Please pardon my tenor as this brief post is intended to achieve catharsis far more than educate.
How silly of me to think that I could try to prognosticate what is going to happen on the stock exchange and make a reasonable gamble based on experience. I say to myself: “come on dumbfuck, markets get sliced to the tune of 15%, then immediately rocket higher in a “V” shape all the time…as if the data and sentiment that sent us lower is magically irrelevant”.
Yes, my disbelief is primarily harbored in the fact that I’m caught going the wrong way in this torrent…I’m VERY close to being squeezed. The reward for hanging in is potentially tremendous, the risk is steadily mounting…and it is starting to become painful.
Early on I was surprised and slightly puzzled with how calm I was in relation to my position size (this is highly abnormal…as I trend toward dangerous compulsion when I put on a large trade). Hell, I even went to lunch today and completely forgot about it. I’m still not sure if this serenity can be attributed to complacency or an innate sense of patience.
As the day wore on, the losses mounted…and I started to become far more agitated with the nature of the market. In hindsight, there was an undeniably bullish momentum from about 11:30 EST onward. As this became more apparent, my confidence definitely started to deteriorate.
(Here is the part where I mildly plead to the Stock Market Gods)
I’m not looking for black smoke and shards of metal…just a “garden variety” retracement will do. I assure you that this mentality of wanting lower stock prices is not one that I heartily embrace…I’m an optimist by nature…I’m just looking to trade patterns that I’m familiar with. Many thanks.
Nevertheless, I have yet to liquidate a single contract. Barring a large rally on Tuesday, I’ll be making a decision about (at least) a portion of this position by the end of trading on Wednesday.
My best to you all.
-EM
