As a token of goodwill and affection, I have decided to hand out a free page from the Income Investment Report.

Feel free to click on the link to preview the research behind my ALDW position. Unfortunately, not all of the functionality will be operational, but that is the penalty of free.

To see the report in all of its raw glory, sign up for the service.

Thank you for a wonderful week and best wishes to you and your family from here in the 9th Floor.

As the summer weather sets in, as much as it pains me to do so, I simply must insist you spend a little less time here. Check in once a day, but no more. You are excused to spend all day loitering about my office in rain showers.

Life is short friends, so free yourself to enjoy it.

I made just one move this week, buying ALDW. I have also identified a position which I may short, either directly or synthetically. I’ll decide next week what I want to do.

The next issue of the IIR will be out this weekend. Make sure those of you who are paying members check in to collect your issue. You can reach me either on my wall or at [email protected].

Want to become a paying member? Simply click on the link to the Income Investment Report and follow through to receive 100 analyses per year over quarterly installations. We detail which high yielding positions you should and should not be buying.

We had the greatest market of our short dumb lives, and you just couldn’t be happy with that could you? We awoke, for months upon months, every morning to find riches and spoils filling our coffers and bread lining our pockets. My what a terrible situation…(extra sarcasm)

Now we have the market from hell, rising out of bed every morning bracing ourselves, not knowing if we’re to receive a few hundred points up or a beating down. But it doesn’t really matter either way, because these moves are only here to screw with our emotions. At the end of the month, they all average out to a big load of nothing. Sweat and tears and kids crying at their shadows.

I want back my bull market and I want it back now. I’m tired of being on pins and needles every single freaking day, worrying about the financial state of affairs in countries whose names and languages I can barely pronounce quite literally on the other side of the planet. Over half the US didn’t even know these places existed 5 years ago.

The currency markets and interconnectedness of trade is just ridiculous. It was bad enough going to war with these places on a global scale just a century ago. Now a smog laden city with a hand-washing problem in China gets a cough and I get rewarded with a sell-off in Chicago. Greece, inventors of public corruption, exercise their trade and I get a bond selloff in New York. Africa – AFRICA! – sucks and Europe teeters from that…I mean what else would Africa have?

Screw it, let’s erect some trade barriers again. Globalization inevitably boils down to having to trust that illiterate countries are meticulous with paperwork and mafia run countries don’t have theft problems. It’s almost uncanny, really.

Former position ETP just announced ink drying on an $816 million deal to sell retail gasoline assets to Sunoco; the second wave of such sales to Sunoco.

In a sense it seems like ETP is doubling down on their plans to serve as midstream logistics (notably to the Bakkens), oil prices be damned.

I really am very intrigued by certain key plays in the oil sector. I know they are a charred grounds right now, but that is historically where I make most my money anyway. I just happened to have had the bad fortune of being at ground zero when the sky lit up this time around. It happens, unfortunately.

There will be a few more energy sector ideas in the new issue of the IIR. I found one very tantalizing play which is completely shrugging off the US oil meltdown.

I have been busy working to finalize the next issue of the Income Investment Report. I will have you know that each issue is lovingly, painstakingly put together via a combination of analytics I have provided (the data engine of which is The PPT), which are then intensively vetted through an on the ground process.

With most financial newsletters (you know who you are), you get a computer algorithm – which an intern has kindly half-glanced at – telling you “XYZ stock saw earnings growth of #REF!% in 2014!”. This kind of offish offering is an embarrassment and I would never allow it.

Rather each issue is combed over by myself to ensure it passes muster.

You cannot reasonably expect an analytical approach on its own to produce winners all day long. The number of charlatans and hustlers outstanding dwarf the good…never forget that.

Accordingly, the number of false positives in any statistical work you undergo must be present. If you use a fair process to look for deals in a sea of liars and get only quality on the other side, you are being taken for a fool.

It is the job of the investor to carefully vet out the garbage. That is the second value we provide with this report. Make no mistake that we read hours worth of financial reports to make this happen, hunting for red flags and evidence that the metrics are misleading.

“Good morning lads, and my what a splendid day it is.

It reminds me of when I was just a boy, taking pennies for good honest work painting fence posts. I was a regular Tom Sawyer.

Would you like to hear a humorous anecdote about personal responsibility?”

(Waves his hand to clean up crew who start making off with burning wreckage of the latest oil rail car fiasco)

“Why I sure love quality management. No good management can ever be held down by any problem. I love buying companies with good management and…

…Woah! Don’t look behind you. Eyes on me, kid.

…now I remember when my textile factory failed. I was quite upset. But did I just lie down? No, no I got back up and turned Omaha into a capital for insurance. Not that I would ever own derivatives, no that would be reckless.

Oh…I uh…I see you looked behind you and saw the smoldering ruin of my monopoly. Well, the thing about that is…

…would you care for a peppermint? I keep them in my breast pocket, and hand them out to children. I remember my grandfather. He was such a kind man. Used to have the most whimsical silver hair and kindest smile.

I was just at the White House the other day, not making special deals for preferential treatment or anything. Have you ever met the President of the United States before? You should write him a letter and tell him all about what you like about jam.”

(Clean up crew flashes an “OK” sign, then leaves)

“Well my good friends, I do believe I must be going now. I have lots of Cherry Coke to drink. Har har har. Before I’m off, let me tell you how important it is to buy good companies at a cheap price. Make sure you pay your taxes and play by all the rules”

THE END