Am I Awake Yet?

I’m pretty sure I’m fucking awake. And when I awoke, the futures were down significantly.
That changed when Europe rumor #1 was released, and witnessed the market move up. Then rumor #1 was denied, and the markets slid again.
Then rumor #2 was released, and the markets roared, accompanied by a stronger Euro. Then rumor #2 was denied.
Then rumor #3 came out and the markets sank again, so on and so forth.

HOLY FUCK, I MUST BE DREAMING.

When, in the history of markets, has the market swung so wildly on every single fucking news item released from the likes of Benzinga, zerohedge and Reuters alike?

This is not a market to play based on oversold/overbought ranges, as it can’t make up it’s fucking mind and the real path of the markets are skewed and distorted by headline risk that weighs far heavier than ever before.

Thus, I have a new plan. I am going to sell out of the ETFs I own, attempting to game the market long right now, and immediately look to initiate shorts.

My longs will outperform on green days and my shorts on red days. My book will be balanced, leaning one way or another at certain times, but UNAFFECTED BY THIS BULLSHIT.