Hey guys,
As some of you, who saw/read my posts in PPT and/or 12631 know, I’m going through a relationship breakup now. I’ve realized that I’m in no emotional state to trade, so I’m going to step back for a little bit, maybe just wait for more PPT OverSold trades – those are pretty mechanical and emotion-less.
I’d like to dedicate this my last post as KoPG to explaining how a trading related event fucked up my relationship to the point where it became unsustainable.
Back in Feb I took a reasonably big kick to the teeth from Mr. Market. Ohhh, in the grand scheme of things it wasn’t too bad, on a trade I lost just under 10% of my account, bringing me from about +4% to about -4% YTD. That, loss, combined with the fact that the position recovered almost completely by the end of the next trading day, really fucked me up, mentally and emotionally… I was lost, and tried to really make sense of what happened, why, etc. I tried jumping in trades, always thinking about making up the loss, trying new trading styles, losing more money in the process. By the end of Apr my losses were about -10% YTD.
During this time I was so in my head, I (without meaning to) pulled away from my partner/GF. I was focusing less on her, spending less time on her, even not responding to very overt sexual invitations. I was just too much in my head, obsessed about the trades, trading, money, markets, etc. Everything I did turned to shit, everything I passed on doing turned to gold. That’s how it felt, and boy, was I mad at the whole world, irritable, angry, annoyed and annoying, looking to pick arguments and fights out of nothing.
This, obviously, wasn’t a great situation for my GF to be in, and after trying to pull me back in, back towards her, she finally had enough, and told me this wasn’t working for her. I was shocked to hear her describe my behaviour over the last few months, but looking back, I couldn’t disagree with her. We talked, and talked, and I managed to get her to stick around for a little while longer, to give me a chance to shape up.
We tried for another 3-4 weeks. I loved going back to being the normal, charming, attentive, etc person, giving up on individual stocks helped, focusing more on PPT driven TNA trading really helped, and I made money again, making me happy there.
Unfortunately, it turned out to be too little too late.. She told that she really liked me now, but too much emotional scarring and damage was done before, and she just cannot find the feelings against. And she didn’t want to be with someone who didn’t spark those feelings in her… I can’t blame her.
She was the best thing to happen to me in my life, to-date, and I fucked it up.
So, I will be moving out of her house soon. I will also, to get away from day trading, will be going back to work for a 6 month IT contracts here, in Toronto, for one of the banks. I will still trade, but it’ll be more technical swing trading, using the hybrid as the guide.
So, let my story be a warning to you guys. Trading, especially trading losses, can take a huge mental and emotional toll on you, to the point where it can, quickly, irreparably damage a pretty awesome 3 year relationship (yes, there were other little issues, which relationship doesn’t have those, but I’m convinced without the Libya TNA fiasco, I wouldn’t be writing this blog).
Take care of your mental health, and pay attention to when those around you are starting to give you warning signals that something might be wrong…
Cheers, and safe trading, everyone!
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Really sad to read this Omen, but it was a great post – I can tell you have though about this a lot and have done a very good job explaining the risks and perils (the personal ones, not damage to an account) of what we have chosen to do with our lives.
I hope everything works out for the best for you and thank you for sharing your experiences. I hope others take this to heart and learn from it.
All the best moving forward. I am sure you will be just fine over time. FWIW, currently I am at a comparable loss year to date. However, I know I will bounce back. PMA.
Omen, Sorry to hear. I hope everything works out.
Self preservation is always priority. I wish you the best.
Man, I had to ROFL my ass off at that
If any woman is prepared to leave you over a bad 2 months, I don’t think the bitch is worth it anyway
Being an IT nerd, I am surprised you went the discretionary trading path.
You should start a paper account and use it as if it was real. You won’t learn unless you put in the time. Do what you gotta do now but forgetting about it and coming back next year won’t make you a better trader.
Read Woodshedder and watch his style.
We all got blown out before. Those that say they haven’t, just hasn’t happened to them yet.
BTW I am in Toronto and can I get her number?
Would you jump in his grave just as fast?
A woman who leaves you over somethng that petty was going to leave you anyway and was looking for an excuse. Better to get rid of the non-committed partner now rather than five or 10 years from now. She just did you a BIG BIG BIG favor.
As if in marriage people do not run into similar issues?
Now go out and fuck your brains out with every hot babe who digs you. Forget her. Thank her for freeing you up.
Don’t lament over something that only existed in your mind.
Nice self assessment Omen. As you know, I believe emotions can make or break a trader. Paper trading is probably a really good idea in the coming months while you are working. This way, you can maintain your capital by really learning how to trade. TNA won’t be around forever, so learning how to trade stocks is probably a good idea in the long run. Good luck!
PS – Woodshedder may be the perfect style for you. I suggest chatting with him as I think his Power Dip system may really suit your personality.
Sorry to hear about your relationship Omen. This trading business can become to much a part of us because we think about it so much, when we should be thinking about those we care about.
Although, it’s easier said than done, we have to try somehow not let it consume us so much. I took a terrible loss in my PM trades this year too after starting out so well. I was at 16% + in April when the Pm debacle occurred pushing me back to where I was last October. Ouch.. but I’ll make it back and this time I’ll be more cautious.
I concur with thewife regarding Wood’s Power Dip system, I’ve been using it for a year now and am very satisfied with it. It hasn’t been performing so well this year, but I have confidence that it will again over time.
If I had to work, that probably the only kind of trading I would do.
Omen.
I didn’t mean to imply that this was your fault. Just that we all seem to get somewhat too singular about our trading.
If your relationship couldn’t survive a small amount of turmoil, it’s probably better for you that it didn’t and you’ll be better off moving on.
Believe me I speak from experience.
I appreciate your honesty and sharing your story. I encourage you to never reduce your self worth and value to physical, financial or emotional pleasure. Sex, money and relationships are not why we live.
Thanks for sharing the story. I am just so fucking cynical about things, I can’t give her a pass for your brief emotional rampage. The fact of the matter is, women try to blame everything on men, on occasion. As such, we tend to be the ones who feel the need to improve and/or change. When in fact, it’s all a lie, concocted up by spoiled brats, unable to discern the difference between love and vanity.
I know you’re hurting now but don’t fucking blame yourself for her unhappiness.
2 cents.
Women are like buses , there is another one comming down the road . Work on yourself then they don’t mean as much .
Very sorry for your relationship trouble, and wishing you success for your swing-trading IT day job incarnation. I’m doing that gig too, it’s not so bad. In fact, I just updated our company’s internet policy to include a ban on day trading. 🙂
Hope to see you continue to post around IBC.
Must say I side with Chris H. and LeFly – a woman who can’t take an emotional drawdown for two months is not one you want around for the long term anyway.
Great post omen. Thanks so much for sharing.
Sorry to hear, Omen. Thanks for the transparency.
Hang in there and, remember, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
Wishing you much future success.
in 6 months from now,i have a sneaky suspicion that you will be glad it didn’t work out. just be glad it’s not a downed out, dragged out divorce involving children and all your do -ra-me. one can always re-invent themselves many times over,fear not,and keep your heart pure,this will pass and things will be good.
LOL. When I get bitchy over a trade gone bad, my husband blames it on my period. That works both ways, gentlemen. My Twitter profile makes full disclosure of my permanent state of PMS but he never seems to learn . . . .
Sounds like she wanted out anyway, and your pussy whipped– she was probably fucking some other dude behind your back, and this was the perfect case to end it without making her look like a bitch and not burning a bridge with you- so she can call you up anytime for a booty call, just to shit on your soul and dump you the next week … over and over again.
this could be seen as harsh but its true for most guys. you may put the pussy on pedastal and think she’s an angel when with you but women are always on the lookout for the bigger better deal. there may be differing shades of manipulation but women are made of the same stuff. don’t hate em though that’s just the way it is.
answer for omen is to learn from this- stop bein a wussy, be a man, sack up, improve your confidence, learn game, don’t let women and r’ships rule your life…. bank coin and acquire bitches on the side. women may say this is shallow to your face but they secretly love it. it’s a win win for men who get it (akin to <10% of traders who win).
Oh, so that’s how it works? LOL
Hmmm…long term girlfriend…moved in at her place….IT nerd…
yeah me thinks complacency may have gotten to her, and this trading escapade was the last straw. (i.e she may have had an exit plan longer than you have thought) not saying it’s entirely your fault, no doubt bitches be trippin – but had you been secure in yourself her trippin would not have affected you as much and thus her.
put it this way, if you set the precedent at the very beginning that you are a bad-ass trader who lives life on the edge and does what he wants when he wants…including f*cking her right… she would have at least hung around more. however the whole living with her, long term thing doesnt help. allows too much neediness and risk of complacency imo.
take this as a learning experience. not one where you say it’s all her fault or the fault of the trading, but one where you better yourself as a man……along with trading, learn game buddy (women game that is).
trading is a lot like game…women are very much like the markets… in that you are not emotionally attached (at least not as much as the girl) with each trade, and trades come and go. the woman should work for your approval, as the market should work for you. you sound like a cool guy anyway. good luck.