MAGIC…POOF!

“I’m sorry but something is really ripping apart my brains here.” (ZOMBIE, CHOMP!)

POOF!

That was me doing fucking magic, making lots of money disappear, vanishing into thin air like accountability when blogging.

As you can see by the swagger in my penmanship, I am getting cartoon raped in QCOR, ALJ, TZA and VXX today, while making a SINGULAR penny in CPST and nothing at all in TIF. All of this, despite my big, bountiful, and handsome, cash “hoard” has me sitting in the great big, tall grass, off by 1.25% for the day.

As I sit here, getting Breitbart’d by the market elements, I am taunted by a wide array of stocks bottle rocketing higher. For the love of gay giraffes driving ice cream trucks, even FSLR is up.

Sure, you fuckers are sitting there LAUGHING at my plight. Let me tell you something, as a matter of fact: if any of you cow suckers were near me, no matter how disabled you may be, I’d punch all of your teeth out like chicklets on a roller coaster. You fucking pussies don’t have the weapons to approach Le Fly. I have moats and trap doors, orital space cannons (OSC) and internet deathrays pointed at your cabezas.

I can sit here and discuss my accomplishments and how much bigger my dick is than yours, but I DON’T WANT TO FUCKING DO THAT RIGHT NOW! Frankly, and justifiably so, I am a great danger to myself at the moment. My blood is not only boiling, but curdling (if even possible). My brains are wacky, making me see mirages, like every stock I own down and all of the shit on my “IMMEDIATE BUY LIST” up. It simply cannot be the case. My eyes must deceive me.

Phantasm!

I sashayed out of TIF.

This morning the government announced over 220,000 jobs were added to this industrious economy in February, pointing to a robust recovery, allowing me to gasconade around my european friends because we have all of the jobbies and they have none.

At this point, the US unemployment rate is effectively zero. Anyone who is without a job is either independently wealthy or a criminal, who’d prefer the avocation of armed robbery over cleaning toilet bowls at the airport. Truly, we could not ask for a better President than Barracks O’bama. I realize a great many of you think he is “evil” or some sort of doped out Indonesian with a secret Koran fetish; but the truth of the matter is, he is a killing machine.

When he stepped into office in 2008, there was a “terrorist problem” and unemployment situation that needed to be dealt with. Fast forward to today, all of the fucking terrorists are dead and the unemployment rate is zero. Plus, just when you thought life couldn’t get better, we all have free healthcare and have made millions of dollars in the stock market.

If I was Romney, I’d throw myself into a lit fireplace, wrapped in pig fat.

Lucky me, QCOR reported weaker than expected script numbers this morning. Go fuck yourselves. I don’t give a shit anymore, since the money is easily made back. With these jobs numbers behind my fucking sails, I will be buying all sorts of shit today.

Now you just sit there and stay-fucking-tuned. Don’t you get up, not even for a second, you heathens.

The Think Tank at iBankCoin for Economic Studies and Foreign Relations, in conjunction with The Grande Recursive Order of the Knights of the Lambda Calculus, puts forth the following policies that will solve the global financial crisis, which is plaguing governments and citizens alike.

The current policy of plugging holes is only staving off inevitable sovereign defaults, instead of eliminating it. We propose central banks should buy ALL OF THE SOVEREIGN DEBT, through the explicit activation of the printing press, then forgive that debt in order to allow governments to spend liberally for as long as they deem fit.

If you are a bank or a sovereign government in possession of Greek debt, the ECB will buy your debt for 100 cents on the dollar, with the creation of “CURRENCY BALLS” to be shipped to your office or wherever you might be domiciled.

If you are an investment manager at Socgen or the government of Germany and receive one of these in the mail, just know it is worth $1 trillion dollars. This is LEGAL TENDER and can be exchanged for smaller balls ($100 billion, $50 billion and $10 billion increments) at any bank in the world, for discretionary usuage.The gist of this plan is to “create jobs” through aggressive monetary easing. Instead of having to deal with the annoying budgetary restraints that debt imposes on sovereign governments, the Think Tank at iBankCoin for Economics Studies and Foreign Relations strongly recommends the creation of giant balls to be denominated in $1 trillion increments to eliminate any and all debt, for as long as governments deem fit.

Under this policy, we project Greece will be debt free, and in the black, as early as next week.

I started a position in QCOR.

The problem with being in cash is the constant desire to invest for quick gains. The easiest way to fuck yourself, when trying to be conservative, is to make exceptions for “quick trades” for “easy gains.”

Here I am contemplating putting money to work and I find myself going up the risk ladder, gravitating towards highly speculative stocks for the sake of making a “quick trade.” Truth be told, it’s wishful thinking and counterintuitive to what I am really trying to accomplish. For example: I am in cash because I think the market is risky (obviously). In the past, I’ve went against my conservative bend in order to make “quick trades” only to get stuck in the back of a jam sandwich, long asshole stocks, heading for massive losses.

I am writing this so I can see the flaw in my current mindset, on the blog, for the world to see.

SHAME ON ME.

Do you want to know what stock is at the very top of my buy list?

FSLR

Why?

Because DECK is springing higher and I am thinking heavily shorted stocks like FSLR and GMCR will be “the next ones to go.” Do you know how retarded that sounds?

Look, maybe FSLR is a buy here, after getting the shit kicked out of it for the past few weeks. However, if I invested in it and the stock started to head lower again, I would likely throw myself into a lit fireplace, due to breaking my rules.

What are said rules?

Don’t invest in industries that suck dick. At the moment, I have a select few industries that I feel are to be avoided, at all costs: coal, solar, natural gas. Everything else is fair game.

Bottom line: often times, when in search for the fast money, large, slow, losses are realized instead. My advice to you and my gambling alter-ego is to sit tight and follow the rules.

I am a bit panicked by today’s gap up in futures, frankly. I see everyone else on ferris wheels and roller coasters, having the time of their lives, eating cotton candy and popcorn, and all I can think of is ” boy, do I wish I can throw those people into the gears of that ride.”

My situation is as follows:

I am long VXX tits and a TZA steed, alongside egregious amounts of TIF, CPST and ALJ. Actually, let me retract that whole, fucking, sentence. My cash position is north of 60%. Therefore, I am sitting on the sidelines, a mere spectator in the game of money changing.

However, I had grandiose designs of buying dips and taking advantage of the margin liquidations of others, like a vulture gnawing away at a corpse.

This is what I have to choose from, as far as dips are concerned.

(2 week return)

MTW -12.8%

ALJ -11.5%

EXK -9.5%

LUFK -8.4%

CREE -7.2%

JOY -13.8%

BTU -13%

TCK -11.6%

FCX -11.6%

JNPR -10%

POT -9%

CLF -8.5%

FSLR -37%

DECK -24%

TC -23%

ADTN -20%

IAG -11%

AG -10%

My choices is pretty straight forward: buy into the Chinese sensitive stocks, despite signs of a slowdown, or wait for the market to come to its senses.

Ha!

My point: there are dips to buy and perhaps this is a good opportunity to step in on some of the above names, for a trade.

All that aside, TIF is still my top pick.

A blog war that is, one that I support with full vigor and tenacity. Without droning on about how much of a lowbrowed, degenerate, miscreant, TIM is, in every meaning of those words, I know for a fact that he is a danger to any investor, mainly because he is a two bit huckster and mountebank of the worst order, fleecer of all that is good and worthwhile.

I give you poetry in Lindzon G Major:

Timothy Sykes is a despicable person. I feel a bit better just finally writing this even though I know it won’t stop him from scamming people.

That said, I have worked hard enough on this blog to build a trusted following that will help pin some real insight into the search engines that lead people to his awful websites. This is a public service, get it off my chest post.

I have a pretty open door policy. It is obviously dangerous. It is easy to find me. The big danger I have learned is that not just lazy and dangerous people can walk in with a good pitch, but extremely cancerous people.

Timothy Sykes barged through my doors in 2007 and as a favor to him (after we had been purchased by CBS), I introduced him to the crew and he was a guest on the show. He shat on our brand. Ha. Good one.

When I started Stocktwits he would email over and over saying he wanted to be an angel investor. He knew one of my good friends an angel investor as well in Stocktwits. I said he could invest. Phil Pearlman and Soren almost killed me. They were pissed. I said it could not hurt. Wrong.

Within a few days, Phil had blocked him, his spam accounts, his mother (seriously) from spamming the site with penny stock ideas and putrid behavior. But, he (his dad) was an investor and I had my head down. He went away for a bit.

When Soren and I started Stocktwits, we would argue over ‘filling holes’ early. I thought there should be a Twitpic for charts. Soren said let the community build it. Timothy Sykes wanted to build this for us. Soren and Chris thought it was a bad idea. I wanted to go fast. We agreed to pay Tim and his ‘partner’ $10,000 and 50 percent of ad revenues for the finished product. Very simple contract. Chris and Soren rebuilt it a year later but we honored the contract. Chris is still mad at me and rightly so.

In the end Tim sued Stocktwits (honestly we have no idea why) and ran up his legal bill (I heard this from a source who was friends with the attorney who was not getting paid by Tim), north of $40,000. We had dug in because of the silly claims. We settled with Tim for an amount very close to his legal bills, but I have no idea if Tim paid his attorney. Tim continues to harass me and friends and other people on the financial web. That will never stop. I have offered Tim an interview on this directly if he would show me that he paid his attorney. Pretty simple request. That was a few months ago and he replied that his ‘lawyer’ said I must be tricking him.

The good news is Tim sold his Stocktwits shares. He said at the time, he needed the money (well before the lawsuit). He made $15,000 from my count (enough to cover some of his legal bills).

Genius.

I don’t even want to go into how awful his websites are or how impossible and misleading his profit claims declare. I do want to warn people. Here is an email I received from an acquaintance just last week who got the Timothy Sykes penny stock pitch…

Got a phone call from Tim Sykes crew…LOL They asked me to trade with them…then turned around and asked me to buy 5K worth of ‘training material’. I listened to the spiel and all the talk….bottom line is they wanted me to pretend like I was a new trader and be willing to do interviews based on money that I had already made…and attribute it to Tim’s system….lol wow.

I have more. It’s the same stuff under different websites he fronts or hides behind. People hate him and like sharing their hatred of him. Like I said in my title…Tim is a cancer. This is the Wikipedia definition of ‘Malignant Tumor‘ and it does describe Tim and his web tactics pretty well.

For the first time in my blog I will turn off my comments as this is not a discussion for me.

Source: HOWARD

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FDnpqEuiieo&feature=player_embedded#! 603 500]

He sold batteries to none other than THE EVIL NATION OF PERSIA (No Xerxes).

So I find out late in the session that “The Devil” is buying VHC, suggesting it’s going to $80. At the time, the stock was up just $1. It should be of little surprise to you to see it up more than 12% today.

Also, shall we discuss FSLR? What the fuck is going on there? This is one of those moments that defines buying opportunity or precedes a full fledged implosion of a company. Although my gut is telling me to stay away, the stock is very compelling at these levels.

I managed to lose 0.1% today, thanks to a late day implosion in VXX. My number one play is TIF, going into earnings on 3/20. If Sterne Agree is correct in saying there is a 0.92 linear correlation between TIF and equity prices, TIF is poised to beat earnings, handedly.

Tomorrow is D-day for Greece, with regards to debt restructuring. Again, I’m not interested in that news story; but instead, I am fixed on Chinese related stocks–commodities and industrials alike. Should money continue to flow out of these stocks, I will redouble my VXX efforts.

My buy list includes: MTW, CREE, TDC, ROSE, EXK, BID, TRIP and YELP

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZP4kioRtqLE