Here is a list of items that Janet is preparing for her Thanksgiving dinner and what each one represents:

• Cranned berries – The only red item on her plate.  She doesn’t like anything red, especially stocks, but this is one exception as it helps with her occasional urinary tract infections.  Cranned berries won’t kill the bacteria but they will run them out of town, similar to what she is trying to do to short sellers.  With biotech stocks still at lofty valuations she prefers traditional home remedies in lieu of overpriced drugs whilst she is short the entire sector.
• Sweet Potatoes (Extra Marshmallows) – An aphrodisiac and an ode to Henry VIII, they know how to get her heart pumping.
• Turkey – Killed by her bare hands, the turkey represents free market capitalism. Benjamin Franklin once wrote a letter to his daughter claiming that the turkey was a much more respectable bird than a bald eagle.  I think Janet would eat both but her deteriorating sight makes her a bad shot.
• Gravy –  This represents the market gravy train known as the Federal Reserve.
• Greened Bean Casserole – This represents the little guys and their green portfolios. Greened bean casserole was invented by accident and was intended for lower middle class people who could only afford Campbell’s cream of mushroom soup. She eats this to let the homegamers know she is on their side.
• Pumpkin Pie – This delicious delight is said to have origins traced back to 17th century France.  Janet will plan on having a couple of slices with cooled whip to pay respect to the recent terrorist attacks in Paris.

All of this will be topped off with a couple of cranned berry vodkas while checking out Black Friday specials at Hobby Lobby.

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