Aunt Vivian Demolished Jada Pinkett for Oscars Ban

I truly don’t give a shit about any of these issues, people complaining about their lives, lack of awards being thrusted upon them and the like. But after I read the shade that Aunt Viv from The Fresh Prince of Bel Aire tossed at Jada Pinkett over her Oscar tantrum, I felt it was incumbent upon me to share this internet greatness.

First of all, Miss Thing, does your man not have a mouth of his own with which to speak? Second thing is, girlfriend, there’s a lot of sh*t going on in the world that you all don’t seem to recognize. People are dying, our boys are being shot left and right, people are hungry, people are trying to pay bills, and you’re talking about some … actors and Oscars. It just ain’t that deep.”

Hubert went on to call out the Smiths for making money from the same system (and with their own production company) they want to boycott. And she turned her attentions to Will:

“Maybe you didn’t deserve a nomination. I frankly didn’t think you deserved a Golden Globe nomination with that accent, but you got one. Just because the world doesn’t go the way you wanted it to go doesn’t mean you can go out and then start asking people to start singing ‘We Shall Overcome’ for you. You ain’t Barack and Michelle Obama, and you need to get over yourselves.”

Apparently, the Oscars is “too white.” Even so, Will Smith is still a super shitty actor.

Shares of NFLX are surging in the after hours on better than expected results, with regard to subscription adds. The reason for the beat is fairly simple: international adds. For the quarter, Netflix added almost 6 million subscribers, 4 million which came from international shores. The loafers and the loungers have made Netflix a massive success, as they squirrel away in their log cabins or huts made from adobe, hiding from the ISIS head choppers roaming about the neighborhoods outside.

With all of the violence and perversion taking place in the real world, people are opting to stay indoors and watch President “fuck You” Frank Underwood take executive action.

This is precisely what bear market rallies look like. The bulls were so depressed this afternoon, after witnessing a huge rally dissipate and dive into the rocks–with the NASDAQIRI lower by 1%; they started to write blogs about the ‘seals from hell’ being removed and centaurs visiting the NYSE to kick in the faces of its traders.

I digress.

The market dove into really deep waters and resurfaced with the courage of 10,000 lions trapped inside of a room with 10,000 circus clowns. We are in a bear market and stock prices will likely be appreciably lower in 12 months from now. However, along the way, we will have rallies. At the very minimum, we are overdue a charitable giving from our benevolent bear cousins who are likely to cover their shorts and start spending the proceeds on Lamborghinis, pear shaped catamites, and diamond wallets.

After the bell, NFLX and IBM are due to report earnings. Overall, considering the market didn’t completely wipe itself out today, I consider today to be a constructive step towards stabilization, something to build upon in the days to come.

The Dow finished up 25, giving up 50 points since I began writing this post.

Good luck.

Since the beginning of 2016, all stocks have traded lower. Inside Exodus, I keep an array of portfolios to help me assess risk. My old man portfolio is down almost 6% for the year, while my super risky bubble basket is lower by a staggering 20%. But today’s divergence is between the two is meaningful.

For the day, the bubble basket is down more than 4%, while the old man portfolio is up. To me, this is a positive development, as it means cash isn’t just being stored in treasuries or under the mattress, but also in counter-cyclical names. This could possibly be the very first sign of stability in this fucking livewire of a market in 2016.

Look for managers to start buying bargains next, which then might lead to a full fledged melt up.

I realize it’d a little unfair to place all of the blame on @Jack when @Dick was busy at Twitter, readily destroying the place for the past few years. Nonetheless, I find it amusing that he’s now CEO of two (count ’em) publicly traded companies whose share prices are broadly underperforming the market, both down about 30%.

If I were to take out my calculator, I’d find that the market value destruction, under a certain Mr. Jackard Dorsey, is in the range of $5 billion. In other words, he’s the Ron Johnson of tech CEOs.

Should @Jack be fired from both companies? Probably not. Is it appropriate for him to be the CEO of Square, whose market value is 1/10th of Twitter’s? Only an orangutan would do that.

Jack should quit being an orangutan and focus all of his efforts on trying to pull Twitter out from the grave it’s currently domiciled in.

Apple is leading an army of centaurs to the NYSE, where they will kick the eyebrows off all of its traders.

This is the very worst case scenario for stocks. Oil stocks are lower by 7.6% FOR THE DAY. Biotech stocks are down more than 4%, FOR THE DAY. Bear in mind, the lower these oil and gas stocks dive, the worse the debt crisis looms. Right now, it’s looming pretty fucking terrible.

Earlier this morning, at the open, I sold 1/6th of my SPY position–as scheduled.

Lastly, TWTR’s stock price is diving lower by 8% and SQ is down by 11%. In other words, Jack Dorsey is actively destroying the purses of all parties involved. He’s a destroyer of wealth on a monumental scale.

More on this later.

This is the rally we’ve been waiting for? Clearly the futures guys were drunk off toilet bowl moonshine, because this market is trying for lower prices.

Huge disappointment in commodity assets, led by oil. Huge let down in everything but SHAK.

Bottom line: I’m invested in a positive outcome for a bounce; but anti climatic opens like this is what draws men into the world of science fiction and mental insanity. I’ve never seen such a stupid tape, frozen in its own waste, unable to mount a mere counter trend rally.

Alas, the day is young. Perhaps this is all part of an elaborate rouse that will provide the markets the tinder it needs to set flame to prices and burn the flesh off short sellers.

Or this is a market destined for infamy.

Bob Parker from Credit Suisse is easily my favorite market strategist. I do not pretend to know more than him and will not debate the merits of his argument. If he thinks fears of a Chinese hard landing have dissipated, I’m inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt and surmise that the market is very soon going to adopt Bob’s opinion and run higher.

Truth be told, I’m inclined to think that nonetheless, as I am 200% long SPY.

Judging by European indices and U.S. futures, it appears the party has only just started.

Not to be outdone by the last guy who said China was really growing at 4%, Dr. Doom and Gloom, Marc Faber, said China’s economy was really growing at 4%.

I will see your 4%, Dr. Faber, and lower the bid to 3.5%.

Chinese GDP came in as expected, hitting 2009 lows of 6.8%.

“Growth is still soft but it’s not collapsing,” said Shane Oliver, head of investment strategy and chief economist at AMP Capital Investors Ltd. in Sydney. “Policy stimulus measures are helping but more is needed to help the economy as it transitions from a reliance on manufacturing and investment to services and consumption.”

Industrial production rose 5.9 percent in December from a year earlier, compared with the 6 percent median estimate of analysts and November’s 6.2 percent. Retail sales increased 11.1 percent from a year earlier, compared with the 11.3 percent seen by economists. Fixed-asset investment excluding rural areas expanded 10 percent last year, the weakest pace since 2000.

Hang on for a rebuttal from a certain Mr. Marc Faber.

DEVELOPING…