Trump Parody: 300

Holy shit, I must’ve been sleeping the week this gem came out. This is a work of art. Enjoy.

The Obama administration hasn’t ceded to the will of Turkey’s dictator, Erdogan, likely because the media is watching this shit like a hawk. Over in Turkey, where Erdogan gets to arrest school boys and rip them apart from their parents, for allegedly ‘assisting in the coup’ against his regime, superficialities like ‘rule of law’ or being mindful of a free press is something completely foreign to him. If he doesn’t like a newspaper or a certain teevee channel, he shuts them down.

I needed to add that context before filling you in with the rest of the story.

The U.S. position on Fethullah Gulen, who lives in self-imposed exile in Pennsylvania, is “overshadowing our strategic partnership,” Erdogan said in televised comments on Sunday. “Turkey’s never asked from America to provide documents or proof on criminals that they’ve wanted us to extradite — we’ve given them the terrorists they wanted,” he said.

Well that’s nice, isn’t it? The great Istanbul regularly hands over people to the United States, without ever asking for documents or proof of criminality. This sounds like a great tourist destination for me.

Taking the above into consideration, you can see how Erdogan is a little pissed off by the one way street the Obama administration is operating under. He’s sent us so many people without ever having to burden us with proving they were bad guys. In his mind, it’s only right and fair that we provide him with one mere morsel of a human being, which would then become the crown jewel of his counter-coup insurgency, which has led to over 20,000 arrests and 80,000 people removed from public duty.

Over the past week, as I was away on vacation, the bloggers on my blog roll went crazy with all sorts of outlandish posts. In an effort to keep the information relevant, by which is telegraphed on this bloggery, I will only highlight their recent work. But, just know, lots of outlandish shit has been taking place–some of which will not be repeated in these hallowed halls.

Zerohedge: The Clinton Foundation is a Cesspool of Shit and Garbage

Daily Reckoning: Joe Scarborough is a Globalist Shit Eater, Biased Against Trump

Ritholtz: Ten Worthless Weekend Reads, None of Which Include iBankCoin Because I Never Link to that Crazy Fucking Site

Wealth of Common Sense: How to Survive the Pangs of a Bull Market

Irrelevant Investor: If the Elections Are Interfering with Your Investment Plan, Then You’re a Fucking Moron. Seek Counsel.

Mish: The Banksters Have Increased Their Criminality to Include Charging You For Holding Cash

Pragcap: Being ‘Fiscally Responsible’ is Idiotic, And Growing Out of Deficits Towards Elysium

Contra Corner: The End is Near; You’re All Doomed

Economic Collapse Blog: FUCK INTERNET TROLLS

Financial Sense: DEVALUE THE FUCKING DOLLAR TO SAVE SOCIAL SECURITY!!!

Wolf Street: America Loves Layoffs

Howard Lindzon: America the Juicy: Let the Good Times Roll and the Harems Be Stocked with Fresh Whores

Business insider: Chinese Fuckery

ReCode: Lyft is Looking to Cash the Fuck Out for $9 Billy

Tech Crunch: Fuck Truck Drivers; The Driverless Truck from Red Hell is on its Way (can’t wait for this shit on the highway)

The Verge: Some Moron Vlogger is Providing N. Korea with Free Propaganda

SPECIAL ALERT: Uncle Fred is 55 Years Old. Cheers to Another 55 Years of Vulture Capitalism and Wanton Vagrancy in Capital Markets!

You can’t keep your own doctor, apparently.

According to a new report by Avalere Health, more than 1/3rd of the nation will have 1 or fewer plans in 2017, up from 4%–as insurers say “fuck this shit, we’re out” and opt out of the egregiously ineffective government mandated health insurance scheme.

“Lower-than-expected enrollment, a high cost population, and troubled risk mitigation programs have led to decreased plan participation for 2017,” said Dan Mendelson, president of Avalere. “Congress and the Administration can choose to stabilize these markets and re-establish competition—but only through a consensus process that brings in a broader swath of the uninsured.”

This is how it might play out, per state.

The solution is very simple, obviously. Family plans for middle class folks run anywhere from $1,200 to $1,900 per mo. With that number set to explode higher, thanks to millions of less fortunate people now sucking off the government tit, it’ll likely force many of those middled class families to become naked and without health insurance. The landscape will change dramatically, over time, as the pool of paying Obamacare people shrink. The disheveled will ingratiate themselves with world class leading healthcare, while the slaves of the middled class die from the flu, as they’ll be unable to afford simple visits to the doctor for basic care.

In order to avoid all of this headache, the global elite inside the healthcare-government complex should REWRITE Obamacare and change it to the Clinton plan, once Hillary is elected. The new plan should MANDATE all citizens to become enveloped by this health insurance plan, through onerous taxes levied against them in the same method social security is funded now.

Also, there should be a one time tax of 50% on all assets being held in cash by people with a net worth of $100 million or more, in order to fund this great experiment that will make America healthy again. If you’re unable to find places to invest your cash in this glorious nation of 325 million people, the government will find a place to invest it for you.

Thank you very much. Have a nice day.

Instead of traveling to distinguished parts of Rhode Island or Maine, I wanted to mix it up a bit, so I went to Massachusetts. The locale was terrific and the scenery was great. But the people were of a wantonly barbarous sort. I’ve never seen so many angry people living in such a beautiful place, them and their Elizabeth Warren bumper stickers telling me to ‘GO FUCK YOURSELF’ for doing 50mph in a 55mph lane, with kids in their cars.

The Bernie Sanders folks up there are livid with life and are a vulgar people. The city of Boston should’ve been razed by the British many years ago and the land salted. Instead, those people are driving around angry as sin, foaming from the mouth whilst screaming profanities at a car filled with children. Say what you want about NY, but we draw the line when kids are involved. We’ll hunt you down quietly and kill you after the kids went to bed, sparing them the emotional anguish of hearing vulgarities.

But I’m not from NYC anymore and haven’t been in quite some time. I’d rather be dead than have to move back to that cesspool.

Looking over the market internals, I see apparel stocks were the best performers this week. NWY, URBN and FL led the way. Analysts are saying inventories are very low, heading into the holiday season. I am sure this will work out splendidly for retail investors. Jeff Bezos seems to be transfixed with printing lies at the Washington Post, in his futile attempts to derail Magnanimous Trump. I am certain he is no longer interested in turning all American shopping malls into landfills and America, as a whole, into a Matrix like dystopian society, courtesy of Amazon Prime.

Nothing can go wrong. The market isn’t rigged. That’s a conspiracy theory.

Good night.

Today I woke up to a burnt back and face, so I decided to head on over to the beach to burn some more. The waters felt like swimming in a large bucket of ice. I tried to utilize my naturally gifted athletic talents, but found that my forty year old body denied me the courtesy and instead froze under the conditions, placing me in a near catonitc state, fully exposed to the elements of Poseidon which sought out and attempted to drown me.

I was unlucky in my attempts to punch sharks in the face, as they cowered in hiding spots far away from my locale. Also, I ate a lot of lobster. Also, I bought more trinkets.

Because I’m traveling with my fucking dog, I mostly eat in the streets like a hobo. Tonight I had takeout in the streets from a Michelin rated eatery. It was delightful, in a bohemian way.

I see the stock market ripped higher again. Naturally, all of you are very excited. After all, this is your shot to break free from the chains of mediocrity and a middled class life. The market is your tit and the Federal Reserve is feeding you a rather intoxicating blend of milk and honey.

Ever wonder why regulations and high taxes never hurt those entrenched in power, meaning big business? It’s their moat. Along the same lines, just know, ‘they’ don’t want you to get rich. They want you slaving in the onion patch, beguiled and bewitched by the specter of riches. Like Captain Flint, they prefer that you chase the dream, indefinitely, for it keeps you docile and makes you think that you’re part of them. By the time you had the chance to figure out the ruse, you’re tired and old and uninterested in raiding the castle with pitched forks.

Be careful buying into crazy faced rallies, heading into September.

Tomorrow I depart back to Princeton, following a brief stop or two so that I might saunter and bedevil local merchants with ruffian styled negotiation tactics. I hope you’ve been enjoying the site while I’ve been away. The Option Addict hastens to make as much money as humanly possible, via prescient picks. RAUL get his Fox News on still. And Ragin Cajun is dealing with a city in ruins.

We used to have many writers at the site, some of which I truly enjoyed reading. But all things end, especially in blogging.

To that end, just know, “The Fly” is everlasting, the evergreen in a field of rotten midget trees. I cast my shadow far and wide, placing all other finance writers in the ‘fag box‘, to wallow and wither away–like morons riding horseback, harried into the middle of a fucking tornado.

From my locale in the northeast region of the United States, hailing from the land of schools, I bring all of you happy tidings and well wishes, as I lay slumbered in a corner sun burnt to a charred cinder. It was always a habit of mine, an avocation even, to ensure that my body had a sufficient amount of color, provided by the sun. I’ve never been obsessive to the point of, let’s say, George Hamilton or John Boehner. But I made it a point to build an immunity to the harsh celestial rays in order to possess a healthy look and to avoid classic white man’s folly, which starts and ends with oversunning and becoming charred, like a moron-idiot–until now.

I’ve been too busy to venture out much this summer and have instead crept about the house, creepily, writing stories of doom and spreading fear across America. This new lifestyle has produced a wantonly milkish tone in Le Fly, an Elmer’s Glue like quality, that when exposed to the sun becomes crisped and blackened, like a smoked trout.

After gallivanting about the beach community, a very sleepy town, a mix of well to do episcopalians still loyal to the crown and half baked meth heads walking around like zombies, I find myself now a bit burnt.

Aside from that, I had a great day, walking around and eating fish, purchasing trinkets and becoming one with the ocean.

I saw the markets went higher today and a great lot of you did very well indeed, circling the toilet bowl for good stocks, grabbing them right out from the coriolis effect and eating them whole.

The Fed doesn’t want to hike rates. Surprise, surprise. But the best place for your money isn’t in stocks, dare I say. The ark, aka government bonds, are the single biggest beneficiary of an easy Fed.

When I tell you that bonds are the best play, it isn’t because they represent the best opportunity. Forget about that. My entire career was built upon mountains of risk, playing with sticks of dynamite inside of gunpowder factories. Now that I’m semi retired at the age of 40, have a few dollars tucked away and a good enough investment portfolio to make most people irate with jealously, I’m more interested in the highest percentage win, not the biggest return. By my calculations, there is a far greater chance of making money in bonds, supported by central bank schemes, than in stocks. It’s a lay up, as far as I’m concerned. If the QE ends, so will my bond positions.

At any rate, tomorrow I fully intend to swim out to punch some sharks in their faces. I spied their stupid fins today and became quite annoyed by them. Therefore, tomorrow I intend to do something about it. Should I get eaten by said sharks tomorrow, just know, “The Fly” died a champion, a hero amongst sun bathers and ocean swimmers everywhere. Monuments will be forged from copper with my likeness, being shredded to pieces by a fucking hammerhead, whilst punching out the black eyes of a murderous villain with Herculean qualities.

Ten thousand salutations and greetings. I see that stocks traded down today. Don’t worry, I’m sure the monkeys will be sent out tomorrow with fresh purchase tickets.

Oil seems to be doing splendidly, in spite of the actual price, when compared to prices of last year, being haggardly. Be sure to purchase as many oil stocks as humanly possible, in order to profit from the House of Saud’s excursion into austerity.

Tomorrow in the day, I expect to break my fast and drink large quantities of black coffee. Any semblance of sugar even next to my coffee makes me physically sick. And, yes, I’ve come to this beach locale without a single pair of shorts. Gentlemen do not adorn shorts in public, lest they’re sauntering about the waters. I do not intend to swim in the water, as I have better things to do than get wet and play with the jellied fish and sea weed.

Also, I’ll be walking in Ralstonian arcs tomorrow, trying to avoid straight lines and perpendicular crossways as best I can.

I’m sure the site will survive without my intense presence this week. You should be fully supportive of our bloggers while I’m gone. I believe Ragin Cajun’s entire city has been wiped out again by a thunderstorm. And, Raul is getting his Fox fucking News on–hardcore.

God bless Option Addict and his larger than life testicles. I hope he grows them to be so big that he can barely walk without the assistance of a rickshaw.

Off to read a book and think about some sleep.

I wasn’t going to even mention that I was away, in an effort to keep state plans secret. As you well know, I’ve been developing the Orbital Space Cannon (OSC), for offensive purposes only, for the better part of the last decade. We’ve endured numerous delays, with regard to shortages of green lasers and depleted uranium. But we are very close to having a beta model, from which ‘trials’ could be conducted. You can sign up to join the trials by leaving a fucked up comment in the comments section.

In the interim, I’ll be sauntering about the North East regions of the United Steaks, discussing politics and other inane matters with the intellectual type in the land of schools. Do not attempt to locate my destination, for it might lead to an immediate removal of your mustaches, via large face punch to the mouth.

I am sure the markets will do well this week, as the stock Gods praise ramps and other crazy fucking things, all for the purpose of an end that remains unclear at the moment. I’ll be checking in at night, and possibly mornings, giving the lot of you Third Estaters small morsels of information regarding Fly in New England.

The fuck out of here with this shit. The ghost of Andrew Carnegie will ensure the price of steel climbs upwards of a billion.

“Our short-term forecast still features a September-October seasonal pullback as China’s steel demand and production rate abates,” analysts including Joel Crane wrote in a report. Over the past 10 years, iron ore prices have on average dropped in September, October and November, according to the report.

The “season is mature now; the reliable September-to-October pullback is nigh,” Crane wrote, adding that rising mine production in Australia and Brazil may also help to blunt prices. “Beyond the seasonal pullback, ore prices should also become increasingly capped in the second half by ongoing supply growth.”

It’s important to understand that the analyst community has been calling for a top, based upon trivial things such as macroeconomics and supply and demand superficialities, for more than a year. Little do they know, the price of steel is climbing on the same gas, the same speed, that is driving stocks. The price of steel doesn’t bend the knee to seasonal factors or Chinese economic slowdowns. The price of steel is driven by the balls of central bankers. Period, end of story.