Stock advice in actual English.
Joined Sep 2, 2009
1,224 Blog Posts

AAPL’s Valuation Makes Perfect Sense

There are evil and mysterious forces about – like one highly transparent Mr. Scott Bleier – who believe that AAPL is a mispriced and overvalued company.

Through their relentless barrage of “facts” – like AAPL is overbooking unrealized sales from new products – they aim to dislodge you from buying and holding forever the greatest company on Earth.

This is unacceptable. If you were to stop buying AAPL, it would look bad for all the analysts who have it permanently rated a buy. Also, AAPL’s market cap is, quote, “cool”, and I want to see how high we can get it. Plus, if you stopped buying AAPL, you’d be forced to draw your head out of your ass, and might actually start buying some of these highly undervalued stocks – please refer to my entire book, which is sucking it up here.

I must defend you from these brazen villains and keep my stocks cheap – I absolutely hate making money.

You see, your theory of a “cheap AAPL” is perfectly vindicated. Men like Scott are not counting on AAPL’s culture of absolute ingenuity. I have it on good faith that their latest creation will secure the ENTIRE smart phone market, ending what we may refer to as the “GOOG Exodus”, while simultaneously making good on Steve Jobs’ dying wish to hurt the Google heathens.

AAPL has undergone secret research into Poincare geometry to learn how to curve space.

Upon its release, the iPhone Singularity will transform the near radius of roughly 10 feet in every direction of it into a highly elliptical space, trapping the holder permanently. Every path will lead back to your new iPhone, where you will have little choice but to live time blog about your experiences, while ordering pizza’s from secured AAPL vendors to be tossed carelessly into your hole.

“The iPhone Singularity: Once You Pick One Up, You’ll Find You Just Can’t Walk Away From It…”

The marketing genius surrounding this strategy is undeniable as it will free AAPL from any form of competition ever again. Moreover, they will strew their new toys around Google’s headquarters, inverting gravity, and launching that bullshit organization out of the known universe – where it will presumably never harm Apple again.

Based upon this top secret R&D information I have secured, it is pivotally important to purchase AAPL at every tick between here and $1,200, while ignoring the wicked and ignorant bias of one, “Scott”. It is your duty and right to become rich from buying AAPL, while neglecting pretty much everything else.

Sally forward, ladies and gentlemen.

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  1. noodleboy

    wots gonna stop aapl from printing 700, good sir?

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