Introducing a New Kindler, Gentler Exodus

For the past 10 months or so I’ve been cursing and hollering and bullying my dear members of Exodus — taking up their time with nonsensical faux moon landing theories and a sundry of recipes, which quite frankly, is both annoying and stupid. More than that, the vulgarity inside of The Pelican Room has reached an ebb that has cascaded and caused several long standing members of this fine service to email me profanities and cancel their service — greatly offended in a biblical and moralistic sense.

I’ve had some time to contemplate these rational complaints, and I’m sure many of you are expecting me to tell them to ‘fuck off’ or to go ahead and fuck their mothers or something ribald in that nature. But you’d be wrong.

See, I grew up inside of an oil field, in Central Brooklyn, in a little known enclave called “The Flatlands.” The Native Americans named it that thousands of years ago; and although the land was entirely flat for miles and miles and miles, just like the rest of the planet, they curiously never bothered to invent a wheel. But what they did do is discover oil, lots of lots of oil — and I grew up inside of those Flatland wells and heard men swear all day long, throw large wrenches at one another, and slap each other in the faces with hot mops.

This is why I am this way — because of my terrible childhood around oil men. This is another reason why I’m always trying to short oil — in a life long attempt to exact some cosmic revenge against those bastards for always throwing their lit cigars on my front lawn.

Now what does any of this shit have to do with my God damned trading room? I’ll tell you in just a minute.

I’ve listened to you all and agree — there needs to be a higher level of professionalism inside the Pelican Room. There’s a reason why every damned person whoever worked for me on the site has quit, or gone off to do other things. Bear with me as I work through my trauma.

The new Exodus will be solely focused on trades, actionable trades — such as the 15 for 16 winning streak of trades I am presently on. It will NOT include an iota of food recipes, theories on physics, politics, eugenics, family, movies, books, anecdotal stories, and most importantly VULGARITY.

A short while ago, one of my favorite long term members quit in an absolute rage — because I kept referring to the trading range as being inside of a ‘FAGbox.’ As a matter of fact, I affix the word “Fag” to just about everything and this is highly offensive. Such homophobia cannot be tolerated in this day and age. There’s a reason why after a decade on Twitter, I barely have 40,000 followers on the platform, been kicked off Facebook, tossed off and banned from Youtube etc. “The Fly” is highly offensive and not for everyone, again a byproduct of my horrible horrible childhood in the fields.

In short, my eyes are wide open to the issues presently plaguing and haranguing you inside Exodus. We are currently rebuilding the platform and it’ll come with a much bigger dick for you to fuck yourselves with and the next iteration will be splendid, bright and grande. All of these problems will soon be washed away, and we can enjoy equanimity with one another and set aside our differences and live freely and truly. I promise you that. If you have any other concerns you feel need to be aired out and leveled towards me — feel free to express yourself. This is a community after all, one that has churned and devolved over the past 12 years into a zoo of unkempt outcasts, flinging shit at one another. I will take control of all of this and martial in some resources and impose some law and order — keeping people in line — keeping focused on the BIG PRIZE of stock market winning, lambos, fancy vacations, and really large houses.

If you enjoy the content at iBankCoin, please follow us on Twitter