Asshat of the Week Award: Jordan Greenhall

 

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Jordan Greenhall, CEO of DIVX, is my enemy. This man tried to assassinate me, last night, with his fucked up earnings and retarded stock.

Owning DIVX is equal to eating at “The Fly’s” local Chinese restaurant, where the Phoenix dish (a lobster dish if you will) comes without “robster,” because that shit is too expensive.

Where are the fucking earnings Jordan? You forgot to put the earnings in the earnings report– you stupid bastard.

I wouldn’t want to throw small hand axes at Jordan’s face (not his real face, a photo) if DIVX just missed the quarter. This man fucking guided up, two weeks ago. He said business was flippin’ great– and everyone piled into his stock.

Luckily for “The Fly,” I had a chance to cash in some chips at $23, but not enough.

Trust me when I say, if it wasn’t for BWLD skinning the shorts alive today (major position of “The Fly”), I’d dispatch several internet laser beams, effectively destroying DIVX‘s bullshit website.

In short, unlike my local Chinese restaurant, where the owner demonstrates why he is true master, selling “robster” dishes, minus the “robster,” Jordan is just a plain ole’ vanilla gay asshat.

Hence, I give him the “Asshat of the Week Award.”

NOTE: “The Ducati” was right.

Congrats, dick.

 

Friday, May 11, 2007

In an unprescedented move, “The Fly” is awarding an entire bank one big fucking asshat award– for hiring William Ho, analyst from Piper Jaffrey.

In short, Banc of America wooed William Ho, from “Piker Jackme,” back in 2006. As a result, Mr. Ho released this gem, on April 24th, 2007:

Dendreon: Provenge approval likely as politics is a factor; efficacy a question – BofA (16.78 ) -Update : Banc of America anticipates an approval decision on Provenge by May 15th, under the condition of completing the Ph III IMPACT trial, and expect potential stock price appreciation in the near term. They understand that DNDN is well prepared for a potential launch and believe Provenge can be out on the market by late 2007. If approved, the firm sees potential upside to their price tgt to $29 (current tgt is $20), and if an approvable letter is received potential downside to $6.

Asshat!

Although Mr. Ho tried to check his bullishness for DNDN with a cautionary $6 downside target, it is obvious he was drinking the DNDN beer.

Since then, the stock is down an amazing 70%, inside 3 weeks.

Hence, BofA deserves the “Asshat of the Week Award,” for hiring William Ho, who just destroyed their entire biotechnology research department.

Nice.

 

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

The reason why Bed Bath and Beyond (BBBY) missed earnings, for the first time in company history, is because they are stupid.

Case in point: They started a chain of stores called “Christmas Tree Shop.”

So, during the Christmas season, I walk into one of these stores and guess what? There were no fucking Christmas decorations or Tree’s to buy. Trust me when I tell you, no one visits these idiotic stores.

I thought to myself, not knowing BBBY owned them: “this fucking store will be bankrupt inside of one year.”

I mean, why name the fucking store, “Christmas Tree Shop” if you have no intention of selling, umm, Christmas Tree’s?

Asshat.

In short, Christmas Tree Shops are 10,000 square foot, glorified 99 cent store’s. Furthermore, whoever came up with the idea to name a store “Christmas Tree Shop,” while excluding fucking Christmas tree’s from the store’s inventory should be shitcanned or given a gigantic Asshat Award.

 

Friday, June 22, 2007

Seriously, why would anyone short a company that makes irrigation systems, as commodity prices shoot through the roof and fresh water supplies, worldwide, dwindle?

Answer: Because they’re fucking asshats.

For the first time in “Fly history,” I am awarding the “Asshat of the Week Award” to an entire group of investors, LNN shorts. 28% of LNN‘s float is sold short.

After a mind boggling 15 point run, in two weeks, they have earned it.

NOTE: Bearshitter was runner up with his HANS pan. Oh, and Guy “toast my face” Adami did a shitty job defending the HANS story yesterday, on national television. He came in third place.

 

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

In an unprecedented move, “The Fly” has ordered an extra shiny trophy, made in China (lots of lead involved in production), to be delivered to a man named “Tom Au,” who is well deserving of this weeks “Asshat of the Week award.”

This man just took out his calculator and declared the DOW will go to 6,000.

He rambles:

But valuations since 1991 (like the 1920s) have reflected a “new world order” of American political dominance that is now being eroded by troubles in the Middle East and elsewhere, and a highly leveraged “new economy” that is looking flimsier by the day. By calling for stocks to return to prewar valuations, I’m stating my belief that the elevated profit margins, returns on equity and earnings growth of the past 15 years that supported recent valuations were a historical aberration, and that a decade (or more) of U.S. stock market progress is about to be wiped out.

Now that’s the type of market call “The Fly” respects, yet throws mashed potatoes at.

Fuck the bears who call for the average 10-20% dip. Tom Au is showing you, via elementary mathematical models, how the DOW can ‘shave off’ 55% of its value, in fairly short order.

Asshat!

What a wonderful world of silliness Mr. Tom Au lives in.

 

Monday, February 26, 2007

Hey, someone has to get this fucking award, why not Cramer? Last thing I need is for these asshat awards to start stacking up in my basement. I need to get these fuckers out the door.

Anyway, with the big dick-swingers from KKR eating TXU whole, someone is sure to look incredibly stupid. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, that man happens to be the Mad Money guru himself– Jim Cramer.

Let’s rehash:

On November 16, 2006, Jim’s “Mad Money” opinion of TXU was bearish.

Cramer was bearish on Hewitt Associates (HEW), Men’s Wearhouse (MW), TXU (TXU), Pacific Sunwear (PSUN), Amazon (AMZN), Abercrombie & Fitch (ANF), Genesis Microchip (GNSS) and Target (TGT).

On November 9th, 2006, Jim’s “Mad Money” opinion of TXU was bearish.

Cramer was bearish on Crystallex (KRY), SanDisk (SNDK), InterContinental Exchange (ICE), TXU (TXU), Frontier Oil (FTO), Ahold (AHO), Senomyx (SNMX), DSW (DSW), Kinross Gold (KGC).

However, just a day earlier, on November 8th, 2006, Jimmy was bullish on TXU. Such “flip-floppery” is unacceptable, and frankly– very “asshatish.”

Cramer was bullish on UAL (UAUA), Level 3 Communications (LVLT), Halliburton (HAL), Genentech (DNA), Amgen (AMGN), Celgene (CELG), Quest Software (QSFT), Transocean (RIG), Bema Gold (BGO), Yamana Gold (AUY), TXU (TXU).

NOTE: TXU‘s earnings came out on Nov 7th. Therefore, if he wanted to go bearish, Nov. 8th was the day to do it– not 9th. While it’s true, such small details escape those with “goat-brains”– it doesn’t vamoose “The Fly.”

Hence, the early Asshat of the week award goes to Jim Cramer.

 

Friday, March 02, 2007

I am sure John Thain aka “The American Psycho” has pristine business cards and perfectly ironed handkerchief’s. But, he also has lazy ass robots on the NYSE– fucking up trading days. In short, this man has replaced real men for internet robots. As a result, when the market crashed through the floor boards on Tuesday, the fucking robots went haywire, maybe a short circuit or something, resulting in the DOW nearly doubling its losses–in about 2 seconds. Talk about an orderly market!

Thain certainly does not give you that.

Pure asshattery. John Thain has earned this fucking trophy, with his internet robots and mechanical-like presence.

Perhaps he is a fucking robot too?

Congrats.

 

Friday, May 25, 2007

I’ve been waiting to give this man an “Asshat Award,” ever since the internets was invented.

When Greenspan was Fed Chairman, I hated him. I felt he was out to get me– with his dire predictions and fucktarded interest rate policy.

I remember when the dot com bubble popped and all “Greendick” could offer me was another interest rate hike. He, single handedly, expedited the market crash, by tightening until everyone choked.

Long story short: Fuck Greenspan and his new warnings of pending doom in China or recession in the U.S.

Asshat!

  

Friday, March 30, 2007

This man, Joel Sendek, biotech analyst from Lazard, is just making stuff up. On January 16th, 2007, Joel warned investors the FDA would not approve DNDN‘s prostate cancer drug, until 2009. Frankly, it is rare to find someone who can be so wrong, in such a short period of time. Luckily for the Asshat trophy award makers, Mr. Sendek is out and about– making all sorts of devastatingly bad market calls.

Hence, he gets this week’s “Asshat Award.”

I quote (Via Briefing):

“Firm believes that the complicated nature of the application, including secondary statistical analysis, may require a longer review period at the FDA. They continue to believe that the FDA will require data from the ongoing D9902B trial, prior to approval. Firm continues to expect approval in 2009 contingent upon survival data from D9902B, a trial that they view as more straightforward in design than previous studies.”

To make matters worse, Joel had a fucking “buy” rating on AGIX, prior to this swan dive.

Asshat!

Also, it’s worth noting, after AGIX fell 60% in one trading day, Joel decided to downgrade the stock to “hold.”

Double Asshat!

Finally, I have to mention, DNDN‘s prostate cancer vaccine was approved yesterday, nowhere near Joel’s 2009 target date. What the fuck? And, the stock is up 300% today.

Triple Asshat!

NOTE: Liisa Bayko of Next Generation Equity Research and Paul Latta of McAdams Wright Ragen both downgraded DNDN, prior to the FDA approval and deserve an “honorable” mention– when discussing important matters, such as “Asshat Awards.”

 

Friday, March 16, 2007

Without a doubt, the CEO of HAL deserves one of my Asshat trophies–for taking his oil-bitches to Dubai from Texas.

I mean, without getting into the political ramifications, is he fucking retarded? If the Democrats take the Presidency, they will skin this man alive. As far as I am concerned, he is Lord Supreme, Commander of the Asshat Legions–destroyer of the GOP marketing campaign.

Basically, Davey boy is a tax evading-fucktarded-oiltard. I spit on Davey boy.

Using his logic, all U.S. corporations should just move the fuck out of the country, because shit is cheaper elsewhere.

I’ll have you know, I was thinking about moving my family to Zimbabwe, in order to avoid NYC’s sales tax. Then, my wife found out, and cracked a ceramic salad bowl over my head.

Enjoy the middle east King HAL.