Stocks Futures Indicating the Bear is Coming

The Iowa caucuses are over and so is any glimmer of hope for a normal stock market.

Dow futures are sharply lower. France is having its gateau eaten for it and oil, naturally, is at the epicenter of it all.

Oh and an admitted socialist won last night’s Iowa caucuses.

Bernie is that grouchy old man next door that you love. He rants and raves about how fucked up everything is; and you indulge him because of his passion and because it’s humorous. However, if Bernie were ever able to become the leader of the free world, in some sort of twisted perverted way, that might put a different spin on old grouchy Bernie’s spirited verbose.

In his victory speech tonight, Sanders told Wall Street to fuck itself. A speculation tax is coming. Also, he said the word “billionaire” about 10 times, none of which were supported by a positive narrative.

Bernie gets elected: the Dow is going to 5,000.

She’s looks batshit crazy and Bill looks like a famished vampire.

She’s up by 0.2%, so it’s not exactly a win. But who cares, really?

Trump’s concession speech tonight in Iowa. He’s gonna go back there ‘many, many times’ and buy a fucking farm.

Onto New Hampshire.

Ted Cruz is gonna win the Iowa caucus, with 28% of the vote compared to Trump at 24% and Marco “Big Ears” Rubio at 23%.

The Donald humiliated himself this evening, unable to relate to the corn loving Iowans. Perhaps they preferred Cruz because he believes Jesus is going to come back to Earth in order to smite the human race for electing Barrack Hussein Obama?

With 99% of the vote in, Trump is barely 2,000 votes ahead of Rubio, an utterly useless candidate with the biggest ears ever placed on a human head.

Ted Cruz didn’t win tonight. The Teflon Don lost.

Ted Cruz, the Goldman Sachs candidate, is well ahead of Trump, at 31,000 votes to Trump’s 27,000– with 75% of the votes in. Rubio is right behind Trump with 22% of the vote. Anyway you slice it, the invisibility of Trump has been dispatched tonight, despite the fact that Iowa is an utterly useless state.

Nevertheless, The Donald is going to need to start spending more money on his campaign. Thus far, he’s used his star-power as an excuse to run it like an popsicle stand–running a misery campaign with a skeleton crew. If Trump doesn’t win in New Hampshire, he will need to really start using his net worth to crush all of his enemies.

On the dem side, Clinton holds a razor thin lead over Sander, 50-49%, with 77% in.

Ted Cruz has jumped ahead of Trump with just 7% of precincts reporting. On the democrat side, Hillary is taking Sanders to the woodshed, up 53% to 47% with 27% of the precincts reporting.

Republicans (47% in)

Cruz 22,674(30%)

Trump 19,855 (25%)

Rubio 16,285(21%)

Democrats (64% in)

Clinton 51%

Sanders 49%

Obviously, Goldman Sachs rigged the machines.

Dennis Gartman, obviously feeling his oats for making some accurate crude oil market calls, is firing confederate shots at T. Boone Pickens’ bullish call on crude oil. Gartman is a super bear now and cites the lack of insolation in Siberian oil pipelines as a reason why Russian oil will continue to flow–in order to prevent those pipes from busting loose (Serious shit, I am not making this up. He really said that).

At any rate, Gartman is the new King of crude oil, in dollar terms, as well as yen, and he’s letting T. Boone know what the deal is–dropping some knowledge on thew 87 year old oil man.

In a hilarious comedy skit, Cramer tried to sound impartial to the political process this evening, by practically begging Janet Yellen to initiate QE4, or send strong signals that the Fed will not hike rates, so that Trump or Sanders don’t get elected.

He feels either candidates will be extremely harmful to Wall Street.

He delves into the Fed’s policy and how awful a job Yellen is doing, quizzing their ridiculous stance against inflation when in fact it doesn’t exist.

In short, elect Hillary Clinton for the sake of Wall Street (rolls eyes so hard, they fell out of my head).

Wall Street is leaning heavy to the GOP this election season, mainly due to Dodd-Frank, which took away Goldman Sach’s ability to bank huge coin. Thus far, many of the donations went to the Bush dynasty, like morons. If Trump wins, all of their money will be flushed down the republican toilet, as The Donald is hugely belligerent towards the GOP, China and Wall Street in general.

On the DNC side, Morgan Stanley are huge Hillary fans.