Putting Things in Perspective, You Are an Asshat… AAPL

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In 2002, I was working on the Athabasca Oil Sands Project (AOSP) at the Scotford Upgrader in Fort Saskatchewan, Alberta. It was the first Mega Project I ever worked at and I remember being in total awe of the magnitude of the jobsite and sheer number of workers that was employed there. I kid you not, I have never seen so many fucking people in one place at one time EVER, excluding a Stanley Cup Finals game or a U2 concert…

They brought in all sorts of people from engineers, pipefitters, welders, boilermakers, and electricians to  architects, elevator mechanics, teamsters, carpenters, and scaffolders from all over Canada and the United States; I was foreman of a crew of 12 and not one single person was a local; they booked up every hotel in the entire Edmonton and surrounding area, hired 130 buses to transport 65% of the workers to and from the jobsite; and what was normally a 20 minute commute to work, took over 2 fucking hours to get home after work because of all the traffic generated from that jobsite.

The money was abundant and it flowed freely; I don’t think anyone that worked there for close to a year made less than 6 figures.  Yeah yeah, relative to all you Wall Street types making cold calls to fuck old people in Ohio for $500K a month, this is chump change. But for a lowly hourly wage worker in Alberta, post 9/11, this was pretty good coin and the place to be at the time. Fuck, it was the first time I grossed $130K in less than 10 months; not including what went into my pension, full health and welfare benefits, and other job incentives, like free gas cards every now and then.

Weekly brass pools where if one lucky employee bought a raffle ticket that week and got his name drawn, he took home a big green garbage bag with a $180K cash in it.    There were weekly job incentive draws for TVs, boats, and quads.. The client, Shell, in addition to the little trinkets, such as Swiss watches, GPS units, lawn chairs, camping knick knacks they handed out to everyone every month, they also gave everyone incentives such as airmiles so they wouldn’t quit.  I received an egregious 18,000 airmiles in which a third of those afforded me a free return trip for 2 to California for less than my 10 months of employment there.

Scarcity of exotic metal welders led them to cut their own side deals; a welder from Nova Scotia on my crew, who was only 1 of 3 that had an inconel ticket, worked a week in another part of the plant on some high priority job and cleared $6500 in 4 days with paid cab ride to and from the job from his hotel. 

An electrician even made $80K selling chocolate-covered almonds fund raising for his kid’s dance club in 6 months!

But even with all the “easy money” being made and all the incentives to attract tradesmen from all over North America the client was practically throwing at us all, the turnover rate on that job was a dreadful 50%; for every 10 workers hired on, half of them either were fired or said, “fuck this shit, I’m outta here!”

I remember every 2nd day, if not every day, there was some sort of altercation or dispute, whether it be someone fighting with security guards, or with the bus drivers, or other workers, or their foreman.  There were even a few wobbles, where the entire jobsite walked off the job and rioted in the parking lot over a fucking fence the client built around the construction site so to keep workers from going offsite to the parking lot for a toke. And in another instance, a wildcat occurred over rubber boots of all things. 

The peak workforce for the $1.1 billion 3-year fast-tracked project was 10,500 workers with 23 million manhours expended. 
Now let’s put this in persepective, shall we?

Yesterday AAPL sold off and continuing to sell off this morning because of the disappointing number of iPhone5’s sold over the first weekend and also due to Chinese workers involved in riots taking place at the Foxconn factory where they make these iPhones. 

 

Apple announced they ONLY sold a dreadful 5 million iPhone5’s in 3 days; barely a touch more than the 4 million 4S’s sold in the first 3 days last October; and professional analysts were expecting more to the tune of 8 million to 12 million units sold; there were even calls for 20 million sold. ONLY 5 million?? That’s only HALF of what the majority of the analysts were expecting!!  What a fucking joke, right? Disappointing to say the least.  Apple must have problems with their supply chain. Could be the lack of demand for the new iPhone… This is BAD news. SELL AAPL.

In 2010, Foxconn reported they were producing a required 50 million iPhone 4s per annum.  That comes to about 137,000 iPhones made every day; 1.5 phones per second.  So, by the time you finish reading my little rant here, a bunch of Chinese kids, the same age as my own kids, has just pumped out 5 of these fuckers. 

 

Lunch at Foxconn

So, to sell the disappointing 5 million iPhones, these slaves that work at this factory took over 35 days to make them, taking into account, technology and on-job training has improved since 2010 and they are pumping out a rounded up figure of 140,000 iPhones a day now.  To make the expected 20 million iPhone5’s, Foxconn still would have needed 5 months to make them. 

So, you asshat analysts were expecting something that gets made in an astonishing 5 months to be sold in 3 fucking days!!  And Apple expects to begin selling iPhone5’s in 22 more countries by Friday… Are you dicksuckers just pulling numbers out of your ass now??? Have you seen the iPhone5?? It’s not like they’re making chicken McNuggets here…

Foxconn has got 78,000 workers in that iPhone factory alone. Upon thinking of all the problems we had at Shell on the AOSP job with only 10,500 workers and trying to keep them from quitting and fighting with each other, that little scuffle at the Foxconn barracks was sweet fuck all comparably. They have reopened the plant last night and are in full production again today. Foxconn also makes Kindles for Amazon, computers for Sony, Acer, and Microsoft, Motorola, Nokia, HP, Nintendo, Cisco, and Dell…

Only Apple can sell “much less” than these $500K per month analysts expect and still be “sold out“.

Does this not tell you dicksuckers selling AAPL today MORE about the overbloated expectations of asshat analysts than the problems with Apple???

Something to think about.

More perspective: Samsung took 2 months to sell 10 million Galaxy S3’s… 5 million iPhones in 3 days isn’t so bad in my books…

Hockey Season is Upon Us.. I’d Like to Punch You Fuckers in the Face!

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Cut and pasted from my personal blog:

 

In awe. Shellshocked. Flabbergasted. Stunned. Agog. Appalled. Blown the fuck away.

Just came back from our eldest kid’s first hockey practice and team parents’ meeting. And running through all of the above mentioned emotions…

A former coach of our kid, Jayden,  once told us that he probably wouldn’t get a fair shake in evaluations until the PeeWee level because of his size and the fact he was a defenseman…

Never in a million years did I ever expect he would move UP from playing not bad, certainly not his best, evaluation scrimmages, to play in the group with kids that got cut from the Rep team and played tier 2 last year…

The kids at this level are bigger, faster, meaner, much more aggressive, and have no qualms about bashing their buddy’s head into the boards… There was even a kid on this team that got a concussion in his first evaluation game. Nice. Big difference from where our kid played last year…

The parents are not as loud as them vagabonds in the Novice and Atom levels but much more fucking cliquier…

While we are elated our kid placed on the highest tiered team he has ever landed in all the yers he has played on in his first year of Pee Wee, we’re not so pleased we also landed on the “money is no object when it comes to MY kid’s hockey” team…

So with the extra ice time the coach ALREADY BOOKED FOR THE FUCKING YEAR, Jayden will be on the ice 6-7 times per week MINIMUM… And the team, most of whom played together for the last 5 years (the clique), want to do 4 tournaments with a couple out of town tourneys this season; not necessarily in Phoenix AGAIN, but at least one tourney where the kids get to stay in a hotel… And the team coaches has suggested they want to hire a fitness trainer/ nutrition consultant to aid in the kids’ diet and training regimen… Operating budget goal for this season: $20,000.

Fuck me running sideways on a treadmill with a TV up my ass, I haven’t even been to Phoenix yet! We can’t find ANY teams to play hockey against in Western Canada?? You know, I think it’s wonderful alot of you fuckers can go full retard to the upside in spoiling your ONLY child, but there are some of us that have more than one child and they are in hockey as well.  In fact, my other son’s Atom team’s total budget for the season is $3600.00 with an initial cash call of $1500.00; and that’ll include some additional ice times, at least one tournament, and a year end party for the team. 

OK, the money is one thing. Quit being such a fucking piker, Heisenberg. It’s for your kid for fuck’s sake! You got the cash. Fine. At a higher level of hockey, they need the ice time to groom them to get better and faster; I get that.

But for the love of straight men on Pinterest looking at home furnishings, where the fuck do you dicksuckers FIND THE TIME???

Doesn’t anyone have a fucking real job?? EVERYONE is self-employed and makes their OWN hours?? I guess all this is also a “write-off” too; which means pretty much “free” in Alberta for some reason.  So, WHEN the fuck do they fit in homework?? And supper for that matter???

Maybe it’s just me but I could swear these kids are ages 11-12, and still not vying for spots to replace locked-out NHLers..

Fuck hiring a nutritionist, I’ll vouch for a paid psychiatrist for all the psycho-hockey parents on the team…it’s gonna be a looong winter… I guess things could be worse.. I could be bitching about my kids getting pounded by guards at the Foxconn factory for rioting…

I see AAPL is punching me in the fucking face this morning over selling ONLY 5 million iPhone 5’s in 3 fucking days in the US alone and all the bullshit at Foxconn… Still hanging on long as fuck despite the Constanza-esque selloff.

Good Morning.

Don’t Bother Upgrading to the iPhone 5….

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My 5 is on the truck for delivery since 4:32AM this morning…

 

And from all the complaints from everyone I know who has never owned an iPhone, online and off, I guess I made a HUGE mistake. It’s not worth the upgrade from what I’m told.

I, for one, am quite disappointed I will be missing out on seeing how many fanboys that have been waiting in line for an iPhone 5 since Monday suddenly get up out of line and run to a fucking Samsung store to buy their Galaxy S3 because they so happen see a couple of people smash their ridiculously large as fuck Samsung screens together, then take pictures with it after…ooooh.

 

BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT HAPPENS IN REAL LIFE!!!

That’s how easily fanboys, who’ve been sucking Apple dick since the Mac toaster days, change their fucking minds… “Oh no, some old hipster Boomers with BMWs and big houses and money just cut in line, time to buy a Samsung… we’re not cool anymore..”.

When was the last time you saw two people within 10ft of each other with Samsung phones?? Nevermind the SAME phone and tapping them together??? ALL THE TIME.  Did Apple not get the memo “the next big thing is already here”..???. I mean tapping phones together hasn’t been this big since Crackberry vagabonds were doing it 2 years ago…

And these “Maps” complaints? Totally valid. Fuck those Apple bastards! Do they not know that is why we buy smartphones in the first place?? For the GPS!! And I expect pinpoint accuracy for every fucking urinal in every city around the world from ALL my GPS’s…And, even if Google had no intention to upgrade their maps on the iPhone EVER, I expect all this and more from Apple… how dare they change the Maps App?

Yes, I do admit I’ll miss the novelty of Streetview too. You never know when you’re gonna feel the need to see what your house looked like 2 years ago or what your neighbour’s dog taking a shit looks like  when the Google van drove by…

 

Why I will miss Streetview…

And those of you who feel the new iPhone just “isn’t revolutionary” enough to upgrade, I understand. Your StarTac served you well for years, there’s absolutely no reason your iPhone 3G won’t do just fine as well; it IS “the same phone, same content, and same operating system…”

Don’t you KNOW it’s a fucking conspiracy– those computer geeks are taking over the world and they are trying to control us… How dare they make us CHANGE OUR CABLES when we switched from CRT monitors to flatscreen LCDs!!!   Totally understandable why everyone is soo pissed about the new adapter.  Well, fuck them Apple dicksuckers– our pentium machines running Windows 3.1 runs just fine and dandy for what we need to do with them even after we dropped them in water; we’re smarter than them and never will we be assimilated into the Matrix…

 

You see, we are quite content with that big ass tube TV in a wooden box in our basements and our 1982 K-Cars… You see, when we went from Black & White TVs to colour and from horse & buggy to gasoline engines, now THAT WAS REVOLUTIONARY!!! Everything else since then has only been small tweaks…and not revolutionary at all. Fuck you Apple and your upgrade cycle.  “Innovation at Apple died with Steve Jobs”… WE WANT SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT… perhaps a flip phone with a dinky keyboard??  Or a stylus!! Like the Note!! Apple has always been known to get rid of shit everybody wants.. look what they did to the Newton!!

 

The Next “Big Thing”

Damn. My sarcasm button on my keyboard is stuck on FUCK YOU again… Is it obvious?

Monthly OPEX today. It will be interesting to see MM’s try to keep this under the 700 roll when there are no sellers…

Good Morning. Good Luck in all your trades.

Why Did I Buy the iPhone 5?

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Recent press releases from AT& T and Apple says they are selling stupid as fuck amounts of the new iPhone 5 in the past  few days.. Luckily I got my pre-order within the first hour.. So why am I getting the 5? Especially since I upgraded to the 4S barely 11 months ago?

Sure.. the new iPhone will have 4G LTE speeds, a bigger screen, more memory, etc. etc. You don’t need me to give you all the specs… 

I’m don’t  really see myself as a fanboy, more of a fan-old fucker nowadays and I do still enjoy my nerdy tech gadgets.. but that’s not it. 

And I quit trying to impress my peers eons ago… plus they’re all still into their granite countertops and stainless steel appliances around here anyways.. so that’s not it either…

I was parked outside the supermarket the other day while the wife ran inside to pick up a few things. Not 10 seconds after I park, some dirty old street person walks up to my car and taps on my window to ask me if I had any spare change so he can catch a bus.  I roll down the window partially to tell him, “Sorry pal, got no change, I only use plastic… Now how ’bout you get the fuck away from my window..”

  He then walks away from my vehicle to meet up with another street person working the other side of the parking lot; the other guy must’ve been a colleague by the way he was pushing the shopping carts full of bottles and garbage bags… I kept a watchful eye on them for a bit as I’ve heard in the news some of these vagabonds may vandalize your car or get violent sometimes when they don’t get any spare change…

Much to my surprise, both reach into their overcoats and pull out cel phones and start texting like a couple o f crazy teenagers… Not only did they have cel phones, they were both using  iPhone 4’s;  I can tell not only by the recognizable Otterbox they had protecting them but because that’s the kind of psychopath that I am…

Being an AAPL shareholder, I was quite elated that they had iPhones but like fuck if some dirty vagrant clad in a burlap sack begging for fucking bus fare is gonna have a nicer phone than me!!! 

Nevermind trying to keep up with the fucking Joneses, it’s all about staying ahead of the dirty vagabonds these days…

Dsiclaimer: Got the black/slate 64GB… should be here Friday..lineups are for suckers. And vagabonds.

 

 

In all honesty, I could use a 10% pullback in AAPL here… that way I can go from stupid as fuck long to retarded as fuck longer… 

Good Luck in all your trades.

A Message From the Edmonton Oilers..and a Reply.

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“A message to our fans and partners:
 
As you are most likely aware, the Collective Bargaining Agreement between the National Hockey League and the National Hockey League Players Association expired this past Saturday, September 15. Since the two parties were unable to reach a new agreement by that date, a work stoppage is now in effect. We remain hopeful a new CBA will be reached in the near future and the 2012-13 NHL season will commence with minimal interruption.
 
We assure you our thoughts are mainly about you during these troubled times. Oilers fans have carried our team to greatness many times in the past and you can be assured that we spend every day working on plans to repeat those achievements for you, as soon as possible. In the meantime, while this dispute is unsolved, we thank you for your patience and your loyalty.
 
Patrick LaForge
 
President & COO
 
Edmonton Oilers”
 
 
FUCK YOU PAT. If you and your huckster cronies gave even the slightest inkling of a thought about “the fans” at any time throughout this entire this bullshit money struggle, we would have hockey right now, no? I’m not gonna lie to you, I’m embarrassed to be an NHL fan tonight. Not as a hockey fan, but as an NHL fan. Again, fuck you.
 
Sincerely yours,
Heisenberg
 
PS. Fuck you. Just because I’m sure you didn’t get the memo on the first two.

Good Times Here Again….

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Four years ago today, Lehman Bros filed for bankruptcy protection

For some of us, it was beginning of the end of the world as we watched in horror the stunning series of events that culminated thereafter as that moment changed the financial landscape of the entire world forever… Our portfolios, our pension plans, and our retirement funds simultaneously were going to $00.00 right the fuck now…if you weren’t already dead, you wished you were..

For the rest of you dickless vagabonds living in homeless man tents eating beans and lard from a fucking can, it was just another Monday….you went to work, sucked dick for overtime, then carried on with your rakish lifestyle of checking and re-checking the Real Estate Weekly Guide to see if your home went up another 3 bucks in a week…

We’ve come a long way since the Lehman moment: The DOW is closing in on all time highs again and investors are feeling pretty fucking good about themselves.

This is time of year when main stream media likes to take stock of things and reflect back and ask such fucktarded socio-economic populist questions: Are you better off now than you were four years ago?

Fucking A, Bub.

 

 

AAPL is at all time highs with everyone and their dog maxing out their Visas to smother their unwashed naked bodies with Apple products; Markets are Hershey-squirting the fuck higher up the wall of worry, also teasing its all time highs and the Bearded Clam has got our backs, opening the cocaine spigots on full fucking bore. As gentlemen, it is time once again to press our bets, spend money freely while publicly mocking the unemployed; in fact it is our duty…  no, our God-given right to explore with irrational exhuberance the hidden realms of unchecked hedonism and gaudy decadence in glorious times such as these.

A great many of you may feel otherwise; those of you self-proclaimed knights in shining armour, superhero types, hell-bent on saving the world from moral decay and degeneracy; spouting off about the implications of eternal QE and the dreadful impact fighting egregious debt with more debt may have on our future generations.

“QE has never directly translated into more jobs, only higher prices for energy and food!!” “QE only helps the rich, the poor get poorer and the middle class gets wiped out..”

Yeah yeah, go Disney your ass somewhere else, you just don’t get it. I used to think this way too but a great wise man, actually a Space Alien Magician, once posited in these hallowed halls, does a gentleman making $500,000 per annum living in a 5000 sqft home give two fucks about $20 a gallon gas or $300 tomatoes?

“The well to do represent more than 70% of consumer spending. They don’t give a shit about gasoline prices, like the rest of you plebs. If gas was $20.00 per gallon, they’d still build 45,000 square foot mansions in Palm Beach.”

Yeah. I guess.

“Now, I want you to think of the alternative to QE, my fucked faced friend”

Austerity. Deflation. Asset price depreciation. So what’s wrong with that? We could use some lower prices?

So if a loaf of bread dropped to, let’s say, 5 cents.. Would that be cheap enough for your piker ass?? The thing is, when you don’t have that 5 cents to your name, that loaf of bread might as well be stuffed in a diamond encrusted solid gold bottle of Chateau Lafitte 1787, wrapped in a Siberian Sable fur coat driving a Bugatti Veyron Supersport with Marilyn Monroe naked in the backseat playing with an iPhone 5…

In 1933, a 20oz loaf a bread WAS  5 cents. Millions of people around the world went hungry because they had no money for food and the food was being rationed…

Yeah. Isn’t it time you joined in the greatest cocaine gorilla party ever too??

Long live the Bernanke and his POMO forever machines!

Adventures in First Appearances…

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From my personal blog here.

Apologies to all you addicts that come here daily for some of my AAPL trading rants… for those of you that were looking for typical Friday pin and weekly opex action yesterday, this was an event week with the product announcement and QE3, all that OI shit goes out the window and I mostly sat on my hands watching the cocaine being thrown into industrial strength floor-drying fans; and ambition was quite the rare commodity as I was too tired to blog, from staying up late doing my part in ensuring Apple sells out of iPhone 5’s in its first hour…

Anyways, I went down to my local bank this morning, to order some more paper cheques and found it nearly impossible to even get the fucking time of day from them…

 

I know I probably could’ve done everything I needed to do via the standard teller, but I prefer to do ALL my in-person banking “concierge“-style with those people in ugly flannel suits and sit on their plush leather chairs drinking tea rather than stand in line at the fucking glass-windowed wickets like some degenerate riverboat gambler at the horse races…

 

 

When the ‘financial specialist’ finally got off the phone with her buddies and stopped chit-fucking-chatting with every one of her other co-workers that happened to walk by,  I told her I only needed the new cheques and to give her a couple of signatures for some extra paperwork already done online for my options trading accounts.

But just as her banker training hypnosis dictates her to do so, she INSISTED we have a look-see at my accounts so she could possibly help me with my investments…

So, upon bringing up all my accounts onto her computer screen, I had to roll my fucking eyes as she literally shit herself… Yes, that is a comma, the decimal point is over there…

“Oh I’m sorry, I was busy checking my Facebook, what were those mutual funds you were trying to sell me again??”

Suddenly, progress on those cheques.

Followed up by some major ass kissing..

 

.
Moral of story: Just because I opt to dress like some punk-kid skateboarder vagabond that just crawled out of a homeless man tent, doesn’t necessarily mean I need your financial advice… plus your mutual funds suck dick.

Have we not learned anything at all from “Pretty Woman”??

 

QE3 a Go…Now What???

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QE3 is a go… everyone is running amok with erect dicks in hand throwing fistfuls of cocaine into rapidy spinning ceiling fans. Except you, wet noodle flaccid and if not already de-testesed, not wanting to go “all in” in case the Clam and his POMO locomotive backs up over your corpse, are now sitting all cash waiting for lower prices… so how does one trade this??

Well here’s what happened the last time… hat tip to Jaymes @llabtoofootball for this chart:

The Only Problem I See With the iPhone 5 is…

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So the event is finally been and gone, and now we can officially get to the blasting midgets out of big circus cannons and little dogs with gay haircuts jumping through flaming hoops. 

On Stocktwits, I see it has already begun… every fucktard is coming out of the woodwork claiming how disappointed they are the iPhone 5 wasn’t as “revolutionary” as they conjured up in their thick fucking skulls,” it’s not much of an upgrade.. my 3GS will do just fine”; “so glad I bought the Galaxy S3”; “it’s bullshit that an elongated iPhone and new plug can justify $400”; “creativity was lost when Steve Jobs died”, “Apple is finished”….. SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY!!

Tell me how much difference there was between the Galaxy S2 and the Galaxy S3?? Oh wait, you didn’t buy the S2… that’s right, the Motorola Droid RAZR was the trendy “iPhone killer” barely 6 months ago and the HTC before that… the Blackberry Torch before that… no wonder every phone you buy seems soo “revolutionary” compared to the last one…  Driving a Chevette is revolutionary too when you’re used to catching the fucking bus…

Samsung-Galaxy-S3 VS Samsung-Galaxy-S2

And all you other asshats disappointed as this was completely expected like all those leaked photos, you’ve seen before… FUCK YOU TOO.  You must’ve been just as disappointed with your wife’s performance on your honeymoon as well, considering your new bride couldn’t blow your fucking brains out with all the stupid dog tricks you had dreamt up in your perverted head from downloading and watching the nastiest porn, and listening to ever rumour you could possibly find over the internets 6 months before the big event…. think about that a moment.  Yeah. Surprise.

And those of you of the unwashed breed claiming the innovation is gone and it’s “EXACTLY” the same phone… that’s right IT IS. Remember the good ol’ days when every single one of us LOVED it we had to buy an entire new setup because Microsoft so happened to upgrade Windows? Even better when all your old software you spent egregious amounts of coin on like your year-old MS Office Suite would not work whatsoever on your new system..  Because this is what we really want from Apple right?? Well then, give me a fucking Nokia Lumia…Lumia? isn’t that a minivan?   Apologies, it seems my sarcasm button is stuck on FUCK YOU again…

And what’s with this new big screen TVs as phones trend?? If I wanted to carry around a fucking iPad in my pocket and hold it up to my ear to talk on it like a cel phone, I would just get the iPad… and the Note?? That’s innovation? A fucking stylus?  Fuck, I think I got a Newton in my attic…

Please.  If you have no financial interest in AAPL, long or short, spare me the justification why you made the fucktarded decision to buy something else.  When they start making “Galaxy Killers”, then I’ll worry about Apple’s demise…

The only problem I see thus far with the new iPhone 5?

Black OR white?

Good Morning.

 

Disclaimer: Long like a mother fucker AAPL

Putting Things in Perspective, You Are an Asshat… AAPL

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In 2002, I was working on the Athabasca Oil Sands Project (AOSP) at the Scotford Upgrader in Fort Saskatchewan, Alberta. It was the first Mega Project I ever worked at and I remember being in total awe of the magnitude of the jobsite and sheer number of workers that was employed there. I kid you not, I have never seen so many fucking people in one place at one time EVER, excluding a Stanley Cup Finals game or a U2 concert…

They brought in all sorts of people from engineers, pipefitters, welders, boilermakers, and electricians to  architects, elevator mechanics, teamsters, carpenters, and scaffolders from all over Canada and the United States; I was foreman of a crew of 12 and not one single person was a local; they booked up every hotel in the entire Edmonton and surrounding area, hired 130 buses to transport 65% of the workers to and from the jobsite; and what was normally a 20 minute commute to work, took over 2 fucking hours to get home after work because of all the traffic generated from that jobsite.

The money was abundant and it flowed freely; I don’t think anyone that worked there for close to a year made less than 6 figures.  Yeah yeah, relative to all you Wall Street types making cold calls to fuck old people in Ohio for $500K a month, this is chump change. But for a lowly hourly wage worker in Alberta, post 9/11, this was pretty good coin and the place to be at the time. Fuck, it was the first time I grossed $130K in less than 10 months; not including what went into my pension, full health and welfare benefits, and other job incentives, like free gas cards every now and then.

Weekly brass pools where if one lucky employee bought a raffle ticket that week and got his name drawn, he took home a big green garbage bag with a $180K cash in it.    There were weekly job incentive draws for TVs, boats, and quads.. The client, Shell, in addition to the little trinkets, such as Swiss watches, GPS units, lawn chairs, camping knick knacks they handed out to everyone every month, they also gave everyone incentives such as airmiles so they wouldn’t quit.  I received an egregious 18,000 airmiles in which a third of those afforded me a free return trip for 2 to California for less than my 10 months of employment there.

Scarcity of exotic metal welders led them to cut their own side deals; a welder from Nova Scotia on my crew, who was only 1 of 3 that had an inconel ticket, worked a week in another part of the plant on some high priority job and cleared $6500 in 4 days with paid cab ride to and from the job from his hotel. 

An electrician even made $80K selling chocolate-covered almonds fund raising for his kid’s dance club in 6 months!

But even with all the “easy money” being made and all the incentives to attract tradesmen from all over North America the client was practically throwing at us all, the turnover rate on that job was a dreadful 50%; for every 10 workers hired on, half of them either were fired or said, “fuck this shit, I’m outta here!”

I remember every 2nd day, if not every day, there was some sort of altercation or dispute, whether it be someone fighting with security guards, or with the bus drivers, or other workers, or their foreman.  There were even a few wobbles, where the entire jobsite walked off the job and rioted in the parking lot over a fucking fence the client built around the construction site so to keep workers from going offsite to the parking lot for a toke. And in another instance, a wildcat occurred over rubber boots of all things. 

The peak workforce for the $1.1 billion 3-year fast-tracked project was 10,500 workers with 23 million manhours expended. 
Now let’s put this in persepective, shall we?

Yesterday AAPL sold off and continuing to sell off this morning because of the disappointing number of iPhone5’s sold over the first weekend and also due to Chinese workers involved in riots taking place at the Foxconn factory where they make these iPhones. 

 

Apple announced they ONLY sold a dreadful 5 million iPhone5’s in 3 days; barely a touch more than the 4 million 4S’s sold in the first 3 days last October; and professional analysts were expecting more to the tune of 8 million to 12 million units sold; there were even calls for 20 million sold. ONLY 5 million?? That’s only HALF of what the majority of the analysts were expecting!!  What a fucking joke, right? Disappointing to say the least.  Apple must have problems with their supply chain. Could be the lack of demand for the new iPhone… This is BAD news. SELL AAPL.

In 2010, Foxconn reported they were producing a required 50 million iPhone 4s per annum.  That comes to about 137,000 iPhones made every day; 1.5 phones per second.  So, by the time you finish reading my little rant here, a bunch of Chinese kids, the same age as my own kids, has just pumped out 5 of these fuckers. 

 

Lunch at Foxconn

So, to sell the disappointing 5 million iPhones, these slaves that work at this factory took over 35 days to make them, taking into account, technology and on-job training has improved since 2010 and they are pumping out a rounded up figure of 140,000 iPhones a day now.  To make the expected 20 million iPhone5’s, Foxconn still would have needed 5 months to make them. 

So, you asshat analysts were expecting something that gets made in an astonishing 5 months to be sold in 3 fucking days!!  And Apple expects to begin selling iPhone5’s in 22 more countries by Friday… Are you dicksuckers just pulling numbers out of your ass now??? Have you seen the iPhone5?? It’s not like they’re making chicken McNuggets here…

Foxconn has got 78,000 workers in that iPhone factory alone. Upon thinking of all the problems we had at Shell on the AOSP job with only 10,500 workers and trying to keep them from quitting and fighting with each other, that little scuffle at the Foxconn barracks was sweet fuck all comparably. They have reopened the plant last night and are in full production again today. Foxconn also makes Kindles for Amazon, computers for Sony, Acer, and Microsoft, Motorola, Nokia, HP, Nintendo, Cisco, and Dell…

Only Apple can sell “much less” than these $500K per month analysts expect and still be “sold out“.

Does this not tell you dicksuckers selling AAPL today MORE about the overbloated expectations of asshat analysts than the problems with Apple???

Something to think about.

More perspective: Samsung took 2 months to sell 10 million Galaxy S3’s… 5 million iPhones in 3 days isn’t so bad in my books…

Hockey Season is Upon Us.. I’d Like to Punch You Fuckers in the Face!

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Cut and pasted from my personal blog:

 

In awe. Shellshocked. Flabbergasted. Stunned. Agog. Appalled. Blown the fuck away.

Just came back from our eldest kid’s first hockey practice and team parents’ meeting. And running through all of the above mentioned emotions…

A former coach of our kid, Jayden,  once told us that he probably wouldn’t get a fair shake in evaluations until the PeeWee level because of his size and the fact he was a defenseman…

Never in a million years did I ever expect he would move UP from playing not bad, certainly not his best, evaluation scrimmages, to play in the group with kids that got cut from the Rep team and played tier 2 last year…

The kids at this level are bigger, faster, meaner, much more aggressive, and have no qualms about bashing their buddy’s head into the boards… There was even a kid on this team that got a concussion in his first evaluation game. Nice. Big difference from where our kid played last year…

The parents are not as loud as them vagabonds in the Novice and Atom levels but much more fucking cliquier…

While we are elated our kid placed on the highest tiered team he has ever landed in all the yers he has played on in his first year of Pee Wee, we’re not so pleased we also landed on the “money is no object when it comes to MY kid’s hockey” team…

So with the extra ice time the coach ALREADY BOOKED FOR THE FUCKING YEAR, Jayden will be on the ice 6-7 times per week MINIMUM… And the team, most of whom played together for the last 5 years (the clique), want to do 4 tournaments with a couple out of town tourneys this season; not necessarily in Phoenix AGAIN, but at least one tourney where the kids get to stay in a hotel… And the team coaches has suggested they want to hire a fitness trainer/ nutrition consultant to aid in the kids’ diet and training regimen… Operating budget goal for this season: $20,000.

Fuck me running sideways on a treadmill with a TV up my ass, I haven’t even been to Phoenix yet! We can’t find ANY teams to play hockey against in Western Canada?? You know, I think it’s wonderful alot of you fuckers can go full retard to the upside in spoiling your ONLY child, but there are some of us that have more than one child and they are in hockey as well.  In fact, my other son’s Atom team’s total budget for the season is $3600.00 with an initial cash call of $1500.00; and that’ll include some additional ice times, at least one tournament, and a year end party for the team. 

OK, the money is one thing. Quit being such a fucking piker, Heisenberg. It’s for your kid for fuck’s sake! You got the cash. Fine. At a higher level of hockey, they need the ice time to groom them to get better and faster; I get that.

But for the love of straight men on Pinterest looking at home furnishings, where the fuck do you dicksuckers FIND THE TIME???

Doesn’t anyone have a fucking real job?? EVERYONE is self-employed and makes their OWN hours?? I guess all this is also a “write-off” too; which means pretty much “free” in Alberta for some reason.  So, WHEN the fuck do they fit in homework?? And supper for that matter???

Maybe it’s just me but I could swear these kids are ages 11-12, and still not vying for spots to replace locked-out NHLers..

Fuck hiring a nutritionist, I’ll vouch for a paid psychiatrist for all the psycho-hockey parents on the team…it’s gonna be a looong winter… I guess things could be worse.. I could be bitching about my kids getting pounded by guards at the Foxconn factory for rioting…

I see AAPL is punching me in the fucking face this morning over selling ONLY 5 million iPhone 5’s in 3 fucking days in the US alone and all the bullshit at Foxconn… Still hanging on long as fuck despite the Constanza-esque selloff.

Good Morning.

Don’t Bother Upgrading to the iPhone 5….

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My 5 is on the truck for delivery since 4:32AM this morning…

 

And from all the complaints from everyone I know who has never owned an iPhone, online and off, I guess I made a HUGE mistake. It’s not worth the upgrade from what I’m told.

I, for one, am quite disappointed I will be missing out on seeing how many fanboys that have been waiting in line for an iPhone 5 since Monday suddenly get up out of line and run to a fucking Samsung store to buy their Galaxy S3 because they so happen see a couple of people smash their ridiculously large as fuck Samsung screens together, then take pictures with it after…ooooh.

 

BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT HAPPENS IN REAL LIFE!!!

That’s how easily fanboys, who’ve been sucking Apple dick since the Mac toaster days, change their fucking minds… “Oh no, some old hipster Boomers with BMWs and big houses and money just cut in line, time to buy a Samsung… we’re not cool anymore..”.

When was the last time you saw two people within 10ft of each other with Samsung phones?? Nevermind the SAME phone and tapping them together??? ALL THE TIME.  Did Apple not get the memo “the next big thing is already here”..???. I mean tapping phones together hasn’t been this big since Crackberry vagabonds were doing it 2 years ago…

And these “Maps” complaints? Totally valid. Fuck those Apple bastards! Do they not know that is why we buy smartphones in the first place?? For the GPS!! And I expect pinpoint accuracy for every fucking urinal in every city around the world from ALL my GPS’s…And, even if Google had no intention to upgrade their maps on the iPhone EVER, I expect all this and more from Apple… how dare they change the Maps App?

Yes, I do admit I’ll miss the novelty of Streetview too. You never know when you’re gonna feel the need to see what your house looked like 2 years ago or what your neighbour’s dog taking a shit looks like  when the Google van drove by…

 

Why I will miss Streetview…

And those of you who feel the new iPhone just “isn’t revolutionary” enough to upgrade, I understand. Your StarTac served you well for years, there’s absolutely no reason your iPhone 3G won’t do just fine as well; it IS “the same phone, same content, and same operating system…”

Don’t you KNOW it’s a fucking conspiracy– those computer geeks are taking over the world and they are trying to control us… How dare they make us CHANGE OUR CABLES when we switched from CRT monitors to flatscreen LCDs!!!   Totally understandable why everyone is soo pissed about the new adapter.  Well, fuck them Apple dicksuckers– our pentium machines running Windows 3.1 runs just fine and dandy for what we need to do with them even after we dropped them in water; we’re smarter than them and never will we be assimilated into the Matrix…

 

You see, we are quite content with that big ass tube TV in a wooden box in our basements and our 1982 K-Cars… You see, when we went from Black & White TVs to colour and from horse & buggy to gasoline engines, now THAT WAS REVOLUTIONARY!!! Everything else since then has only been small tweaks…and not revolutionary at all. Fuck you Apple and your upgrade cycle.  “Innovation at Apple died with Steve Jobs”… WE WANT SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT… perhaps a flip phone with a dinky keyboard??  Or a stylus!! Like the Note!! Apple has always been known to get rid of shit everybody wants.. look what they did to the Newton!!

 

The Next “Big Thing”

Damn. My sarcasm button on my keyboard is stuck on FUCK YOU again… Is it obvious?

Monthly OPEX today. It will be interesting to see MM’s try to keep this under the 700 roll when there are no sellers…

Good Morning. Good Luck in all your trades.

Why Did I Buy the iPhone 5?

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Recent press releases from AT& T and Apple says they are selling stupid as fuck amounts of the new iPhone 5 in the past  few days.. Luckily I got my pre-order within the first hour.. So why am I getting the 5? Especially since I upgraded to the 4S barely 11 months ago?

Sure.. the new iPhone will have 4G LTE speeds, a bigger screen, more memory, etc. etc. You don’t need me to give you all the specs… 

I’m don’t  really see myself as a fanboy, more of a fan-old fucker nowadays and I do still enjoy my nerdy tech gadgets.. but that’s not it. 

And I quit trying to impress my peers eons ago… plus they’re all still into their granite countertops and stainless steel appliances around here anyways.. so that’s not it either…

I was parked outside the supermarket the other day while the wife ran inside to pick up a few things. Not 10 seconds after I park, some dirty old street person walks up to my car and taps on my window to ask me if I had any spare change so he can catch a bus.  I roll down the window partially to tell him, “Sorry pal, got no change, I only use plastic… Now how ’bout you get the fuck away from my window..”

  He then walks away from my vehicle to meet up with another street person working the other side of the parking lot; the other guy must’ve been a colleague by the way he was pushing the shopping carts full of bottles and garbage bags… I kept a watchful eye on them for a bit as I’ve heard in the news some of these vagabonds may vandalize your car or get violent sometimes when they don’t get any spare change…

Much to my surprise, both reach into their overcoats and pull out cel phones and start texting like a couple o f crazy teenagers… Not only did they have cel phones, they were both using  iPhone 4’s;  I can tell not only by the recognizable Otterbox they had protecting them but because that’s the kind of psychopath that I am…

Being an AAPL shareholder, I was quite elated that they had iPhones but like fuck if some dirty vagrant clad in a burlap sack begging for fucking bus fare is gonna have a nicer phone than me!!! 

Nevermind trying to keep up with the fucking Joneses, it’s all about staying ahead of the dirty vagabonds these days…

Dsiclaimer: Got the black/slate 64GB… should be here Friday..lineups are for suckers. And vagabonds.

 

 

In all honesty, I could use a 10% pullback in AAPL here… that way I can go from stupid as fuck long to retarded as fuck longer… 

Good Luck in all your trades.

A Message From the Edmonton Oilers..and a Reply.

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“A message to our fans and partners:
 
As you are most likely aware, the Collective Bargaining Agreement between the National Hockey League and the National Hockey League Players Association expired this past Saturday, September 15. Since the two parties were unable to reach a new agreement by that date, a work stoppage is now in effect. We remain hopeful a new CBA will be reached in the near future and the 2012-13 NHL season will commence with minimal interruption.
 
We assure you our thoughts are mainly about you during these troubled times. Oilers fans have carried our team to greatness many times in the past and you can be assured that we spend every day working on plans to repeat those achievements for you, as soon as possible. In the meantime, while this dispute is unsolved, we thank you for your patience and your loyalty.
 
Patrick LaForge
 
President & COO
 
Edmonton Oilers”
 
 
FUCK YOU PAT. If you and your huckster cronies gave even the slightest inkling of a thought about “the fans” at any time throughout this entire this bullshit money struggle, we would have hockey right now, no? I’m not gonna lie to you, I’m embarrassed to be an NHL fan tonight. Not as a hockey fan, but as an NHL fan. Again, fuck you.
 
Sincerely yours,
Heisenberg
 
PS. Fuck you. Just because I’m sure you didn’t get the memo on the first two.

Good Times Here Again….

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Four years ago today, Lehman Bros filed for bankruptcy protection

For some of us, it was beginning of the end of the world as we watched in horror the stunning series of events that culminated thereafter as that moment changed the financial landscape of the entire world forever… Our portfolios, our pension plans, and our retirement funds simultaneously were going to $00.00 right the fuck now…if you weren’t already dead, you wished you were..

For the rest of you dickless vagabonds living in homeless man tents eating beans and lard from a fucking can, it was just another Monday….you went to work, sucked dick for overtime, then carried on with your rakish lifestyle of checking and re-checking the Real Estate Weekly Guide to see if your home went up another 3 bucks in a week…

We’ve come a long way since the Lehman moment: The DOW is closing in on all time highs again and investors are feeling pretty fucking good about themselves.

This is time of year when main stream media likes to take stock of things and reflect back and ask such fucktarded socio-economic populist questions: Are you better off now than you were four years ago?

Fucking A, Bub.

 

 

AAPL is at all time highs with everyone and their dog maxing out their Visas to smother their unwashed naked bodies with Apple products; Markets are Hershey-squirting the fuck higher up the wall of worry, also teasing its all time highs and the Bearded Clam has got our backs, opening the cocaine spigots on full fucking bore. As gentlemen, it is time once again to press our bets, spend money freely while publicly mocking the unemployed; in fact it is our duty…  no, our God-given right to explore with irrational exhuberance the hidden realms of unchecked hedonism and gaudy decadence in glorious times such as these.

A great many of you may feel otherwise; those of you self-proclaimed knights in shining armour, superhero types, hell-bent on saving the world from moral decay and degeneracy; spouting off about the implications of eternal QE and the dreadful impact fighting egregious debt with more debt may have on our future generations.

“QE has never directly translated into more jobs, only higher prices for energy and food!!” “QE only helps the rich, the poor get poorer and the middle class gets wiped out..”

Yeah yeah, go Disney your ass somewhere else, you just don’t get it. I used to think this way too but a great wise man, actually a Space Alien Magician, once posited in these hallowed halls, does a gentleman making $500,000 per annum living in a 5000 sqft home give two fucks about $20 a gallon gas or $300 tomatoes?

“The well to do represent more than 70% of consumer spending. They don’t give a shit about gasoline prices, like the rest of you plebs. If gas was $20.00 per gallon, they’d still build 45,000 square foot mansions in Palm Beach.”

Yeah. I guess.

“Now, I want you to think of the alternative to QE, my fucked faced friend”

Austerity. Deflation. Asset price depreciation. So what’s wrong with that? We could use some lower prices?

So if a loaf of bread dropped to, let’s say, 5 cents.. Would that be cheap enough for your piker ass?? The thing is, when you don’t have that 5 cents to your name, that loaf of bread might as well be stuffed in a diamond encrusted solid gold bottle of Chateau Lafitte 1787, wrapped in a Siberian Sable fur coat driving a Bugatti Veyron Supersport with Marilyn Monroe naked in the backseat playing with an iPhone 5…

In 1933, a 20oz loaf a bread WAS  5 cents. Millions of people around the world went hungry because they had no money for food and the food was being rationed…

Yeah. Isn’t it time you joined in the greatest cocaine gorilla party ever too??

Long live the Bernanke and his POMO forever machines!

Adventures in First Appearances…

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From my personal blog here.

Apologies to all you addicts that come here daily for some of my AAPL trading rants… for those of you that were looking for typical Friday pin and weekly opex action yesterday, this was an event week with the product announcement and QE3, all that OI shit goes out the window and I mostly sat on my hands watching the cocaine being thrown into industrial strength floor-drying fans; and ambition was quite the rare commodity as I was too tired to blog, from staying up late doing my part in ensuring Apple sells out of iPhone 5’s in its first hour…

Anyways, I went down to my local bank this morning, to order some more paper cheques and found it nearly impossible to even get the fucking time of day from them…

 

I know I probably could’ve done everything I needed to do via the standard teller, but I prefer to do ALL my in-person banking “concierge“-style with those people in ugly flannel suits and sit on their plush leather chairs drinking tea rather than stand in line at the fucking glass-windowed wickets like some degenerate riverboat gambler at the horse races…

 

 

When the ‘financial specialist’ finally got off the phone with her buddies and stopped chit-fucking-chatting with every one of her other co-workers that happened to walk by,  I told her I only needed the new cheques and to give her a couple of signatures for some extra paperwork already done online for my options trading accounts.

But just as her banker training hypnosis dictates her to do so, she INSISTED we have a look-see at my accounts so she could possibly help me with my investments…

So, upon bringing up all my accounts onto her computer screen, I had to roll my fucking eyes as she literally shit herself… Yes, that is a comma, the decimal point is over there…

“Oh I’m sorry, I was busy checking my Facebook, what were those mutual funds you were trying to sell me again??”

Suddenly, progress on those cheques.

Followed up by some major ass kissing..

 

.
Moral of story: Just because I opt to dress like some punk-kid skateboarder vagabond that just crawled out of a homeless man tent, doesn’t necessarily mean I need your financial advice… plus your mutual funds suck dick.

Have we not learned anything at all from “Pretty Woman”??

 

QE3 a Go…Now What???

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QE3 is a go… everyone is running amok with erect dicks in hand throwing fistfuls of cocaine into rapidy spinning ceiling fans. Except you, wet noodle flaccid and if not already de-testesed, not wanting to go “all in” in case the Clam and his POMO locomotive backs up over your corpse, are now sitting all cash waiting for lower prices… so how does one trade this??

Well here’s what happened the last time… hat tip to Jaymes @llabtoofootball for this chart:

The Only Problem I See With the iPhone 5 is…

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So the event is finally been and gone, and now we can officially get to the blasting midgets out of big circus cannons and little dogs with gay haircuts jumping through flaming hoops. 

On Stocktwits, I see it has already begun… every fucktard is coming out of the woodwork claiming how disappointed they are the iPhone 5 wasn’t as “revolutionary” as they conjured up in their thick fucking skulls,” it’s not much of an upgrade.. my 3GS will do just fine”; “so glad I bought the Galaxy S3”; “it’s bullshit that an elongated iPhone and new plug can justify $400”; “creativity was lost when Steve Jobs died”, “Apple is finished”….. SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY!!

Tell me how much difference there was between the Galaxy S2 and the Galaxy S3?? Oh wait, you didn’t buy the S2… that’s right, the Motorola Droid RAZR was the trendy “iPhone killer” barely 6 months ago and the HTC before that… the Blackberry Torch before that… no wonder every phone you buy seems soo “revolutionary” compared to the last one…  Driving a Chevette is revolutionary too when you’re used to catching the fucking bus…

Samsung-Galaxy-S3 VS Samsung-Galaxy-S2

And all you other asshats disappointed as this was completely expected like all those leaked photos, you’ve seen before… FUCK YOU TOO.  You must’ve been just as disappointed with your wife’s performance on your honeymoon as well, considering your new bride couldn’t blow your fucking brains out with all the stupid dog tricks you had dreamt up in your perverted head from downloading and watching the nastiest porn, and listening to ever rumour you could possibly find over the internets 6 months before the big event…. think about that a moment.  Yeah. Surprise.

And those of you of the unwashed breed claiming the innovation is gone and it’s “EXACTLY” the same phone… that’s right IT IS. Remember the good ol’ days when every single one of us LOVED it we had to buy an entire new setup because Microsoft so happened to upgrade Windows? Even better when all your old software you spent egregious amounts of coin on like your year-old MS Office Suite would not work whatsoever on your new system..  Because this is what we really want from Apple right?? Well then, give me a fucking Nokia Lumia…Lumia? isn’t that a minivan?   Apologies, it seems my sarcasm button is stuck on FUCK YOU again…

And what’s with this new big screen TVs as phones trend?? If I wanted to carry around a fucking iPad in my pocket and hold it up to my ear to talk on it like a cel phone, I would just get the iPad… and the Note?? That’s innovation? A fucking stylus?  Fuck, I think I got a Newton in my attic…

Please.  If you have no financial interest in AAPL, long or short, spare me the justification why you made the fucktarded decision to buy something else.  When they start making “Galaxy Killers”, then I’ll worry about Apple’s demise…

The only problem I see thus far with the new iPhone 5?

Black OR white?

Good Morning.

 

Disclaimer: Long like a mother fucker AAPL