earnings are better than down earnings, so take that.

Also, even though earnings have been flat for 4 consecutive quarters, they’re gonna be up now. So, in other words, take that.

“Essentially, that data has just improved. So post-Brexit, what’s happened? We’ve seen the labor market report improve, we’ve seen the ISM surveys, both manufacturing and nonmanufacturing improve. We’ve seen consumer spending perk up,” he told CNBC’s “Squawk Box.”

And while earnings this season thus far point to “flattish” growth, that is much better than the 6 percent decline in the first quarter, he said.

Asked what happens when analysts raise the bar for earnings, Zirin said valuations are “reasonably good” and “well supported.” So long as economic data continue to improve, the bar will not be raised too high, he added.

Earnings are poised to turn positive after a four-quarter profit recession caused in large part by a protracted oil price rout that badly bruised the energy sector and a U.S. dollar rally that hobbled multinationals, he said.

Also, the UBS guy totally thinks the Fed will hike rates soon. He said something along the lines that if we’re gonna get back to fucking normal, with markets soaring and shit, we’re gonna have to need normal rates. Ok? Like, totally, these rates aren’t fucking normal and that’s really, super, annoying.

Ugh.

What a research department, eh? They add the company to their conviction buy list after they report a blow out quarter.

Hey, I’ve got a prediction. I bet you Ted Cruz won’t endorse Trump. How’s that for balls?

Goldman likes the stocks up to $70, at which point they might scowl at the shares and possibly remove them from their list.

“We see Qualcomm as a powerful mean reversion story over the next year,” Goldman’s Simona Jankowski wrote in a note to clients Thursday.

“We expect revenue growth to accelerate into FY17 as Qualcomm’s share gains at Samsung and with Chinese OEMs overcome share loss in the iPhone (at higher ASPs) and its China royalty collections recover. … With several strong new chipset product cycles Qualcomm has regained leadership at the high end.”

The stock has a ways to go before hitting all time highs. This company has been generally regarded as a has been for the better part of the past 3 years. I’m not particularly sure why they’re all the rage now, following just 1 earnings beat. Nonetheless, the stock is off to the races today, in an otherwise listless tape.