Cadged from WFMU.org with my thanks.
Twenty-Four Reasons to hope for a stock market crash in the new millennium
By Dave Mandl
Art by Bob Piersanti
Cheap TriBeCa real estate
No more discussions of the NASDAQ on sports call-in shows
Twenty-three-year-old former wunderkind founder of The Globe.com arrested for beating up a transvestite in West Hollywood
No more damn books about Warren Buffett
Startling revelation: Microsoft is no more than a slave labor camp for twenty-year-old white kids that sells hideously bad software at criminal prices; Bill Gates is a pudgy, semi-autistic dweeb whose mother still dresses him
Cheap SUVs
Eighty percent of the world’s biggest assholes stranded in the Hamptons without carfare to return to New York (Note: requires summer crash)
No more articles on investing in Family Circle, Allure, Entertainment Weekly, or Car & Driver Magazine
Computer programmers stop dressing like Oscar Wilde and dating supermodels, go back to watching Deep Space Nine and eating Munchos like they’re supposed to
Every day is sale day at Barney’s
Born-again day-trading “genius” Barbra Streisand and her evil sidekick Donna Karan lose it all
Inane commodity-prices ticker at Shea replaced with Jerry Koozman monument
Price of Trump Hotels stock actually falls below zero
So long forever to Smart Money, Upside, Worth, Fast Company, and Cigar Aficionado; more room on newsstands for SweeTarts
Parade of TV market pundits swear they’ve been 80% in cash all along
New York magazine special issue: “Staten Island: The Undiscovered Gem in New York Bay”
CNBC Market Babe Maria Bartiromo back working in Nellie’s Pizza on Bay Ridge Avenue
Online brokerage firm E-Trade, its stock price under intense pressure, branches into dry-cleaning business
Web-page-designers begin to lie when asked what they do for a living
Re-emergence of OTB as a viable gambling venue
No reservations necessary at Nobu, even on Saturday night
Federal government drops its proposal to invest Social Security funds in stocks, decides to put the money in a huge stamp collection instead
Amazon.com stock certificates replace Pokemon cards as latest kids’ trading craze
Top-rated TV game show: Who Wants to Win a Roll of Quarters?
(Highlights mine.)
Will attempt to get a weekend update up about the S&P and the Jacksonians between wedding festivities. Silver and gold and their miners still looking very stable here, which is important. Ciao* for now.
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* (in a good way)
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