Little “Fratastic” Men are Managing Your Money


You can read the definition of “fratastic” on Urban Dictionary here, and you will notice that it is such an epidemic, that the people who wrote the definitions actually think it’s “cool” to act like this. Also, not all the negative votes.  Here’s my definition.

Fratastic (adjective): Boys trapped in men’s bodies– well somewhat, as they often look like little boys, that act as if they are in a fraternity, but have been out of college for at least 4 years. They play “beer pong,” on Tuesday nights, and think that because of their exploits in college, this makes them the coolest and most awesome individual ever. They think the can do no wrong, and have no fear of physical retribution. They have no semblance of responsibilty, and no that their parents will bail them out no matter what.

Alex was being super fratastic when he took two jager bombs– while wearing a pink polo with short khaki shorts and top siders — then hit on that big guy’s girlfriend, telling the guy he shouldn’t mess with him, because his dad was a lawyer, and could make him disappear.

This type of thing occurs all the time. Recently, a friend of mine who works for a large firm downtown, sent me an email conversation he had with a coworker he hates. For the sake of my buddy not having to kick the dude’s ass at work, I will summarize. This guy is 30 years old, went to a private school in Southern California, was an officer in a frat, and now is analyst down town. My friend suspects that his dad got him the job, because he is almost never given any real work, and nothing hard. Apparently he almost got kicked out of school for having a coke problem and feeding it to Freshman girls, but his dad made a donation. He brags openly about this– so I’ve heard –but I have not heard it first hand.

He’s about 5’7″-5’8,” “skinny fat (tiny arms, big belly),” and balding. It’s not like he has an excuse for this, he doesn’t work hard and has plenty of time and money to get to the gym and hire a trainer. He chooses to eat like shit, and go to the bar every night instead. He claimed that there were never any “decent broads to slam,” at the bar all the guys who work there go to after work. My friend goes straight to the gym, and has only been to the bar once.

This clown claims that he “used to bag multi dime pieces per week on the reg” at “THE HOUSE.” He doesn’t get it now, he walks up to ladies that “he wouldn’t have run a train on in school,” and they don’t give him the time of day. His approach? He walks up and says “Hey, I work for ‘XY across the street/downtown,” then calls the women “[my] favorite, stupid whores, because that is what they are if they don’t understand who [he is].”

Then he went on to say how he had been paying for escorts because the “normal sluts don’t know how to ride a god.” This is in an email to a coworker that he really doesn’t hang out with that much. I haven’t seen proof but apparently he has alleged that he would do anything illegal or unethical for the company, to advance his position. Makes you feel great about having your money there right?

I’ve only met the guy once, but he said that we “were about the same size, [I was] just slightly taller.” 5’7″-5’8″ and a very fluffy ~180lbs, compared to 6’1″-6’2″ ~270lbs, is far from “about.” The worst part, this guy and his boss openly talk about how his boss has multiple girlfriends on the side, while his wife stays home with the kids. The young idiot wants to be just like him.

When I met this guy it was at an investment conference downtown, and after hearing that my fiance (girlfriend at the time) was “hot,” he followed me around and insisted I show him a pic of the lady. Looking to get rid of him, I reluctantly showed him, he tried to grab the phone out of my hand and wanted to see more. I almost head butted him, then seemingly not getting the picture, came up to me after the conference at the “meet and greet” and asked me “if I was ever interested in a three-way to let him know,” and tried to give me his card.

I promptly slapped the card out of  is hand and let about 5 people restrain me. Why am I taking the time to tell you this? His boss got a promotion on 4/1, and decided to give this idiot one today, and they are both headed to NYC. You guys can have him.

I try to always act in an ethical manner, but I don’t think there is anything I can do about this guy, so I am just going to let it go, and hopefully karma will sort things out.

12 Responses to “Little “Fratastic” Men are Managing Your Money”

  1. Let me know if there are any typos, I have ribs and brisket that are getting cold.

  2. Arctic Gambino

    Was this man Patrick Dempsey? tia

  3. gravestonedoji

    I’m suprised this guy didn’t end up in Toronto. #goodfit

  4. Jesus, this is spot on… Absolutely hilarious. Still in college over here, in a Fraternity (of which I do not call a “frat”) that we started and pretty much turned into a business in the last 2.5 years… But there are kids here that are in other “frats” that are pathetic individuals. Hilarious post man, absolutely hilarious.

  5. Don’t get me wrong, I like going to the bar and being with great women, but damn, this guy takes it to an entirely different level, and somehow his dad just enables it if not blatantly encourages it.

    It’s business card yielding “do you know where I work?!?!? What? You don’t?!?!” types that give a lot of finance guys a bad rap.

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