PUNISHMENT

I warned you to ‘clean your room and to put on your SOXS‘ — but you chose not to get involved. I had a vision of spastic retards prancing about the green fields of Wall, only to succumb to a most egregiously large TSAR BOMBA death device.

The time for half measures and soft words are over.

GET THE FUCK OUT; PUT ON YOUR SOXS.

If you do not want to bet against the semis, then bet against the bioFAGS. To do that, go see about LABD. I own it too.

The only other avenue of salvage is TLT — because rates will sink. If rates sink, then REITs will go higher. To play that, buy DRN. I own that too.

It’s important for you to be reminded of the evergreen spirit that built this blog from the SHITHOLE it was into the palatial confines it is now: “The Fly” wins all the time, even when it appears he’s losing badly. Many bloggers will run thru these halls, like a sickness in July, but very few will stand the test of time. The pressure is too great and the burden wearisome. After everything is reduced to ash, and the world is a smoldering cauldron of nothingness, Le Fly, as he’s popularly known in France, will remain here, steadfastly blogging into the hot summer nights — shitposting and chuckling until the world as we know it ceases to exists.

For that my friends, you are welcome.

Top picks: SOXS, LABD, OSTK, SHITCOINS.

A few weeks ago, CNBC reported on Elon Musk sleeping on Tesla’s factory floor, trying to meet deadlines for Tesla auto production. Last night, apparently, his sleep deprivation turned him into a despondant retard, flippantly ignoring analyst questions and hanging up on what he considering ‘boring butthead questions.”

Here’s the money shot.

Batshit Elon Musk melts down on conference call last night — hanging up on boring analysts, refusing to answer "dry" questions. $TSLA pic.twitter.com/EnyrSf7myF

— The_Real_Fly (@The_Real_Fly) May 3, 2018

And here’s some greater depth into last night’s call, starting with Goldman and Morgan.

Good evening

I had a most eventful day, perusing the new gym, starving myself of sustenance in order to achieve peak male fitness. I’ve been at the gym for the better part of the past 6 years, but have slacked the past year or two, not really being serious about dieting or fitness discipline.

All of that has changed today, this being the beginning of May — the month of my birth and beginning of warmer climes. The grams of creatine are being generously absorbed. Protein and animal fat are being consumed. A heuristic journey of peak physical fitness has begun at House Fly, which will end in a massive punch to the nostrils of my most hated enemy.

The gypsy siren is screaming this evening, and I hope you could see to it to unmoor yourselves from your pornography, for a great black tornado is whirring towards your house. Stocks are going to get de-cocked, in ravenous form, and with it your liquid assets.

Meanwhile, cryptos are edge lording higher — exhibiting an air of invincibility in the face of a Tommy Rotted tape.

Top picks: STORJ, ELF, INS, ENG, SOXS, LABD, OSTK, SSC.

Sleep tight. Back to drinking a most disgusting brand of plant protein, a leftover from my vegan days. This shit should be banned in all 50 states.

The black flag is now permanently hoisted on the mast of iBC, designed to instill fear into the manlets and numales who stumble upon this holy site. If you’re eating an avocado toast, and swishing it down with a craft ale, and posses a fairly thick set of spectacles and beard, you might be visiting the wrong site. This site here is designed for men who smoke cigars, eat 2 1/2 inch ribbed eyes, and guzzles large quantities of whiskey — because it’s the only thing on earth that can keep us from killing thy neighbor.

If you are, in fact, a 99% dark chocolate eating faggot, do not fear — all hope is not lost. “The Fly” is fully equipped and can restore you to whatever glory you might’ve be capable of, before you lost the culture wars. It’s worth noting, this does not include Canadians and British fish and chips eating red coats — for all hope is lost in those parts of the world.

Markets Mcplunged lower today and I am long SOXS, LABD, SSC, and OSTK. Check my fucking resume, as I bowl on your pinheads with violent vigor.

“Oh Fly, please tell me, what is the Black Flag and what does it mean?”

Observe.

I like your zeal. Now get out there and put your SOXS on and quit being a victim of circumcision.

Ticker symbol is IMTE, typically trades ~400 shares per day. But today is lit AF, trading millions, going up in all sort of manners.

Stock closed under 2 bucks yesterday, but printed $40 today — totally normal pin action.

Is there news on this shit? No idea and I don’t care. They do 3d printing, but they don’t really do anything. There’s 237,000 in the float — a clown show mafia scam stock. I do hope, however, that certain penny stock newsletter short sellers get caught up in this shit and sent directly to the funeral parlor in a short squeeze for the cemetery.

Total douchebags refer to their stocks in navigational terms. I find this blog to be a pressure point by which I am able to annoy vast amounts of people. As a young lad growing up in Brooklyn, I was a trouble maker — a real shit storm of calamity. Nothing has changed.

If you’re too much of a nance to open up a binance account and buy shitcoins, owning OSTK is the next best thing.

Look at me and listen to me now: OSTK is angling sideways towards a vertical move higher.

If you like money, you’d own it.

Fuck Wayfair.

Today is my first day of cutting, and attending the new gym. To reduce my body fat to a level that is both honorable and aesthetically pleasing, I’ll need to cut down about 12 lbs — which, inadvertently, will make me look like I’m on chemo. That last time I did this, got down to the low 150s, my wife’s friends asked if I had cancer.

“Hey is Fly all right — he really looks dreadful you know.”

Then I got to bulking, eating peanut buttered sandwiches and large canteens filled with whey protein, and they all shut the fuck up before long. Anyone with experience at the gym will know that cutting, although tiresome and taxing, is preferable to bulking. Eating a bunch of food, good food, isn’t as easy as it sounds. To meet my goals, -12lbs in 3 months, I’ll need to reduce my caloric intake to about 2,100 calories per day. When bulking, I’ll be eating 3,200 per day.

Speaking of fat fuck, it appears Nasdaq futures have firmed from last night’s spate of weakness and are now +26. Also, cryptos are up. Also, gold and oil are up.

We made a new Facebook page. Please like it.

We also made a new Instagram page. Follow that shit too.

I have an Instagram page, but I don’t use it anymore. It’s pretty stupid having an Instagram page when you’re anonymous. What am I supposed to do — post pictures of my fucking meals or selfies of myself clad with a fucking iron mask? I don’t have time for that sort of shit. The new pages will be used, at some point, for corporate advertising — in a wasteful attempt to indoctrinate others to our form of propaganda.

Apple is +4.5%, Snap is -17%, and GILD is off by 6%. That’ll teach them for curing hep c.

As you read this, Nasdaq futures are barely up 19, a pathetic showing considering the world’s largest tech company just reported blow out numbers. This can only mean one thing, obviously.

The Black Flag.

via GIPHY

Many of you were celebrating after the market close. I know this because I have access to your household and laptop cameras. All of that will be for naught, when futures plunge before the market opens — sending you and your family into the homeless shelter armed with a tinned cup.

Le Fly is the opposite of Sir Kanye West — sending all of you bad energy and extreme hate via these internets.

My mood is in sync with my positions. I merely want to exit SOXS and LABD with profit, in order to take said profit and use it for malevolent means.

In other news, Blahfold Drumpfkin might catch a Mueller subpoena soon.

On one hand there is SNAP, getting helmeted in after hours because no one uses the app anymore.

Snap reports EPS in-line, misses on revs and DAU (14.13 -0.20)

Reports Q1 (Mar) loss of $0.17 per share, in-line with the Capital IQ Consensus of ($0.17); revenues rose 54.2% year/year to $230.7 mln vs the $244.57 mln Capital IQ Consensus, driven by growth in Snap Ads, and down 19% sequentially, primarily due to seasonality and the redesign.

Daily Active Users (DAU) grew from 166 million in Q1 2017 and 187 mln in 4Q17 to 191 million vs. 194 million estimate.

The stock is down by 17% in the after-hours and I’m certain some poor option holder will, ironically, lose HALF his investment tomorrow.

On the other hand, AAPL is up sharply on better than expected results.

Apple beats by $0.05, reports revs in-line; guides Q3 revs above consensus; adds $100 bln to buyback, raises dividend 16% (169.10 +3.84)

Reports Q2 (Mar) earnings of $2.73 per share, $0.05 better than the Capital IQ Consensus of $2.68; revenues rose 15.6% year/year to $61.14 bln vs the $60.94 bln Capital IQ Consensus; gross margins of 38.3% versus 38.5% ests (guidance 38.0-38.5%)

iPhone shipments 52.2 mln versus 52 mln ests & 50.8 mln last year.

iPad shipments 9.1 mln versus 8.8 mln ests & 10.2 mln last year; Mac shipments 4.1 mln versus 4.1 mln ests & 4.2 mln last year

Americas rev +17% to $24.8 bln; Europe +9% to $13.85 bln; China +21% to $13.0 bln; Japan +22% to $5.5 bln, other Asia/Pac +4% to $3.96 bln.

Co issues upside guidance for Q3, sees Q3 revs of $51.5-53.5 bln vs. $51.51 bln Capital IQ Consensus Estimate; gross margins of 38.0-38.5% versus 38.4% ests vs 38.5% last year.

“Customers chose iPhone X more than any other iPhone each week in the March quarter, just as they did following its launch in the December quarter. We also grew revenue in all of our geographic segments, with over 20% growth in Greater China and Japan.”

Adds $100 bln to share repurchase; raises dividend 16% to $0.73/share

There was a lot of chatter around Apple missing, due to semi-conductor weakness — which blamed poor smartphone sales. Apparently, that was all fake news.

It’s over MatchFAGS, literally. Swipe yourselves the fuck out of the business — because your MTCH position is now worth eggshells.

My 5th grade teacher used to say shit like ‘that’s how the cookie crumbles’ when something went terribly wrong in class. For you Tinder using motherllamas — erase your profile and app now. Zuckerberg and Facebook are now taking over.

Ancillary victim, IAC, parent company of MTCH, RETK as well.

Chances of recovery: zero.

If you want to laugh, watch this shit. Funny as fuck.