Markets Pull Another Rabbit Out From Its Ass: Monday Madness

Once again markets lifted into an otherwise grim global outlook — marking the 23rd out of 25th Monday higher — for reasons that cannot be explained in any rational terms.

I ripped whatever hair was left from my head attempting to position in this amalgamated hodge podge of refuse. In the morning I took it easy and my losses were easy. As the afternoon darkened, the thoughts inside of my head grew chaotic. I was tricked into an estimable long position, leveraged even. I had visions of the transgendered bulls rampaging cockless throughout Wall Street — placing their dirty hooves into the faces of forlorn bears left strewn, festooned even, all over the concrete bleeding out and dead. For a moment, I envisioned myself as part of this cadre and wanted to fit in. I had an idea about myself and it was to conform, to heel to the powers that be and bet with them — Pax Americana in all of its glory and magnificence.

But then I woke up, as if from a nightmare and sold most of my fucking longs and took on extremely large short positions, recalcitrant and focused on betting against the biotechs and all of their fucking scientists who are suffering with large blood clots inside of their weak hearts and even weaker brains. Uncorking the vials of my wrath, I placed a large bet against the Russell 2000 – because fuck them. Let’s see you try to stop me. Lastly, I entered into a revenge trade long volatility and short bonds — hoping for the embankments to crack and for the blood to flow heavily tomorrow amidst bad news of spiraling borrowing costs for the US government.

Regrettably, I ended the session down a staggering 150bps and I’m embarrassed to say that I was fooled into thinking a certain way when in fact I should’ve been thinking another way. For the month, with just 1 day left, I am +2% — a respectable showing given the tumult. My hopes are for a halted open, limit down, amidst an array of bad news — perhaps the worst news ever.

I feel that I deserve better, not just because I am a good person and should get to enjoy the fruits of my labor; but because I am on the side of God fighting a holy war against the transgendered bulls and all of their inimical ways. With the grace of the Gods, we shall flay them tomorrow, inflicting garish losses onto the balance sheets of the quill pushers and garrulous talking potatoes with guttural punches to their vacated scrotums — raising the black flag over their still and cold bodies with unchastened fury– happy to be there and happy to have won.

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