iBankCoin
Joined Oct 26, 2011
23 Blog Posts

A TOAST TO OUTLAWS

Dear Penii,

It is has literally been 10 years to the day since JUNGLE has been part of this distinguished community. Mind you its been 10 years since Le FLy launched the esteemed PPT, with all its trimmings. To these milestones, which many of you FUCKERS may think of as inconsequential, I propose a toast.

And do you know with what beverage I will be toasting, my dear penii?

No you do not.

Your pea-brains have already knee jerked to some shitty 30 year old Suntory product, quaffed by oligarchs globally as they delight in Orchids of Asia. No offense to prostitutes.

Chin chin, lads.

I implore you to quit gawking at that gauche LOUIS XIII juice on the top shelf, and get your dumb ass a dram of knowledge before succumbing to the industry sponsored accolades, so prevalent in all facets of commercial life. And for you mall-shoppers, shut up with your pedestrian Lagavulin 16 and your trendy Japanse swill. Did your dumb ass know that Laphroaig was a Suntory product? No, you didn’t.

JUNGLE commands all of you to fill your stupid Glencairn cup with the uneqivocally delecatable Compass Box Three Year Old Deluxe.

You heard me right FUCKERS. THREE YEAR OLD.

Now why would JUNGLE nee VICUNA OF THE JUNGLE, wrongly characteriszed as a snob in the hallowed halls, choose such a “young” scotch?

It is very simple, dear penii: TRANSPARENCY — a novel concept in this age of rorts and scammers. A virtue that Le Fly abides by with grace, integrity and panache in the hallowed halls, I might add. Frankly, the trait that distinguishes the hallowed halls, from noise and chicanery prevalent in the esteemed field of low grade gambling, also known as investing.

But before we raise our cups, let me educate you plebes about the operation that is COMPASS BOX and its proprietor John Glaser, a man of considerable honor amongst an unscrupulous cabal of hawkers.

Let us consider the Scotch Whisky Regulations Act, which set rules for labelling, packaging and advertising of Scotch Whisky, oradined the following categories: Blended, single malt, single grain, blended grain, blended malt and blended Scotch.

per Glaser:

“The problem is that many people just see the word ‘blend’ and assume ‘oh, it’s that cheap stuff I don’t buy, I only buy something that has “single” in front of it’.

furthermore, since 1989 the SWA’s rules have stated:

Regulation 12.3 of the Spirit Drinks Regulation No 110/2008 contains the rule which provides that a maturation period or age “may only be specified in the description, presentation or labelling of a spirit drink where it refers to the youngest alcoholic component”. “Presentation” is defined in Annex 1 point (15) of the Regulation as “the terms used on the labelling and on the packaging, including in advertising and sales promotion, in images or such like, as well as on the container, including the bottle and the closure” (emphasis added).

Article 12.3 is a repetition of the rule in the previous Spirit Drinks Regulation (No 1576/89). It applies to all aged spirits in the EU. The UK has no power to derogate from this rule, and it is therefore repeated in the Scotch Whisky Regulations and in the Technical File for Scotch Whisky.”

Likely well intentioned, the antiquated law prevented the likes of Glaser from diclosing the specific contents of his juice, which he has been in the business of peddling since 2000, mind you.

per Glaser:

“If we go back to why we believe this law is in place in the first place, going back 25 years ago when it was put into E.U. law, back then, we do know there were some spirits producers, some Cognac producers and at least one Scotch whisky producer, that was known for marketing and sales promotion material, telling consumers that there was whisky in this blend as old as X. Very old whisky, a very big number.”

He goes on to say that the company in question essentially added a dropper’s worth of whisky, say 60 years old, to a final blend and would then promote that it was a 60 year old whisky. “But in fact, it was an insignificant, minuscule proportion of the blend,” says Glaser. “So misleading consumers was what that was all about, and that’s why we believe the law was originally put into place.”

The situation came to a head in late 2015, marking Compass Box’s 15th Anniversary.

The original news releases and trade fact sheets for the final two releases of its anniversary year gave complete details on the ages of the malt whiskies used in each blend.

‘This Is Not A Luxury Whisky’ was blended from 19-year-old Glen Ord distillery, two 40-year-old grain whiskies distilled at Girvan and Strathclyde, and 30 year-old Caol Ila.

‘Flaming Heart’ used two different Caol Ila whiskies 14 and 30 years old, 20-year-old Clynelish, and what Compass Box described as a 7-year-old Highland Malt using Clynelish, Teaninich, and Dailuane malts finished for at least two years in a hybrid French Oak cask.

How bold and daring, to tell cusomters EXACTLY what they are getting.

For his efforts, Glaser was ratted on, likely by a jealous competitor selling swill for outragous prices.

per SWA legal affairs chief Magnus Cormack:

“We did not tell Compass Box to remove the detailed recipes. Following a complaint from a brand owner, we contacted Compass Box to point out that the advertising did not comply with the law. As we raised the matter before the product was launched, we observed that “There is therefore still time to correct the labelling and advertising in order to comply with the law.” The action Compass Box took was up to them. We did however point out that compliance with the specifications for Scotch Whisky is now verified by HMRC. Compass Box have evidently decided that the risks involved in ignoring the longstanding law on this matter were too great.

On February 18, 2016, CB launched an online petition drive aimed at persuading the European Union to change the current regulations to allow whisky producers THE OPTION to provide full disclosure on the component whiskies used in a specific product. Read: for producers to have the right not the obligation to disclose contents. Over 3,000 people signed within 24 hours.

SWA’s reponse was general fuck you, but Glaser did gain some ground on behalf of consumers. The specifics are available to you IF YOU ASK, per SWAs deliberations on the matter, and you can thank the innovative Mr. Glaser for that. A marketing maven of the highest order, no huckster.

In a genius reponse Glaser blended a dram with 40bps of 3 year old whiskey, for you illierates that is 0.4% — yes 0.4% of three year old juice! The rest of the concotion hails from Brora and the Isle of Skye, and its probably older than you.

per Glaser:

“In the past, when consumers asked the question [about what was in a blend], the industry response was: “We can’t tell you, it’s a secret,” which was always marketing bullshit. If they are now going to say: “We can’t tell you because it’s against the law,” how ridiculous is that? It will make consumers sceptical. It will hurt over time, so we need to look at it as an industry.”

The point here to all of you FUCKERS, is to do what you say and say what you do. It is what keeps our community real and informative.

One that note, I must admit, I am raising a glass of FLAMING HEART today, for the production numbers of THREE YEAR OLD DELUXE read much like those of JUNGLE’S whip : in the 3000s. Rare.

I hearby propose a toast : hearty congratulations to Fly for hosting and all the members over the years that have made this place a trader’s shangri-la: SALUD FUCKERS!

Respectfully,

JUNGLE

PS: THE GREAT KING — Helluva dram at 30USD.

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4 comments

  1. Raul3

    salute !

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  2. drhugh2thdr

    I salute these hallowed halls as well as Jungle for her sharing impressive knowledge of the drink of My forbears!

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  3. bobbin4apples

    Simply put! Bravo!

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  4. flyaway17

    I’m allergic to scotch but I can handle whiskey and will toast to all with a sweet Manhattan on the rocks, plus 3 maraschino cherries.

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