My Endorsement For New Tabbed Blogger

Chuck Bennett is a friend of mine and he comes with a package deal, being friends with “The Devil.” As clever as Chuck is at obtaining insanely accurate stock market calls, will he be a productive blogger? You have to ask yourself that question, gentlemen, when voting tomorrow.

Rhino is a work horse and does have a certain following behind him. But will he crack under pressure, the pressure of the big stage, once he is relied upon to deliver quality picks on a daily basis? Or will he go “John Rambo” on his effeminate city and end up in prison?

Clearly Raul is mentally disturbed. But he seems to have good work ethic, with thought provoking posts, even if they’re filled with shit pertaining to charts.

DCHsn6 is a spy with orders to disrupt the social fabric of iBankCoin (trust me). A vote for him is clearly a vote against the flourishing democratic dictatorship taking place here on a daily basis.

Truth be told, Elizamae is one of my favorite Blogger Network reads. His work is professional grade, even though he is a lowly traffic guard.

And then we have Maximus. I don’t know a God damned thing about this man. He hasn’t really campaigned against his peers, claiming to be “in bed, shitting, with the diarrhea.” I can’t speak to that. But he did make a nice campaign video, one that warrants attention because iBankCoin is always in the market for people with technical skills. After all, Chuck is great at being a sociopath. Rhino is great at killing people. RAUL is great at eating the brains of monkeys. DCHsn6 is a competent double agent, provocateur extraordinaire. Elizame is well adept at helping 5 years olds cross busy intersections. And Maximus, the underdog, makes hollywood quality videos.

As always, “The Fly” endorses the absurd and superfluous. Therefore, I vote for Maximus, despite the fact that his writing skills are exactly on a 5th grade level, according to The iBankCoin writing assessment analyzer (TiWAA).

Many of you are discounting “The Fiscal Cliff” as something to mock.

Dear friends, you are going to be enveloped in big government bureaucracy. All of the joys and splendour enjoyed under the Bush administration will be gone. A new era of higher taxes and punitive regulations awaits you and it will change the way you invest; you just don’t know it yet.

Companies will reduce and suspend dividend payments and newly forged healthcare dictatorships will force companies to contract their labor forces. Only thanks to the Federal Reserve and cheap money do you escape the pain of American austerity.

Having less than 20% cash, invested in high beta names, I am hardly in a position to claim “conservatism.” However, “The Fly” has plans for the month of January. I’ve told you many times before, the month of December is a non event. If it was a person, it would be called ‘persona non grata’.

The cold winter nights will reveal themselves in full force, only after you’ve inebriated yourself stupid, celebrating the new year.

I was +1.8% for the day.

VHC +14%
EXK -8%
ADTN- new
CROX +5%
SWHC -8%
UA -6.5%

In addition to that, I own some old man stocks, even a little FB and AAPL–but nothing too meaningful. I have nothing to hide here, playing an open hand for better or for worse. Do you think I give a shit what any of you think? I’ve got real world problems to deal with, patent litigation lawsuits against the largest corporations in the world to worry about, not the opinions of the meek.

Although my current roster of stocks looks like something out of the handbook for “INVESTING LIKE A FUCKING LOSER”, all of those stocks will trade higher. I don’t have an interest in executing stop losses in names that I know to be inexpensive.

The only thing separating “The Fly” from greatness is time.

I started a position in ADTN.

Disclaimer: If you buy ADTN because of this post, Obama will run and get elected for a 3rd term. And, you may lose money.

The classic early morning pump. Let’s see if this stupid market can hold its gains until 4. Don’t mind me, really. I am extremely bitter, upset at myself for making a series of jackass mistakes. It will all come together soon and I will be enjoying new highs. But it’s the process, the anticipation, that truly taxes my patience.

More importantly, early polling data suggests both Rhino and Chuck are locks for tomorrow’s election. However, the 3rd spot is still up for grabs. Perhaps one of the candidates would like to allege sexual improprieties or financial malfeasance?

I’ve been spending my days dealing with HVAC guys, talking to stupid people, laughing at how petty they all are. It’s amazing what these people will say for an extra 100 bucks. They’re all liars and thieves, offering amateurish sales pitches for dumb shit. Aside from that, I am back to working late hours, sleeping less than 4 hours per night. I view excessive sleep as something a slothish creature of mediocrity might partake in.

Speaking of which, may the Gods of lightening reduce me into a pile of ashes if SWHC doesn’t trade up sharply from these levels. My holdings were down another 1% yesterday, but have regained 1% this morning. I have no doubt that all of my stocks, especially VHC, will give up their gains by the end of the day. I’ve told you before and I will say it again, I am cursed and need to “obtain more karma” in order to get back to my winning ways.

Developing…

On wednesday, held at midnight, the global audience of iBankCoin will elect its next 3 tabbed bloggers. Said bloggers go into the task with a 99.99% probability of being fired within 3 months, discarded like deformed babies in ancient Sparta. Nevertheless, there are 6 men who intend to curry your favour.

Pray tell me, as of right now, who will you vote for?

PRE-ELECTION POLLING DATA

AS OF NOW, WHO WILL YOU VOTE FOR THIS WEDNESDAY? Chuck Bennett Rhino Elizamae RAUL3 Dchsn6 Maximus Current Results

For your information: Elected bloggers will be required to maintain a 3% share of overall site traffic, else be subject to mustache removal and instant firing at the end of their 3 month trial. At that time, new elections will be held to replace the deceased, mustacheless failed blogger(s). The bloggers from the Blogger Network do have a lower profile than the tabbed bloggers, being denizens of the less than attractive real estate of the site and without access to the iBankCoin corporate Twitter account. Nevertheless, here are the traffic stats for current contestants, as a percentage of overall site traffic, since the 1st of December.

RHINO 1.85%
Elizamae 0.37%
Raul3 0.33%
Chuck Bennett 0.22%
Maximus 0.22%
Dchsn6 0.14%

Hint: If you’re not using Twitter to promote your work, you’re a fucking idiot.

Have you enjoyed your year buying and selling stocks? Boy, I have! What a year of ups and downs, enjoying the pleasures of CATASTROPHIC declines and little minute melt ups–having to grind (No Vaynerchuk) my way up the ladder, only to come slipping and sliding back down. I look forward to the grand finale, starring The President and Congress in the reality television show “THE FISCAL CLIFF.”

I haven’t participated in jack shit as of late, but I am always filled with thousands, if not millions of ideas. I am a man of multitude, always on the look out for my fellow man. Speaking of which, during dinner this evening, Mrs. Fly made a serious plea to “make an effort to compile some Karma.” I have the slightest idea how that is supposed to help me. However, I did inform her to work on her own,  and that I’d buy it from her at later date, for a sizable premium. A fair exchange, might I add.

At any rate, let’s get to the meat of the post, the very essence of why you all come to iBankCoin, to learn and gather ideas pertaining to the stock market and how to kick a mustache off of a man without shoes.

In my cellar, I was working in the dark, assisted by the occasional lightening bolt, concocting plans and scouring the market through a network of super-computers for the next short squeeze. My criteria was simple. I said “computer, you fucking bitch, find me stocks that are shorted and haven’t gone up yet, but will soon.” After a 16 second delay, my super computer spit out the following results. You can thank me for them later, after you make millions of dollars from them.

ACCO

CTRP

CLF

CMG

ABMD

ADTN

HGG

BTH

It’s Xmas or Chanukah (sp?) come early for you religious zealots!

“The Fly” will now excuse himself from this venue in order to partake in pure debauchery.

Good evening and goodbye.

Every fucking stock that has been declared dead in 2012 has resurrected itself, turned into a fucking zombie, and ate the brains of short sellers in the way. Think about the upside reversals in GMCR, DECK, FFIV, VHC, FOSL, WNR, VMW etc. The list goes on and on. I now find myself with two losers, SWHC and UA, both getting hit in the brains with sledgehammers, one for BETTER THAN EXPECTED earnings, the other for the superfluities of fickle investors. It makes no sense trying to analyze why a stock is down anymore, since it’s only a matter of time before it finds its way back up.

I mean really, do you think people from Texas and Virginia will stop collecting guns? After all, Obama and his gang of thugs are going to ban them in two years. Because of this fear, one that keeps many a redneck awake at night, while tossing and turning on their constitutionally designed bedsheets, gun sales will continue to spiral higher and I will be redeemed as a victor in exactly 3 months from now.

As for the overall market: I CANNOT FUCKING BELIEVE ANR IS DOING WHAT IT’S DOING. Coal was supposed to be dead. The EPA all but said “go away you dirty coal bastards.” And yet, here we are, ANR is near new recent highs, a stock that I was very bullish on until Obama was reelected, pretty much summarizing my year. I’ve had many great ideas, but only a handful of them actually made me money. Although I am up nearly 20% for the year, I feel like I’ve aged 50 years accomplishing it. If I only had the discipline to stick to the names that I knew would work, I could’ve been up more and lived a life of leisure, something that is innately my right.

I added to my CROX position.

Disclaimer: If you buy CROX because of this post, your only daughter will be featured in a viral Obama phone testimonial, leaving your family name in shambles. And, you may lose money.

Enjoy the respite, small bitches from the internets, for the Fiscal Cliff looms and the government is going to take all of your money.

Generally speaking, I go out of my way to avoid answering questions of any kind. To me, questions are nothing less than obvious traps to be used against you in future arguments. Those of you who are married are well accustomed to the innocent questions a wife might ask, followed up by an inquiry of conquistador proportions. Never answer questions and try to avoid saying “thank you” to people who do not deserve it.

An independent analyst issued a terrific report on VHC today. I find it humorous how the private, self-directed, analyst is often better than the well resourced analyst at the white shoe firms. Think of all the short reports that were correct, making hedge funds small fortunes in the process. Where were the fucking analysts at the white shoe firms when all of this corruption and fraud took place?

SWHC is getting hit again, as is customary following an earnings day drubbing. I expect the stock to be under pressure for another day or two before rebounding. Due to a misdirected analyst note, SWHC and RGR are now “show me” stocks, somehow forced to prove that demand is sustainable through next quarter’s earnings reports. Or, perhaps if any of the two would be so kind as to offer a mid-quarter update, I imagine the analyst from Wedbush will be forced to suck a bag of goat dicks.

Silver and gold look great and I’ve managed to recover some of Friday’s 2% drubbing. But the day is young and the cliff is high. Nevertheless, I will be putting some money to work today.