Closed October Like a Champion

Good Sirs, I’d like to elucidate some hard facts for you as we enter the month of November. Generally speaking, stocks behave in a most genial manner and you’d be wise not to take large bets against them, betting against America into National Feast day.

Over the past decade, the NASDAQ traded down just once in November — usually spearheaded by companies that feed the fats. Morbidly obese Americans tend to wade into grocery stores with extra verve this time of year — making vats of gravy and stocking up on marshed mellows, cans of greens, and oversized turkeys.

Listen to me, you have to be both tactical and strategic in this tape. Do not send your army into fortified pickets. November is a month for Americans to reminisce of the good olde days when we took the land we wanted, in exchange for some seashells and shovels. We had grandiose feasts to celebrate America’s ascendency and hated anyone who said otherwise. Although we’re quickly plunging down the sewer pipes into collapse, during the month of November we pretend we aren’t. After all, it’s fun to pretend.

For the session, I reversed my bearish position and made it a 118% leveraged long one — up 102bps for the day — booking a return of 2.6% for October. I will outperform the market in November and again December and every month thereafter, as it is my right to do so. Some of you might be great cooks or can wield a hot mop on the rooftop like no-one else; but this is my trade and I excel at it on a level you can only dream of, not just because I put in the extra effort and have decades of experience — but because I have been hand selected by Gods to do this and help others navigate the turbulent waters as we conclude the once wonderful experiment called western finance.