iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
23,563 Blog Posts

Mission Impossible — Plus Help in Firing Your Investment Advisors (Happy Saturday Series 65 Retards)

I saw Mission Impossible last night and was a little perturbed that Hans Zimmer was not on the soundtrack. Even worse, it appears Lorne Balfe, the person who did the soundtrack STOLE from Mr. Zimmer’s style. You’ll notice the haunting “tick, tick, tick” melodies throughout the movie, something that Zimmer did effectively in the Batman movies.

Overall, it was a terrific movie and it lived up to the hype.

Before I head out today, I’m gonna do some research in Exodus — and perhaps sketch up some new tools to be added to it this Fall. My friends in the investment advisory business haven’t the slightest idea what they’re doing in the market and it always amazes me how intelligent business people think they need the help of 40-sometihng boozehounds to manage their money.

Here’s the top rated stocks in Exodus.

Want to trade? Pick a few of those and place stops at 10% below cost.

Want a longer term stratagem?

Here’s the stocks with the top Sharpe’s. Sort them out by sector and buy two in each one. There, now you have a diversified investment plan that will look identical to the shit your advisor is peddling to you.

Getting older, need to plan for retirement?

Simple. Buy some munis, AAA rated corporates, and some large cap dividend stocks to mesh with your portfolio. Your moron advisors will say your bond holdings should be equal in percentage to your age. If you’re 55, you should have 55% of your portfolio in bonds. He says this because he’s an idiot. No person should ever have more than 25% of his portfolio in bonds. I don’t care if said person is 100 years old.

Lastly, worried about junior and his college fund?

Simple. Set up some 529 plans or UGMAs/UTMAs and pay them like you would your electricity bill. Have them structured to follow the benchmarks and watch the assets grow to enormous amounts over time.

There, now I just saved you 1% management fees per annum and the trouble of having to deal with incorrigible advisors.

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9 comments

  1. ferd

    Good plan, however:

    Will the adjustment when this liquidity coke party ends be as bad as the 2000 Naz crash?

    Will it be worse?

    Adjusted for inflation, 18+ years after the Naz crash, we are still not back up to 2000’s highs. So if you’re talking about some old fart in his 40s …18+ years is all he’s got.

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    • Dr. Fly

      We’re not gonna crash you absolute retard.

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      • masteroneass

        The market has crash written all over it. FB was the tip of the iceberg. The SOFTWARE MAFIA stocks are only overvalued by like a couple trillion.

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        • masteroneass

          I believe the dot com thing crash started with Microsoft in 2000. Stocks just don’t lose $120 B in one day because things are going good.

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  2. heaterman

    Speaking of investment ideas…

    The following facts are well known.
    1. Fossil fuels can and do pollute our planet.
    2. Fossil fuels will also eventually become more scarce, difficult to obtain and therefore more expensive.
    3. Given the current trajectory of both economic and population growth, there will likely be serious energy shortages by 2050.
    4. Unless a quantum leap in energy storage and capacity is made within the next 5-10 years, Solar and wind will never be more than marginal interim players in the energy field.
    5. Hydro projects are limited by geography and tree huggers who decry the inundation of flora and fauna drowned, villagers displaced and historical sites deluged.
    6. Of energy sources on the landscape right now…barring any breakthroughs by Elon (praise his name) there is only one viable source capable of meeting humanities lust for EMF. (electro motive force
    That is nuclear based power.
    Now before you run from the room howling like a banshee with your hair on fire…hear the rest.
    There are, right now, as we speak, startup companies on the verge of producing reactor assemblies in a factory environment rather than site built. This will sharply reduce cost of construction and also make it simpler by an order of magnitude.
    These reactors are of “new” types; pebble bed and molten salt.come to mind off hand.
    Actually molten salt had been around since the 1950’s but our government heavily subsidized water cooled versions because the idiots back then saw nuclear power as a prime mover of our Navy.

    So my question is this.
    Is anyone following what is going on in this field?
    Are there investible companies on anyone’s radar or are they all living in VC land and unobtainable by common men?

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    • moosh

      Good question. Pretty sure you got fake newsed by an actual dinosaur trying to tap the like button

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    • ferd

      …and some of those technologies promise to consume the tons of nuclear waste that we have already produced and are now faced with securing and storing for a couple hundred thousand years.

      Anyway, don’t let the ‘fake news’ guys dissuade you from injecting the occasional intelligent post into this forum.

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  3. ironbird

    Cruise was a child actor. Let that sink in.

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    • joshua

      I believe he was an adult, which is besides any non point you were gonna make. Tom Cruise isn’t a human anyway.

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