Markets Plunge — I’m Going Back to Gardening

Fuck this shit. I waited my entire life for this SOXS shit to jump off and the second I sell it two faggots in the comments section buy it and make a fortune? My world wasn’t supposed to be like this. Ergo, I am going back into the dense woods of House Fly with my electric powered chain saw, in order to hedge some more boxwoods. Maybe I’ll make some fucking boxes and octagons out of them.

Meanwhile, I wanted to share this audio clip with you. This is a clip of a man named John Clancy. He was a top producer at Stratton Oakmont, that firm featured in Wolf on Wall Street. At any rate, when we were starting out, these sort of tapes floated around Wall Street and Clancy’s were always the best. You’d listen to how he’d close some new accounts and marvel at his control and skill. Listening to it now, as a worldly 41 year old man, I think he sounds like a snake oil salesmen. However, when I was 23, he sounded like a God to me.

BEHOLD, the straight line pitch, supposedly invented at Lehman Brothers.

I got some DUST hedging my other stocks today and thank God I sold out of HUYA and OSTK into the bell, raising a nice chunk of cash. I’ll revisit the tape in a few hours.

This era will be viewed upon on par with the Dark Ages — an era ruled by malevolent and evil corporations trying to turn everyone into docile, to fall in line with their new world order thru the promotion of wanton degeneracy. Brave men, such as Le Fly, stood up to their tyrannical ways and had their libraries burned down as a result. All of our treasures, our culture and knowledge, wiped clean during the SECOND BURNING OF LIBRARY ALEXANDRIA in 2018.

With more than 3,200 ancient scrolls deleted and 26,000 subscribers told to ‘fuck off’, Youtube did this website a great injury by purging our channel. However, thanks to the help of some ancient scroll keepers, I’ve been able to recover a decent amount of video content, including some of “The Fly’s” cartoon series.

If you or anyone else in your neighborhood has any iBC video content on their servers, please email them to me and I will see to it that your name lives forever, affixed to the acquired video content.

See below.

Our new channel is here. I had intended to use this channel as a backup to our larger one — but now I think I’ll just store the ancient scrolls there. Plus anyway, I don’t have time to dick around with video content anymore. “The Fly” is a busy man with plenty of irons in the fire, unlike you.

Email me your ancient scrolls at Flybroker at gmail.com.

Thanks, pal.

As for stocks, we’re indicating -120 and those two faggots who bought my SOXS stand to make some coin today. It’s not that I don’t want them to make any money, but I really not have to think about it. I am sure they’ll pollute these halls today with their genius, describing how stupid I was to buy when I did and sell when I thought necessary. One day someone will teach these lads hard lessons and dislocate their entire jawbones from their heads.

On the plus side, I still own some DUST and gold is getting obliterated down more than 1.2% now — thanks to King Cock’d Dollar, higher by 0.6%.

WTI is +1% and Bitcoins are soaring to the upside.

I enjoy to garden and pretend that I know what I’m doing in the yard. Like most things, I am a pseudo intellectual when it comes to horticulture. I possess just enough knowledge to impress others, make myself look worldly and intelligent — when truth of the matter is I am a giant fucking fraud in the yard.

So I went out there today, in an effort to save ~$400 in landscaping fees, and attempted to hedge my bushes. My yard is about .55 acres, with about 35 trees, and lots of boxwoods (my favorite bush). I’ve been growing them out the past two years, in order to shape them into nice big round balls (no homo).

There I was with my electrical hedger, attached by a giant extension cord (you know where this is going) slicing away like a fucking lunatic — making a mockery of the shape called circle, when viola — I sliced right thru the live wire. Being a pseudo intellectual in electricity too, I cannot say for sure if my life was ever in peril, but I can say that the circuit breaker triggered and the live wire was about an inch away from roasting me to a cinder.

After the scare, I got a new cord and continued to Edward Scissorhand my way thru the yard, pretending to create art, when in fact I was doing nothing but creating a mess and making my landscaping looking like some fucking retard took garden scissors to it in a rage of autism.

Now my hands are literally vibrating from the experience, my boxwoods are oblong, and I’m out my favorite long extension wire, which I usually employ during Xmas decorations.

Here are the top/worst performing sectors in Exodus YTD. Any surprises?

Due to my backward thinking by getting involved in the filthy world of politics, the iBankCoin Youtube channel was targeted, blacklisted, and terminated by the faggots at Youtube. The loss of revenue was small, in comparison to the long, rich, wealth of content that was stored there — all of the hokey early iBC video content, Exodus branded commercials, and my series of Fly cartoons that will forever live in infamy.

While many of you have no fucking idea what I speak of, since you never viewed the content or was around in the early day of iBC — believe me, the content loss is devastating.

However, there’s no sense crying over spilt milk. I am now tasked with the job of producing another iBC video for our product pitch page — since the one there no longer exists.

We’ve upgraded the platform countless times over the past year, as I have invested some change into upgrading and fixing many things in Exodus. Today we added standard deviation to the screener, just a month ago we added Sharpe ration scores for stocks, portfolios, industries, and sectors.

While in the process of creating this new video, I want to ensure that it delivers for the brand of iBC and not some bullshit corporate promotion without character.

If you have ideas, leave them below. If not, go fuck yourselves.

I sold out of my newly acquired HUYA position, accepting small plebeian 5% gains. Normally I’d let this stock run, since it’s a new issue and because I think it goes higher — but I am not in a position to take risks, following getting my SOXS knocked the fuck off.

Additionally, I sold out of my OSTK position for another 5% gain, again not because I think it’s done going higher, but instead of preserve a semblance of my former glory, reminiscing over times when I’d book 100% gains in blockchain related stocks in the halcyon days of 2017.

With the proceeds, I’m going to cash.

If I paid attention to what anyone said during my long and illustrious career as a professional blogger, I’d be dead, in jail, or maybe both. One of the wonderful things about blogging is having dicks read your work and then actively work against it — because in their minds — they’re doing something worthwhile.

Case in point, my recent foray into SOXS. It was a monstrous loss and it happened in the public forum. I was out there in crucifixion position asking for water, yet the commenters of the blog chose to toss popped corn at me and to hope that I’d die instead of opting to help me down. When I escaped the cross by removing the nails with my teeth, these same gents chose to take my place on the cross, in an effort to show me how great it could be up there, a natural tanning salon of sorts, instead of helping me with the gashes and the meat hanging off from what was once my left arm.

But see this is a Burdian’s Ass paradox, and the people now affixed to the cross will soon realize their dilemma. Who are they in fact betting against? Is The Fly even real? Did I ever take a SOXS position, or perhaps I only said I did in order to engender a popular response? Was their decision based upon a logical plane or muddied by the emotional fixation with proving I was wrong twice, first time in and the next time out? Moreover, do they think that I am an evil, black-hearted man, a cloth from their own wardrobe — thinking I want to see them lose too?

A man named Bob drops dead from a deadly dose of purple hammed burger. Phil watched the whole thing and was glad it happened. At the funeral, amidst a caravan of black cars, Phil shows up with a food truck selling nothing but purple hammed burgers. Bob’s mother asks Phil, ‘why come here and sell purple hammed burgers when you know my son died from them?’ Phil responds, ‘because Bob didn’t die from the purple hammed burgers — he died from eating too much.’

Bob’s brother pops his head in the truck and says ‘yeah, but you’re still an asshole, right?’

Fresh off a battle ax to the brain in this SOXS shit, I’m back in the melee again, swinging my giant sword around in search of treasure. I believe I come across three stocks poised to cock ring higher — one is IQ and the other is UCTT and the final one is HUYA.

IQ is the ‘Chinese Netflix’. It had a real shitty IPO, but now it’s doing wonderfully. Plus China’s largest video game streaming stock just came public and is doing wonders for IPOFAGS: HUYA. More on that in a minute.

UCTT is old school contract manufacturer slave camps, but with a twist. Sales have been lumpy as fuck due to OLED supply issues — but I’m confident I don’t give a fuck about that and only care about this for a trade.

Here in America, Twitch TV, which is owned by Amazon, is taking the streaming world by storm. There’s a kid named “Ninja” making millions per annum off his stream — people subscribing to see him play Fortnite. Well, China has their down version of this and it just came public. Ticker is HUYA. I pronounce is “WHO-ARE”, as in slut.

This is a spin off of YY, so that stock might run up in sympathy here.

With my recent luck, all of this shit will probably end up in scandalous ruin, so you’re better off sitting this out and monitoring my mojo with the stock Gods, who seem to fucking despise me right now.

I closed out this SOXS after it chopped my fucking cock off. The semi rally is in full circle jerk mode today and I don’t have an interest being wrong anymore.

This recent turn of events has made me want to seek religion again, in spite of being an aesthetic. Other men might shy away from markets after a beating like that, but not me. I endeavor to plunge right back into this hot tar to show the world I’m not a chicken.

My index finger is back in action — here’s me hammering away at the keyboard with just two index fingers again, reminiscing over the day when I used two middle fingers.

American futures are +75 and Europe is soft, down by 0.3%. They’re such faggots over there — it’s almost unbearable. Off with their heads.

Gold, silver, and copper are weak and oil is flat. Bitcoins suck again, and so are dollars. Everything you thought might happen didn’t and vice versa. We’re supposed to ‘go away in May’, but some have stayed and are buying up large blocks of stocks. One could only wish all of this tomfoolery will come to a conclusion one day, printing presses and rigged CPI data.

I spent nearly $4gs in grocery shopping last month — not including eating out.

Piper Jaffrey raised their price target on CMG to $530 this morning. I guess whoever was shitting in their food stopped doing so. One could only surmise their short position has been closed; therefore shitting in the food, at this point, is both superfluous and also gratuitous.

Admittedly, I’m not a fan of boring upward surging markets. I’m more of a contrarian, if anything else. When you buy, I sell. When you sell, I buy. When you do nothing, I mock you for not enjoining in all of the fun. This shit here is monotonous and also tedious. Nothing would please me more than to see a vibrant market, sharply to the downside, followed by a face ripping rally. But it seems we’re in store for more of the same.

In other news, insane shit is happening in Israel today.

900 injured, 450 by way of LIVE ammunition.

#video: Israeli army firing at a group of unarmed #GreatReturnMarch protesters – not even near the #GazaFence.
At least 18 Palestinians killed & 448 wounded from Israel live ammo today – 50 in critical/serious condition – Gaza MoH pic.twitter.com/M2wmQoebhP

— Asaf Ronel (@AsafRonel) May 14, 2018

Happy Monday.

News of Trump positioning himself sideways to suck Chinese dick has futures trading merrily this evening, up 90.

But I have more pressing news to discuss with the lot of you.

I just got done preparing beef chili and before I placed the top on — I moved the pot to better position atop the flame. Since it was angled wrong, the fucking handle was like a cauldron of molten steel and it melted my index finger like a wax candle when I touched it. For normal people, this isn’t a big deal. You either place some lotion on it, or cut the fucker off — being that you have 9 more fingers. But with me, King of the Bloggers, Champion of the People, Titan of Trade, I only type with two fingers — an index finger per hand — like I’m Dick Tracy fixing up a wrap sheet. So now, without the use of my left index finger, I find myself typing with my middle finger and I rather enjoy it.

As a point in fact, I might just type with both middle fingers, although I admit it might look odd when in public — me hammering into the computer with two middle fingers like a 1950s Dick Tracy pissed the fuck off at some sort of trade gone wrong. People might start to think I am mad.