Andrew Ross Sorkin is a dipshit. There is just no way around it.

Andrew Ross Sorkin is CNBC’s well-liked, boyish-looking 35-year-old journalist wonder. He was brought aboard to rescue CNBC from unwashed heathens like Joe Kernen. (By the way, is there a more incessant, barbarous interviewer than Joe Kernen? “The Box” invites guests to hear their squawks, only to have the “Kahuna” ask them questions that HE PROCEEDS TO ANSWER HIMSELF. Every Kernen query is rhetorical. Total contempt for this cunt muscle.)

The abomination that is FB has been the topic of the morning on CNBC, prompted entirely by ARS’s article in DealBook, where Sorkin contends that FB CEO David David Ebersman is the man behind the IPO’s debacle. In other words, he’s the reason why Facebook has lost $50 billy in market cap.

So, according to Ross, the CFO has a fiduciary responsibility for both the company’s coffers and its employees’ portfolios. It’s the CFO’s job to make everyone rich, Bernanke style. Sorkin probably subscribes to the idea that the Fed should start targeting GDP instead of inflation–just like CFOs should start targeting employee 401k annual returns. Truly remarkable that someone with Sorkin’s clout could come up with this kind of rationale.

In actuality, Ebersman netted $16 billion for a company that could be worth $16 billion as soon as Thanksgiving. Hilariously, the lower FB’s stock price goes, the smarter Ebersman looks. So, Andy, I’m not sure what you’re getting at. Sorkin briefly makes mention of the bankers’ role in this shit show, but only to tacitly suggest that the final decision was Eberman’s.

Sorkin explains the article’s timing away with us being at the “pivotal three-month mark” since IPO. But may I be so bold to suggest that instead, the impetus for the artcile’s timing was Goldman’s PR department on Line 1, looking for a favorable headline ahead of the billion share lockup expiry in November? Recall, Dealbook has sponsorship agreements with prominent Wall Street investment banks.

Despite CNBC’s efforts to prop Sorkin above the fray, to divorce him from the Wall Street banking establishment vis-à-vis an established perception that he’s a hard-hitting journalist, it remains brazenly evident that the guy is just another Wall Street crony. A couple of weeks ago, when Sanford Weill appeared on Squawk Box, pontificating about the perilous implications of “too big to fail” from his fucking arm-chair, Sorkin had a glorious opportunity to put his journalistic prowess on display and check Weill’s righteousness. Instead, tickle-me-Sorkin just sat there and accepted Weill’s bullshit sermon, without asking, very simply, “But, Mr. Weill, weren’t you the guy who invented too big to fail?” Sit your ARSe down, ARS.

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