Here’s a few quick steps:

1. Place scrotum containing testes on a hard surface, preferably an anvil.

2. Procure a large, or small (depending on your situation), wooden mallet.

3. Pulverize said organ until it is completely flat.

4. Offer testes as a door prize for winning the Oscar pool.

In other words, If you are a man you should not be hosting an Oscar party. If your other half wants to, well that’s fine, but take the men and play pool or something. I don’t want to hear excuses about, “well the chicks are hot,” just shut up you dolt!

I’ll be back after dinner with my outlook. Adieu.

This is the type of thing I’m into right now.

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