iBankCoin
Joined Oct 26, 2011
30 Blog Posts

FUCKING NUTS $AIMT

An esteemed member of the hallowed halls @rock brought the rort known as $AIMT to Jungle’s attention. Jungle has things to do, places to go, people to see. Howevever, this nonsense has gripped Jungle over her 6th cup of tea. Jungle is living an asynchronus life at the moment and lacks the gusto for a true missive. However, the inane mosaic is presented, with low-grade disgust. First and foremost understand this:

The Global Hand Sanitizer Market size was valued at $919 million in 2016 to reach $1,755 million by 2023, and is anticipated to grow at a CAGR of 9.9% from 2017 to 2023. Hand sanitizer is an antiseptic solution, which is used as an alternative to soap and water. It is used to prevent the transmission of infection, which is majorly caused through hand transmission, further causing several diseases such as nosocomial food-borne illness and others

Wash your stupid hands with soap and water and quit using these idiotc products. The FDA itself questioned the efficacy of this bullshit.

FDA is proposing to amend the 1994 TFM for OTC antiseptic drug products that published in the Federal Register of June 17, 1994 (59 FR 31402).

Quoting the executive summary of the proposal:

New safety information also suggests that widespread antiseptic use could have an impact on the development of bacterial resistance

Meanwhile Dr. WoodCOCK had this to say:

“Today, consumers are using antiseptic rubs more frequently at home, work, school and in other public settings where the risk of infection is relatively low,” said Dr. Janet Woodcock, director of the FDA’s Center for Drug Evaluation and Research.

Your useless spawn are not only little weaklings, but you are fomenting their inability to cope.

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Jungle is spent, and has little vitriol left for the day. After all, its past 0100GMT. Almost time for high tea at The Palace, bullshit institution that it is. Applause to H&M for attempting to change the rules of the game.

Back to fucking peanuts. What a bogus ass “problem” — likely invented by the CABAL. Let us take a look at some stats, shall we? We already know the obvious : allergies of all ilks are on the rise. But peanut allergies in particular are “in fashion”.

In recent years, a growing number of families have had to grapple with such challenges. An estimated 32 million Americans have food allergies, or nearly 10 percent of the population—10 times the prevalence reported 35 years ago. The severity of symptoms seems to be increasing, too. According to a study released in January by Food Allergy Research & Education (FARE), a Virginia-based nonprofit, insurance claims for anaphylactic food reactions rose 377 percent in the U.S. from 2007 to 2016.

Meanwhile : CABAL

The epinephrine market is expected to exhibit a CAGR of 11.0% during the forecast period (2018 – 2026), attributed to increasing number of generic cost-effective auto-injectors in the market, and strategic support of companies and government agencies for increasing generic epinephrine adoption. Furthermore, pipeline of epinephrine products is increasing and this is expected to fuel the market growth over the forecast period.

Moreover, increasing incidence of anaphylaxis associated with food allergy is driving the market growth. According to a research conducted by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) in 2013, in the U.S., between 1997 and 2011, food allergies among children increased around by 50%.

Moreover, according to the European Academy of Allergy and Clinical Immunology (EAACI), over 17 million people in Europe were affected by food allergy in 2015.

Market growth is attributed to approval and launch of cost effective generic epinephrine products. For instance, in December 2016, Mylan introduced an authorized generic option to EpiPen (epinephrine injection, USP) Auto-Injector with a different packaging and same drug formulation, which was available at 50% lower prices than its branded version.

Some of the major players operating in the global epinephrine market include Mylan N.V., Pfizer, Inc., Teva Pharmaceuticals Industries Ltd., Impax Laboratories, Inc., Kaleo, Inc., Adamis Pharmaceuticals Corporation, Bausch Health Companies, and ALK- Abello A/S.

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CABAL: NEW ENGLAND JOURNAL OF MEDICINE HAS BLESSED AR101

But while preventing all food allergies is clearly unrealistic, researchers are making remarkable progress in developing better treatments—therapies that, instead of combating symptoms after they’ve started (like epinephrine or antihistamines), aim to make patients less sensitive to allergens in the first place. One promising approach is oral immunotherapy (OIT), in which patients consume small but slowly increasing amounts of an allergen, gradually reducing their sensitivity.

A study published last year in the New England Journal of Medicine showed that an experimental OIT called AR101, consisting of a standardized peanut powder mixed into food, enabled 67 percent of participants to tolerate a dose equivalent to two peanut kernels—a potential lifesaver if they were accidentally exposed to the real thing. Because OIT itself can trigger troublesome reactions in some patients, however, it’s not for everyone.

Another experimental treatment, sublingual immunotherapy (SLIT) uses an allergen solution or dissolving tablet placed beneath the tongue; although its results are less robust than OIT’s, it seems to generate milder side effects. Epicutaneous immunotherapy (EPIT) avoids the mouth entirely, using a technology similar to a nicotine patch to deliver allergens through the skin. Researchers are also exploring the use of medications known as biologics, aiming to speed up the action of immunotherapies by suppressing IgE or targeting other immune-system molecules.

One downside of the immunotherapy approach is that in most cases the allergen must be taken indefinitely to maintain desensitization. To provide a potentially permanent fix, scientists are working on vaccines that use DNA or peptides (protein fragments) from allergens to reset patients’ immune systems.

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CABAL: FASTRACKED BY FDA

The BLA for AR101 was originally accepted in March 2019, with an original review target date of late January 2020. The biologic was previously granted Fast Track and Breakthrough Therapy designations for peanut-allergic children and adolescents aged 4-17 years old. The once-daily peanut allergen therapy gradually desensitizes patients from allergic reactions, symptoms, and anaphylaxis.

Based on the support of the Allergenic Products Advisory Committee (APAC), the US Food and Drug Administration (FDA) is nearer to the approval of the first Biologics License Application (BLA) for a food allergy therapy.

LATEST ON FDA UPDATE

he APAC convened on Friday to weigh the efficacy and safety data of AR101 from Aimmune Therapeutics, which was submitted as part of supporting evidence for the drug’s BLA in March. The committee voted 7-2 in favor of the data supporting the licensure of the investigative therapy as a treatment intended to reduce the incidence and severity of allergic reactions in patients aged 4-17 years.

The data included results from 7 clinical trials—a pair being phase 2 and the other 5 being phase 3. The company is seeking an indication for patients aged 4-17 years old with a confirmed diagnosis of peanut allergy.

One phase 3 trial (ARC003; PALISADE), a double-blind, randomized study including 551 patients aged 4-55 years old with peanut allergy, showed two-thirds (67.2%) of allergen-treated patients aged 4-17 years old were capable of ingesting at least 600 mg of peanut protein without dose-limiting symptoms at 24 weeks.

Statistically significant differences in efficacy endpoints were not achieved among adult patients.

Investigators evaluated 2 datasets to assess the safety of the therapy among patients 4-17 years old: the controlled safety population of 1001 patients and the integrated population of 812 patients.

Patients treated with AR101 in the pediatric safety population reported an increased rate of allergic reactions (9.4%) and systemic allergic reactions than placebo-treated patients (3.8%). During maintenance, 8.7% of treated patients reported a systemic allergic reaction, compared to just 1.7% of placebo patients. Another 7.7% of treated patients used epinephrine; just 3.4% of placebo patients did.

Investigators also observed a “substantial proportion” of treated patients discontinuing care due to adverse events (9% of pediatric, 14.3% of adult patients in PALISADE). In the controlled safety population, 3 treated patients developed treatment-emergent eosinophilic esophagitis (EoE), as well as some treated patients in follow-up studies.

IF YOU WANT TO HAVE A LAUGH – SHILLS AND MORE SHILLS

“We’re really exctied to see where these treatments go!”
DORK PATROL

FINAL THOUGHTS

Read the tea leaves. Don’t put grandma in it.

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is slavery a profitable endeavor? — $uber $lk

no missive coming. only spitting what’s top of mind. jungle is underground and on the go at the same time. like her space alien magician comrade, le fly.

luckin, not quite “strabucks of china” — humans are prone to slavery. arabs, especially (more on that later). our slothy species are prone to offload labor, when given the chance. hence those residing in richest countries have higher incidence of metabolic syndrome. go figure. psa: if one does not move their derrier, one will invite complications in the health department. back to the topic at hand: chinese not fussy/educated when it comes to coffee. chinese hoi-pollloi not fucking around with chemex or hario kettles. that shit is for japanese, koreans and ‘murkans. chinese drink 4 cups of coffee per annum, whilst asiatic enemies quaff 180 cups per annum, and farrago stationed in portland, seattle, and sf etc take down 360 cups per annum (intravenous). ~85% of chinese population drinks instant coffee. ~85% of global population drinks brewed. cultural differences.

ceo has ride-hailing/rental/transport experience. ex-coo of ucar, premium ride-hailing app with 3million daus. ucar owns fleet, hires pro drivers. much smaller than didi. ceo regarded as an operations expert. chairman of ucar, zhengyao lu — also non-exec chairman of luckin. has a 30% stake in luckin. ceo jenny qian, has ~20% stake. #skininthegame — all slave-ownners understand slavery game. hence saudis fund kalanick’s new venutre : cloud-kitchens aka slave-kitchens. slave-kitchens, effectively/supposedly selling ‘infrastructure-as-a-service’ — no need for expensive real estate to churn out cheap and cheerful classics. rabble generally (algorithmcally speaking) want these on-demand. not unlikely that chinese cabal has similar designs. capture customer offline at luckin pick-up locations (cheaper than online-cac) — and leverage captive customer by up-selling food manf’d at ghost kitchens. kalanik/qian will do kitchen, delivery, marketing. all they need are slaves to execute. kapish?

quoting kalanick: “Some people don’t like to take responsibility for their own shit. They blame everything in their life on somebody else. Good luck!” —– may the ghost of kashoggi visit you in your darkest days. perferably in your dankest ghost-kitchen, fucker!

3q19 (calendar) call notes: product revenue – CNY 1.493 billion or ~$214.3 million, an increase of 558% year-over-year. total number of stores at the end of the quarter were 3,680 stores +209.5% yoy from 1,189 in 3q18. still on track to open 4,500 stores by end of 2019, per last call. average monthly total items sold in the quarter were 44.2 million, representing +470.1% yoy from 7.8 million 3q18. revenue from non-coffee products increased from the 31% of 2018 to 45% in the third quarter this year. number of items sold per store per day materially increased to 444 during the quarter from 345 in the second quarter and 285 in the third. quarter last year. negative cash flow from operations has significantly reduced over the quarter to CNY 123 million from CNY 375 million last quarter and CNY 720 million during the third quarter last year. average total net revenues from products per store in the quarter were RMB449.6 K ($62.9K), +79.5% from RMB250.5K in 3q18. guidance 4q19: net revenue from products to be between CNY 2.1 billion and CNY 2.2 billion.

greater fools
= lone pine, melvin, point72 (cohen), qatar inv, alkeon
=> all betting on greater fools. qed.

ps: anyone care to explain why this is a fucking JOBSACT IPO?

As a company with less than US$1.07 billion in revenue for the last fiscal year, we qualify as an “emerging growth company” pursuant to the Jumpstart Our Business Startups Act of 2012 (as amended by the Fixing America’s Surface Transportation Act of 2015), or the JOBS Act. An emerging growth company may take advantage of specified reduced reporting and other requirements that are otherwise applicable generally to public companies. These provisions include exemption from the auditor attestation requirement under Section 404 of the Sarbanes-Oxley Act of 2002, or Section 404, in the assessment of the emerging growth company’s internal control over financial reporting. The JOBS Act also provides that an emerging growth company does not need to comply with any new or revised financial accounting standards until such date that a private company is otherwise required to comply with such new or revised accounting standards. We have elected to take advantage of such exemptions.

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ON THE IMPORTANT MATTER OF
IDLENESS, LABOR, SLAVERY AND HUSTLE CULTURE

per mr. bertrand russell :

From the beginning of civilization until the industrial revolution a man could, as a rule, produce by hard work little more than was required for the subsistence of himself and his family, although his wife worked at least as hard and his children added their labor as soon as they were old enough to do so. The small surplus above bare necessaries was not left to those who produced it, but was appropriated by priests and warriors. In times of famine there was no surplus; the warriors and priests, however, still secured as much as at other times, with the result that many of the workers died of hunger. This system persisted in Russia until 1917, and still persists in the East; in England, in spite of the Industrial Revolution, it remained in full force throughout the Napoleonic wars, and until a hundred years ago, when the new class of manufacturers acquired power. In America the system came to an end with the Revolution, except in the South, where it persisted until the Civil War. A system which lasted so long and ended so recently has naturally left a profound impression upon men’s thoughts and opinions. Much that we take for granted about the desirability of work is derived from this system and, being pre-industrial, is not adapted to the modern world. Modern technic has made it possible for leisure, within limits, to be not the prerogative of small privileged classes, but a right evenly distributed throughout the community. The morality of work is the morality of slaves, and the modern world has no need of slavery.

Of course the holders of power conceal this fact from themselves by managing to believe that their interests are identical with the larger interests of humanity. Sometimes this is true; Athenian slave-owners, for instance, employed part of their leisure in making a permanent contribution to civilization which would have been impossible under a just economic system. Leisure is essential to civilization, and in former times leisure for the few was rendered possible only by the labors of the many. But their labors were valuable, not because work is good, but because leisure is good. And with modern technic it would be possible to distribute leisure justly without injury to civilization.

I do not think the fact that these people are allowed to be idle is nearly so harmful as the fact that wage-earners are expected to overwork or starve. If the ordinary wage-earner worked four hours a day there would be enough for everybody, and no unemployment — assuming a certain very moderate amount of sensible organization. This idea shocks the well-to-do, because they are convinced that the poor would not know how to use so much leisure. In America men often work long hours even when they are already well-off; such men, naturally, are indignant at the idea of leisure for wage-earners except as the grim punishment of unemployment, in fact, they dislike leisure even for their sons.

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$BILI CLUBBBBBBBIN’

well it was going to be a missive, but time is of the essence. so here are some notes on our favorite purveyor of ‘peasant porn’ — hat tip to mr andrew of the hallowed halls.

notes:

its not so straight-forward. rui chen, who is part of the internet mafia in china is ceo, not founder. he was early at kingsoft, for some internet history. baba and tencent have partnerships/stakes. the community is highly guarded. one has to pass a 100 question test on various matters to gain full membership. or be invited by a full member. this skews the community to more legit than general degen peasant porn upload sites. total MAUs to 127.9 million, up 38% from the same period last year. growth rate for mobile MAUs even more accelerated, reaching 114.2 million in the third quarter, up 43% year-on-year. big risk is user flight, revolt. they certainly have unique content, created by users. its abjectly influenced chinese internet meme culture with ‘auto-tune-remixes’ and bullet screens (albeit that was ripped from ‘ac fun’ where the founder was a user and got frustrated with the degeneracy. so — he started bili — pronounced beelee phonetically. its a sound that a manga character makes (for trivia). bili has not tried to monetize its community, and hence has had 80% retention (self-declared). 50% of revs come from mobile gaming and rest from streaming, ads, ecom and misc. one in three gen z-ers are active on the platform monthly, described as those born post 1990, and they spend an average of 83 mins on site. fate grand order (mobile game) distribution got them from $20mil to $300mil revs in 2 years. risky to depend on two hit games. company has not really defined itself, but has gaggle of loyal users. try to monetize them, and they may revolt. poof. bili to 0.

ps for more on ac fun

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DHARMA “STEWART” BUTTERFIELD IS NOT A FRAUD $WORK

WHAT INSPIRED SLACK?

As Butterfield & Co. were dealing with building Glitch (MMOG) they had to solve internal communication problems. Hence they desgined Slack in a very non-self-conscious non-speculative way. Slack was based on actual needs of a team that was deep in tech development and had a big degree of coordination: artists, animators, sound designers, level builders, content pipeline tools.

Glitch was officially shut down on December 9, 2012.
Slack released August 2013.
Slack publicly launched Feb 2014.

per FT:

In the often dog-eat-dog world of Silicon Valley, Mr Butterfield has gained something of a reputation for being less cut-throat than many. Slack was carved out of a failed gaming company, in one of the start-up world’s more famous “pivots”. One investor recounts how the Canadian entrepreneur refused to ditch his first backers when switching horses to the new product.

per fanclub:

Mamoon Hamid, an early investor and Slack board member, credits a deeply humanistic streak for Mr Butterfield’s success as a product designer. That makes him an heir to the late Steve Jobs — another non-engineer with a perfectionist’s eye who was able to look beyond the bits and bytes to mould products that people welcome in their lives.

“He’s the sort of person who, if he’d lived in the Middle Ages, would have produced the perfect leather bag, with just the right stitching — he’s a craftsman,” Mr Hamid says.

“He is your quintessential, product-oriented founder-leader,” says Aaron Levie, chief executive of Box, a cloud storage company. In a nod to an unconventional streak in Mr Butterfield’s personality that separates him from the herd, Mr Levie adds: “He has just the right level of quirkiness.”


MY JOB IS NOT TO PREDICT THE FUTURE, SIMPLY TO NOTICE THE PRESENT FIRST

Accel Ventures Knob:

“What is driving momentum in this product/category/business?”

Dharma Butterfield:

“Proliferation of iphones, android devices, the rise of sms as a mode of communication — probably seems weird to 28 year old and its something that you did since you were a kid — but, its a “new thing” in the world — and its a new thing in the world and a its also new thing for most human beings — so people are more accepting of messaging app being a way to interact with people, so they are ready for a messaging app for work … ”

MESSAGING PFFFT, EMERITUS DONALD KNUTH DOES NOT ACCEPT EMAILS

On a tangential note, Stanford CS Professor Donald Knuth does not “email” —

I have been a happy man ever since January 1, 1990, when I no longer had an email address. I’d used email since about 1975, and it seems to me that 15 years of email is plenty for one lifetime.

Email is a wonderful thing for people whose role in life is to be on top of things. But not for me; my role is to be on the bottom of things. What I do takes long hours of studying and uninterruptible concentration. I try to learn certain areas of computer science exhaustively; then I try to digest that knowledge into a form that is accessible to people who don’t have time for such study.

On the other hand, I need to communicate with thousands of people all over the world as I write my books. I also want to be responsive to the people who read those books and have questions or comments. My goal is to do this communication efficiently, in batch mode — like, one day every six months. So if you want to write to me about any topic, please use good ol’ snail mail and send a letter to the following address:

Prof. Donald E. Knuth
Computer Science Department
Gates Building 4B
Stanford University
Stanford, CA 94305-9045 USA.
I have a wonderful secretary who looks at the incoming postal mail and separates out anything that she knows I’ve been looking forward to seeing urgently. Everything else goes into a buffer storage area, which I empty periodically.

My secretary also prints out all nonspam email messages addressed to [email protected] or [email protected], so that I can reply with written comments when I have a chance. If I run across such a message that was misaddressed — I mean, if the message asks a question instead of reporting an error — I try not to get angry. I used to just throw all such sheets in the wastebasket. But now I save them for scratch paper, so that I can print test material for The Art of Computer Programming on the blank sides. I DO NOT ANSWER UNSOLICITED EMAILS, nor do I respond to emails that were sent to my colleagues with a bothersome request for them to communicate with me. Email is a no-no EXCEPT for reporting errors in books.

You might also try faxing me at 650-725-4671. But be warned that I look at incoming fax mail last, perhaps only once every twelve months instead of six.

`I don’t even have an e-mail address. I have reached an age where my main purpose is not to receive messages.’ — Umberto Eco, quoted in the New Yorker
Sometimes I do send email, through my secretary, with respect to the project I’m currently working on, when I believe that the recipient won’t be bothered by my request. But I hope you can understand why I am almost always unhappy to receive unsolicited email myself. Thank you for your patience and cooperation as I try to finish The Art of Computer Programming (TAOCP), a work that I began in 1962 and that I will need many years to complete. In return, I promise not to send unwelcome email requests to you.

A note on email versus e-mail
Newly coined nonce words of English are often spelled with a hyphen, but the hyphen disappears when the words become widely used. For example, people used to write “non-zero” and “soft-ware” instead of “nonzero” and “software”; the same trend has occurred for hundreds of other words. Thus it’s high time for everybody to stop using the archaic spelling “e-mail”. Think of how many keystrokes you will save in your lifetime if you stop now! The form “email” has been well established in England for several years, so I am amazed to see Americans being overly conservative in this regard. (Of course, “email” has been a familiar word in France, Germany, and the Netherlands much longer than in England — but for an entirely different reason.)

CODE MONKEYS AND “ENGINEERING” – A USELESS TOPIC

Listen to Dr. Knuth for a history lesson Computer Science. Engineering schools had to compete with other engineering schools, hence CS faculty were hired. Idiots in the hallowed halls: Quit debating the semantics of vocations/titles and learn some shit.

https://purl.stanford.edu/jq248bz8097

Knuth on “Code Monkeys”:

Knuth: [00:30:45] Yes, absolutely. You don’t just say okay, now there are good jobs in computer science, so okay, I’m going to learn it. You have to be a geek. That’s my opinion. It’s borne out by every project I see that has failed; it’s because the people who were in these projects weren’t really geeks. [laughter] It’s a controversial opinion now. Some educators say no, people just aren’t motivated enough. But they’re geeks. I think they [the educators] don’t understand what it means not to be a geek.

On the other side, I know aspects of other sciences that I’ve tried very hard to learn and I’ve failed. I know that I would need a different kind of a brain if I were really going to be good at quantum mechanics, for example. I’ve tried hard, but I just don’t get it.

Anyway, this accounts for why computer science departments went from zero to a hundred in ten years. It was because of this phenomenon that people came together and they knew that it was a discipline where they had their own concepts that were of importance–not as applications to physics and chemistry and other things but also as applications to computer science.

People like me began to know that this kind of knowledge deserves to exist. As I said, in the early 1960s, I didn’t realize I was a geek. I didn’t realize that there was this body of knowledge. But Forsythe did, and I came here. I was probably 110 percent geek, I don’t know, but certainly it was very strong for me, and not exactly the same in any two people.

Computer science was evidently an instant success. Not, however, because of the economic importance of computer science or things like that. It was because of the skill set that people had. They realized that they could
use their skills and develop the ideas further.

The next stage was that every university had computer science. But sometimes it was in the Business School, sometimes it was in the Engineering School, sometimes it was in H&S, as at Stanford. A few places like Purdue and Carnegie had started Schools of Computer Science by the 1970s.

Schofield: Does anyone have that now–Computer Science separated as an entire school?

Knuth: [00:34:12] Yes, yes. Certainly it’s thrived at Carnegie, and Purdue I think later had one. Waterloo in Canada, and others. Some of our faculty have said, why don’t we leave the Engineering School and start a School of Computer Science at Stanford; computer science is starting to become joined to all kinds of other things. I said, boy, how to win friends and influence people is by telling people that we’re really so important that we’re going to start our own school. Yet it has happened at other places.

By the 1980s, the majority of our faculty had been trained at computer science departments that were part of an engineering school. They understood what it was like to be part of an engineering school. I personally didn’t. I’d been in Mathematics and H&S at Stanford. The strongest factor was that at Stanford, Engineering had to compete with the other engineering schools of the world and so it needed to have its computer science department too. Stanford’s School of Engineering was trying to match brownie points or something with every other engineering school. People asked, well what do you do in computers. Stanford had been hiring faculty to be in the Computer Systems Laboratory as part of the Electrical Engineering Department. Students applied to that, got admitted and so on. We had one or two joint faculty. There were a couple of cases where people didn’t get tenure because they had to be approved by both schools.

Schofield: And both departments.

Knuth: [00:36:36] Anyway, by and large, during the 1970s, we said oh, we’ve got two groups of computer scientists at Stanford; let’s use that to our advantage. If we can’t get something through one dean, we’ll get it through the other. We’ll get the job done.

However, it turned out later that we found that we’d be forever competing for resources if we had two groups at Stanford, so we had better decide which way it was going to go. It was much better to go to the Engineering School because the majority of other universities in the world, by that time, had computer science in engineering. Stanford was an oddball, still having it in the same school as mathematics and physics.

RESULTS OF NOT FUCKING AROUND ON EMAIL

The Art of Computer Programming —- The Bible, accoding to some.

Knuth: [00:45:34] Oh, it’s like an oil well. As we speak, somebody’s buying one of those books. How many, I’m not sure. The book that came out in 1968, that made the faculty all smiles, is in its fortieth printing of the third edition and it probably sells ten copies every day.

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JOHN FOLEY IS A FRAUD. THAT IS ALL. $PTON

Dear Penii,

Sometimes, there really isn’t much more to say or do. Jungle’s megalomaniacal self wants nothing more than to pound out a missive on this cartoon, but ’tis the holidays, and Jungle is taking the path of least resistance.

Instead, let me share a handful of John Foley’s most inane lines, curated in-house.

Foley, is a fucking fraud my friends. Through and through. A hybrid between Gary Freidman and Joel Osteen, if you will.

“We are weirdly profitable” — NO YOU ARE NOT YOU FULL OF SHIT INDIVIDUAL [see clip above]

MEANWHILE AT BARCLAYS GLOBAL TMT CONFERENCE

Peloton Interactive, Wednesday, December 11, 2019 at 9:30:00pm GMT

Quoting Mr Analyst:

What do you think are your competitive moat in this space?

Inane Quote from Mr Foley 1.0:

Yes. In the same way that for 8 years, it’s been really hard to raise money for Peloton. And even with our IPO reception, some investors are still skeptical or struggling to get their brain around what it is and how it works because it’s so different. And what — when you think about the competitive moat, it’s different because there’s so much to it. We are a hardware company. We’re a software company, hundreds of the best Python engineers in New York City in Chelsea. We are a media company. We’re a retail company. We’re a logistics company. We deliver the majority of our bikes and treads globally. We now are in manufacturing. We have a music platform into a Spotify type of platform. We have an apparel business. It is a very multifaceted thing that they all work in concert to deliver a very bespoke high-end experience.

Inane Quote from Mr Foley 1.1:

If you’ve ever bought a bike from a Peloton store, a Peloton bike, and got it delivered and then get on the platform and it’s our media. It’s our — there is — that’s obviously vertically integrated in a way that not many young businesses are this vertically integrated. And I think that creates a moat.

Inane Quote from Mr Foley 1.2:

But we have massive moats. I mean IT, brand, our community is very powerful. Social — our network effect on our software, we have close to 2 million people on the platform today. And we are making it such that the more people we add, the better experience you get just like Facebook and LinkedIn if you think about consumer Internet. So there’s lots of moats, but none smaller than it’s really, really hard to do what we do.

Inane Quote from Mr Foley 1.3:

Well, one of the things that, as I’ve been scratching my head, is understanding why everyone isn’t pouring all their money — all of their savings into Peloton right now.

Inane Quote from Mr Foley 1.4:

So we are very excited about the secular tailwind that fitness has gotten as broadly, Jill will point out, if you got her S-1, that even in 2008 and 2009, fitness dollars spend in the U.S. went up dramatically.

JUNGLE ANNOTATION: BAHAHAHAHHAHAHA “IF YOU GOT HER S-1”

Inane Quote from Mr Foley 1.5:

Yes. We love the $39 price point. We did no research on it. I picked the number — excuse me, I picked the number, I think, 6 or 7 years ago. I said it costs $30, $35 to go to a boutique fitness class in New York City. I wanted the 1 class, the 3 handle is important to me. So $39 for the consumer to connect the dots. For the price of 1 class, you and your whole household can get unlimited fitness experiences at a better location, on a better bike with better instructors. So $39 has stuck.

I mean, to your question, Sandeep, we believe it is sacrosanct — sorry, Deepak. It is a sacrosanct price point. The $39, we make over time, going to, call it, 70-plus percent margins in the coming years on that $39 a month. And so yes, we are giving you more and more goodness, more content, more software, more class types, more categories, and we’re very excited about that. And it’s all in the name of giving a better experience to our members.

JUNGLE ANNOTATION: What the fuck is a “sacrosanct” price point? And for the love of god — does this not remind you of the time that Kevin Plank, the idiot ex-CEO of Under Amour gave estimates based on the Golden State Warriors statistics?

Quoting the illustrious Kevin Plank, 1Q16 Call:

I want to focus this morning on our transformation, the evolution that is manifesting itself across multiple product categories, channels, and geographies. But first, our scoreboard. We have started off our 20th year in business with impressive results. Our first-quarter revenues grew 30%, with the growth coming from every facet of our business. And to be clear, that 30% number was no accident. When Stephan Curry decided to average 30 points this season to take the scoring title while wearing the number 30, we thought that putting up 30% growth on our end was the best way for us to demonstrate our pride and support of Stephan and the Warriors.

Incidentally, £39 also happens to be what this thing costs in the UK. Go figure. Sacrosanct.

PTON = SUBPRIME LENDER IN DRAG

This is good ol’ consumer finance, in fitness drag. Might be a good acquisition for Conn’s Inc., an American furniture, mattress, electronics and appliance store chain headquartered in The Woodlands, Texas. Financing durable goods at inane rates to those in need of basic items. Fitness is indeed a basic need (ask Michelle Obama). 18%+APR after you miss a payment. You want to bet they are optimizing for the people who miss, but can still keep paying? What else are these fucking their-party fintechers doing on the backend?

Per CFO:

And, incidentally, I don’t know if you were asking as well about the P&L impact of financing. We do solely use third-party providers today for all of our financing underwriting APIs loan qualifiers. So all of that is actually a contra revenue item and essentially then baked into our cost of goods that way for our connected fitness products.

per Gandel of CBS Moneywatch:

The IPO documents show that about half of Peloton’s exercise-equipment sales come through a generous financing arrangement that allows customers to buy its stationary bike for just $58 a month or its treadmill for $179 a month. The purchase requires no money down, and it carries a 0% interest rate for as long as 39 months for the bike and 24 months for the treadmill. There are also no late fees for either piece of equipment.

Nonetheless, Peloton, according to its IPO documents, books these sales as full purchases from the moment the customer gets the equipment. That’s not so unusual. Many companies book revenue before they have been paid. But most of them will record an accounts receivable to identify cash that they are still waiting to collect. Peloton doesn’t seem to be doing much of that: While its sales rose by $480 million in its last fiscal year, its accounts receivable rose by just $9 million.

That’s fine, according to corporate accounting expert Bob Willens, as long as Peloton recognizes the cost upfront of the $58-a-month or $179-a-month installment loans. It could do that by, for example, lowering the amount of revenue it books from each sale to take into account that some customers inevitably won’t end up paying off their bikes or treadmills. The problem is Peloton doesn’t seem to be doing that either, Willens said.

The installment loans are set up by https://techcrunch.com/2019/09/12/affirm-fintech-explosion/, a separate financial services startup in San Francisco, which finds lenders and sends the cash for the installment loan purchase to Peloton. But how much cash Peloton is getting from Affirm, and how much Peloton is compensating Affirm for this service, or sharing the credit risk, is not clear in its financial statements, Willens said.

JUNGLE ANNOTATION: Oddly, another “fintech” company Klarna, deals with therr Europena financing. For more on Klarna — see the article linked.

The firm has become a notable disruptor in the payments sector, marketed as an alternative to credit cards and allowing users to shop now and pay later, either in a lump sum or in instalments and without interest on most items, as long as they pay on time.

Since its launch in 2005, Klarna has gained popularity among cash-strapped millennials and Generation Z – those born from the mid-1990s – who want to shop before payday but either do not have, or would like to avoid, a formal line of credit.

It now has 60 million users worldwide, and with 1 million transactions processed per day online and in store, Klarna says it is on track to make $1bn in annual revenue. The company charges fees to merchants, and customers who fail to pay on time.

For more on the demographics, Per CFO:

” …. total addressable market, we do define it as people over the age of 18 and those that make over $50,000 in household income. And what Eric said is 100% true: our fastest-growing demographic is actually those that make under $75,000 a year in household income, and those that are under 35. And obviously this trend over the last several years has continued to improve as we’ve, I think, done a better job at educating the consumer, not only about our product but clearly the value proposition.”

What JUNGLE is not understanding, is what “trend” is exactly improving. Meh. Whatever.

CFO goes on:

For those of you who know the gym industry, the average gym membership in the US is $58 a month. If you finance a Peloton bike and pay for our subscription associated with that — on a household basis, because we scale within a household, unlike gym memberships — that’s less than $50 a month per person. And that is while you’re paying off your financing period for your bike; and then, thereafter, it’s less than $20 a month.

So John can attest to the fact that he sold bikes to many people that were going broke going to boutique fitness because they liked that type of workout, and the value proposition for Peloton really resonated with them. We think, over time, we are going to continue to see that trend of people recognizing, again, that true value proposition of our product. In fact, in fiscal year 2019, almost 20% of the bikes we sold were to people that make less than $75,000 in household income a year.

THE MAIN POINT:

Jungle has about 1000 more nuggets on this topic.

But this was to be an abbreviated post, with one message:

THIS COMPANY IS NOT PROFITABLE, YET THE CEO SAYS IT IS PUBLICLY.

In conclusion, Foley joins JUNGLE’S ASSHATS OF THE DECADE List, just in the nick of time, along with Friedman and Plank.

Exhausted from thinking about this cesspool of a going concern. Hence, I’ll take your leave for now.

Off to quaff a Russian Imperial Stout for God’s sake.

Cheers,

JG

————-

PS: A LITTLE CHERRY ON TOP

Mark my words. These will be “sold” in the glorious cycling terrain that is ‘the 650’ for a small “removal fee” of about $150 in the near future.

Back to Buck’s for a mid-ride coffee.

————–

RANDOM “FACTS”
10% conversion from digital to connected fitness.
32 instructors.
562,774 subscribers as of 3q19 (calendar) 1q2020 (fiscal) report.
Peloton does not say whether that #includes paused subs. Lol.

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ON THE IMPORTANT MATTER OF YOUR IDIOTIC DOGMA

Dear Penii,

If you find yourself clinging to your stupid dogma, meditate on the following passage:

Go read the goddam book too. Your pathetic justifications, predicated by useless figures from your service provider, are a psychological crutch. Understand that, fuckers.

In other news, Jungle has discovered the finest Gin this side of the Atlantic. Gin Sul of Germany. Germans are precise, whether genocide or gin.

Order both items stat if you want your life to improve.

Toodle Pip,

JG

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DEAR PARENTS: SO $SOLY TO INFORM YOU . . .

Dear Parents,

So $SOLY to inform you, that your stupid, algebra-challenged moron of a child is probably destined for a job that requires a tattoo. I didn’t mean that. And you’re a small minded fuck for actually believing it. But I’m sure you wonder how your children will get a job if they had tattoos and walked around spray painting public spaces?

Not to worry matey, a gilded future at uber-luxe fashion houses awaits. “The biggest brands in the world are using graffiti artists, who are basically vandals, and that’s amazing,” said Darren Cullen, founder of London-based artist collective Graffiti Kings. Not to worry, not to worry, a tattoo is must in order to get a summer job at the beach shack, gain employment as an off-guard in the NBA, mix cocktails, and is even makings its way into “traditional” realms in the name of “diversity” — do not get jungle started on “diversity” — please.

Of course, much depends on what shade of Pantone your skin is originally speaking, pre tanning salon.

Per Mr Washington, The Paris Review:

If you are white, tattoos lead to the presumption of military service, a culinary background, some nod at self-expression or a “rebellious” phase. If you aren’t white, then you’re immediately, until proven otherwise, trapping or banging or otherwise dubiously affiliated.

Mexicans in Redwood City are gangbangers, employed by Google, dammit. Apparently, GOOGL is on the list of “36 tattoo friendly” companies in the US.

As a sidenote: GOOGL’s revenue contribution from “Other” will be growing at a 23% CAGR from 2019 to 2023 per GS estimates. That is a different topic, however. But lets just say “search is over-monetized” is piffle as a bear-case.

So $SOLY to digress, let us get back to the matter at hand.

Mr Washington continues:

For as long as there have been people breathing up Earth’s air, body art, in its various forms, has found its way onto our skin: the history of African tattooing extends thousands of years. Some of the earliest known tattoo wearers were Egyptian: markings were discovered on the remains of women dated circa 2000 B.C. Samoan societies have worn them for generations, and Polynesian tattoo culture spans two millennia. In Japan, body modification extends as far back as the Jomon period (about 10,500 B.C. to 300 B.C.); while tattooing in China, relegated punitively or to minority populations or with great disdain, has a history extending ages. Native Americans have practiced tattooing, for religious ceremonies and tribal identification, since before the Christian era, but prior to European invasion and desecration these practices went largely undocumented.

Note, that it hasn’t always been about your stupid mid-life crisis. And of course, it had to be about containing sexual predators. Double yawn.

Central India also has a long and barbaric tradition of tattooing. The Dhanuks in Bihar believe tattoos deglamoUrise women — this helps them evade the eyes of influential sex predators. Due to the prevalence of purdah, women from lower castes had to have visible parts of their bodies tattooed to signal their inferior status.

How’s that for regional “diversity” — ! Yawn.

Jungle is sick and tired of having to spoon feed you troglodytes. But, Jungle has a penchant for charity. Leverage it, don’t abuse it. You know who you are, miserly fuckers.

As it turns out 100 million people in the United States population have tattoos, with roughly 20,000 parloUrs across the nation. Of those who have tattoos, 70% have more than one tattoo and 20% have more than five. And 36% of Americans between the age of 18 and 29 have at least one tattoo. Understand, fuckers?

Don’t worry though, your children are protected.

Almost every state have laws addressing some aspect of body art. (Nevada has no laws addressing body art; Maryland has very limited laws). At least 45 states have laws prohibiting minors from getting tattoos. Thirty-eight states have laws that prohibit both body piercing and tattooing on minors without parental permission.

Regulated, local and fragmented, the parloUr business hums along, enticing souls, calcifying identities, or simply utilizing the human-canvas “for fun” — countless rationales, countless rationales. Yawn.

So what is so goddam exciting about tattoos, that jungle would spend this damp morn’ mulling ‘body art’ over a spot of tea? As per usual, the fickle mind of the human, is at the root of Jungle’s titillation.

As you know, from prior rants, jungle does not blab about pre-revenue companies, en generalmente. However, Soliton is worth a looksy.

Obviously, a potential scam, as is every offering affiliated with the Jobs Act which specifically gives exemption from the auditor attestation requirement on the effectiveness of internal controls over financial reporting.

Per s-1:

We are a medical device company developing a novel and proprietary platform technology that uses rapid pulses of designed acoustic shockwaves to dramatically accelerate the removal of unwanted tattoos, reduce the appearance of cellulite and potentially address a number of fibrotic skin disorders. We filed for premarket clearance with the US Food and Drug Administration (“FDA”) for accelerating tattoo removal and received notification that our device was cleared by the FDA on May 24, 2019. This initial filing is limited to our device used in conjunction with the 1064 nm Q-switched laser to enable effective multiple pass laser treatments in a single office session to accelerate removal of black tattoos on the arms, legs and torso in Fitzpatrick Skin Type I-III individuals. [racist!] However, based on preclinical testing, we believe our device has the ability to accelerate tattoo removal for additional colors and skin types and in conjunction with other tattoo removal lasers and wavelengths. We are based in Houston, Texas, and we have a staff of eight that are all actively engaged in bringing this device to the market.

While we believe our technology has many potential applications, we have initially focused on the removal of tattoos, where both animal and human studies have shown promising results. The current standard of care for tattoo removal is to use a Q-switched (pulsed) laser to ablate the tattoo ink particles into pieces small enough for the body’s natural processes to remove them. Unfortunately, this current method is highly inefficient, requiring up to 10 or more office visits to achieve acceptable results. A clinical trial has demonstrated that using our Rapid Acoustic Pulse (“RAP”) device in conjunction with a Q-switched laser has the potential to produce similar results in just 2 to 3 office visits. We believe our method can not only dramatically accelerate tattoo removal, but also has the potential to lower removal cost for patients, while increasing profitability to practitioners, and to reduce the potential for unwanted side effects from current laser removal methods.

A proof-of-concept clinical trial appears to have shown the ability of a higher-powered version of our designed acoustic pulses to reduce the appearance of moderate to severe cellulite. Preliminary data suggests that the stand-alone use of our device may be capable of clinically significant reduction of cellulite with a single, non-invasive treatment with minimal-to-no pain, post-treatment discomfort or downtime. Our preclinical testing further suggests these cellulite reduction results may also be long-term and we have now expanded our testing to confirm this potential. Currently, the long-term reduction of moderate to severe cellulite requires the use of invasive and potentially painful procedures (such as the Cellfina® procedure) that result in significant post-treatment discomfort and downtime. We believe there is a significant unmet need for a non-invasive procedure producing clinically significant, long-term reduction of moderate to severe cellulite.

Will the company have to raise in 2020? Yes.

What the hell is this licensing agreement with MD Anderson all about? Do some work.

Is this a cellulite reduction scam, in tattoo removal drag? We do not know. What we do know is that the whims and fancies of humanoids are real.

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GET TARRED AND FEATHERED $GOOS $MONC.MI

JUNGLE is so fcking tired of ranting and raving. So tired of hand-holding the hoi-polloi, destined for rummaging through Le Grande Outlet Mall of ‘Murka over the 4th. Goddam assholes. Do you even understand what you’re buying? No you don’t, you shit-heads. Instead of studying textiles and fabrics, soles, and rubbers, you just mimic, like lemmings. The plucky CEO of Moncler said it best:

I am convinced 90 per cent of consumers follow trends and they are not able to decide which bag they like best. They buy the bag they think is a trend, so you have to have an image that is very strong and very distinctive. The distinctiveness is fundamental”

And let me tell you morons, there is nothing distinctive about the “explorer” look. The ludicrous CANADA GOOSE, piece of shit that it is, is destined for the trash-heap known as VF CORPORATION and its pathetic brands. In fact, when it was featured in the idiotic tale known as Manchester-By-The-Sea, about a half-witted fireman . . . you catch my drift.

Any self-respecting sea-turtle driving a bright orange M6 with racing stripes would rather buy a $1000 puffa from Moncler. Particularly as inventories and styles are tightly controlled, and even have collectible potential. Vintage Moncler in the year 2030 anyone? Believe you me, it will be a thing. Until then guess who will be circling the purveyor of feathers : LVMH, RICHEMONT, KERING, LABELUX — understand, you god-damned mall-shoppers?

Moncler is for the “thin and beautiful”™ — and en vogue.

Boss Remo Ruffini has turned the once bombed-out French skiwear brand into a stock market darling with a €9.5bn market capitalisation. Its success was built on spotting the demand for more casual wear in the luxury sector. Moncler showed how elegance could coexist with comfort. The use of lightweight fibres allowed it to create a cut that was flattering, not to mention trendy. That keeps customers coming back. Two-fifths of its sales are repeat business. Moncler collaborates with high-profile designers. Its padded full-length evening dresses are the latest eye-catching example. Design savvy — along with skilled execution — has resulted in some of the highest profit margins in its sector. Moreover, there is limited competition in its niche. Other luxury brands dabble in its market. Canada Goose, which recently reported a 50 per cent rise in third-quarter sales, is performing well. But its coats are generally not as pricey. Moncler has moved upmarket; jackets cost 50 per cent more than 10 years ago, says Jefferies. Moncler deserves credit for reviving the popularity of down jackets among the style conscious. The big question is how long the trend will last. A taste for comfort is unlikely to disappear but fashions do fade. A 1980s vogue for puffa jackets did not last. The group has the design skills to lessen its dependence on outerwear. Other products such as knitwear and even swimwear are just a fifth of sales. But they are growing fast. Expect the brand to expand beyond inflated coats at swollen prices.

To that end says Ruffini :

“I don’t know how much longer luxury is going to be important or to be a point of reference as it has been in the past 30 years because the world has truly changed,” he adds. Ruffini muses that it “would be perhaps more modern, instead of opening 30 new shops, to open 30 places in the mountains where you provide luxury services, or ski Moncler where you can dress in Moncler and maybe only for the weekend”. He beams evidently delighted by the idea of a new business opportunity. “This is what the new culture wants.”

Meanwhile, if you’re on a budget please take a look at Orolay, or BOSIDENG will do the goddam job for a fraction of the price, while you prevent your nuts from freezing off.

Of course that rort just got shit-on by a short-report on 6/24 Monday:

Monday was one of the toughest days for Bosideng International and its billionaire chairman Gao Dekang since the China down apparel maker went public in Hong Kong in 2007. Its shares lost about a quarter of their value following an attack by short-seller Bonitas Research, which alleged “fabricated profits” and other irregularities. “We are short Bosideng and think its stock is ultimately worthless at HK$0.00,” Bonitas said.

Bosideng denied it had fabricated profits, and said the short-seller had erroneously compared financial statements that were based on China and international reporting rules. It also denied overpayment for acquisitions to insiders, the disposal of assets without payment, and improper payment of dividends to company insiders. Bonitas’ allegations were “misleading, biased, selective, inaccurate,” as well as “groundless” and “irresponsible,” Bosideng said. It also went on the attack itself, saying it was taking “all necessary actions” in response to the allegations.

Investors have been coming down on Bosideng’s side of the argument. The stock closed up 2.4% today at HK$2.17, its fourth consecutive daily rise and a more than 27% rebound from Monday’s low of HK$1.70. Bosideng has to gain more ground before it reaches Friday’s pre-attack closing price of HK$2.27, but it’s getting closer.

Bosideng’s shares and business have improved in the past year on a successful upgrade in the company’s brand and product line. The key to that success was to recreate Bosideng’s products and business channels, Gao said in an interview with Forbes China last year. He turned for help to outside designers for product ideas and styles to better able to compete with the likes of Moncler and Canada Goose. A new flagship store in Shanghai was created by French designer Thomas Clement. “We used to sell to older people but now we sell to younger people,” Gao said.

Gao’s resilience spans decades. He set up his first apparel business with a team of 11 villagers in eastern China’s Jiangsu Province when Chairman Mao was still alive, back in 1975, after learning how to sew from his father. The company’s long history is highlighted in a museum on Shanghai’s swank Nanjing Road which includes photos of early sewing machines and bicycles the billionaire rode to the office in poorer days.

As business grew, the group’s factory — called the Kangbo Arts and Crafts Fashion Factory — was formally set up as a collective in 1991. In 1994, the business was restructured into Bosideng Corp. with Gao as the driving force. A big early success: getting space to sell his jackets into department store industry that was dominated by state-owned companies. “At the start of China’s reforms, everyone didn’t have experience, and you had to figure out how to do the business,” he said. “To survive, you had to create the product and create a brand,” he recalls. “I went step by step.”

Meanwhile all of these assholes are doing all kinds of bullshit to unsuspecting animals.

Liars, and goddamned lies.

Highlight:

CLAIM: “For Canada Goose, functionality is paramount and our use of fur is strictly for functional purpose. Our jackets are built to be used in the coldest places on earth where skin around the face can freeze in an instant….we have learned from the native people of Canada’s North and from a major research study conducted at the University of Michigan that there are three types of fur that truly protect people from frostbite.”


Regarding the University of Michigan “fur study” they cite, we could not find any such study. We even contacted the University of Michigan, who has no such study in their records. Unfortunately, Canada Goose refuses to provide a reference for this claim.

Anyways, enough is enough. There is plenty space in the market for these idiots at the moment. But, longevity is another topic. On that matter, JUNGLE’S unequivocal LUXE VOTE goes to Italy’s finest.

As a side-note: do you know how salty it is making JUNGLE to think about down feathers on a hot day?

No, you don’t. FUCKERS!!!

With Pure Hatred,

JUNGLE

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FAILURE IS AN OPTION, SO SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Nothing annoys Jungle more than people discussing “how hard” life is at the top of the wealth pyramid. You have got to be kidding me with your bullshit. I am not even sure I want to go on a rant here. So let me leave you with the following quote from Vanessa K. Selbst wo works for Bridgewater Associates investment management firm and is a successful poker player.

According to Selbst, poker stars often do not realise how privileged they are, and have been tricked into thinking that they are winning through innate ability alone. “I had the safety net of my family. If I lost my money playing poker, there wasn’t an actual risk because I know I would have something to fall back on,” she says. “But [the reason] you’re not afraid to take risks comes from the fact your parents brought you up in a world where you didn’t have to be afraid. You probably were from a white upper middle-class background where you weren’t getting harassed by the police. There weren’t gangs or whatever, where one wrong step was going to land you somewhere you shouldn’t have been.

“In poker, the cards are the same for everyone, and anyone can sit down in a game, so people extend that to think it’s all meritocracy.”

So shut the fuck up, and quit acting like your life is so hard, if you are so lucky to sit around and speculate.

You sicken me.

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A TOAST TO OUTLAWS

Dear Penii,

It is has literally been 10 years to the day since JUNGLE has been part of this distinguished community. Mind you its been 10 years since Le FLy launched the esteemed PPT, with all its trimmings. To these milestones, which many of you FUCKERS may think of as inconsequential, I propose a toast.

And do you know with what beverage I will be toasting, my dear penii?

No you do not.

Your pea-brains have already knee jerked to some shitty 30 year old Suntory product, quaffed by oligarchs globally as they delight in Orchids of Asia. No offense to prostitutes.

Chin chin, lads.

I implore you to quit gawking at that gauche LOUIS XIII juice on the top shelf, and get your dumb ass a dram of knowledge before succumbing to the industry sponsored accolades, so prevalent in all facets of commercial life. And for you mall-shoppers, shut up with your pedestrian Lagavulin 16 and your trendy Japanse swill. Did your dumb ass know that Laphroaig was a Suntory product? No, you didn’t.

JUNGLE commands all of you to fill your stupid Glencairn cup with the uneqivocally delecatable Compass Box Three Year Old Deluxe.

You heard me right FUCKERS. THREE YEAR OLD.

Now why would JUNGLE nee VICUNA OF THE JUNGLE, wrongly characteriszed as a snob in the hallowed halls, choose such a “young” scotch?

It is very simple, dear penii: TRANSPARENCY — a novel concept in this age of rorts and scammers. A virtue that Le Fly abides by with grace, integrity and panache in the hallowed halls, I might add. Frankly, the trait that distinguishes the hallowed halls, from noise and chicanery prevalent in the esteemed field of low grade gambling, also known as investing.

But before we raise our cups, let me educate you plebes about the operation that is COMPASS BOX and its proprietor John Glaser, a man of considerable honor amongst an unscrupulous cabal of hawkers.

Let us consider the Scotch Whisky Regulations Act, which set rules for labelling, packaging and advertising of Scotch Whisky, oradined the following categories: Blended, single malt, single grain, blended grain, blended malt and blended Scotch.

per Glaser:

“The problem is that many people just see the word ‘blend’ and assume ‘oh, it’s that cheap stuff I don’t buy, I only buy something that has “single” in front of it’.

furthermore, since 1989 the SWA’s rules have stated:

Regulation 12.3 of the Spirit Drinks Regulation No 110/2008 contains the rule which provides that a maturation period or age “may only be specified in the description, presentation or labelling of a spirit drink where it refers to the youngest alcoholic component”. “Presentation” is defined in Annex 1 point (15) of the Regulation as “the terms used on the labelling and on the packaging, including in advertising and sales promotion, in images or such like, as well as on the container, including the bottle and the closure” (emphasis added).

Article 12.3 is a repetition of the rule in the previous Spirit Drinks Regulation (No 1576/89). It applies to all aged spirits in the EU. The UK has no power to derogate from this rule, and it is therefore repeated in the Scotch Whisky Regulations and in the Technical File for Scotch Whisky.”

Likely well intentioned, the antiquated law prevented the likes of Glaser from diclosing the specific contents of his juice, which he has been in the business of peddling since 2000, mind you.

per Glaser:

“If we go back to why we believe this law is in place in the first place, going back 25 years ago when it was put into E.U. law, back then, we do know there were some spirits producers, some Cognac producers and at least one Scotch whisky producer, that was known for marketing and sales promotion material, telling consumers that there was whisky in this blend as old as X. Very old whisky, a very big number.”

He goes on to say that the company in question essentially added a dropper’s worth of whisky, say 60 years old, to a final blend and would then promote that it was a 60 year old whisky. “But in fact, it was an insignificant, minuscule proportion of the blend,” says Glaser. “So misleading consumers was what that was all about, and that’s why we believe the law was originally put into place.”

The situation came to a head in late 2015, marking Compass Box’s 15th Anniversary.

The original news releases and trade fact sheets for the final two releases of its anniversary year gave complete details on the ages of the malt whiskies used in each blend.

‘This Is Not A Luxury Whisky’ was blended from 19-year-old Glen Ord distillery, two 40-year-old grain whiskies distilled at Girvan and Strathclyde, and 30 year-old Caol Ila.

‘Flaming Heart’ used two different Caol Ila whiskies 14 and 30 years old, 20-year-old Clynelish, and what Compass Box described as a 7-year-old Highland Malt using Clynelish, Teaninich, and Dailuane malts finished for at least two years in a hybrid French Oak cask.

How bold and daring, to tell cusomters EXACTLY what they are getting.

For his efforts, Glaser was ratted on, likely by a jealous competitor selling swill for outragous prices.

per SWA legal affairs chief Magnus Cormack:

“We did not tell Compass Box to remove the detailed recipes. Following a complaint from a brand owner, we contacted Compass Box to point out that the advertising did not comply with the law. As we raised the matter before the product was launched, we observed that “There is therefore still time to correct the labelling and advertising in order to comply with the law.” The action Compass Box took was up to them. We did however point out that compliance with the specifications for Scotch Whisky is now verified by HMRC. Compass Box have evidently decided that the risks involved in ignoring the longstanding law on this matter were too great.

On February 18, 2016, CB launched an online petition drive aimed at persuading the European Union to change the current regulations to allow whisky producers THE OPTION to provide full disclosure on the component whiskies used in a specific product. Read: for producers to have the right not the obligation to disclose contents. Over 3,000 people signed within 24 hours.

SWA’s reponse was general fuck you, but Glaser did gain some ground on behalf of consumers. The specifics are available to you IF YOU ASK, per SWAs deliberations on the matter, and you can thank the innovative Mr. Glaser for that. A marketing maven of the highest order, no huckster.

In a genius reponse Glaser blended a dram with 40bps of 3 year old whiskey, for you illierates that is 0.4% — yes 0.4% of three year old juice! The rest of the concotion hails from Brora and the Isle of Skye, and its probably older than you.

per Glaser:

“In the past, when consumers asked the question [about what was in a blend], the industry response was: “We can’t tell you, it’s a secret,” which was always marketing bullshit. If they are now going to say: “We can’t tell you because it’s against the law,” how ridiculous is that? It will make consumers sceptical. It will hurt over time, so we need to look at it as an industry.”

The point here to all of you FUCKERS, is to do what you say and say what you do. It is what keeps our community real and informative.

One that note, I must admit, I am raising a glass of FLAMING HEART today, for the production numbers of THREE YEAR OLD DELUXE read much like those of JUNGLE’S whip : in the 3000s. Rare.

I hearby propose a toast : hearty congratulations to Fly for hosting and all the members over the years that have made this place a trader’s shangri-la: SALUD FUCKERS!

Respectfully,

JUNGLE

PS: THE GREAT KING — Helluva dram at 30USD.

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