Futures Edge Lower ; China Should Be Bombed

Here’s the context of China’a sins against liberty and democracy.

The diplomatic cable from Beijing arrived in Washington late on Friday night, with systematic edits to a nearly 150-page draft trade agreement that would blow up months of negotiations between the world’s two largest economies.

The document was riddled with reversals by China that undermined core U.S. demands, sources told Reuters.

U.S. President Donald Trump responded in a tweet on Sunday vowing to raise tariffs on $200 billion worth of Chinese goods from 10% to 25% on Friday.

I have a radical idea. Why not export American democracy into China and regime change them? Why, their people will shower us with flowers in the streets and their vendors will sell us the very best fried rice and Peking duck. I realize there will be collateral damage and many of your sons will need to perish, horribly, in the streets of Beijing — but it’ll be worth it. Think about all of the money we can make in China, all of that hand-wringing money.

Back in the old days, some people made fortunes selling sarsaparilla in China, ended up building grandiloquent homes in Newport, RI and entering society as people of distinguished honor. If we open China up, and I mean ALL THE WAY UP, maybe you too can build a museum styled home in Newport and live gayly like the later Ward Mcallister.

Futures are moderately lower — but a purge is coming.

For the past 10 months or so I’ve been cursing and hollering and bullying my dear members of Exodus — taking up their time with nonsensical faux moon landing theories and a sundry of recipes, which quite frankly, is both annoying and stupid. More than that, the vulgarity inside of The Pelican Room has reached an ebb that has cascaded and caused several long standing members of this fine service to email me profanities and cancel their service — greatly offended in a biblical and moralistic sense.

I’ve had some time to contemplate these rational complaints, and I’m sure many of you are expecting me to tell them to ‘fuck off’ or to go ahead and fuck their mothers or something ribald in that nature. But you’d be wrong.

See, I grew up inside of an oil field, in Central Brooklyn, in a little known enclave called “The Flatlands.” The Native Americans named it that thousands of years ago; and although the land was entirely flat for miles and miles and miles, just like the rest of the planet, they curiously never bothered to invent a wheel. But what they did do is discover oil, lots of lots of oil — and I grew up inside of those Flatland wells and heard men swear all day long, throw large wrenches at one another, and slap each other in the faces with hot mops.

This is why I am this way — because of my terrible childhood around oil men. This is another reason why I’m always trying to short oil — in a life long attempt to exact some cosmic revenge against those bastards for always throwing their lit cigars on my front lawn.

Now what does any of this shit have to do with my God damned trading room? I’ll tell you in just a minute.

I’ve listened to you all and agree — there needs to be a higher level of professionalism inside the Pelican Room. There’s a reason why every damned person whoever worked for me on the site has quit, or gone off to do other things. Bear with me as I work through my trauma.

The new Exodus will be solely focused on trades, actionable trades — such as the 15 for 16 winning streak of trades I am presently on. It will NOT include an iota of food recipes, theories on physics, politics, eugenics, family, movies, books, anecdotal stories, and most importantly VULGARITY.

A short while ago, one of my favorite long term members quit in an absolute rage — because I kept referring to the trading range as being inside of a ‘FAGbox.’ As a matter of fact, I affix the word “Fag” to just about everything and this is highly offensive. Such homophobia cannot be tolerated in this day and age. There’s a reason why after a decade on Twitter, I barely have 40,000 followers on the platform, been kicked off Facebook, tossed off and banned from Youtube etc. “The Fly” is highly offensive and not for everyone, again a byproduct of my horrible horrible childhood in the fields.

In short, my eyes are wide open to the issues presently plaguing and haranguing you inside Exodus. We are currently rebuilding the platform and it’ll come with a much bigger dick for you to fuck yourselves with and the next iteration will be splendid, bright and grande. All of these problems will soon be washed away, and we can enjoy equanimity with one another and set aside our differences and live freely and truly. I promise you that. If you have any other concerns you feel need to be aired out and leveled towards me — feel free to express yourself. This is a community after all, one that has churned and devolved over the past 12 years into a zoo of unkempt outcasts, flinging shit at one another. I will take control of all of this and martial in some resources and impose some law and order — keeping people in line — keeping focused on the BIG PRIZE of stock market winning, lambos, fancy vacations, and really large houses.

How do we resolve the present tape? It’s important to remember that we’re only going lower due to a self-inflicted wound. Agreed? That being said, the wound can be resolved rather quickly. Would you also agree?

So, naturally, shorting into a tape with a poor technical set up is sensible, only if the move lower was organic — but this is anything but that. Trump can announce a deal this afternoon and stocks will spring higher by 900 tomorrow.

It’s true, I am short via SOXS and DRIP, but they’re merely hedges against much larger long exposure.

Head into this poor technical set up with trepidation, but know and understand the cards are entirely in Trump’s hands. For now, I am not adhering to my stop losses and will consider doubling down in my trading position if we gap lower tomorrow.

Good luck and fuck off.

I love how bears always find a way to explain how the record highs mean nothing and how we’re in a secular bear market, merely bouncing for a decade or so. All of the gains are temporary. Historians will look back upon this era and view it the same as the Great Depression of the 1930s.

Here’s The Bond King, Jeff Gundlach, insisting we’re in a bear market — because, well I don’t even know how to defend it.

“I think we’re going to keep seeing more tension and I think the 25% tariff bump is better than 50% chance” of happening, DoubleLine CEO Jeffrey Gundlach tells CNBC.

He believes U.S. stocks are in a bear market because the NYSE composite index has fallen “over 20% and has failed to return to its high.”

Gundlach also criticizes President Trump for heralding monthly economic reports, such as U.S. job creation, as symbols of the economy.

We’re in a secular bear market inside of a cyclical bull market. Or is it the other way around? Stocks entered a great bear market in 2000 and then re-re-entered into another one in 2007 and never recovered. Sure the market is up 30% this year, but those gains are merely happenstance. Trust Jeff Gundlach — he’s a fucking champ.

Any notion of respite you had in your pea brains — wash it out now. HYG is sharply lower. Oil is down and oil stocks are sharply lower. Everything you thought you knew about the Trump-China deal is gone. Investment Advisor fucking retards have been walking around on Twitter with their cocks exposed, declaring their evergreen genius to be paramount to anything invented since the wheel.

Fun fact: Native Americans never invented the fucking wheel.

What should you expect?

Sharply lower prices for one to two weeks. I warned you of this in the morning.

I sold TMV for my first loss in 15 trades for -5.5% and then sold YELP for +2.5%, extending my streak to 15 of 16. Moreover, I bought SOXS and DRIP to hedge. I am 50% cash, 100% winning.

I sold GNLN for a 6.3% gain, a one day hold. This makes my last 15 closed trades profitable ones. I don’t think I can keep up this streak without a little zero-hedging; but we’ll see. I am now 55% cash and 100% sure we go lower.

The VIX index is now at $20. Anything above $17 is bullish. Markets will not recover from this quickly.

Oil is hammered and finally HYG produced a red candle.

You should be lightening up now and hedging.

The journalists at CNBC are printing lies again.

Every time the market is at an impasse — the cuckholds from CNBC print lies — warning of grave dangers to Main Street if the debt ceiling wasn’t raised, the government wasn’t funded before a deadline, the credit rating cut from AAA, to this Chinese trade war nonsense. I’ve come to believe in nothing, which is a religion unto itself. Some of you believe everything you’re told. Life is easier that way. When you believe in nothing and do not have a strong moral compass, life can go sideways quickly and next thing you know you’re roping yourself off the side of a hotel window. Best thing to do is simply focus on the things that makes sense and you can control.

Futures are down 190. Apparently, yesterday’s respite, was in fact, the olde hucklebuck — just as I suspected. Now all of those people who got ROPED into stocks, those people are going to be tossed around today. I’d be surprised if we got another buy the dip moment this morning, only because most shareholders are weak and cannot withstand a barrage of selling of this magnitude.

Best to batten down the hatches, raise some cash, and prepare for a week or two of harrowing losses.

I find myself getting irritable again. After a year or so of seemingly pleasant living, I am being uprooted from my somber sleep and feel a boiling rage inside of me, only tempered by the fact I am always tired — sleep deprived, and sustained on extensive coffee binges.

Today was an easy market to predict because oil didn’t gap lower with the indices and HYG went up. I can’t keep wasting my fucking time repeating the same things, only to see you ignore it and blow yourselves up in errant trades gone stupid.

My Quant is up 93bps today with 20 mins left of trading. My latest purchase, GNLN, is sperging out to the upside. I am about to buy one more stock to close out the fucking day and then take a giant construction bag and fill it with old cans of paint. I don’t give a shit about the environment and I hope my paint spills into your morning coffee.

Fucking off for now.

I bought some GNLN today, new IPO specializing in vaping. All of the cool kids these days vape. Seeing the stock lower from it’s offering price, I like my chances here — based upon the ancient laws of addiction and substance abuse.

Last night I was truly excited for the first time in weeks, seeing futures limit down and Zerohedge excited on Twitter and all of the bullfags peasantly quiet, demurred by the specter of pain. In spite of having 50% of my trading account long and 100% of my long term quant long, I wanted to see investors ‘go away in May’ because I’ve been bored and needed another distraction — aside from cleaning blinds and moving.

Early this morning, the news got even worse after it was reported we might strike Iran for looking at us sideways. We sent the USS Lincoln there to put those fuckers in line and Trump was tweeting shit towards China.

Then I saw Brent higher this morning and WTI barely down and I knew it was more nothing.

Buy the dipFAGS barreled in heavy and now we get to listen to so many market geniuses telling us to simply buy all the time and there’s never going to be a pullback — because I don’t know what anymore. I do freely admit that the bull market has been great for me — but I must also admit that I hate it with nearly every fiber of my existence.

I’ve thought about this a long time and I think I know why.

See, this market is like a baseball game with 5 outfielders and no strikeouts. Swing until you hit the ball. Ever play that shit as a boy? No one on the bench — but pile everyone in the outfield and let the batter swing 100 times until he hits the God damned ball. Second place, third place trophies for all. That’s what this market is to me — rigged and an abhorrent display of late stage end game capitalism.

Oh, I’m being dramatic and talking shit?

Then explain to me why the ECB had to bail out all of the fucking banks in 2012 and tell me what was happening to said banks before they did? Also, explain to me what would’ve happened to American banks, had it not been for the continuous support of the Fed?

We’re all filled with vim and hubris, courtesy of government support for markets. Believe me, I’m not betting against it and it’s likely to keep going higher. But do not disillusion yourselves and be clear eyed about what you have in front of you — a Frankenstonian economy at $22 trillion in debt standing on its legs thanks to the crutches provided by central banks.

I didn’t buy anything this morning because I didn’t want to get lured into a buy the dip morning and get ravaged by a sell the buy afternoon.