Long tendrils of smoke curl around the knuckles of my left hand, wafting as they stretch into the air. The wisps tangle in my goatee, until the force of my arm moving causes them to disperse with abruptness, bringing the cigar to clasp between my lips.

Leaning back in my chair, with one leg draped over the other, my right arm is stretched off to the side; my hand resting on a keyboard, the index finger of which occasionally, thoughtlessly strokes the Enter key, refreshing the screen I’m not really looking at, out of the corner of my eye. I draw deeply from the cigar, sending rose color spattering across the walls.

It’s over and I’ve won.

Another buck o’ five, and I will be up 20% on my Sturm, Ruger & Co position in one month. The stock is digesting now, but soon, it will run even higher.

Illinois’ latest effort to infringe on the rights of gun owners was checked late last night. Not even in Illinois, the heart of gun hating, paternalistic, authoritarian pansies, can they successfully check the gun lobbies. That’s probably because no matter how frequently or frantically the network heads deny it, the gun lobbies are about as grassroots and motivated as you can get.

Today is the first day of Congress, and so far Diane Feinstein is nowhere to be found. Go on, introduce your little bill, wretch. For it goes to its long slumber in the halls of the House.

I bet you must feel stupid. You gave in to the panic, checking your mind at the door. You let emotional arguments overpower you, and now, you’ll see the world hasn’t changed in the slightest from November, before that incident.

Guns are not going anywhere. And now I have your money too.

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Well, this isn’t fun. Seems like going to cash was the right course of action. Seems like it…

Sadly, if you’ve been following, I did not go to cash.

But still, I wait. I wait because $1 trillion free dollars can’t be wrong. Our markets can collapse after that. Or maybe they don’t collapse at all? Maybe they just stay where they are while the real economy fumbles and craters? That’s an option, after all. Ben pulls a fast one and leaves you all befuddled.

Mind you, most of my own positioning is tied up in POS stocks like CCJ, BAS, and RGR. Sure, I love a good distressed buy. They’re my absolute favorite. I love getting socked in the teeth to the tune of 30% in between 40% rallies. And having psycopaths at the HuffPost, Brady Campaign, anti-nuclear proliferation activists, and Matt Damon slobbering over themselves in a quest to destroy perfectly reasonable and productive activity for wild-eyed, long shot chances at actually improving the world.

It. Is. So. Awesome.

As 2013 runs to a close, I wish suffering on all of you. This world is increasingly not big enough for all of us, and so I say, may the next one of you to suggest it would be better for Cain Hammond Thaler to live in Detroit without a gun be gang raped by knife wielding maniacs.

Dicks…

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My twitter stream lit up with NRA criticism today, which was then mostly accentuated by a combination of political pundits, network anchors, and, for some unknowable reason, finance types.

You railed endlessly against the NRA position that, maybe, the real problem is that we filter our kids into defenseless buildings with 25:1 ratios of adolescents to adult supervision. You called them heartless murdering bastards for not recommending the preferred solution to gun violence in America: a magic wand that makes all guns go away.

And what was the one constant attribute you all seem to possess?

You’re all living in New York, NY.

Has it ever dawned on you that you are making recommendations of gun control while literally living on an island? And not just any island, I would add. You live on the most fucking reinforced, police monitored island on the goddamn planet.

Every day, all commuters pass through a handful of highly monitored access points. Every day, one of the most vigilant police forces in the country (who operate not just in NY, but now in secret safe houses across America) performs hundreds of random channel checks on you or people like you without anyone realizing it.

I’m guessing that plays a huge part in New York City’s relatively safe streets; likely more than New York State’s ridiculously unreasonable gun laws do.

With 300 million some odd weapons in circulation, where else in the US do you plan on implementing these awesome gun control policies? I’d be very interested to hear the answer to that; particularly from Mayor Bloomberg.

You could use New York City’s variety of gun control in one other state, maybe…Florida. Build a fucking wall of security and box it off. Possibly Michigan, I guess, if you promise we can double the wall as a precaution to keep those asshole Ohioans out.

And one other thing; explain to me how any of the suggestions I’ve heard about limiting gun sales and taking guns off the market changes the fact that there are 300 million weapons in circulation today.

If you banned all the semi-automatic weapons in America, this 20 year old psycopath’s mom still would have had one. He still would have taken it and shot her. And the school would still have been completely unguarded for him to waltz in and snuff those 20 defenseless kids out at near-point blank range.

The teachers, completely restricted from carrying any form of personal protection (don’t give me that bullshit about handing guns to kids, there are no CCL permits available to anyone that young), would still have been shot to death.

So I ask you; what are we supposed to do between banning new sales of these weapons (which is the ONLY suggestion, even coming from Feinstein) and the time when the last of those that are in circulation finally breaks down?

Don’t worry, these shootings will stop after we hit the gun manufacturers. In just a hundred years or so…

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