Egypt Air Flight MS 181 to Cairo Has Been Hijacked

News is breaking right now that EgyptAir flight  MS181 heading from Alexandria to Cairo has been hijacked and re-routed and forced to land in Cyprus.

Officials are worried there is a bomb onboard, which is housing dozens of passengers.

Update: police are being told to back away from the plane. It is believed the terrorist(s) may be strapped with explosives.

Update: It is believed there is only one hijacker making demands. Women and children are being let off the plane. There are 81 people onboard.

Update: 10 American and 8 Brits are onboard. Why?

Update: all of the passengers except 4 foreign passengers and the crew (7) have been released.

UPDATE: reports that the hijacker’s name is Ibrahim Samaha.

What if someone came in with an April 12th bid that crushed an April 11th offer? This deadline business is more child’s play on the part of Marissa Mayer and her whimsical band of retards running the web giant into the ground.

Yahoo asked bidders details regarding financing, conditions or approvals that would have to be met on their end, and what key assumptions they would be making by deciding to move forward with a deal, the Journal said, citing a letter sent to possible bidders.

Oh, just in case you were unfamiliar with Marissa Mayer’s employment contract, she stands to leave the company in true robber baron fashion, capturing $37 million in bonuses, if she’s able to sell the piece of shit. She’d get 3 year’s salary at $3 mill per, $9.5 mill in stocks awards through 2016 and another $24.5 mill in awards that will vest ‘down the road.’

Literally anyone could’ve done a better job running Yahoo.

I am sure if given the chance to purge, if only for one night. Jeffrey Gundlach, a manager of $93 billion for DoubleLine, would choose vengeance against the hawkish members of the Federal Reserve. In light of today’s 0.6% GDP forecast by the Atlanta Fed, Gundlach is tossing cannonballs at the ‘faction of five’, a term he dubbed to describe assholes on the Fed.

“With GDPNow just slashed to 0.6 percent, an April rate hike should be inconceivable.”  What would last week’s ‘faction of five’ say now?” Gundlach was referring to the hawkish tone on interest rates by Atlanta Fed President Dennis Lockhart, St. Louis Fed President James Bullard, San Francisco Fed President John Williams, Federal Reserve Bank of Richmond President Jeffrey Lacker and Federal Reserve Bank of Philadelphia President Patrick Harker.

This goes without saying. But you’d never know it after talking with your local investment advisors.

The commodity sector has been home to some of the best performing stocks for 2016. After a debilitating Q4 of 2015 and first month of 2016, steel, oil, copper and aluminum have soared to the tune of 30%, with broader raw commodity gains in crude upwards of 50%.

Nonetheless, without the succor of real fundamental upside, said shares are vulnerable to a most heinous reversal in fortune.

Barclay’s agrees.

“Investors have been attracted to commodities as one of the best performing assets so far in 2016,” he said in the March 28 report. “However, in the absence of any concerted fundamental improvements, those returns are unlikely to be repeated in the second quarter, making commodities vulnerable to a wave of investor liquidation.”

“Given that recent price appreciation does not seem to be very well founded in improving fundamentals, and that upward trends may prove difficult to sustain, the risk is growing that any setback will result in a rush for the exits that could again lead commodity prices to overshoot to the downside,” he said.

“Key commodities markets such as oil and copper already face overhangs of excess production capacity and inventories, but also now face another obstacle in the recovery process, that of positioning, which is now approaching bullish extremes,” Norrish said.

For the year, SID, AKS and CLF are up more than 75%.

This is overreaching in the first magnitude. Pamela Lampitt, the democrat assemblywoman from the disheveled area of Cherry Hill, NJ, wants to make texting and walking a criminal offense. More than that, she wants it enforced in such as way that it could incur jail time of up to 15 days, in addition to a fine, for bumping into folks on the sidewalk?

She cites some cock-eyed study of more than 11,000 cases that resulted in ‘some injuries.’ Her number one reason to pass such an Orwellian law is because ‘it’s just as dangerous as jay-walking.’

The fuck…out of here with this shit.

Something doesn’t smell right about this. Apple wins by being praised as the champion for privacy. The government wins by being able to access the phone, without the help of Apple.

Oh really?

Perhaps Apple made a backdoor deal to provide access, without making them look like the evil bastards that they truly are?

“The government has now successfully accessed the data stored on Farook’s iPhone and therefore no longer requires the assistance from Apple Inc. mandated by Court’s Order Compelling Apple Inc. to Assist Agents in Search dated February 16, 2016,” U.S. attorney Eleen M. Decker and assistant U.S. attorney Tracy L. Wilkison wrote.

The fuck out of here.

Theranos is full of shit, part 100.

I am sure board members, like George Shultz and Henry Kissinger, are wrought with confusion and anger over the spate of recent allegations depicting Theranos as a fraud, as its founder, Elizabeth Holmes, gallivants around town fundraising for H. Clinton.

According to a study done at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai, cholesterol blood test results appreciably differed from competitors Labcorp and Quest. Naturally, both Quest and Labcorp could be the wrong parties and the college drop out, Elizabeth Holmes’ innovative finger prick results, might measure supreme in comparison. But, the Journal of Clinical Investigation thinks not and published this study, much to the chagrin of Theranos –who tried to coax them into shelving the story.

The good doctors from the Journal of Clinical Investigation told Theranos to fuck off and published said report with both vigor and tenacity.

The study included 60 healthy patients and the results were alarming. On average, Theranos was lower by 9.3%, compared to Quest and LabCorp, which is enough to halt doctors from prescribing statins to treat for high cholesterol.

According to the Dr. Schadt, professor and chair of Genetics at Mt. Sinai, the good folks from Theranos didn’t respond to his reports. He believes the pinprick results might’ve been tainted by dilution of the sample, or something of that magnitude.

The saga continues.

The Dow was up, NASDAQ lower and the S&P was flat, in a ‘do nothing’ session which was highlighted by a boring capitol hill shooting. Weakness was rife in the basic resource sections of the market, further emboldening my belief that to be short XLE, long SPY is a proper trade indeed.

Once again, treasuries were strong, as TLT straddles $130, in spite of the fact the market has rallied for six consecutive weeks.

Very soon, the market will turn towards profits and how the Fed might respond to growth or lack thereof. The opening salvo of 2016 was a mere appetizer for things to come. After the year is done, I expect to see inspirational sell-offs that rival the golden days of 2008.

Europe was closed today, due to Easter Monday (I have the slightest idea what that means), so today was sort of a do-nothing, watch lame shooting on the teevee, type of day.

The one bright spot from today’s tape were in the retailers. Perhaps there are people out there who believe the mall isn’t dead. Those people will be proven, inexorably, wrong–all in due time.

The NYPD is responding to a suspicious package near the Marriot Marquee in Times Square.

The are is being evacuated and cordoned off with police tape. It’s awfully coincidental that this is occurring at the same time of a shooting in the Capitol.

One capitol police officer has been shot in a shooting in the U.S. capitol visitor center. The shooter is in custody and the city is now in lockdown.

UPDATE: A police officer has NOT been shot. Those reports were false. A female bystander was injured by errant shrapnel. A male shooter has been shot and taken to the hospital.

UPDATE: DC police say this incident is under control and is an isolated event.