Here is a Man of Sophisticated Thinking, Panache, and Style

***BULLARD SAYS FED SHOULD CONSIDER DELAY IN ENDING QE***

Bear in mind, Bullard is persona non-grata, just like Plosser. But it’s refreshing to know there are men out there looking out for the best interests of the country. We all need a little QE, in order to elevate our standards of living. This whole slogging through the end of QE is tedious, boring, and dangerous for my financial well being. I wish Bullard could enact a coup and violently take over the Federal Reserve, imprison Plosser and Yellen, and commence operation QEIV. But, unfortunately, we live in a ‘democracy’, or ‘republic’ as some of you assholes like to say.

On this news, however, stocks rebounded. Oil and gas plays are bouncing; but I am somewhat reticent to claim victory. It’s been a suckers bet to do so, as the computers are firmly in control of our fate–pushing the market up and down in 30 point increments.

We can only hope, and pray, for a 1,000 point reversal to the upside today, sending VIX instrument products down by at least 50%–leaving many of the bears in tatters amongst their own ruined castles of burlap covered shit.

I got all excited for this shit? Really?

Here I am, finalizing my living will, making preparations for my inter-galactic journey to persei 8, and the market is giving me a milquetoast opening of just -86? Sadly enough, many of my stocks are up. I have little to complain about.

Before I start to wish and fantasize about punishing the social misfits, who have been buying VIX instrument products, I want to remind you that nothing is what it seems. The drop in crude, the rise in volatility, the wars, pestilence, famine, it’s all 100% shit.

Dennis Gartman entered the arena this morning, warning of a long bear market. Corrections are always accompanied by a distinct sense of doom that infects the minds of investors. More often than not, the market is not in a bear market. These corrections pass and stocks are judged by their earnings, not by some idiot on the television raking in the tea leaves with a shit covered shovel.

The low probability trade is to crash. The high probability trade, based off recent history, is for a full market recovery. I know that seems foreign to you, almost ridiculous. But this is the only thing left worth fighting for in America. The central banks know that to have a bear market is to invite another credit crisis. Measures will be taken to stem and reflate any semblance of deflation. At the moment, deflationary pressures are front and center.

Wade through the bullshit and try to look over the horizon.

I want the market to crash.

I went to sleep at around 4am, with the futures up around 7. When I woke up, around 6:30, after a full night’s rest, they were down 31 handles–80 NASDAQS lower. Europe is vomiting up their porridge and oil continues lower, as the oil men from the Bakken prepare to go back to their former jobs at Wal-mart. The oil boom in the United States is over. This pretty much tops off a splendid administration, one that ushered in an era of psychotic violence and radicalism, bankrupted coal, and now will oversee the complete annihilation and destruction of the shale industry.

The big winners, over these past 6 years, have been the lunatics running about the middled east chopping heads off in the name of Allah.

Will someone please tell those fucking idiots that God isn’t an actual person, but instead an ideal to hold over the heads of the insecure to establish order?

No one will be able to save you today. The robots have gone rogue and will execute you into oblivion. Your remains will be liquidated and reinserted back into the matrix. The retail investor, as we know it, will be cordoned off and thrusted into exile in a place called Zion. This isn’t a market for the faint of heart, gents. Do not trouble your wives with the losses. Instead, focus on your business and simply replace the money that you lost with new money. If, by chance, you aren’t able to earn new money, due to decrepit aging or a level of stupidity that leaves you without income, move into a housing project.

As for me, I will probably lose my marbles today. I can sense the nervous energy building in me, like a tidal wave of frenzied violence waiting to escape.

About 30 minutes ago, that Fed guy, Plosser, suggested that we “raise rates immediately.” For the love of devils, what the fuck is that man smoking? Someone should just stone him, or operate on his brains to see what makes a person criminally insane. There isn’t any justification for higher rates, especially since the world is jam-boxed into a deflationary vortex.

Listen folks, this is it. It’s all over. The end is now.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UESWN–L43Q

Who are these people buying VIX instruments? And when did these people actually believe they were solid long term holds?

For the sake of balance and zen for the planet and perhaps inter-stellar life, the market must rally here and severely and thoroughly punish those who are long VXX. Listen to me: I am a person with vast and extensive credibility in this devilish product. I’ve made and lost oceans of money in them and know they are the design of hell on earth itself. Whatever you think is going to happen, 1 million deaths due to Ebola, 100,000 heads severed by ISIS, VXX will not win.

Let me put it to you this way. VXX is like that kid from the old neighborhood who always tripped and fell on his elbows when playing tag. He had to run home to mom, dripping blood and tears, because his shoelaces caused him to fall.

Folks, I promise you this: if you over-stay your welcome in VXX, you are going to trip and fall right out of the fucking window, onto your elbows, from 100 stories high.

YOU’VE BEEN WARNED.

Epic reversal today.

All day I was on the Twitter, luring bears into my cabin. Around 3pm, I left said cabin and detonated 3 tonnes of nitroglycerin in it. The market reversed lads. Go home to your wives and demand that she make you some stew, and to pour you a pint. This is a day of celebration, a day in which you’ve dodged the executioner and danced all the way home drunk as a skunk.

We trade higher from here, in a classic V shape formation.

Truth be told, I had placed an order to sell 30,000 shares of TRN at the very lows of the day, down about 8.5% for the session. I yanked the order before confirming it because I wanted to capsize across the rocks. Sometimes my fatalistic mentality has its advantages.

In other news, I have proof that we are living in the end of days, at least from America’s standpoint.

Ultimately, we’re all dead men.

It’s time for you to die. The clerks are coming and they are now going to blow out your accounts. Listen to the burlap’d bearshitters, for they know the future and are leaders of an emerging industry of pain and destruction.

We trade down 700 by the close, as Janet Yellen knits a new shawl, while popping butterscotch candies.

Everything is falling apart. We are at the lows of the day and I knew this would happen. Did I do anything about it? Of course not. Deep down, I must enjoy losing large sums of money during fucked up times of plague, war and famine.

There is ZERO chances of a late day rally, even my utilities are getting crushed. This is the day that tips the scale. The massive losses endured by hedge funds who were long Shire is laughable, and well deserved. They’ve had it good for too long.

Apparently, ebola is the biggest medical scare in the past 10,000 years. Millions of people are going to die from it and all of us should heed caution and be wearing hazmat suits at all times.

I realize you want the market to bounce. I know your losses are harrowing and you don’t know what to do. That’s too bad. I’ve accepted my fate, one of a vagabond–roaming the earth in search of sport. The stock market will be remembered as a stupid experiment in American capitalism.

My advice to you is to panic, as always. The market is like a mugger, chasing after you to get all of your money. There aren’t any police around to save you. Your only option is to stop running, give him your money, and hopefully walk away alive.

It’s too early to rally. The Abbie-Shire $50 billion deal is absolutely crushing the faces of John Paulson and numerous hedge fund managers. Keep in mind, these same gents have recently been GRAPE-RAPED in their oil holdings. There is some tangible pain out there and I suspect there will be massive margin calls today. If we bounced then soared higher, I’d say the capitulation trade might’ve worked. But now we are slowly grinding lower and before you know it new lows will be had.

Gold, silver, homies and 3-D stocks are up. This is exactly what the end of the world should look like. This, gents, is carcosa.

TLT is up 5 fucking dollars.

Yen is up 1.5%

The Dow is off by 2%.

This is a wholesale panic. Stocks are careening lower. Whatever can go wrong is going wrong. From the Abbie-Shire deal, to oil, to Greece, to Ebola, to bonds, to semis, to ISIS-EVERYTHING.

It’s amazing how sentiment can shift in such a short period of time.

All of the people who were saying rates were going higher should now impose a lifetime ban on talking. You were wrong and should pay for your sins.

Having said that, these are the sort of days where bounces are born. People are capitulating and the pain is extreme. Once we flush, things will get better. Bank on that.