12 So, I used to be a bouncer/security at the biggest bar/club in Santa Barbara, CA. Said club, used to have an 80’s night on Tuesdays that went off, hard. It often went off the hardest during “dead week,” or the week before finals for SBCC and UCSB. BigBird was at home studying and UncleIV was down at the bar on the back patio getting hammered on over-priced drinks. UncleIV convinced BigBird to come out and ditch the studying for the night. UncleIV was out on the bar’s patio with all his “peeps,” already hammered.
So, BigBird heads down from his house, just 10 blocks away. He flashes his ID at the door, then goes to find his friends in the back. He is wearing an 80’s themed outfit of T-shirt, headband, and shiny silver “warm-up” pants. UncleIV sees him coming onto the hard floor of the patio off of the soft wooden dance floor. What does he do next?
Well, UncleIV decides it’s a good idea to fake the “high five,” drops levels and “pants,” BigBird. when he “pants'” BigBird from the front he trips, OH NO! When he trips he falls forward, when he falls forward, he falls directly into BigBirds “D.” Said “D,” was thus dragged across UncleIV’s face and found itself into his mouth, seriously. So, he thought he was playing a hilarious joke but ended up with his friends dick in his mouth.
So, think about that the next time you want to “pants” your friend.
The Once and Future Rhino
12 Responses to “Summer Sausage”
The Fly
come on. GTFO
Rhino
I swear on Physics, my life, and everything else.I am 100% serious.
Sur Platonic Platueu Du Tecnocrats, B.R.A., D.J.D. upon Rookness.
Your killing me Rhino.
What’s this $hit!
Deud. Makin’ SB homo???
(Head shaking in total disapproval)
(The Blind Man would definitely be random speed dialing bebe’s instead of drunk bar hopping).
Sounds like Shakeez.
Q’s is under new management; professional contemporaries.
Blue Agave still under sound management.
Rhino
It was Q’s, and not homo, extremely funny.
Sur Platonic Platueu Du Tecnocrats, B.R.A., D.J.D. upon Rookness.
“Pass Line – do not Collect $200”
lol.
OK.
drbigboss
i will swear by oath that this actually happened unfortunately. was pretty hilarious. afterward everyone was silent and said two guys both just left without a word and went home…hahah
MX2101
Years ago, a co-worker informed me that he was going to be out for a few days because- He was walking around the poolside at home, slipped and fell backwards onto a porcelain duck, and the duck head went into his anus. I wished him a speedy and uncomplicated recovery, and never discussed it with him again. That would, of course be a brown swan event.
Rhino
LOL
elizamae
There are many lessons to be learned from this tale.
Rhino
Last time UncleIV tried to “pants” me, (a few weeks ago, and yes he is 30 years old) I tried to lean back so he got ass in the face. He doesn’t learn.
The Fly
this is the biggest homo post ever.
Rhino
Don’t get so sentimental.