My 5 is on the truck for delivery since 4:32AM this morning…

And from all the complaints from everyone I know who has never owned an iPhone, online and off, I guess I made a HUGE mistake. It’s not worth the upgrade from what I’m told.

I, for one, am quite disappointed I will be missing out on seeing how many fanboys that have been waiting in line for an iPhone 5 since Monday suddenly get up out of line and run to a fucking Samsung store to buy their Galaxy S3 because they so happen see a couple of people smash their ridiculously large as fuck Samsung screens together, then take pictures with it after…ooooh.

BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT HAPPENS IN REAL LIFE!!!

That’s how easily fanboys, who’ve been sucking Apple dick since the Mac toaster days, change their fucking minds… “Oh no, some old hipster Boomers with BMWs and big houses and money just cut in line, time to buy a Samsung… we’re not cool anymore..”.

When was the last time you saw two people within 10ft of each other with Samsung phones?? Nevermind the SAME phone and tapping them together??? ALL THE TIME.  Did Apple not get the memo “the next big thing is already here”..???. I mean tapping phones together hasn’t been this big since Crackberry vagabonds were doing it 2 years ago…

And these “Maps” complaints? Totally valid. Fuck those Apple bastards! Do they not know that is why we buy smartphones in the first place?? For the GPS!! And I expect pinpoint accuracy for every fucking urinal in every city around the world from ALL my GPS’s…And, even if Google had no intention to upgrade their maps on the iPhone EVER, I expect all this and more from Apple… how dare they change the Maps App?

Yes, I do admit I’ll miss the novelty of Streetview too. You never know when you’re gonna feel the need to see what your house looked like 2 years ago or what your neighbour’s dog taking a shit looks like  when the Google van drove by…

Why I will miss Streetview…

And those of you who feel the new iPhone just “isn’t revolutionary” enough to upgrade, I understand. Your StarTac served you well for years, there’s absolutely no reason your iPhone 3G won’t do just fine as well; it IS “the same phone, same content, and same operating system…”

Don’t you KNOW it’s a fucking conspiracy– those computer geeks are taking over the world and they are trying to control us… How dare they make us CHANGE OUR CABLES when we switched from CRT monitors to flatscreen LCDs!!!   Totally understandable why everyone is soo pissed about the new adapter.  Well, fuck them Apple dicksuckers– our pentium machines running Windows 3.1 runs just fine and dandy for what we need to do with them even after we dropped them in water; we’re smarter than them and never will we be assimilated into the Matrix…

You see, we are quite content with that big ass tube TV in a wooden box in our basements and our 1982 K-Cars… You see, when we went from Black & White TVs to colour and from horse & buggy to gasoline engines, now THAT WAS REVOLUTIONARY!!! Everything else since then has only been small tweaks…and not revolutionary at all. Fuck you Apple and your upgrade cycle.  “Innovation at Apple died with Steve Jobs”… WE WANT SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT… perhaps a flip phone with a dinky keyboard??  Or a stylus!! Like the Note!! Apple has always been known to get rid of shit everybody wants.. look what they did to the Newton!!

The Next “Big Thing”

Damn. My sarcasm button on my keyboard is stuck on FUCK YOU again… Is it obvious?

Monthly OPEX today. It will be interesting to see MM’s try to keep this under the 700 roll when there are no sellers…

Good Morning. Good Luck in all your trades.

Top Pick: AAPL  😛

Four years ago today, Lehman Bros filed for bankruptcy protection…

For some of us, it was beginning of the end of the world as we watched in horror the stunning series of events that culminated thereafter as that moment changed the financial landscape of the entire world forever… Our portfolios, our pension plans, and our retirement funds simultaneously were going to $00.00 right the fuck now…if you weren’t already dead, you wished you were..

For the rest of you dickless vagabonds living in homeless man tents eating beans and lard from a fucking can, it was just another Monday….you went to work, sucked dick for overtime, then carried on with your rakish lifestyle of checking and re-checking the Real Estate Weekly Guide to see if your home went up another 3 bucks in a week…

We’ve come a long way since the Lehman moment: The DOW is closing in on all time highs again and investors are feeling pretty fucking good about themselves.

This is time of year when main stream media likes to take stock of things and reflect back and ask such fucktarded socio-economic populist questions: Are you better off now than you were four years ago?

Fucking A, Bub.

AAPL is at all time highs with everyone and their dog maxing out their Visas to smother their unwashed naked bodies with Apple products; Markets are Hershey-squirting the fuck higher up the wall of worry, also teasing its all time highs and the Bearded Clam has got our backs, opening the cocaine spigots on full fucking bore. As gentlemen, it is time once again to press our bets, spend money freely while publicly mocking the unemployed; in fact it is our duty…  no, our God-given right to explore with irrational exhuberance the hidden realms of unchecked hedonism and gaudy decadence in glorious times such as these.

A great many of you may feel otherwise; those of you self-proclaimed knights in shining armour, superhero types, hell-bent on saving the world from moral decay and degeneracy; spouting off about the implications of eternal QE and the dreadful impact fighting egregious debt with more debt may have on our future generations.

“QE has never directly translated into more jobs, only higher prices for energy and food!!” “QE only helps the rich, the poor get poorer and the middle class gets wiped out..”

Yeah yeah, go Disney your ass somewhere else, you just don’t get it. I used to think this way too but a great wise man, actually a Space Alien Magician, once posited in these hallowed halls, does a gentleman making $500,000 per annum living in a 5000 sqft home give two fucks about $20 a gallon gas or $300 tomatoes?

“The well to do represent more than 70% of consumer spending. They don’t give a shit about gasoline prices, like the rest of you plebs. If gas was $20.00 per gallon, they’d still build 45,000 square foot mansions in Palm Beach.”

Yeah. I guess.

“Now, I want you to think of the alternative to QE, my fucked faced friend”

Austerity. Deflation. Asset price depreciation. So what’s wrong with that? We could use some lower prices?

So if a loaf of bread dropped to, let’s say, 5 cents.. Would that be cheap enough for your piker ass?? The thing is, when you don’t have that 5 cents to your name, that loaf of bread might as well be stuffed in a diamond encrusted solid gold bottle of Chateau Lafitte 1787, wrapped in a Siberian Sable fur coat driving a Bugatti Veyron Supersport with Marilyn Monroe naked in the backseat playing with an iPhone 5…

In 1933, a 20oz loaf a bread WAS  5 cents. Millions of people around the world went hungry because they had no money for food and the food was being rationed…

Yeah. Isn’t it time you joined in the greatest cocaine gorilla party ever too??

Long live the Bernanke and his POMO forever machines!

You would certainly think that following the AAPL stream on Stocktwits this afternoon… well relax and get the fuck off the ledge. 

Here are your Fibbonacci Retracement numbers, taking in account today’s highs of $683.29:

23.6%  Retracement Value        $655.98

38.2%  Retracement Value       $639.08

50%      Retracement Value       $625.43

61.8%   Retracement Value      $611.77

Giving the options guys their due respect, AAPL is not trading anything out of the ordinary today… expected trading range is $655-$680 looking at the open interest volumes…

Good Luck in all your trades…

That’s right, you heard correctly. A top in AAPL.  A potential top anyways… and it has nothing to do with stupid valuations, fucked up PE ratios, homosexual trendlines, Steve Jobs is sick again rumours, options manipulation, @TraderFlorida,  global Armafuckingeddon, or that dumbass patent case… this is all based on gut feeling and opinion.

@Zenhunter made an interesting call on RIMM yesterday on his blog post that caught my attention..his call that RIMM is in a very interesting position right now to take advantage of Samsung’s setback in losing to AAPL in its latest infringment case.

I haven’t looked at RIMM seriously in a very long time. I mean I know of many a Crackberry fanboy and love to engage in mortal combat with animalistic fervor every now and then as to why they’re still fucked.  I owned RIMM and loved what they had going for them many an eon ago.. And not because I’m a Canadian and it’s “the Canadian thing” to do. 

I initially got into RIMM at a nice $65 per share pre-split in 2007.. rode it up, captured the 3 for 1 split on Aug 27, 2007 and let it hit my stop of $120.00 post-split early November, of that same year. I had every intention of getting back in, as RIMM was on top and its potential seemed limitless at the time. In fact, I still remember clearly kicking myself hard when it ripped tits all the way up to $140 early in 2008.

But then the crash to end all crashes occurred and I was too busy treading in shitsoup, catching falling knives in AAPL, and wallowing in fucktarded stocks in potash and oil, to muster the kahonas to buy back into RIMM at the time. I always kept a watchful eye on them, hopeful to get buy back in when I finally recouped all my fucking money back from literally blowing myself up in 2008, as I knew mobile and smartphones would be the next wave or bubble to catch.

On that faithful day on Oct 25th, 2010, they announced the Playbook, Gut instinct told me this was going to be RIMM’s ultimate demise. Why? This was indeed the day I felt RIMM had decided to stop leading the market and innovate the things they did best like BBM and dinky little keyboards, and START FOLLOWING AAPL into the tablet market.  Plus, their CEO focusing all his undivided attention trying to acquire an NHL hockey team didn’t help their cause at the time either.  Indeud, I was right; I didn’t call “the top” exactly but I nailed “the end”.

In the last couple of days, AAPL confirmed an iPad Mini is going to be released sometime in October. And, I will be keeping my eye on this closely.

Take it from Leo Getz: “Don’t ever go up to the drive-thru; always walk up to the counter…You know why? Because they fuck you at the drive-thru!!”

I don’t know if this has ever happened to you or “they’re” just out to get me…But this happens to me alot and it is really starting to fucking irk me…

I roll up to the drive-thru window, order the shit that I know will be the cause of my death, much sooner than later, but I’m hungrier than fuck and there’s no way anyone is gonna stop this runaway locomotive now; plus have YOU ever tried backing the fuck out of a drive-thru window once you’ve drove in?? Anyways, I hand the punk kid drive-thru guy my money and await patiently for the 2 cents he owes me in change.

Not that I own one of those gay fucking change purses or ‘man bags’ you see these ‘metro’ fuckers are carrying around town these days, but I have become pretty proficient in finding the correct change on the floor or in the seats of the minivan. Now I mind you I am fairly adept at math, being of Asian descent and University educated and all, the amount I hand over is usually in close range of what I owe, sometimes really close; most times exactly, because that’s how I roll…

The drive-thru guy then hands me my food I’ve ordered and says, “Have a nice day..” completely skipping his end of the money transaction of handing over my change, and avoiding eye contact obviously knowing he has just skiffed me on my 2 cents!

I just then come to the realization that what we’re dealing with here is a shrewd minded criminal working on his master plan to rip every cash paying customer by pennies, so at the end of the day, he makes off with his $4 bucks of tax free cashola! That Mother Fucker!!

What the fuck is this world coming to anyways??

Did I miss the memo involving new policies in consumer transactions where a nominal “tip” is automatically tacked on the total sum of the bill, whether you know about it or not?? I do realize the Canadian government is trying to do away with the penny and we, Albertans, have become quite the self-entitled, self-centred assholes since the last oil boom, but is there a new entitlement tax now I am unaware of??  Have we become such a society practicing such degeneracy that we have become so fucking lazy it’s not worth our while to return MY two cents? Or is it because we’ve all become so dependent on using credit and debit cards, that we have actually forgotten how cash works?

In addition, I do not especially appreciate the identity crisis I am now faced with every time this happens.  Am I the type of piker who stews over 2 cents? Is my dignity worth taking a financial hit of mere pennies?

Now you’re probably thinking, geez..it’s only two cents buddy…mere pennies… I mean if it was me behind that window, I would be thinking, “Fuck dude, relax, it’s only a couple of pennies… times must be tough or what, buddy…”

Now, what if the drive-thru guy scams you for $5? $20? $100?  Let’s say you use your debit card or credit card instead and the drive-thru guy skims it with another magnetic stripe reader he has stashed under the counter so he can wipe out your entire net worth by tomorrow?? How about huckster bankers fudging numbers to the tune of $50 billion before releasing any financial statements?

But this is different you say? How the fuck can you compare Lehman and the drive-thru window at McDonald’s, to each other?  The Lehman scam involved egregious sums of money…millions, billions, trillions of dollars we’re talking here; wiping out the global economy as we know it..  while the drive-thru..’mere’ pennies.

Really?

So when you dickwads, talk shit like, “it’s bullshit Apple can have patents for little nuances as a rectangular shape with rounded corners..”, “I can’t believe something as little as ‘pinch and zoom’ , Apple is fretting over..”, ” Note to Apple. I have a TV with runded edges and one that is rectangular, and I’ve seen round and square TVs in the past. Your move..”, “patents should be abolished…they inhibit innovation..”, you obviously think it’s utter bullshit everyone making a such big deal of patents and some pretty minut details on a fucking phone… So Samsung should get off without consequences then over such small and foolish details such as patents?

Oh look..Dipshit is at it again…

Well, this involve billions of dollars too. How is this so different than Lehman?

Because it’s not. It’s the principle of it, fuckface.  It’s not about rounded bezels or pinch zooming or rectangular shapes.  Stealing is still stealing no matter how small or big the amount.

If you disagree, then NO ONE should wonder as to why NOT one fucking charge has been brought against anyone regarding the biggest bankruptcy in US history??

Time to start “sweating the small stuff”… and I’m not your “buddy”..

If you haven’t heard already because you so happen to live under a fucking rock or was lying face down in the mud, too inebriated from drinking your face off to check the news on your iPhone, Apple has been awarded $1.05 billion in damages after a ruling from a US court that Samsung “willfully” infringed on 6 of 7 Apple patents.

After the decision was announced,  AAPL share price ripped to the upside printing all time highs in after hours trading,  the news media tapped furiously on their keyboards like coke-addled monkeys in Shriner hats, spreading the news and touting how this verdict is going to change the entire industry towards Apple’s favor…

Apple fanboys around the globe cheered with glee, AND are still rejoicing, doing lines of blow with Sherlock Holmes pipes and hollering at the top of their lungs, while strutting their shit through the streets like porn stars with two erect dicks, dressed up in clown suits riding unicycles, beating their chests with both fists in between doing Jersey Shore fist pumps, Tebows,  and high fiving each other, Top-Gun-style…

Meanwhile the ‘anti-Apple’ crowd went full retard Hulking rage temper tantrum, turning green and shit, purple pants and all, ripping their shirts off, throwing furniture and hissy fits around, ready “to go” with anyone and everyone full contact, @Rhino_cap trying to get a tab-style, whilst eating sour grapes and smashing their middle fingers against their ‘big screen TV’ Samsung phones, crying like the litte bitches they are and talking shit over the internets, on how unfair and what BS the decision was…

It was simply amazing just how much shit was posted all over the blogosphere and twitter by all the “hardcore” Samsung lovers:

“Apple won but the consumer lost”, “be prepared to pay more for your smartphones”, “it’s crap that Apple has a patent for rectangular device with rounded corners”, “the judge was paid off by Apple”, “Apple chose to have court dominance rather than compete”,  “the verdict was anti-competition, anti-consumer”, “unfortunate that patent law can be manipulated”, “a reasonable judge will overturn this on appeal”, “There is an Apple-boycott campaign underway”,  “Apple stole from Palm, these patents are ridiculous”, “if IBM sued like Apple, Apple wouldn’t exist today”, “Apple just killed innovation”, “Apple took Samsung to court so they wouldn’t have to lower their price”, “AAPL going to crash to $500.00”.

And the list goes on…

Even billionaire Mark Cuban @mcuban got in on the shitshow, proving to the entire world he has no clue about the history of computers and even all the money in the world could not change the fact he is just another asshat with a gay Samsung phone.  So suddenly all this patent shit is bullshit because Apple won?? Hold it.  Doesn’t Cuban own 7.4% of patent troll VRNG, an entire business based upon suing companies over patents?? But I’m sure you got no problem if VRNG wins their suit against Google. Yeah. Asshat. And a hypocritical douchebag of the first order to boot.. My respect for Kevin O’Leary just increased ten-fold..

What a sorry exhibition it was….  Seriously,  are you that fucking blind man??  You mean to tell me Apple has NO influence on Samsung products whatsoever?? Even their stores are copied!!  Click on the link and see for yourself!! 

How I personally feel about this whole ordeal is exactly how Bob Lefsetz so eloquently said it on Barry Ritholtz’s blog:

“As for the Samsung Galaxy products… If you don’t think they’re a rip-off of Apple gear, you’re truly blind.

And this is about everything musicians rail about. Copyrights. Only in this case, it’s called patents. Can someone steal with impunity?

Then again, patents don’t last forever.

But can you ride the back of someone else’s hard work and innovation to riches? Can someone copy your CD at no cost? If you don’t think so, then you must come down on the side of Apple in this lawsuit, however much you hate the Cupertino company.

And in this case, it was the best against the best. And the judge was a hoot, she’d take no gruff, she didn’t lose control of her courtroom. Hell upon seeing Apple’s witness list, she asked the company’s barristers if they were smoking crack!

And I don’t want to get into a lengthy discussion of whether patent protection should exist, I’ll just say there were rules. And Samsung broke them, just like Lance Armstrong.”

The thing is, I am trying to comprehend as to why these Samsung “fanboys”, or rather ‘Apple haters’ get so fucking wound up over anything about Apple??  How many shares of Samsung do YOU own?? None? Of course not!  You can’t even buy shares of it on this side of the world! Believe me, I’ve tried.  I personally like their business and they make such great copies of Sony TVs…  Oh.. So you JUST own a Samsung phone? And perhaps a TV.. Good on you…   So you spend this much energy and passion playing this game of “my dick is bigger than your dick” ONLY to justify your smartphone purchase…wow.

So, in what OTHER way does this verdict affect you? So I’m guessing that “evil empire” that is Apple, can now ‘legally’ use the force to make all Samsung smartphones suddenly shut down, crawl up your ass and spontaneously explode??  Or are you just mad because you already know you fucked up locking in to a 3-year contract for an obsolete phone?? Well,  not to worry that new HTC or Motorola RAZR smartphone release is just around the corner…   Because that’s how much loyalty Samsung owners have…  Who the fuck cares? As if anyone gives a fuck and was going to suddenly change their mind because of their fucktarded opinion on patents, throw their entire iTunes music collection they’ve been building since 2001 out the window, and run out and buy the new fucking Sony Xperia….

Yes, I am biased towards AAPL. I hold stupid-as-fuck amounts of AAPL stock as well as I’m locked in for life into the Apple ecosystem. And yes, this verdict means something to me because it just paid for my next iMac, iPhone 5, iPad Mini, and kids’ university education.  At least I can respect them Crackberry guys. Most are loyal to their brand and probably own shares in RIMM; they’re freaking out because shares are going to $00.00… I can respect that. I can see why they want to defend their precious smartphone purchase.  But you Samsung guys… You guys are asshats. Just like Mark.

One day a young ambitious pleb, clad in burlap hoodie with holes in it, on his journey seeking copious riches on the streets of Wall, came to the banks of a wide river. Staring hopelessly at the great obstacle before him, he pondered for hours on just how to cross such a egregious barrier.

Just as he was about to give up his pursuit to continue his journey, like the little bitch that he was, he saw a great teacher on the other side of the river, lurking in the tall grass waiting for a zebra to walk by.

The young pleb yells over to the great teacher, “Oh wise exalted one, Mister Grandmaster Fly, can you tell me how to get to the other side of this river”?

The great teacher ponders for a moment looks up and down the river whilst taking another sip of his hot cup of Earl Grey, flicks his blunt into the river, and yells back, “Hey fuckface, you ARE on the other side!”.

One of the hardest traits to learn as a trader has been patience, especially when trading AAPL. I know of no one who has traded it, that hasn’t went through the same shit: they figured he or she was a fucking genius and had AAPL all figured out with some new fucktarded strategy; and after a huge rip “locked in some profits”, selling it prematurely on early morning weakness; only to watch it rip the fuck higher 1998 tech bubble-style, then chase it in spite because they “missed the move up”, and buy it back higher and watch it knife down on a 15% correction again.

Today I am opting to sit on my hands and join the wise teacher in the tall grass and wait for zebras.

If you insist on trading every fucking day like a degenerate OTB guy at the Fitz in Reno, here’s what you may want to know:

AAPL will correct as it always does but never forget it has room to run with a product release come Sept.12th

.

And, ALWAYS give those options guys their due respect. They are the market movers. I expect AAPL to trade in the nice neat little pocket of $650-$670 despite your fucktarded strategy telling you it’ll go higher or lower.

Good Morning and good luck with all your trades.