The Greatest Thing in the History of the World

I am sick of talking about stocks. Stock this, stock that. You are wrong. You are right. Fuck on, fuck off and sing a song for Charlie; I could care less about your exploits.

I’m also sick of talking about “the blog.” Fuck the blog and how “cool it is.” In actuality, there is NOTHING remotely cool about writing for a blog. Whenever I tell people in “real life,” they just sort of look at me, as if I was some sort of internet weirdo. My reply, as always, “please visit my site, so that I can steal your identity and buy hamburgers with your credit cards.”

Most of you come to “Fly’s Blog” for a good laugh. But, unbeknownst to you, it is I who laughs at you. The more people who log on, the better—more laughs for me.

Okay, let’s talk about stocks:

They’re gonna go down. Sell everything, else get raped by a clown. WRONG. We’re “scud missiling” higher, taking all of the Death Merchants with us. Nah, just kidding.

For real, DEATH MERCHANTS will be knocking on your door shortly.

What’s fascinating about this post, which happens to be about nothing at all, is that you are stuck reading it, like a dog licking peanut butter. The art of nothingness can only be revealed by those who perpetuate a “plant-like” existence.

Since young, I’ve been known to win a lot, dating back to my MVP days in little league. I’m going through life with the help endless handicaps. For example: the market can go down 10% tomorrow, sending me to my local mental ward, level IV. However, within a week, I will be able to talk my way out of the rubber room and recapture all lost coin, and more!

I find no need to rush stock trades. It helps—a great deal— knowing that there is nothing the market can do to keep me down for more than 2 weeks. No matter the set back, I find a way.

Speaking of which, The Greatest Thing in the History of the World is taking a bowling ball and throwing it down Wall Street, knocking you fucking pikers into the dirty puddles—fucking up your bullshit “Men’s Warehouse” loser suits. You might as well wear a tuxedo to work. That’s how ridiculous you look.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lRrM6tfOHds&feature=related 550 400]

My foray into the insidious world of low priced stocks paid dividends, on the day of the Lord May 13th, 2009, in the form of large capital losses (paper). As amazing as it may seem, I executed zero trades today. I had the old “deer in headlights” demeanor going on today, much to the chagrin of the doomsday crowd.

I would mention my losers; but it’s too painful. I rather make believe today was a nightmare of sorts, where Freddy Kruger was chasing me around some filthy boiler room, cutting my face to ribbons.

According to The PPT, today represents the 3rd lowest score in its short history, with an overall reading of 2.17. There were two occasions when the score was lower, on 2/10 and 2/17. Also, there are zero sectors with a “buy” rating, out of 198.

Based upon past action, it is likely the market will trade lower, before it strips the bears naked and dumps them into hot pools of tar. With my 35% cash position, I opted to use it to buy dips, instead of hedging. However, knowing me, I could change my mind tomorrow. I’m volatile like that.

Off to eat a faux hot dog.

We’re gonna have a fucking party! Get your crack pipes and 40 ounces of Colt 45 ready, for we are celebrating THE REVIVAL OF EQUITIES or DEATH TO ALL EQUITIES. Either way, we’re having a party.

I was just discussing the economy and how it pertains to equity prices with a “worldly,” scholarly friend of mine, by way of digital telephone device. He is of the belief that “all is lost,” and the economy shall go down the sewer pipe, eventually conquered by angry Mongol’s who want their money back.

In a very honorable manner, I pointed him towards some “green shoots,” in the semiconductor sector and how the Government cheese makers were intent on inflating everything, including the stupid prices of bank stocks. As you could imagine, he rejected such evidence as mere “scams.”

I furthered my agenda: “We are in a process of liquefying the balance sheets of loser banks and loser CRE companies, as evidenced by recent secondary offerings.”

After that, the conversation devolved into some sort of caveman shouting match, whereby both parties threatened to exact physical harm to one another.

My point: I am open minded to some sort of magical recovery, although it seems like a stretch. Granted, unemployment is out of control and municipal budgets are laughable to anyone with a brain and a calculator. On top of that, I find it hard to believe the market will close higher for 2009, following an epic disaster in credit.

Nonetheless, my game plan, from late 2008, was to get long the second half of 2009. I thought the first half of ’09 would be horrific, which in turn would lead to an epic rally in the second. Perhaps I got my halves mixed up?

Only time will tell.

Bottom line: If you believe the economy is on the mend, it is your duty, as an asshole dip buyer, to allocate funds today. Across the board, stocks are down 10-15%. Either this is the beginning of the bear party, or the music equipment overheated for the bulls.

Correct me if I am wrong, wasn’t I just talking shit about being wrong, yet right. In an odd twist of fuckery, today I am right, yet wrong, if you know what I mean.

Let this be a lesson (of sorts) to me and people like me: Mother Market doesn’t give a shit about your time machine or ABRACADABRA ways. Just when you think you have it all figured out, BAM, the rug is pulled from your feet and you are beaten to a pulp with a titanium pipe.

The retail numbers were bad; therefore, the market—finally—has an excuse to rip the lips off of the bulls, especially the morons who like penny stocks (no offense to myself of course).

I haven’t figured out a definitive course of action yet. I do have a 35% cash position and a small tolerance for loser stocks. I may just cut losses—go to cash—then proceed to plan a new course of action. Or, I may decide to do nothing—go eat a sandwich—and wait for tomorrow.

Look, the market is permitted to decline by 10%, after a run up. You, as an idiot online guy, need to come to grips with losing money, with full intentions of making it back later. Or, if you are the insecure type, sell now, then do a bunch of stupid trades later.

Either way, the market is going to tax some of your gains. That’s just how this here game works.

For months I was in the deflation camp, telling all of you that money supply would vanish into thin air, taking the prices of everything into a mesmerizing, yet deadly, vortex. As a matter of fact, I declared, “Death to Oil” and “Death to Texas-Tea Baggers” on a number of occasions.

For the sake of reserving the right to claim such said victories at a later date, I will not recant such said prophecies. Instead, I will just play along, like an ignoramus, drinking the different flavours [sic] of tea, while making believe I am in some sort of cult-like inflation militia, whose job is to render the U.S. dollar worthless—indeud.

Many of you are scared of the rally, thinking it is ready to slap-chop your cocks off. Howsoever, I will tell you, old man, you have nothing to fear, for the Chinese are restocking their oil inventories, in order to attack America, via a large Pacific fleet, at a much later date.

My droll-like point:

Oil/gas stocks will trade higher. The market is following the whims of oil, no doubt. If you had a look lately, oil is about to bust through $60, on its merry way to $75—just in time for the summer driving season. I yearn for the days of $5.00 gas.

Back to my point, here is a list of under the radar names, courtesy of The PPT (all praise and encomium go to the developers of such an alien tool), for your perusal, which by way of market forces, may be worth your investment dollars.

SII. EXH, WG, WNR, MCF, ME, GHM, SD and of course FTK.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sXr4y9ZLKRw&feature=channel_page 550 400]

RFMD is a son of a bitch. Who knows why that cocksucker went down. Maybe the spring weather annoyed certain such said longs into capitulating? At the end of the day, all I care about is the gold bricks in my fucking vault.

Speaking of gold: I stepped in today, buying up some NGD. I can’t help myself. For some odd reason, I am gravitated towards the lowest priced stocks. I know this vexes many of you, too bad and fuck off.

“The Fly” is going through a phase; cop a walk. In the future, I will look back on these days and say “hey, remember when I was a degenerate OTB guy, buying pennies,” just prior to banning you from the site forever.

Aside from that, most of you cow fuckers got your faces punched off today, trying to short stocks. The market is going higher tomorrow and it will drag you—like a little bitch—through the streets screaming, providing you are not mindful.

Mindful of what, you ponder?

MINDFUL OF A SHARP CLAWHAMMER IN YOUR HEAD, I gather.

In closing, I like DELL, FTK, rfmd (cocksucker), CUZ, NGD, TWi, SFE and a few others.

Off to a little league baseball practice.

I bought 25,000 RFMD @ $2.22, 20,000 FTK @ $2.35, 2,000 CUZ @ $8.5 and 15,000 SFE @ $1.09.

UPDATE: I bought 25,000 NGD @ $2.13.

UPDATE: I sold out of my FLOW, north of $2.40

Disclaimer: If you buy the above stock because of this post, someone will throw a dead dog on your front lawn. And, you may lose money.

I’ve been out all day at some asinine meeting/event. Actually, for normal people, the event was rather enjoyable. But not me. No, I’m over there checking quotes every 5 seconds, like a neurotic nicotine addict, jonesing for a large cigar.

I see tech stocks are receiving multiple homo hammers today, including my RFMD position. For the record, may God strike those who bet against my positions.

I told you to wait for cheaper prices, while also saying the market should go higher. Try figuring that shit out, while drunk.

I’m tired of being a bear, betting against humanity and wishing ill will on banking execs. 2009 is the year of the kind, gentler Fly, who is still capable of punching your chest hairs off without provocation.

It’s time to practice what I preach, by way of defending some of my positions.

More on this later.