iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
23,328 Blog Posts

How Can I Help You Morons in 2024?

I did a poll last night on X to better understand what sort of returns people enjoyed in 2023 and was, quite frankly, STUNNED by the results.

Look, I know the trading environment has been hard, lots of ups and downs. But for the year, the Nasdaq is +46%, S&P +20% and even the retards in the Russell are +6%. The only way you managed to lose money in 2023 was through sheer obstinance — opting for swing trades with terrible timing tricked and fooled by the prevailing winds. Simply put, you were a slave to your emotions.

I am now going to show you 3 of my accounts.

The trading account is my sandbox, where I play in all day — have fun and really exercise my intellect to its maximum potential. Some might find it difficult to follow all of my day trades and I hoped that members of Stocklabs would cling to methods more than my picks to create their own stratagems. But alas, people are lazy as fuck. The Tesla Focus is my monthly $TSLA allocation account and the Quant is a monthly allocation, where I have zero input. That is straight up machine learning, up just 2% for 2023. I will be making some adjustments to that for 2024.

It did rather well last year, all things considered. Here are the returns for the quant since inception.

And now to my point.

I haven’t blogged about stocks since 2005 for no reason. I didn’t quit my lucrative money management job and take a 90% pay cut just so that I could boast online about how great of a trader I was. If I was you reading me I’d be skeptical too — some fuck named after an insect trying to cajole me into giving him money for some service which I’d likely think was a fucking scam. FUCK OFF FLY!

I will do it for free, to a limited extent, here on iBankCoin or my posts on X. Why are you such a bad trader and what can I do to help? Look at me, charitable and grand. I am here to assist you in staving off the poorhouse, in order to preserve your dignity and home. It’s very possible that if you do not seek my FREE COUNSEL, your wife, kids, and cars will leave you.

You’re probably really good at changing tires or slapping tiles down on the floor. My skill is high finance, understanding the market and using the emotions of people in it to trade in advance of the next move.

Perhaps in 2024 I can be more instructional with my content, attempt to instill some trading and investing tenets instead of talking shit and attempting to convince you to join Stocklabs. However, you really should join, since it’s the best way to access me 24/7. Also, consider the fact that I’m a really fine person, perhaps the best person alive, and Mrs. Fly is out and about spending all of my money on things we do not need. I have a knack for offsetting her consumerism exploits; but as I age and grow closer to the grave — she might in fact outspend me into the poorhouse myself, which would be richly ironic — financial guru beset by heavy losses at the shopping mall.

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