JP Morgan Makes Headlines By Offering Retarded Opinions

America’s largest and most prestigious bank is out with two wholly different types of statements today — one pandering to lunatics who want to upend the US economy by forgiving $1.6 trillion in student debt — the other is from some analyst who calls into question the quality of the present bull market. In both cases, both people are retarded.

Market commentary by some moron.

Cyclical stocks typically tied to economic growth have failed to regain the ground lost in May.

Only defensive groups like consumer staples and utilities have confirmed the S&P 500?s new highs, J.P. Morgan’s chart analyst Jason Hunter points out.

“Rally leadership doesn’t inspire a lot of confidence yet … In our view, that cross-market divergence can only persist for a short period of time, and the S&P 500 Index rally potential is limited under the current conditions,” Hunter says.

CEO of JPM, Jamie Dimon, pandering like a motherfucker by saying ‘what we’ve done’ via loaning money to people to attain higher degrees of education and better jobs, is a disgrace. What!?

JP Morgan chief Jamie Dimon says we need to “fix the broken parts” of student lending in the United States.

“What we’ve done is a disgrace and it’s hurting America,” Dimon tells Yahoo Finance.

With $1.6 trillion outstanding student debt in the United States, student lending is crippling many Americans. Today the average college student graduates $30,000 in the debt, up from $10,000 in the 1990s.

Pray tell me, in this competitive world, what is the alternative? Should we have the poor and middled class work at Amazon slave factories and only the rich kids get the good jobs? Or, are we going to give free education to all American students? Not that we really care about balancing budgets and funding liabilities anymore — but how in the fuck would that be possible? I know other countries do it — but we’re up to our eyeballs in debt and it’s only getting worse.

Alas, it is a waste of my breath.

Full disclosure: I’m not going to tell you anything in this post.

I bought a basket of blockchain related stocks based off the idea that everyone in the world will soon enjoy a lambo in their driveways, based off the BTC surge.

Also, I am not selling my hedge today, maybe tomorrow.

GTG — ciao.

Let’s count the ways, shall we?

Sneezing non-stop to the malady commonly referred to as ‘allergies.’ I just think I’m allergic to the earth.
My Quant is HAMMERED down 0.6% on an up day.
Gold is down, so my gold stocks are LOWER.
My hedge in SOXS was more than a hedge, but instead my largest position — due to my greed — HAMMERED down into the dust.

On top of all that, I have another showing request for today, a nice couple would like to walk thru my house with mean and critical eyes, stepping through my belongings and flippantly requesting another showing after this one is done — only to low ball me an offer that makes me want to rip someone’s face off from their skull.

Will SOXS rebound? I am down 5.5% from my basis — but it feels like a lot more. Holding onto it seems like a silly thing to do, especially when my own algorithms told me not to.

Observe the painful part.

Admittedly, buying SOXS was a low probability play and I said it — but it still hurts. That fucking Micron — I will never forgive you for posted better than expected results at a time and place when I was long SOXS.

Hey, hey, hey. Wassup wassup wassup?

You though the lambos weren’t going to be driven by 17 year old HODLers anymore. You thought wrong. Lo and behold, BTC is above $12,100 now, well on its way back to all time highs. As a point in fact, I am so convinced that BTC will break $20,000 soon, I will pledge to saw off my own arm on Facebook Live — should it not occur.

Random Lambo

Look at the chart of BTC now and tell me you’re not mad at yourself for mocking it when it was down in the dumps.

Your old man generation made their fortunes off Wall Street, buying buildings and fixing them and waiting two decades for the hood to turn around. Nowadays, Gordon Gekko is some kid trading on Binance — because it’s SAFU making mounds of TAX FREE gains. The IRS can never catch them.

This lambo alert is now over. Go buy some ELF coin and rest well knowing all of your money is safe.

There’s nothing you can do now, Trump-tards. The overlords at Google will ensure this gets top billing world wide and that all dissident voices of hatred are summarily banned and stripped from the internet, demonetized and demonized and starved out of existence, shamed posthumously as Nazis and white supremacists — flag waiving jingoists and klansmen all the same.

On July 17th, Robert Mueller will testify in public, bringing down House Trump and all of its craven immorality. This of course is only news here because it might rock markets. I’m not sure how President Pence would affect my share prices; but my hunch is indifference.

Either way, get ready for Mueller for he is coming for your President’s scalp, once and for all.

God Bless America and may her wars bring her fat fortunes and low levels of casualties and unlimited promotional footage for the US armed forces and token gestures of appreciation for the brave men and women who fight every single day for democracy and freedom.

Get back into your fucking unicorn houses you fucking faggots. The bears are now ruling over Wall Street with very heavy hands — beating anyone looking at the market sideways. You should know, readers of this site have been warned about shit rolling over. Just last night I told you all of the cool kid IPOs were being splayed out and gutted and today — everything is getting gutted — sans gold.

You’d be wise to apply hedges. I was very wise to do so several days ago. The grandiose members of Exodus are well aware of my actions, unlike you freeloading plebs. I will also have you know, Le Fly is concerned about the recent news flow.

Best Buy’s chief merchandising officer says: “American manufacturers may lose share almost immediately to foreign competitors whose products are not made in China and, therefore, not subject to price increases in the form of tariffs.”

HP’s general manager says: “For the printing supplies industry, these tariffs do more damage to the consumers and intellectual property holders like HP than it will do to the IP infringing products.”

Hallmark Cards’ manage says: “Given the industry practice of printing the price on the cards, a tariff will present a pricing fiasco. We simply can’t raise prices.”

Federal Reserve Chairman Jerome Powell stresses the central bank’s “independence” in a speech.

His warning about policy caving to “short-term political interests” comes amid intense pressure from President Trump to cut interest rates.

He also stresses the importance of policies that will “sustain the expansion.”

The fuck does it all mean? Why are rates under 2%? Is it really happening this time?

Nothing is different. Things will always play out the way they always have and minor disruptions in the everlong march of mankind towards prosperity will continue. I am merely warning you to a slight parlay in said march, a brief interlude of pain and perhaps some misery that you’d be wise to ignore. The summer doldrums are here and there is nothing you or your stupid friends can do about it.

Because of the recent rally in SHITCOINS, we’re seeing immense interest in NVDA — because millennials are firing up the olde crypto puzzle decoding machines in Moms basement, in an effort to mine fractions of a fraction of a bitcoin. These machines run very hot, and also draw an immense amount of energy — and could cause blackouts for entire neighborhoods. All of this is reason enough to arrest these people and commit them to asylums. But it gets worse.

They also leverage their brokerage accounts and buy shares of NVDA — based on the idea that GPUs will be flying off the shelves, now that their lambo making machines are back up and running again. This is retarded thinking.

Mysteriously, shares of NVDA just won’t buckle or bend these days, perhaps reminiscing of the days when the company actually had year over year revenue growth. Nowadays, the company bleeds out revenues and then offers promises of resiliency — thanks to the pipe dream of AI and how they’re so wonderfully intertwined with having humans crash their cars into tractor trailers whilst drinking a martini with two hands.

In short, when NVDA cracks lower, and believe me it will, then you will see a deluge of selling — ironically due to AI driven Quant selling, at which point the semi index will crash asunder and we can crack on with the summertime correction that seems to harangue us each and every year.

Old man value stocks did well and high beta retard stocks REKT. There’s nothing more high in beta than the recent string of high valuation IPOs.

Let’s have a look at the most current crop of retarded high valuation shit POs.

DAILY CHANGE:
PECK -39%
KERN -14%
RVLV -12%
DTIL -11.4%
ZM -11%
BYND -9%
PD -8%

The list goes on and on and on.

What have I been telling you to do?

Get long VALUE stocks and to pair down growth. What happened today?

See KMB.

What have I also been telling you?

BUY GOLD.

Why?

Let’s take a look at a post inside my private tutoring service, The Capstone Programme:

Ignore me at your own peril.

What fools you all are — fiat currency HODLers. I equate your stupidity to those holding Bitcoin at 20,000 or perhaps Confederate money after General Sherman took a torch to the entirety of the south.

Good people of iBankCoin,

I speak to you a free man from the shackles and the chains of fiat. Our leader, PETER SCHIFF, is out there, really out there, extolling the virtues of solid gold bricks. You can take said bricks and smash them into the soft skulls of grocery store clerks in exchange for their provisions. Nothing has been a better STORE OF VALUE, if you will, than gold. You can hearken back 10,000 years and you’ll find the gold coins ruled dominion over the economics that presided over earth.

It was only after the evil Federal Reserve took us off from the gold standard that stocks and everything else went higher, leading to unmatched prosperity and innovation in the history of the human species. To which end, human boys and girls now think they’re all gay or anime figurines, text messaging each other dressed as stuffed animals — speaking in Japanese. You can thank the Federal Reserve for that too.

If it were up to me, we’d go back to the gold standard, solid coins and bricks, and get rid of the cesspools that is the city — wipe away all of the urban areas and make everyone farm again. We will go back to the earth and produce food from it and pay for our seeds with small pieces of gold that our sons have mined from the nearby creek. This is the way humans should live, not tweeting each other from gay brothels and bathhouses, while securing series C funding from a bunch of vampire satanists who vote for Bernie Sanders every time as a joke.

You can thank the Federal Reserve for that too.

Curious as to what gold miners I am long? TOO BAD fucked face — that’s for Exodus members only.

Raising cash, booking profits — doing what needs to be done ahead of a hot hot summer.

It’s all fun and games until the President of the United States tweets something outrageous and it sends markets in a tailspin. I’m not bearish, just cautious after a nice healthy run. I booked a loss and two profits today and raised some cash. I also bought another miner today, which I consider to be equal to money.

Rates are lower, the dollar is getting hit — gold is surging. What more do you need — an engraved invitation?

Look, I cannot do it all for you. At some point, you’ll need to start making your own decisions. Buy some fucking gold miners, raise some cash, maybe even throw on a hedge here. It’s not the worst idea in the world. We live in a terrible terrible era of chicanery. Do not think for a second that this detente can last forever. Eventually it all swims down the sewer pipe and into the alligator pits and everyone gets swallowed whole.