This guide is a must-have for any iBankCoin.com user looking to properly communicate with others:
47.5: The cut-off age after which one becomes “old,” and plain ol’ vanilla gay. If you are above the age limit, kindly close the browser and leave.
Angelo: Any tan dickhead who seamlessly fucks up many concurrent thousand/million/billion dollar situations, or the description of said dickhead’s actions.
“Bob Steel totally Angeloed Wachovia Bank this year.”
“God, RICK stock turned out to be such an Angelo to investors who appreciate tits.”
As a Point in Fact: When a truth is so deeply entrenched in the cement foundation of rightness, as so it can never be wrought free, it can be said that such a fact is indeed a point in fact. It is a fact shrouded by insurmountable correctitude.
Asshat: A magical hat, granting the benefactor of said hat insurmountable stupidity in the face of needed leadership.
“Wow, John Mack is an asshat.”
Bill Miller, Asshat of the Year 2008
Asshole Dip Buyer: The unnamed force that saves the bulls and comes in to buy stocks trading at a “bargain.” Always aged below 47.5, these traders, aka as The PPT, will come in nimbly and eviscerate the bearshitters by squeezing all their shorts.
“Did anyone catch the A.D.B. bidding 100k RIMM at 3:50pm, ruining some beashitter’s homo honey-hole play?
(see bearshitter, homo, honey-hole)
Asslot: An odd-lot, or any incremental share purchase not denominated in 100.
Barack The Builder: President elect Obama has vowed to essentially rebuild America from the ground up, funded solely with monopoly money. The goal–invest in the future by spending a shitload to save America today. As such, he has been entitled Barack the Builder, and it can be inferred that the BTB theme will bouy E&C firms until the lustre[sic] wears off. (see sic)
Bearshitter: A miscreant douchebag, stemming from the Latin Ursus poopare (see Douchebag). Needlessly pessimistic, the bearshitter often bears the brunt of well-placed jokes, and is universally recognized by the financial world as “clowny” and at times “runtish.” To be a bearshitter, you must satisfy the following:
- Proclaim unknowns as truths
- Forecast down
- Borrow punditry from Tim Knight.
- Automatically eligible if over age 47.5
Though the bulls and the bullish things bearshitters abhor often get their comeuppance at some point, it comes in the form of brief spike downs, only after weeks of poor market calling, often to the detriment of week old puts trading below cost.
“Doug Kass is a bearshitter, accordingly, he is also a douchebag.”
Bearshitters have had their revenge in 2008, although historically, they get the short end of the stick…no pun intended.
Bearded One, The:
(see Plutonium Petey)
Behold!: When the glory of one’s presence or the strength of one’s argument renders someone else’s point so moot that the only reaction they can muster is to simply behold your glory and attempt to hide their shame.
Bullshitter: Sometimes referred to as “perma-bulls” or Goat Fuckers (see Goat Fucker), these planglossian bastards mix gibberisj with convoluted thinking to arrive at false positive conclusions. The bullshitter often bears the brunt of well-placed jokes, and is universally recognized by the financial world as “clowny” and at times “runtish.” The main cause of this is misplaced optimism on everything from China’s economy to Natty G prices.
To be a bullshitter you must idolize the following patron saints of bullshit antiquity:
Don Luskin – An genuine head-in-the-sand cock-sucker. See video below
Dennis Kneale – The largest cunt of the modern age. Also see here. Occasionally, he can be hilarious, like when he called Steve Jobs out for having PMS. An impressive majority of the time, however, he is a homo. A comedy legend in his own right, Kneale’s wince-inducing monologues against bloggers and game-changing comedy routines will stand the test of time, as scholars decades in the future blissfully chuckle at how fucked up the talking heads of the oughts were.
Art Hogan – Will go down in history as having his bottom violated on public record.
Larry Kudlow – A pollyanna. Snorts a ball of mustard seeds a day, although will tell you he’s been clean for years. (See Mustard Seeds)
Burrito: Any small or gay group of stocks. Frequently Chinese, always speculative, these are the lotto tickets in the Chinese Lotto. See Chinese Lotto.
Camel Tit: A unit of measure indicating 20+ SP e-mini points. (see horse tit)
Chinese Lotto: Any and all Chinese stocks, especially the new IPOs. Most are nothing more than card tables in a fetid Mandarin alley. A smattering of chinese lottery ticks.
De-Balled: To lose one’s balls on a bet gone awry. The magnitude of which depends on the size of the balls to begin with. Since this dictionary was first penned, Chinese burritos have been spectacularly de-balled.
*It should be noted that ball size has nothing to do with ball-hair, as hair does not grow on steel.
Devil’s ETF, The: All diETFs.
Viz the following maths for you Goat Fuckers who continue to bitch and moan about it:China...or Financials...or Whatever: $100The Devil's ETF: $100 --------------China...or Financials...or Whatever get Horse Nuked, down 66%: $34The Devil's ETF, up a sweet-ass 132%: $232 --------------China...or Financials...or Whatever rebound, up 25%: $42.5The Devil's ETF, down 50%: $116 --------------China...or Financials...or Whatever rebound, up 25%: $53.13The Devil's ETF, down 50%: $58 -------------- Net Result: China...or Financials...or Whatever ended down 46.87%: $53.13 The Devil's ETF ended down $42: $58 Due to the magics of compounding, the ultra didn't work. --------------
(see diETFs, Goat Fuckers, homo. Horse Nuked viz)
Diamond Scale: A 2 – 7 relative ranking of performance relegating desirability, sex appeal, and usefulness to others.
The diamond scale is used on, but not limited to:
- trades ops / setups
- technical indicators
- account size/ % gain / YTD gain
- to compare a woman or hooker’s relative breast-size, vagina quality, and/or breath
diETF: Acronym for “double inverse exchange traded fund.” AKA “The Ultras.” If you are talking about SKF et al., everyone knows what that is, so you don’t have to specify it as a diETF, you can just say “SKF this,” or “FXP homo” that. Usually you only refer to the diETFs as such when talking about an asset class.
Douchebag: A less reviled form of the ‘Angelo.’ May include some or all of the telltale signs of bearshitterdom.
“Chuck is a douchebag.”
Ducati: The greatest stat/arb trading robot ever created. Co-opted by Toyota and GSAM. Achieved 126/126 trades, using zero risk, and with monthly gains of 26 odd percent. Proficient in use of “vis-a-vis.”
“Wall St. traders this Xmas (2007) will be eager to achieve Ducati status, after all, bonuses are at stake.”
Fucktarded: Greater than 1.5 standard deviations below retarded.
“If you need an example of this, you are fucktarded.”
Full Complexities: What a hooker in Barcelona promised me for the extremely egregious price of $400. (see Street Beast). In it’s essence, Full Complexities represents any offer for which the price far outstrips the value, and viz., it describes any extraordinary or meaningless valuation metric. It seems, for one reason or another, people offering Full Complexities almost always have English as a second language.
There are many instances of Full Complexities in your daily life if you look close.
At the car wash, occasionally you have those dent-popper guys trying to mooch off the carwash’s business…Guy: Ah, very nice car sir.Me: ThanksGuy: It..euhhhh...have any dent [quizzical look, wry grin]Me: Not that I know of know. Maybe a scratch or two somewhere.Guy: [Face lights up] You show me! I take-a care of scratchesMe: Here [points to a practically invisible mark]Guy: I pop-a this dent for you, $175 dollars.
Fully Robed And Sandaled: Originally, this meant one thing, and one thing alone: That Fly had his ass-kicking boots on, so to speak. Over many millennia, the meaning has become more generalized to simply be prepared for a trading day.
(see Plutonium Petey)
FUPA: A fat, upper-pussy area.
Garbagio: A fancy type of garbage stock. For a stock to be garbagio, a high quality stock must start acting like trash.
“Prior to earnings, RIMM was garbagio.”Â Many stocks enter the garbagio stage at some point in their life cycle.
Gibberisj: When something is wrong, misspelled, misconstrued, or misunderstood, it is gibberisj.
Get Your Share: A call to arms, commanding the listener to earn billions via the internets.
Get In The Funnel: A call to arms, commanding the listener to earn billions via shorting stocks. Telling someone to “Get in the Funnel” is a nice way of saying that the market is about to shit the water closet, and, well, to get in the fucking funnel.
GME Theory: Pioneered by Cramer, this is the idea that when a sector is hot but has a lot of players, buy the stock of the company that benefits from all sides. Activision and Electronic Arts both lose money developing games and rely on peak-cycle sales to make money. And, what, you’re gonna buy Sony Corporation (ADR)? Or Take-Two Interactive? Exactly. Or, you could buy GameStop, which benefits whether I buy an ATVI game, an ERTS game, or a SNE machine. When shopping in an up-cycle sector, always apply the GME theory.
Goat Fucker: A term of derision used to describe the myriad groups of losers, retards, and generally wrong people who don’t fall into the “Bearshitter” or “Douchebag” camps. Goat Fuckers, like microbes on earth, are ubiquitous on the Internets.
The word remains one of the more versatile in our rich lexicon for instance, one can be a Goat Fucker for ill-informed views on Medicaid, while still not yet being a Douchebag, or even close to a Bearshitter. Or, one is called a Goat Fucker for simply not accepting one’s own Angelo behaviour[sic]. Also worth mentioning are the vast array of Goat Fucker offshoots
- Cactus Fucker
- Can of Corn Fucker
- The suggestion that one “Go fuck a can of Corn”
When you invite the reader to “Fuck a Goat” or a “can of corn,” you are openly implying that they are a Goat Fucker, and as such, simply designating them as “Goat Fucker” will suffice in subsequent namings.
“The yahoo message board is the quintessential podium for many an internet Goat Fucker.”
(see Angelo, bearshitter, Douchbag, [sic], )
GLORC: The Global Coordinated Rate Cut among central banks around the world that was supposed to rally the markets, instill confidence, and ease the credit crisis. In the end, it accomplished none of those things, except the increasingly difficult task of warming the cockles of the internet’s heart.
“All hail mighty GLORC!”
Honey Hole: If you were to pay attention to technical analysis tomfoolery, this is where you would short/go long the market, at the exact intersection where the magical lines cross. It’s like when the stars cross paths and that very movement determines the course of your life–only this is the stock market and infinitely more consequential.
Despite the similarities between Bearshitters and Douchebags, Bearshitters rarely, if ever, use this phrase. Also, users of the “Honey Hole” phraseology are likely proponents of the Trading Goddess and will be persecuted as such.
homo: The most apt, politically correct, and superior titular admonition for any and all inferior stocks, concepts, ideas, or groups.
” (GBT: 0.00 N/A) is a homo stock — If you like it, you are homo. Chinese batteries…you douchebag”
homo-hammer: When one has been dealt a ‘homo-hammer’ or a ‘homo-hammer of death’ you are effectively on the receiving end of the market as a whole, who has decided to Angelo one of your stocks, or preferred bullshit sector.
“Watching Stillwater Mining Company (SWC: 9.48 +6.76%) get the homo-hammer day-in and day-out isn’t as gay as it sounds.”
Horse: The state of “horse” can reflect either a transitory phase of disarray, or the full blown commotion evident in your commodity, stock, field, incident, or sector of preference
“All the investment banks were totally horsed this year.”
“Holy shit, FMCN got horsed.”
What the horse
- Similar to WTF
- Similar to pissed-off
- Similar to shit-faced
When something “horses your goat”
- When something irks your ire
Horse-Tit: A unit of measure, indicating 5-10 points on the SP E-mini (see camel tit)
Horse-Nuked: When an asset, equity, or account gets blown the fuck up. Much more severe than a routine homo-hammering or horse incident.
The distinction is clear: matters of trifling consequence are homo-hammers, matters of minor concern are horses, and matters of gave danger, they and they alone are representative of the horse-nuke.
“Bill Miller was horse–nuked this year”
(see homo, homo-hammer, Horse)
Illegals: Not unlike the load-bearing Krusty the Klown poster in Bart Simpson’s room, Illegals often don’t get the credit they deserve given what they do. For all intents and purposes, they keep The Fly’s yard tidy, while showing poise and grace in the face of being pelted by cans of Monster Soda.
Kitchen Sink Quarter: A K.S.Q. is where due to some asshat, you must write-off everything on the books, except for the kitchen sink in the employee washroom, which presumably has no subprime, credit, or asset-backed exposure.
(see asshat, write-off)
Lofty: An extraordinarily shallow description analysts all too frequently use to imply earnings estimates are too high. Just come out and say they’re too high, like a man. To call anything lofty, well, you sir, are a can of corn fucker.
(see Goat Fucker)
Madoff’d: To be Madoff’d (transitive verb) means you lost money directly with Bernie, or indirectly, like HSBC, who was Madoff’d to the tune of $3.2 billion.
Magician: An achiever of Financial Magic. Highly, highly regarded on the street.
“What type of magician moved CDO’s with no liquidity or buyers to a mythical tier-3 tranche on Lehman Brothers Holdings Inc. (LEH: 0.00 N/A) ’s balance sheet with no write-down?”
“Meredith Whitney called those magicians out. She was the loudest, and probably kinkiest hooa on the street, calling for C’s div cut late last year.
Meatballs: The nickname of Charles “Fuhgeddaboutid” Gasparino, CNBC reporter of the “breaking news at 3:30 PM on a Friday” variety. Sometimes called “Gasparino’s Fireside Chats”
A “jack of all spades.” He’ll accuse you of wrongdoing, then shank your polio-laden mother in the back. We need more Gasparinos.
- “Broke” the ABK bailout story, much to the chagrin of others.
- Claimed on-air that prostitution should be legalized
- Wrote a book
- Ate Bess Levin out (unconfirmed)
(see Much to your Chagrin)
Merc’d: An abbreviation of “mercenary.” This versatile expression can mean actual murder, or the figurative expression that XYZ is “getting killed”
BSC wasn’t merc’d by the shorts, rather, they were merc’d by a mgt. team that made large, levered bets that failed.
The Fed made the executive decision and merc’d LEH.
Milk The Farmer: A mantra reflecting the willingness to bank as much coin as possible off of the current Agriculture cycle.
“For so many years, the farmer has milked the cow, then charged me money said delicious product, effectively milking me as well. Well, now the milked shall milk the milker, and goddammit, is it satisfying. Long (MOO: 43.79 -0.57%) .”
Much To Your Chagrin: When something we do is contrary to what you do, it is much to your chagrin. Unfortunately for you, the reader, over 75% of what we do is much to your chagrin. I really cannot be much more specific than that, but maybe Rag can fill you in. Occasionally, there are other parties involved in causing chagrin, but not frequently.
Mustard Seeds: Larry Kudlow’s (see bullshitter) biblical allusion to things our huge govt. is doing to that will stimulate a recovery and spurn growth in the economy.
Odd, no?: A sarcastically true statement.
“As silly as you think this may be, you are actually appreciative I made a list like this. Odd, no?”
Off to Romania: A two-pronged meaning, depending on context.
The more common usage is a vague threat aimed at the Market in general who you suspect is going to Angelo your portfolio. Not taken lightly, to use “Off To Romania,” would indicate confidence that stocks are officially for asshats and not to be bothered with, reflecting a grave sense of doom.
“After today’s close, posting may be light, as I’m off to Romania.”
The alternate usage appears after a short or long period of poor performance.
“My biggest positions for 2007 were SIRI, HLYS, CFC, and VG. My smallest positions were AAPL, FWLT, POT, and TNH. Off to Romania.”
Ovah Heah: Aka “The Lawn Guyland Special,” ovah heah is classic guido, and really, need I even fuckin’ explain the definitions to you ingrates, ovah heah? I think no.
Pah: An exclamatory, used by non-American English speakers to rebuke a known fact with an unknown and probably incorrect one.
Pisant: Pronounced [pi-Zhant], a pisant is a Pisani-like person who means little, yet has a figurehead position, often to the dismay of others. Or, it’s just a bastardized version of “pissant.”
“Santelli pulled a pisant by citing non-Chinese blog based sources during his daily ranting”
“So many Pisants in the PG, where do I start?”
(see Senor Tropicana)
Ride the Monster: A former mantra we used to profit from the explosive growth of energy drinks. We have ridden the monster very successfully here, though we exited the trend once it broke (See “Milk the Farmer“)
Robster: A common bait-and-switch used by Chinese restaurants…you order lobster, you get chicken. In modern times, however, its meaning shifted and it now means when one is promised one thing, but given another.
“Microvision, Inc. (MVIS: 3.17 +2.26%) keeps giving us robster…”
(see Bearded One, The)
Sham-Wow: Can hold over twenty times its weight in water. The sham-wow rally rag can soak up epic bears in a single homo mop. Be forewarned, however, that the sham-wow can only soak up so much bullshit.
Shoe To Drop: An expression used to describe anything that is remotely and conceptually possible, while simultaneously bad. Intended to be “colloquially smart,” as in, it sounds understandable to the layman, but really, it is quite complicated to achieve a full understanding pf what shoe, and when? Why? As such, shoes to drop are often used in tandem with “wall of worry” or “write-downs” on the financial news circuit.
(see wall of worry, writedowns)
Graphic Rendering of what many dropping shoes may look like:
Uncle Ben + Brown Bear+ Bootstomp + Mozilo toast face + Asshat + Poverty = FUCKED
Sic: Adding [sic] after an intentionally misspelled word, or after the English spelling of a word is just a friendly way for the author to take time out of his sentence, to remind the reader that he is, as a point in fact, much more honourable[sic] than you.
(see as a point in fact)
Solar Burrito: Alternative energy and solar stocks, frequently have high PEs, no net income, or both. The Solar Burrito pokes fun at exuberance towards a hot sector. Solar shit is so hot, that by simply placing “solar” next to a semi-worthless, and totally irrelevant burrito, all of a sudden, it sounds cooler, and that much more lucrative.
“I would pay 500x earnings for a solar burrito.”
Skiffles: SKF, The Ultra Financial
Small Bag of Garbage, A: Anything which is terrible. A very versatile expression.
“It is quite likely your 2008 portfolio was a small bag of garbage.”
Street Beast: Also known as street warriors, or street pigs (if overweight), these party crazy, drink anything, blow anyone girls are a must have for any proper night on the town. Caution should be exercised.
A story of a street beast
Tan One, The: A reference to Angelo Mozilo, an Angelo, or any Angelo situation. Can also reference managerial ineptitude.
“BWLD’s higher chicken prices? I Blame The Tan One.”
Technical Analysis: “Divining” stock trades based on magical lines, frequently ignoring commonly followed “fundamentals.” The epitome of trading for the lazy and ignorant. Frequently used by bearshitters and bullshitters alike to “explain” things.
“I follow technical analysis, yet sell winners to quick, and pile on losers. I love doji stars, but remain an impotent trader. I need to backtest more.”
(see Bearshitters, ZING!)
Ticktard: When a trader foolishly buys and sells a stock at the most retarded possible time/price due to minute price movements and the fear that he will be wrong.
- Buy 200 HANS at 40
- sell 2 days later at 38, due to stop.
- See it running two days later, buy at 44 on a breakout, sell at 42 that afternoon, stop.
- Next day it opens at 46. At 46.50, you do nothing.
- The next day it opens at 44.75 , and you feel somewhat vindicated.
- The third day it gaps up 10% on a GS upgrade to 60, and at 48 you buy it.
So, you lost around $850 trying to go long a stock that went up 8 pts. You are a ticktard.
- Same thing, but on an intraday basis.
Trader Servant: A magical wood nymph who fills the orders you place online. Using a wood nymph to fill orders is ideal because they are expendable if you get a bad fill, or are otherwise irked, you have the go ahead to beat the trader servant to death with your civil war era paper weight to relieve the anger–have no fear though–there will be another in its place tomorrow.
Viz.: An “any” word. Used as a participle, a modifier, or a gerund.
- Categorically, a complete sentence
- Expresses the sentiments “clearly,” “namely,” or, “it’s fucking obvious.”
- Is the only word known to channel the spirit of the “Ducati.”
“AAPL will have a stranglehold on the home computing market for years to come. Viz.”
(see Angelo, Ducati)
Vis-a-Vis: To compare or attribute things to one another, often incorrectly.
“Hurricane Katrina, vis-a-vis changes in crop rotation, surely affected our Ethanol shortage situation today.”
Wall of Worry: Although not coined by Joseph Heller, the author of “Catch-22,” this assemblage of words would make him proud, and indicates when a TV know-it-all acknowledges that the higher a stock or the market goes, the more likely it is to be inferior. Circular in the sense that “if it costs more, it should be better, but apparently isn’t.” One caveat of this wall is that it is the wall of “worry,” not the wall of “fruition,” as in, whatever the worry is, it may never come to pass.Â Note, that this phrase doesn’t mean “overbought” it is basically code for “I’m an idiot.”
“After bouncing around, from Oct-Dec, the market sure is climbing that wall of worry.”
WTF Chart Pattern: An pattern seared into the memory of many a trader over 2008. A WTF Chart Pattern, coined by CTA, is a seemingly random, chaotic, and violent move that often moves the ES a camel tit in a matter of minutes. Evidence of WTF Chart Patterns throughout the internet are probably as common as evidence of douchebaggery in Fly’s comment section.
(see Camel Tit, Douchebag)
Write-(Off)Down: When a company buys something hastily, greedily, homoly, or stupidly, then finally acknowledges after many, many other people that said asset is worth less than rotten bull balls.
“Meg Whitman’s acquisition of skype was an Angelo in the making–she bought a homo company for way too much, invariably leading to billion dollar write-downs for eBay.”
(see Homo, Kitchen Sink Quarter, A)
ZING!: The pronouncement made following a well-timed and deserved insult. Always forms its own paragraph, no indent. Also, the embodiment of “mocking a loser,” though usually a rueful one. Its more common usage is to follow a needlessly harsh insult with a
to let the recipient know the joke was made in jest, and not borne from animosity.
The only time it shall ever be intended is in the following example.
“Woodshedder giving away trading books is like Al Roker giving away diet books.
ZIRP: An acronym for “Zero Interest Rate Policy” which is what our fucksane Fed is doing currently to sham-wow us out of this boondoggle. Much to Santelli’s chagrin. See Below:
(see Much To Your Chagrin, Sham-Wow)
ZOLT: Coined by Jefferson Krull. Used in times of duress over poor trading. Like many other four-letter words, ZOLT is usable in multiple ways, as a noun, a verb or even an adjective.
Zolt (adj.) – After that guy took my parking space I was ready to punch him right in the ZOLTING face
Zolt (n.) – Damn, that is a big piece of ZOLT over there.
Zolt (v.) – Even though I’ve been married for 6 years, it would be nice to get a little ZOLT from my wife from time to time.