Queen Yellen, of Fed Fantasyland, spoke to the people today, performing his speech with a grande eloquence that we’ve grown to expect from her highness. The pageantry was superb, as she spoke down to us from her high pedestal. The crafters of this treatise, presented to us today, should be rewarded with both land and title. For after she gave it, a singular tear rolled down the side of my face.
In it, the Queen declared global headwinds made her stop hiking rates. She’s a very benign monarch and always looks out for the people. In this instance, she demonstrated a certain magnanimity that is only found in the greatest of humans. She’s spared billions of people around the world from the pangs of starvation by keeping rates artificially low.
She furthered that if said headwinds, most of which are unseen and indiscernible to the plebian eye, that she might resume the construction of a higher interest rate economy.
Isn’t it so grande?
Lastly, I’d like to mention her attire was of the first magnitude. Those wooden pearls draping her stubbed neck, coupled with that white blazer with the collar flipped up, were nothing less than divine.
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She’s like Michael Jordan. No, hold on, she’s better than Michael Jordan.
Under Armour should sign Janet Yellen.
“Under Armour presents: Janet Yellen… better than Jordan.”
Dude. Obviously Keeblers is the one and only.
“a singular tear rolled down the side of my face”, nice touch sir.