iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
19,771 Blog Posts

Panera Has Been Assimilated into the Borg; Resistance Was Futile So They Accepted JAB Bid

There are no anti-trust concerns here, folks. It’s just a nice little private equity firm, run by the Chairman of Anheuser-Inbev, buying up all fast food companies and consolidating them into their matrix to be spun off later at extreme rip off prices.

For some of you older nerds out there who grew up on Star Trek, JAB is the borg — get assimilated or eliminated by the gentlemen below.

Panera’s board accepted the offer because none others will come. JAB is the only entity who could pull this off. Ergo, resistance was futile.

By absorbing $PNRA into their gigantic corporate portfolio, JAB has created a formidible entity focused on quality fast food and coffee. Their portfolio includes Caribou Coffee, Peet’s Coffee and Tea, Einstein Noah, Keurig Green Mountain, Krispy Kreme, Espresso House, Baresso Coffee, Stumptown Coffee, Mighty Leaf Tea and Intelligentsia Coffee.

I will note that Stumptown iced coffee, sold in Whole Foods, is delicious.

Nothing anti trust about JAB folks. As you were. Keep it moving.

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7 comments

  1. bushwacker2

    Hey, this is an area of commerce that Jeff Bezos can get involved in, too. He can buy CMG for less than half what his AMZN stock increased in value ytd.

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  2. boyaj

    Don’t forget they own a “minority” stake in one of Europe’s largest CPG companies, Reckitt Benckiser

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  3. sarcrilege

    Their portfolio is too gay for me to be concerned
    ( Caribou Coffee, Peet’s Coffee and Tea, Einstein Noah, Keurig Green Mountain, Krispy Kreme, Espresso House, Baresso Coffee, Stumptown Coffee, Mighty Leaf Tea and Intelligentsia Coffee)

    but once they get into monopolizing booz, weed, cannabis butter and hashbrownies, I’ll be pissed.

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  4. mx2101

    Ackman stares wistfully at the PNRA chart…

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