Whipped Like a Servant

I knew SFLY was going to cut my dick off, yet I held it because my equity exposure was just 25%. During the third annual iBC dinner, The Good Doctor Pearlman (the only “normal” person from StockTwits) suggested SFLY to be a short sale of epic proportions. Playing the advocate for the devil, I queried him about SFLY’s dominance in the Santa Claus picture market. He just sort of shrugged it off as something gentile, then guzzled down some red wine with violent ferocity. At the time SFLY was trading north of $50, now it’s in the mid-20’s and it’s still cutting my dick off.

At the close of trading, I was up 1.5% on my SFLY position. I shall awaken tomorrow, like an inverse vampire, finding that cocksandballs lover draining me of my blood, shitting on Santa Claus in the process.

RELATED: GMCR looks like a win. Fuck me. I sold GMCR and kept SFLY. I should leave town for the rest of the year and send you fuckers postcards from exotic islands, instead of playing this earnings lotto.

Let it be of no surprise to you that I’ve been canvassing the shithole area of New Jersey for a new home. The common theme inside of NJ a is well water, septic tank, fixer upper money pit. When I was looking for homes in North Carolina, I found distinguished homes that were well kept, accompanied by a fucking city water pipeline.

There is nothing redeeming about New Jersey, whatsoever.

If you are from NJ and know a nice town, point me in that direction and I will become your neighbor. If your recommendation leads me to a septic tank or water well, I will spit in your face.

The market should be sold here. Fuck what you see; do what men in top hats are doing: selling. This is a classic blow off top in the making; you just don’t know it yet. I am elated to see SFLY and SODA shuffle higher. But let’s face it, you have to be a fucking monkey with a hard-on to buy this shit, at these levels.

As a result, I’ve stopped looking for stocks to buy. The way I figure, if I’m not looking, I cannot be lured into money losing ventures. I’ve been fucked too many times buying into ejaculation. No thanks; you eat it.

MTW lifting through the sunroof this morning really vexes me. The psychopath analyst from Sterne, who has been pounding the table, saying it was going to $18, is going to be right. Every once in awhile, crazy people take eccentric risks and win. Subsequently, they get rich off those bets.

Futures are sharply higher this morning, based upon the same news that has been recycling for the better part of 2 years now. Greece is gonna get bailed out, blah, blah, blah. What’s important to note, however, are Italian 10 year yields at 5.75%. Most of you were freaking the fuck out a month ago when they were nearing 8%. Cramer was in DEFCON 2 status and his sole source of bullishness resonated in FUN. Now, things have slowed down and optimism has infected the brains of everyone.

But, we’re nearing extreme levels here and upside potential is limited. We may very well trade 30% higher in 2012; but it’s not going to happen all at once. At the very high end of the range, I believe we can trade up 2% in February. If we take 1% today, that leaves us with a poor risk-reward trade.

Nevertheless, I am long two stocks: SODA and SFLY. SFLY posts numbers this evening and will likely whip me like a fucking slave on an egregious earnings miss. However, SODA, on the other hand, that’s another story. That fucker is going to steamroll higher, cutting off heads, arms and dicks along the way.

WHR is sharply higher on outstanding guidance. I am +17% for the year and I carry grenades on me, even when going to the grocery store. You can’t fuck with me, so don’t try it.

I am very sorry to interrupt the birthday celebrations of living legend, genius, Philip Glass. As you know, he is 75 today. What you don’t know, aside from his soon to be released 9th symphony, the market is overheated and will collapse soon.

Gay people walk through the streets of Manhattan and Richmond, buying toys for kids and for themselves. Gucci stores are sold out because we’re all fashionistas now, even the once tough gangster rapper genre are gentrified beyond words.

“The Fly” spits on this under-class, but represents himself in the finest cloth because appearance means a great deal in this life.

I am sure some of you walk around town in pajamas or oversized Lee jeans, pretending it doesn’t matter. Get your shit together, you disgrace!

Today was meaningless for me. I sold all of my GMCR for a 5-7% gain and bought more SODA. I am waiting for a pop. In my personal, I bought a little TZA and trimmed some of my SFLY.

Bottom line: I now hold a 75% cash position and find myself to be bored, by the market, by you, and most certainly the monotony of guessing.

I added to my SODA position ahead of GMCR’s earnings this evening.

Indeud, I am fixed on this market and will not let up for a second. Similar to hungry mountain lions trapped inside of a ballroom filled with metrosexuals, I am possessed by the meal ahead. I will avoid the mediocrity of consolidation and forge ahead with spectacular wins, designed to dumbfound the vast majority of you into a catatonic state of amazement.

Having sold the principal part of my holdings yesterday, I find myself a spectator, watching you. I find it to be therapeutic– seeing the graffiti strewn across this site, as you scurry about in a fervor to get rich through some slipshod, bedraggled, myopic scheme. After a good beating or two, many of you flood the comments section with cries of anger and misanthropic rage, blaming yours truly for the problems at hand.

Woe upon your person for entertaining that train of thought! You’d be better off eating a few dozen chicken mcnuggets, washed down with an iced cold glass of arsenic than fucking with me.

Nevertheless, I endeavor to tow you to the next level of development, despite your low class ingratitude. It is common for the mezzo cito to demonstrate carless thanklessness, as it is in their nature to be base and without regard for charity. To be upset with people of that cloth is equal to slapping a child for liking cartoons. One must laugh at the baseness of the mezzo cito and endeavor to tow them along, as it is the philanthropic thing to do.

UPDATE: I sold out of GMCR.

This just in…

Southern gentleman and scholar, Woodshedder, just faxed me his unconditional surrender with regards to the wholesomeness of McDonald’s mcnuggets. As you remember, Mr. Woodshedder violently defended MCD, comparing its Big Mac sandwiches to Michelin 3 star eateries.

Similar to the confederate surrender at Vicksburg, Woodshedder admits that butane aka “lighter fluid” in his food is not preferable and thereby cedes all rights to independent victory in this argument to the master living in the north, SENOR TROPICANA, where the air is crisp and the people intelligent.

The market hardly went down today and yet Europe needs to raise $29 bill this week.  Taking into account the mathematical certainty that this market is OVERBOUGHT to extreme levels, I am officially neutral and will consider for the first time in a long time going 100% cash, providing the stars align for me, which they most certainly will.

Do not begrudge my caprices with regards to liking a stock one day, then spitting on it the next. My mood shifts with the winds of time. Dark shadows speak to me near urinals and make strong recommendations. Magis visit my domain and cast spells upon my trading terminals, forcing stocks to bend to my will. When I decide to sell a stock, like GSVC, there is uncontrollable momentum that cannot be reversed. Once upon a time, I owned 2 million shares of FTK, from $1-2. I sold it anywhere from $4-5.5. The stock more than doubled after my sales. I am confident GSVC will trade higher without me.

My concern today is to freeze time. I am up 17%, more than 3 times last year’s returns. I needed to slow down my beta and have done exactly just that.

NOTE: Another publicly traded fund who owns a small piece of Facebook and Yelp ripped tits today: SVVC.

Even though the market is driving rail spikes through the skulls of the bearish/communist crowd, I am half out. Thanks to liquidity and an appreciably higher share price, I sold out of all my GSVC. If you would have asked me “do you think you can sell GSVC at $18 before 2/1?” I would have punched you in the face for mocking me. But, the stock Gods are blessing me and you should take it as a good omen, something to be fortunate about.

It is the year of “The Fly” and there is nothing you or your stupid friends can do about it.

In addition to GSVC, I sold all of my DMND position, roasting nuts, merrily, along the way. As you read this, all I have left is SODA, GMCR and SFLY. But, might I add, everything is for sale.

If I can time the market correctly this year, according to my calculations, you will be shocked, then awed and finally dispatched by my hand.

In summary, I am half out, but also half in. I am bullish on stocks, yet cautious. I am the fucking Fly and you are just a reader.

NOTE: Another publicly traded fund who owns a small piece of Facebook and Yelp ripped tits today: SVVC.

I’ve been raising cash through a variety of methods this morning, as it is my right to do so.

Let’s review my train of thought, if you have a moment to spare, kind sir.

I am up 17% for the year and it’s still January.

I am up 17% for the year and it’s still January.

I am up 17% for the year and it’s still January.

I am up 17% for the year and it’s still January.

I am up 17% for the year and it’s still January.

That just about sums it up.

In other news, both SODA and GMCR are climbing. For now, those stocks are off limits. EVERYTHING else is for sale, including this fucking blog.